Sunday
It's the morning light.
I know it is late in the A.M. hours, because the way in which my room is angled and the blinds are aligned, it takes a high rising sun to illuminate my bedroom just right and produce this sense of…….
………annoyance.
It is but a momentary thing. Like waving at a gnat. An itch that is there and gone again.
I stir in bed.
"Mmmmm….."
My face scowls blindly.
I turn over, my silken strands a mess over my brow.
I suddenly wish I hadn't turned over, for the rays of the sun are piercing through my dark blue room and are stabbing what little of my violet eyes peek out from beneath the lids.
"Nnnnngh…."
I clench my eyes shut even tighter.
I throw some of the blue covers over my face and scrunch my petite body further into the depths of the bed.
I sigh.
I sit up….achingly.
The inner joints of my person popping.
Blood rushes through my brain and settles.
And as the senses come into focus……I can't help it.
I stretch.
Long and hard.
My arms over my frazzled blue head.
My neck twisting….head rotating as far as it can go.
"Nnnnngh….mmmm….."
I relax.
Blinking.
I rub my eyes.
Blinking more.
I gaze out the bright window.
The Sun glittering over the Bay.
The City's gray bodies stretching over roads.
A quiet Sunday morning.
Quiet……
Almost……
Nakedly quiet……
Like waking up to a beach that suddenly has no roar or tide.
Something's wrong here………
I blink.
I gaze about the room with thin violet eyes.
I search the walls and corners and furniture while—at the same time—searching the width and breadth of my head.
And then I realize why it's so hauntingly quiet.
"Mmmmmph….r-right….," I drone to the echoing chamber. "They're……all gone……"
Silence.
I gaze out the window.
"I…….s-slept in?"
Morning rays.
Warming.
Silent.
Waves of the Bay…..glittering….glittering…..
A softness I never saw before.
A texture I never touched before.
And it felt so clear….
……and quiet…..
My lips curved ever so slightly.
"…….so I 'slept in'…."
I swiftly yank the covers over my body, turn my back to the window, and gladly snuggle back into the warmth of the mattress….
…..and doze……………
…
…
An hour and a half later….
Or has it been two hours?
I don't care………
After a shower, I switch from my nightgown to my usual black leotard and blue robe.
I shuffle through the empty hallways of the Tower.
My feet make echoing noises against the metal walls….floors….
Quietly, I walk past Cyborg's laboratory….
Robin's armory….
Starfire's bedroom….
Silkie's play pin….
All empty.
All vacant.
All…..
……quiet.
I reach an elevator.
I press a button to take me up to the Main Room.
I stand with my arms folded.
My head hiding under the robe's hood, as always.
I gaze left.
I see the gymnasium.
Its training facilities abandoned.
Its exercise equipment utterly untouched.
Everything silent and shadowed.
A humongous waste of space.
I gaze right.
The hallway stretches on and on towards the evidence room.
Robin's prized possessions.
Glass displays full of quiet, darkly obscured objects.
Dust laden over a twenty-four hour pyriod.
Ding!
I gaze forward calmly.
The doors to the elevator open to take me up.
I shuffle in. Slowly.
I turn around…….slowly.
I reach a hand forward…….slowly……….towards the floor buttons.
My eyes….my mind linger somewhere. Silent.
I press the button for the Main Room high up in the Tower.
The doors close.
Suddenly--
A jerk(!)
Cl-Clunkka!
I reach a thin hand forward and stop the elevator doors from closing.
I emerge through the frame of the elevator shaft.
I gaze down the hallway from which I came.
Contemplating……
……my lips curve ever so slightly.
…
…
Schwissh!
As I enter the Main Room, fifteen minutes later….
Gone is the blue robe and leotard.
Instead, I am clad slovenly in….
Beige slippers.
Gray sweatpants.
And a long, long t-shirt that is heinously big on my petite frame….
…..with a pathetically copied black-and-white print of Edgar Allen Poe's photograph above the black text: "You Know I'm Happy To Be Alive"
I don't realize it, but….
I'm humming something.
I'm humming a tune that I can't even remember…
…as I shuffle lazily, casually across the Main Room to the kitchen unit.
Making a bee-line for the refrigerator and cupboard….for the makings of herbal tea.
What is this tune?
It feels……popular.
But then, why would I be humming it?
Whatever……it doesn't mean anything.
Besides……nobody is here.
I am stirring water and herbs in a saucer.
Humming….
Thinking….
I freeze.
My heart skips a beat
I look up….blinking at the lonely walls.
………why am I humming when I could be singing
I shudder at the thought.
I ditch the 'humming', and instead wander over to a softly-lit stretch of carpet besides the wide-framed windows.
I sit down cross-legged—yes, on the carpet—and take a sip from the saucer before placing it down on the floor.
I then clear my throat….clear my mind…..pivot in a yoga position……and face the bright glittering expanse of the City and Bay beyond the glass in front of me…
…..the 'bright glittering expanse' that I cannot see because I am meditating.
