He was angry.

Loki was so very angry.

It had taken him so long to find a good way - a fitting end to his story. And these stupid mortals... they couldn't know. They couldn't understand all the hells he'd gone through to reach this decision, to make this plan. All the pain, all the rage, the never-ending amount of self-loathing. They could not understand that this was the best he could aspire to. Leaving a nice memory in those who he had wronged. The hope of glory, the hope of forgiveness. The hope that he couldn't mess it up anymore this time, because he was no more. The hope that he wouldn't have to cope with his family, with the nightmare of still being himself.

The Jotun runt with delusions of grandeur.

Evil.

Unreliable.

Not worthy of any kind of trust.

He would have proved them all wrong and made them see how mistaken they were when they judged him. They would have mourned him, they would have missed him.

But no. He had to live - and for what? What did he had to live for anyways?

He had tried, had tried being good, had tried being evil, had tried being himself simply and tried to please others and stil, still, he hated himself. The lies, the pain, the rage, the defeat, the hatred, the loneliness, and still it went on and on and on... All the little victories he had were only the setting for bigger falls. And he fell and fell and he was alone. He only had Thor left and Thor was always so occupied saving the nine realms, with his friends and lovers. No. He was too tired.

He had only asked for one thing.

One little thing.

Death.

But not even that was granted to him.

When Loki opened his eyes, Thor was next to him and his barely open green eyes were watering.

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Fillled with an unprecedented anger, Loki removed the needle in his arm and took his brother by the neck, pinning him to the wall. Thor looked a thim with wide eyes.

"Why, Thor? Why did you have to save me?"

"Loki, I-"

"I asked for one thing, one thing alone, after saving all of your pitiful lives, and yet -"

"I could not simply leave you to die, Loki! I would rather die at your hands than know than know I could prevent your demise and done nothing."

"You denied me my dying wish!" Loki screamed.

"You were not dying, Loki, and you will not be as long as I can prevent it."

Now the tears were freely falling down on Loki's face. He felt so disappointed, so betrayed.

"You ruined everything."

Tony had been alerted by JARVIS of Loki's waking and had wathced the exchange of silence. Now, this answered the question of why Loki had done this. He had wanted to die. Now, that Tony wasn't expecting. He saw Loki pin the mighty god of thunder against the wall with one of his skinny arms and saw the heated exchange between the two form the doorframe - unable to act. He had to admit that he felt a bit scared when Loki set his icy stare on him.

"Damn you and all your descendants, Stark!"

"Me... What-"

"I know it was you who brought me to all this damned medical care. I threw you off a window and that is how you repay me?" There was pure venom in Loki's tone.

"Well, maybe you should have thought of that before saving my ass. And in my defense, Thor begged. A god begged me. I mean it's kinda difficult to say no to that."

Loki shot his brother another hurt look, released him and simply walked out of the room, trying to ignore the feeling of being a complete failure. No time for melancholy, his plan had failed so now he needed a new one. He wouldn't waste any more time.

Pepper had been pacing on one of the living rooms, worried sick, when he appeared. Loki. He was wearing only some pale blue cotton pants and a similar t-shirt (the clothes the medical personnel had dressed him in) and he was determinedly walking forward. He was bruised and stitched up in many places, and there was a trail of blood going down his left arm from where the IV had been removed that went down to his hand. Pepper didn't know if she should be scared of offer a kleenex.

"Stark's lady friend, I assume. I imagine that you have some sort of weapon to defend yourself?"

The man and smiled and Pepper felt all his imposing presence - the guy was just so tall, even without the impressive armour.

"I'm not giving you my gun, if that's what you're implying." Pepper said, determined. She wasn't the kind the get easily frightened by criminals.

But Loki wasn't just a criminal. He was so much more.

"No need." He said, and her gun materialised suddenly in his hand. "Magic."

And then Pepper saw, getting increasingly confused, how Loki pointed the gun at his own temple instead of pointing it at her. Oh, dear. He wasn't going to shoot himself right there in the living room? Right?

