Drowning In You
Chapter 12: Shatter Me

By the time Luke left Nico felt utterly and completely sick. His stomach was in knots, churning like a roaring sea. Every part of him hurt: His head, his body, and his heart. He knew that eventually it would go away; eventually the hurt would fade to oblivion, but later wouldn't be the problem. Now was what he had the issue with. Nico bite down on his lower lip as he flopped down onto his bed. A surge of pain seemed to wire up Nico's back the moment he lay down, although he knew it was all in his head. Guilt ate away at his heart. One image was imprinted on his mind: Percy walking down his driveway with such a hurt expression. It was the image he couldn't force away and the image that refused to fade. With one hand, Nico pulled the red checkered blanket that was lobbed over his bed onto his body, nudging the sheet up over his nose. It was like his body was breaking down over something that he knew was coming. He already knew that Percy and he weren't getting back together, but it had never hit him harder. It had never enveloped him in such a sadness and loneliness.

Clutching the blanket tighter, Nico inhaled deeply as the foreign smell whisked up his nose. It was an odd action; forcing a blanket up to his nose and mouth and taking a deep breath with no purpose or provocation. It was with that that Nico tossed the blanket away from him, now realizing what the smell was. Just the scent of Luke's cologne made him sick, although he didn't know why. It was strange for him to be reaction in such away. There was nothing wrong with Luke and definitely nothing wrong with his cologne, but it just made him hurt to know that it wasn't Percy.

"God damn it…." Nico trailed off as he climbed to his feet, wrapping both his arms over his stomach. At that moment he wanted to shrink into nothing or fade into his wallpaper just so that he didn't have to deal with this. He didn't want to be weak, but he just felt so empty. He didn't want to feel, but he did. Stumbling across his bedroom, Nico surged towards his closet door. He opened it quickly and began rambling through the contents. There was t-shirts, tank tops, jeans, shorts, shoes, hats, boots, jackets, watches, wallets, scarfs, gloves, candy wrappers, pop bottles, empty energy drink cans and even more piled in the floor of his closet, but Nico just shoved all that out of the way. Behind the mess and trash were even more stacks of clothes, although these were actually neatly packed together. Shuffling through the folded piles Nico ran his fingers over the different garments, looking for one in specific. The moment his thumb brushed over the familiar fabric Nico pulled the jacket out from under the other clothes, knocking them over and leaving them. He stared at the indigo jacket, running his fingers over the frail white logo that ran across the front. Tucking his arms into the larger sleeves, Nico zipped it up and tossed the hood over his head. Nico had always intended to give the jacket back to Percy, but after a while he just decided to keep it, leaving it in the back of his closet and telling Percy he didn't have it whenever the boy asked for it back. Eventually Percy gave him a smile and said "Nico… IF you do have it, then you can keep it. I'm not saying you do have it, but I guess, because you're mine, you can keep it for good."

To Nico's dismay the smell of Percy had long since left the fabric, although it felt nice to just have something of his. Nico knew he shouldn't have kept the damn thing. He also knew he should have thrown it out the moment he remembered it, but he just couldn't. He didn't want to get rid of it. Shaking his head Nico pulled the jacket tighter around him and clambered back to the bed, flickering off the light as he moved. Lying down once more, Nico felt even sicker than before, although now he had the comfort of Percy. Even without the boy being there, Nico had the warmth and feeling of him being there.

"I thought I was over him….." Nico mumbled as he buried his face into his left arm, using the right to drag the sheet upwards and pull it over himself again. His breath hitched softly as he was close to tears. It was hurting worse than anything he had ever felt. Rolling over Nico tried his best to just close his eyes and go to sleep, but all he could think about was Percy. He knew he was probably the biggest dumbass on the planet, but once someone got him angry he was gone. There was no way for him to control his emotions or pop that filter on his mouth. He would say things he didn't mean. He would do things he wouldn't normally do. Most of all he would hurt people worse than ever. It was just like he was a completely different person, but Nico knew that this was something that wasn't going to be put back together in one day or two or twenty. This was something that Nico didn't think would ever be right and he didn't want it to be like that. He wanted Percy back. He wanted the boy to hold him, tell him things would be alright, love him. In his mind it sounded so shallow. Nico expected it to suddenly become one of those damn chick flicks that you see on TV: The girl and guy breakup, the girl is sad because she misses boy, the boy realizes he loves the girl and happily ever after. It kind of made him upset to know that he was in the same role as ever boy obsessed teen-aged girl who ever appeared in the media. Nico sighed deeply before once more rolling over in discomfort.