Great Azar, I am meditating…..
It is so quiet.
And it is so still.
I become one with the whole, empty Tower before becoming one with myself….
….and dissolving it all away…
……..with a breath………
Water to steam.
Steam, invisible.
Invisibility……aimless.
Expanding across the universe.
Lucid….but formless.
And free.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos……….Azarath Metrion Zinthos…………Azarath Metrion Zinthos………Azarath Metrion Zinthos…….."
…
…
Later that early afternoon….
….again, I am losing track of time…
I now sit at the computer array of the Titan's Main Room.
I have listed before me all observed incidents of the City district.
Everything from misdemeanors to possible felonies.
And from what I can see, not a single situation is a 'job for the Titans'.
There is nothing that the cops cannot handle.
Nothing to usher me out of the Tower.
No bank robberies.
No kidnappings.
No radioactive mutant slime booger monsters.
No escaped supervillains.
And certainly no Brother Blood.
I exhale….leaning my chin against one hand and toying with an empty tea saucer in another.
Staring boredly at the flickering monitors.
The string of text.
The empty slots.
Nothing.
Nothing…..
Nothing…………
I sit back in the chair, fold my arms over my chest, and sigh.
I brush a lazy strand of blue hair out from over my brow and blink.
"………well…," I drone to the empty silence of the air. "……not like I was dressed for much action anyways….."
…
…
Even later in the day….
Further silence.
Further nothing….
I drift down the cold, empty stares.
Into the wide open atrium of the Tower.
Before the tall, iron doors.
I find a lonely chair.
I shuffle up to it.
I sit, scrunch back, and curl up in the embrace of the furniture.
I open up a hard back book in my hands…
Lean my blue head back.
And read…..
"…………………."
…
…
Time passes by.
I have changed positions on the chair four to six times.
I now lie—slouching quite a bit—in the chair.
Four chapters forward.
One of many books I have read one too many times.
Dwelling over Arthur Dimmesdale's cancerous health.
Hester Prynne's daughter flying across the room.
Or is she really flying?
Since when did witches grow wings?
A sorceress doesn't ride broomsticks or turn people into frogs with a simple flick of a wrist.
A sorceress lives in the dark and collects dusty books from antique
libraries and refuses to wear makeup despite the insistence of goofy, green,
animorphic elves constantly knocking on her door and demanding to join in
tossing around balls of stinky socks in some sort of ritualistic sport while
knights in shining armor in eyemasks trip on their capes and fall down the
toilet bowl of economical zebra skin polymer titanium ice cream………
………
I am falling asleep—
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP!
"Daaaah!" I jump in my chair with a telekinetic blast of black that sends my novel flying across the atrium.
SWOOOOSH-WHAP!
I pant…..pant….pant….
Beep-Beep-Beep!
The communicator in my sweat pants' pocket seems quieter now. Less thunderous.
An artery pulses in my temple.
I sigh.
I pull out the communicator and glance at it.
Violet eyes narrow.
I get up and float towards the stairs leading up towards the elevator.
…
…
"Raven, are you there?"
I float up to the computer station where Robin's face is showing in static transmission.
"Yes, Robin. I'm here."
"……………," his eyemask narrows. "What are you wearing?"
I merely blink.
"………..uhhh………."p-people" skin?"
"Never mind. How's the City fairing?"
"Hasn't blown up yet. At least, last time I checked."
"And the Tower?"
I sigh. "Robin….the most dangerous thing to happen here since you and the Titans left have been jaywalking dust bunnies. What about the mission? How goes the pursuit of Brother Blood?"
"We arrived in Steel City not long ago. We're coordinating a search along with the local authorities. We hope to have things cleared away here before long. I'm getting the sense that this may be a wild goose chase when it comes to the H.I.V.E. leader. But when it all comes down to it, it's important for the Titans to be here. One: We're following through with Brother Blood no matter the cost. Two: This gives me a chance to take a look at Steel City up close………and to consider possibly setting up a spot to make a camp here."
"That…..'Teen Titans East' you've been talking about…."
"Exactly. So it's important for us to be here……just as it is also important for you to be there—keeping guard."
"Keeping guard on what?" I blink. "Not that I'm complaining—mind you—but if I keep my eyes out any more for things I can't see, they'll fall right out of my sockets."
"Well, have you gone on a City beat yet?"
"………………………….excuse me?"
"Have you gone out into the City?"
"Uhh….no."
"Huh? Raven, why not?.?.?"
"There've been absolutely no reports from the police force. Not a single crime, not a single robbery, not a single---"
"You know that alert system can't catch absolutely everything, Raven! There are some things that only you and the rest of us Titans can sense! What's the matter with you?"
"Gee, I dunno, Robin. You tell me."
"I want you going on a daily beat to examine the City."
"…….are you sure?"
"Yes! And make it twice a day!"
I groan.
"Is that clear, Raven?"
"Yes, Robin," I fold my arms and glance boringly aside. "I'll go on a pie-in-the-sky search for nonexistent malicious phenomena to support your glowingly anal ego while you are absent from the City with the rest of the quasi-functional Titans."