Before anything could happen Mjolnir flew through the room, effectively taking the gun away from Loki's hand and smashing it. It hurt. It hurt like hell.

Loki rolled his eyes, annoyed.

"Thor." he said, barely above a whisper. "Bane of my existence."

Pepper could help but smile at the familiar irritation on Loki's expression. She knew the feeling. Unphased by this new obstacle, Loki directed a glowing green hand to his heart. He didn't need a weapon. He was the weapon. Sadly, this didn't work either. Before the hand had even touched his chest his eyes rolled to the back his head and he fell, face first, in to the floor. There was a dart buried in his back.

"STARK!" Sais Thor's voice from the entrance of the room as he ran towards his fallen brother.

"Don't worry, he's just stunned. I wasn't gonna let him off himself in front of Pepper. It could traumatise her or something." Tony said, calmly walking in with a stun gun in his hand while Thor picked up the unconscious Loki from the floor.

Stark smiled, as if this was just another day in the office.

"Hi Pep."

"Tony, what...?"

"Remember how we didn't know why Loki saved us? We do now. Turns out he wants to die. Thought putting himself in the line of fire was an easy way to achieve that. But dear Thor has a strong opinion on the subject."

Thor left his brother on the sofa, wishing he could something more. Had he been wrong when he had asked Stark to save him? Should he have followed his wished and let him die and honourable warrior's death? Had he been selfish when he'd begged Stark to save Loki? Maybe. But there wasn't any other choice, he knew. He couldn't lose Loki again. Never again. He would rather have him, broken or whole. The alternative was even more painful than this. That he knew from experience.

When Loki woke up again he found all the Avengers looking at him, surrounding him in that big living room. He tried to teleport himself somewhere else, somewhere where people wouldn't interfere with his plans, but couldn't. Something was blocking his magic. He looked down, and saw two pieces of metal with a purple light on the middle of them. Stark explained.

"Cool, huh? Anti-magic wristbands. They used to be cuffs but I took the chain off, wouldn't want you to feel like a prisoner. We all want you to get better." He said with mock concern. Loki merely sneered at him.

"Why will you lot not simply let me die in peace?"

Natasha spoke, the voice of reason.

"Because of your stunt in Central Park. People have footage of you saving the city and then going to Stark tower. If you suddenly appeared dead, shot down or worse, they would blame us. Say that we are assassins who killed a man who was trying to redeem himself. We are a tactical team for earth's safety, it wouldn't unheard of. But it would reflect poorly on us after what you've done. And we can't have civilians questioning us - it would raise questions we don't want to answer."

Loki cursed himself.

Stupid, useless Loki.

"But your plan could still work" the soldier said. "I mean, it almost worked last time. Keep coming with us to the battlefield, fight like you did. Maybe our next enemy will manage to kill you."

Loki raised an eyebrow, disbelieving.

"Are you offering me a position on your team?"

Steve nodded.

"But there are some conditions. In between fights, you will wear those and you'll be on suicide watch. One of us will always be with you to make sure you don't kill yourself and if you are wounded in battle you will receive medical attention, like it or not."

"The alternative is having chained up and throwing you in an asylum, 24-hour therapy style, so if I were you, I would consider it." Stark added.

Loki thought about it. It wasn't ideal, but being chained would be far worse. And an asylum - no. That was too close to a prison cell. Not that again. Never again. It seemed that he had no choice. Not for the moment, at least.

"Then I have conditions too. I will always wear my armor, not some silly lycra thing." People nodded. It seemed reasonable. "I will not talk about the Chitauri, or the other, the invasion, the battle. None of that."

They wouldn't know. They could never know.

"Anything else?" Tony asked. He had a good feeling about this guy, for some reason.

"I want a room with a decent bookshelf. And a bathroom for myself, of course."

Tony's smile widened.

"Sure thing. Welcome to the Avengers, Loki."

A/N: Me updating quickly! Hooray! Hope you enjoyed!

You know you want to review! ;) ;)