"I feel like the whiny bitch from Twilight now...god damn it!" Nico took a deep breath inwards while shaking his head, annoyance flooding him the more he thought about his own comparison. It was at that moment that he officially decided he was just going to shut off his mind and go to bed. Burying his face into his arms, laying on his stomach, Nico tried to keep the tension from his body as he repeated the words he knew by heart.

"Good night, Percy." Nico couldn't help himself from whispering into his arms like he usually did at night, although tonight the words felt hollow and he knew the other would never know he cared, "I love you…"

The morning came upon more quickly than Nico wished. All he wanted to do was curl up in his bed and cry his eyes out, but Bianca wasn't having any of it. Dragging her brother from the bed, knocking him to the floor during the process, Bianca kicked his harshly in the stomach, harder than he expected. His eyes shot open as pain exploded through his stomach and up his chest, flooding into his ribs like a tsunami of pain and fire. Even though Bianca knew she was out of line for the bash she made no attempt to comfort him. She could see the pain in his eyes, but she knew he would get over it in a minute or two. Sitting up, grabbing the sleeves of his jacket tightly, Nico gazed around his room dazed and hurt. It was like being under water and suddenly having that blast of air into your lungs, being awakened after a hundred years of sleep.

He glared up at Bianca with anger before his eyes softened, noting the stern look on her face. He felt like trash beside her to be honest, although he didn't know why. It was like one day he was the king of the world and then suddenly someone came along and knocked him down a few notches. He made a growling sound in the back of his throat although it wavered quickly. Standing up, rubbing his side where tension now pooled, Nico tried his best to straighten himself; putting his jacket in place, running his fingers through his hair, rolling the strain out of his shoulders. Looking at his sister, Nico noticed the way she was already dressed and ready to go, although he figured she would still be in pajamas at this time of day.

"Hey, why you already wear clothes instead of...Pajamas," Nico mumbled out while yawning in between.

"Well, I'm already dressed because we have fifteen minutes until school and we have to leave," Bianca shrugged her shoulder, "but, apparently, someone forgot to set his alarm. I'm actually surprised to tell you the truth. You usually don't do that. It's just unlike you."

Nico chocked on his own breath for a moment as Bianca spoke. Even though he knew it was rude he pushed his sister with one hand, shoveling her out of his room.

"Hey!" Bianca cried as the door was slammed in her face. Nico was moving about his room in a whirl wind; grabbing books from his desk, shoving his dirty t-shirt and jacket over his head, pull off his jeans, running a comb through his hair, replacing himself with clean clothes, shoving his boots onto his feet. Running around his room Nico didn't bother to get a clean jacket from his closet. Instead he just threw Percy's old jacket back on his shoulders and darted across his room, jerking open the door and sprinting down the hallway. It wasn't like being late to school was something that Nico really cared about (it really wasn't), but his father told him if he was tardy one more time there would big consequences. Although Nico didn't believe his hollow threats it was definitely better to be safe than sorry. Speaking of his father, Nico ran directly into Hades as he was coming down the stairs, slamming into the man and near knocking him off his feet. With a stumble and a stern look Hades continued his trek up stairs, but called down on the way up.

"Nico, why are you not ready for school?"

"I know, I know, I'm fine alright. I've just had some trouble this morning, but I swear I'll be ready in five minutes." Nico pleaded. He didn't want his father to believe he was lying. Not at all.