His face twisted on the flickering monitor. "Huh? Raven……are you being sarcastic?" He stupidly asks.
"With you being that far away….," I finger the switch to the computer. "…..definitely."
Click!
His face disappears.
"…………………," I sit there for a moment. Seemingly dazed. "Huh…….," I hum, "………that felt kind of good, actually."
A beat.
I sigh.
I stand up.
I flex my arms, gazing pathetically at my casual housewear.
"Guess I'm doing laundry sooner than I thought….."
I turn and head towards the elevator at the back of the Main Room.
At some point in my trek, I pause.
I turn and glance at the computer system where Robin's face was. I smile ever so slightly over my shoulder. "Oh….and…uhm………..'Raven out'."
I proceed towards my room.
…
…
Moments later, I ascend to the rooftop of the Tower through the stairwell.
I emerge in my blue robe and black leotard.
Blue strands of hair blowing in the wind.
I gaze out towards the sunset-lit City.
I take a deep breath.
The cool air.
The Sea and the scent of the world.
Looming in glittering/gray fashion before me.
"Hrmmmm….," I hum as I reach the edge and 'spread my wings'. "If anything…..this will make sleeping that much more pleasant tonight."
And I 'step off' the edge of the building….
…..and drift forward.
Levitating.
Angling my body.
Then soaring towards the City.
…
…
The sun has set.
Night has fallen.
And still I am levitating over the City.
My cloak billowing.
My eyes thin, scanning.
Drifting over….over…..over the streets below.
And I see nothing.
And I hear nothing.
And I sense nothing……awry.
I groan to myself…..pausing on a rooftop every now and then to rub my temples in stressful annoyance.
Exasperated sighs a-plenty.
To the point that I wonder if the only nefarious thing plaguing this Town is the unsightly image of a pale-as-a-demon blue-haired girl in a coat soaring eerily overhead.
At first, I think I'm exaggerating.
Then—when I fly over an intersection—two cars with distracted drivers gasping up at me through their windshields swerve and nearly hit each other.
And that's when I realize:
"This………is pointless……."
After the droning of admittance, I flutter over and land atop a rooftop.
A fairly familiar rooftop……
Soto Dance Club.
I can look down through the windowed ridges and see the ecstatic youth raving like mad. I can sure-as-Azar feel the pounding music through the rooftop below me.
But I choose not to.
I simply stand at the rooftop's ledge.
Staring out across the dark-laden City.
The stars and the moonlight overhead.
The villainous tranquility of it all.
It suddenly strikes me…..a funny thought…..
What I was to be the only hero of this City?
With my powers and with my meditation……
……could I truly protect it on my own?
Would I need Beast Boy and his goofy, flailing antics?
Would I need Cyborg and his overinflated tech?
Or would I actually need Starfire's power if it meant the unpredictability of her emotions and impulsiveness?
"…………."
I sigh to myself….but not so much with defeat as it is with contemplation………and longing.
I sure would do well without Robin's anal insistence to beat the hide of a figurative dead horse in with his boot.
These thoughts flow through my head.
And the naked quietness of the entire day…..
…..from the cold, echoing hallways of the Tower…..
……..to the empty screens of the Titan's computer…….
………..to the barren malevolence of the City streets……….
…………..it all comes to circle around my head and lift the scales from my eyes.
And I can't tell if I'm blinded or if I'm seeing some well-known truth illuminated in a fresh new brilliance.
But…..it dawns on me, just as the evening triumphs. The night. The darkness. The silence.
I am a one-girl army.
I can be stronger than all of the other Titans combined.
And……
And I'm holding back.
I turn.
I look down through the windows of the Soto rooftop.
I see the teenagers inside.
Raving.
Dancing.
Writhing about.
Laughing, smiling, chatting.
Living……feeling.
I suddenly wrap the folds of my blue robe tighter about myself.
I shudder.
But……
But there is a very good reason……why……I am holding back.
A cold wind.
It threatens to blow off my robe's hood.
So I cling to it.
Hiding my face.
Hiding.
I'll always have to hold back.
I mustn't forget that.
No matter what the excuse.
So it is with a sigh.
And so it is with a distracting, low-voiced hum….
…..that I take off from the warehouse rooftop, turn about, and head back towards the Tower.
Blending in with the night.
…
…
I return to the Tower.
I return to my room.
I take a shower.
Dry off.
Slip into a nightgown…
…and trudge to bed.
Yes……
…..I am going to bed early.
But suddenly, I don't feel like sleeping in so late in the day anymore.
As a matter of fact, I don't feel like feeling anything anymore.
Sleep is simply time travel.
I'll fall into the covers, conk out, and awake in another world.
And maybe…..I'll be more of a Titan in that world…..
….and less like some self-indulgent sorceress.
I turn out the light.
Pull the covers over me.
And sigh.
Resisting to dream.
Resisting to dream……
Goodbye, Sunday.