I choke.

I gag.

I break the surface.

The air is cold.

My skin is numb.

I cannot tell exactly how many places she cut me.

Or if she cut me at all...

I weigh a ton.

My body is dragging filth.

Up from the depths I rise...

Hacking...

Spitting...

Gasping for air, only to inhale globs of muck.

I choke and sputter.

I'm rolling... ...rolling...

Out from the river and onto cold, dry rock.

I am underground somewhere.

Frozen and barren...

But the soonest I try to open my eyes, my eyelids refuse for they are crusted shut with moist earth.

I grab at my robe.

It's choking me.. ...caught on concrete clumps and weighted around my neck.

I claw at my throat.

Sand and grit cake my teeth.

Gasping... ...Gasping.. ...Gasping...

You know, Raven, I never liked you.

I grab at the muddied cloak.

I rip it from my neck.

I seethe and heave.

There's a crackling sound under bubbling liquid.

The frenzied squawks of my communicator...

Voices... ..Crying, Gasping, Horrified voices...

You let me live in your house and steal all your secrets.

As soon as I have my neck freed, my esophagus expands.

And the mud travels out.

I heave and wretch.

I roll over onto all fours.

I throw my head back.. ... ...and back down.

I vomit.

I vomit.

The mud.

The brown filth.

Streams and ropes and buckets of it.

You're not getting mad, are you, Rae? Oh, better be careful, Beast Boy told me all about your temper tantrums.

I gasp... ..inhale... ...quiver... ...shake.. ... ..heave...

And vomit.

Hacking...

Joining blood with the mud.

Until..

I collapse.

I fall down and splash the puddle of filth from my own innards.

And yet more strings of the brown mess is clumping off my hair and joining the warm discharge.

I quiver all over.

Sputtering.

Forcing my eyes open.

Tearing...Tearing...

Shivering all over...

Come on, Raven... ...What stings the most?

The communicator squawks.

I hear Starfire shrieking.

Robin is screaming her name.

Cyborg is letting out a cry of horror.

And Beast Boy is begging for mercy...

That I tricked you? That I nearly wiped out your team?

I try grabbing for the communicator.

It slips from my grasp.

My fingers shake before me.. .. ..strange bones in somebody else's closet...

Wrapped in the darkness and...

It's a darkness that feels uncomfortable for the first time in my life.

I clench my teeth.

My dirtied face contorts.

My feet dangle and splash in the muddy river running beside me...

Or is it that deep down inside, you really believed I was your friend?

A flash...

A flash of FOUR EYES!

"!.!.!.!" I gasp and slap my palms over my forehead.

My mouth is wide.

Twisted in horror.

I slowly ... ...shakily lower my hands.

I looked at my wretched blood.

And are they there?

Are they on fire?

Are they bleeding?

I don't know anymore.

I just don't know anymore...

The voices of my friends are fading on the communicator.

It shorts out.

And I know they can't hear me.

But I crawl towards the sparkling device regardless.

As her voice travels on the foul breath of my father.

Like a distant laugh.

Burning forever in a halo around my chakra stone.

Who's in control now?

"T-Titans..." I sputter and hiss.

I crawl towards the communicator.

I quiver...

I collapse in a muddy heap.

I shiver and curl up in a fetal position.

And I feel something stabbingly cold against my cheeks.

Two streams of iced insides... ...rivering out and turning the mud on my face to silver plates.

".. .. ...T-Titans.. .. ..p-please..."

I choke.

I hug myself, cough, and clench what's left of my eyes shut.

".. .. .. ...f-find me.. ... ..."

I am... ...crying...

I am crying so hard.. ...

And I cannot stop.

".. .. ...please f-find m-m-me... ..."

Dead and defeated.. .. ...I shiver there for as long as consciousness allows.

I will never forget this.

Never.