Hades snorted before giving a slight nod and disappearing down the hallway. Nico imitated the action quite decently as he entered the kitchen, allowing a slight snicker of approval to follow suit. Moving quickly through out the room, Nico began riffling through the refrigerator, but his attempts at a morning meal were swiftly dismissed as he caught sight of the clock. Tossing the loaf of bread back into the fridge, which he intended to make toast with, Nico surged back out into the living, grabbing his books and backpack on his way. Bianca's call of his name supported the fact that he didn't even have time to grab a snack to eat along the way to school, but that was barely on Nico's mind as he finally realized he was still wearing Percy's jacket from the night before. Panic tightened in his throat,however, Nico quickly forced it down. Within seconds he held a plan in his grasp. He would simply shove the jacket in his locker when he got to school. No harm done. Shaking his head for reassurance, Nico followed Bianca's bitter yells and headed out the front door.

Nico arrived at school with mere moments to spare. He hated being late and having to rush down the hallway, pushing passed people with little regard. He didn't like the feeling of forgetfulness as his mind raced, already reeling through a thick list of different items he would need for first period. Flashing over to his locker, running his fingers across the pale blue paint and dingy silver plate that said #652, Nico struggled to catch his breath, having sprinted through the middle school and high school. He grappled for his lock, flipping in his combination multiple times to no avail.

'21, 4, 16. 21, 4, 16' Nico continued to chant through his head as he manipulated the lock once more, this time resulting in a better outcome. The lock flew open in his hands before Nico shoveled it into his jacket pocket, the weigh seeming more heavy than usual. Chewing on the end of his thumb, Nico shuffled through the line of books with one hand, fingers trembling ever so slightly. Just the thought that he was running out of time made Nico chest ach with anxiety. He didn't know why this made him so nervous- the chiming of the bell- but it killed him to know that he was on a constant timer. Pulling out the frail, worn math book, silver and blue cover caked in dirt and vicious rips, the bell chimed over Nico's head. It wailed at him angrily before sputtering to a stop, teenagers migrating to various locations and classrooms. Slamming his locker shut, now with his math book, notebook, pencil, and graphing calculator, Nico turned to head towards his first period class. He was surprised went his body was jerked backwards, reacting to his own movement. Glaring down with irritation Nico realized that the end of his jacket was caught in the door, now locked into place. Dropping his items to the floor, Nico began fiddling with the lock again, hoping to free himself.

By the time the tardy bell rung Nico was free and bounding down the hallway, barely making it to his math class as the teacher started to shut the door.

"Hey…" Thalia trailed off as Nico passed her desk. She fell silent when she realized her friend's forlorn look. She knew when Nico was mad or upset it was best to bite her tongue rather than to speak. Nodding softly towards the boy she tried her best to give him a sense of encouragement, hoping it would help him get through what ever was bothering. Nico didn't even note her existence and walked right past her.

Going to the back of the classroom, plopping down in the seat in the far corner, Nico leaned tenderly against his elbow and refusing to look up. He didn't want to participate in class what so ever. The only moment he even put one ounce of effort in the class discussion was when the teacher took attendance, calling out his name ever so softly.

Half way through the class period, Nico actually began to feel sick, almost raising his hand to go to the bathroom. His stomach tosses and turned, churning inwards on itself. He was unsure if it was just nerves or if something was seriously wrong. However, even through his strangling sickness, Nico's heart was blazing, burning like a seething fire in his chest. Stabbing his ink pen deep into his notebook, Nico let out a growl, several people glancing over at him and his outburst.

Taking deep breaths a strange memory wandered into his mind. It was something his mother had always told him to do when he was upset, although Nico had never seen much point in it. Maria's idea of a stress reliever was a simple action; one in which was completely different from Nico's own theory to relieve tension. When he was little, around seven or eight, Nico and Bianca had never really gotten along- being a brother and sister it was usually so. Due to their constant bickering Maria devised the plan that whenever they were feel stressed or felt intense anger that they should simply write a list of everything that was causing these emotions. Nico's typical list consisted of lines and lines that said the exact same thing, "Bianca is a jerk."

