Gently

8. The Day Job

Mad scientists were a frequent source of chaos for the Avengers. Clint personally thought that the few they had in their roster were enough for the country, but self-proclaimed evil geniuses apparently disagreed. The latest frizzy-haired goon to pop up on S.H.I.E.L.D's mad-scientist radar (Clint was still trying to make that the official name for the technology, but Coulson was being disagreeable) went by the name Eggman, which even Bucky thought was horrendously unoriginal, and had been discovered when Tesseract activity out in Colorado had been flagged up; after patching through to the camera feed from the empty airfield, the images indicated one man, a fragment of old HYDRA tech, and a lot of small mammals. He was given a low priority after that.

Hill had sent Clint, Bucky and Hank out to Colorado to take care of Eggman, and even though he got to take the latest Quinjet out for a spin, Clint was bored. Bucky and Hank had hit the ground a while ago, and because the job didn't need two snipers he was keeping their seats warm, so to speak. The plan was that Hank would attempt to talk him over without a fuss, Bucky acting as back-up in case things weren't so simple, but after fifteen minutes of talking nothing was happening, as far as Clint could tell. It wasn't until there came a grunt over comms that things started to get interesting – he watched from the jet as a man with a strange head scurried out of the old hangar, a few animal cages on his possession, and swung the craft round until he was facing Eggman head on. As the scientist skidded to a halt, Clint opened up the PA.

"Drop the critters, Eggman."

Over comms, Bucky snorted. "Seriously? 'Critters'? Not even Steve says critters, y'know." Clint would have thrown back a snarky reply if Hank hadn't spoken up.

"I can get to him, Clint. Don't let him move."

"What's your plan, Hank?"

He faintly heard static in the background, and guessed Hank had shrunk down. "I have a sedative," he explained. "I can get the jump on him from behind, save either of you two from wasting bullets."

"And by that he means stop us killing the guy," Bucky translated, sounding like he was similarly on the move.

"Blood doesn't have to be spilled here, Barnes!"

"Tell that to your nose."

"Not going to say it again, Eggman," Clint said, scanning the base for any sign of Bucky. "Put the animals down, and step away from them. Slowly."

"Or else what?" the scientist yelled back.

He smirked despite himself. "We have one of our best snipers moving into position somewhere on this base. Make the wrong move, and he'll pop your sweet spot before you can even think about where he might be."

"Flattered as I am," Bucky said, "that's not the nicest compliment you've ever given me."

"You're lying!" Eggman screeched.

Clint couldn't resist himself. "Okay, you got me. We have a super-ant about to squash you." Eggman flinched, and he grinned. "Come on, Brains. Believe me about our sharpshooter or don't, it's up to you – but do you really wanna take the risk?"

"Got you on the scope, Pym. Just a few more metres."

Eggman was shouting again, and Clint was starting to get irritated. "You can't manipulate me! I am a scientist – I am the manipulator!"

"Last chance," he tried again. "Cages on the ground, now."

His laughter was creepy, to say the least. "What's the matter? Scared of a bunny rabbit, are we? But then perhaps you recognise that this is no ordinary rabbit; this is – aiee!" Eggman cut himself off with a yelp as Hank re-sized behind him, jabbing him in the neck with a sedative gun. Dropping a couple of cages, he staggered forward a few steps before face-planting the earth.

"Finally!"

"Good job, Hank."

"Thank you, Barnes."

Bringing the jet down, Clint scanned the scene again for signs of Bucky, and saw him making his way over from the base of the ATC tower. "Let's get him on board and get back," he suggested. "Let the clean-up team round up the critters." Bucky snorted again.

"I'd like to take these ones back with us now," Hank said. "They've been exposed to the Tesseract's energy – I want to see what that means for them."

"What did he have?"

"Two rabbits, a guinea-pig, and a ferret, not to mention hundreds more inside the hangar, including mice and rats." The doctor dabbed at his nose. "And a sneaky right hook."

"Guess the whole science-bros thing didn't work out, huh?" Bucky said, coming up to stand beside him. Clint saw Hank give him a withering look, and smirked when Buck held his hands up defensively.

Once Eggman and his furry friends were on board and under the magnifying glass of one Doctor Pym, Bucky joined Clint in the cockpit and raised an eyebrow at him. "Critters?"

Clint rolled his eyes. "Will you get over that already?"

"You couldn't have said animals?"

"It just rolled off the tongue better."

"Who says critters these days?"

"Carnies." Clint shrugged. "Well, one I knew did." When Bucky stayed silent, he continued. "He was just a magic act for the kids, but he had a lot of rabbits and mice as part of his tricks; kept referring to them as critters. Guess it rubbed off on me a bit." He stared out of the windscreen, watching clouds hurtle past and waiting for Bucky to comment.

"I can count on one hand the number of times you've mentioned the circus," he said quietly.

"Doesn't always come up in conversation."

"Because you don't want it to." Clint didn't deny it. He could feel Bucky studying him intently. "It can't all have been bad."

"No… But it's the bad that stands out."

"How far away from HQ are we, Clint?" Hank asked suddenly from the back.

Clint checked the jet's fancy, on-board timer (Stark clearly had a field day when upgrading the model). "Clock says about ten minutes."

"Can you radio ahead and see if there's anyone with any veterinary experience? These animals may need some medical attention."

Bucky turned in his seat. "Don't you mean 'critters', Pym?" he asked, a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Oh, yes – these critters. Sorry." Clint could hear the smirk.

"There's nothing wrong with the word critters!" he insisted. "They even used it in Toy Story 2." As legitimate as his statement was, neither of his companions seemed to find it remotely serious. "You're sleeping on the couch tonight Buck."

AN: Prompt: "drop the critters, eggman".