The whole idea was kind of embarassing now, but Nico did it anyways, sort of on impulse, although he changed the topic of his own list. Opening up his notebook to a blank sheet, straightening it out with his right hand, Nico began to write;

Ten Things That I Am Not Prepared For:

10.) My father's bitching when he finds out I failed the math test tomorrow. Maybe I should have listened in class.

9.) Bianca's bitching over me being all moody.

8.) Grover and Thalia's involvement in the whole situation.

7.) The whole school learning of this new upset.

6.) Seeing my grades for the semester.

5.) Losing sleep for the rest of my life.

4.) Constant sadness.

3.) Getting a job, although I need one. I hate being broke.

2.) Finding a way to get over Percy Jackson.

Nico jerked upright as the bell chimed loudly through out the room, sending a shock wave of movement through the classroom. Teens shuffled, books ruffled, notebook pages were torn out, and paper wads were thrown in the trash. Nico snapped his notebook shut, never finishing his list. He didn't need to anyways. He already knew what number one would be: 1.) Losing Percy Jackson forever.

Second period didn't start any better than the first one. Standing at his locker Nico sighed quietly, shoveling his text books back into place. He jumped as a tender hand shook his shoulders. Whirling around with anger, Nico immediately choked, realizing who it was.

"What?!" Nico snapped before his voice softened, his eyes flooding with pain and sickness. Just being near Percy made him angry and hurt, but he knew that everything (absolutely everything) was his fault.

"I was just wondering if you were sure about your decision to break up." Percy explained as he rocked back and forth on his heels, eyes trailing up Nico's body as though it was foreign to him. Nico looked for that small glimmer in his eyes. The hint that the boy was seeing something precious before him, but instead Percy just looked at him with distaste, no love in his eyes.

"Why wouldn't it be over?!" The locker slammed wildly as Nico huffed out the words, the last few letters in the sentence coming out a hiss. Biting his lower lip Nico gazed at the boy with his heart ,pounding wild. He didn't like the way he was treating Percy. To be honest if it wasn't for his fucking pride he would have collapsed to his knees in the hallway tears falling down his face as he groveled at Percy's feet. He missed him worse than ever, he missed his best friend. Nico couldn't deny that he still loved Percy and he couldn't deal with the boy not being in his life.

"It's just...usually when it's over you don't wear your ex's clothes." Percy pointed tenderly at Nico's, or rather his own, jacket. Nico gazed down at the garment on his chest. Nico's cheeks flared, pain echoing through his chest. It was a split second decision as Nico grappled for the clothing, tearing it from his skin and tossing it to the floor. He stomped on it for good measures.

"Alright then." Percy muttered as he picked it from the floor, dusting the dirt away and shaking it out. Raising his hands quietly in a goodbye Percy simply turned and left, trotting down the hallway carefree and, to Nico absolute shock, slipping the jacket over his own arms and zipping it up. An angry cry echoed from Nico's throat as several kids who had been watching the scene turned away. A shutter ran down Nico's spine as pain crippled his better judgement. Turning wickedly Nico slammed his hand into the his own locker.

"Fuck you, Percy Jackson!" Nico wailed suddenly. He didn't even know why he was angry at Percy, but at that moment it didn't matter. Before Nico could even react a hand grappled for his shoulder, pulling him away from the locker and towards the office. He stared up as the teacher, one whose name he didn't bother to remember, pulled him towards the office.

"We will not tolerate that kind of language and destruction of property in this school!" She hissed with venom. Nico glared at her before shaking his head, knowing (even though he didn't want to admit it) that all of it was his fault. Snapping his eyes closed and sighing, Nico pulled his hands behind his back only to stick up both his middle fingers, flipping off anyone who dared stare at him as he was shoved down the hall.

A/N: Well hello everyone! I hope you all have been having a great day and I hope you enjoyed this new chapter. I know it's been a while since I have updated and I'm so so so sorry for that. I've been so busy lately, getting a new job and taking a little mini vacation. Sorry that it took so long to get this posted. Anyways, I'll see you all next chapter and I promise it won't take so long next time. Please leave a comment after you read. Thank you all for checking out this new chapter! Bye! :D