Title: Opposites Attract
Chapter 29 - Something Worth Living For!
A/N: hmm would I kill my Mac? NO! Don't forget to go to my profile and vote in my new SMACKED poll. Please and thanks!
"Stella!"
"I have him!"
"Mac!" I shout as I look at Flack once again. "Help me get him down."
Flack hurries to my side, pulls a knife and then hands it to me. "Trust me you won't be able to hold his weight. I've got him, just hurry."
"Mac, wake up...please..."
I numbly take the knife and hurry behind Mac, tears almost making it impossible to see what the hell I am doing. I quickly cut the rope around his neck and then his waist and he finally sags into Flack's waiting arms. Flack supports his body while I quickly cut his wrists loose.
Flack gently lowers him to the floor and listens for breath. "Nothing," he tells me.
"Mac!" I shout as I kneel at his side. "I refuse to let him die," I offer in torment as I look at his chest.
"Stella, he's too cut up to do any compressions on," Flack tells me.
I gently cut the gag from Mac's lips and use it to wipe the blood from his mouth before breathing into it.
"I won't give up."
"Stella..."
"He'd never let me give up on us. I know it! Please Mac...please fight."
"He's..."
"Fight damn you!" I curse at him as I take off my jacket. I gently place it over the cuts on his chest and press down lightly; hoping to stop the bleeding so I can breathe into him some precious air for his lungs to take.
"Stella..."
"Give me your damn jacket!"
"His chest is..." Flack mentions as he hands me his jacket.
"I refuse to let him die!" I growl as I try a few more gentle compressions near his breast bone, which isn't as cut up as the rest; hoping the fabric will act as a buffer and stop the bleeding. "Mac you have to fight! You never back down from a fight, never! NOW BREATHE! FIGHT!"
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Stella? My mind calls as I finally open my eyes. But when I do I notice that I am looking down at myself instead of up at her.
I offer a frown and go to touch her shoulder, but can't and she won't look up at me. Stella? I'm here, what's wrong. But as I look at my still corpse in her arms, I realize what's happened.
"Mac!" Stella's voice orders.
Stella?
"Mac! Come back to me," she begs, tears in her eyes.
I can't.
Yes you can, I hear a voice from behind. I turn to see Carla smiling at me.
Carla?
Hi Mac, she replies, but never comes closer.
Where am I?
Trapped inside your own conscious realm.
Am I dead?
Not yet.
Can I stay here?
No.
There is no pain.
I'm sorry but you can't.
But you're here. Can I stay with you?
No, you need to go back to Stella.
Can't, hurts too much.
But you have to Mac, she needs you.
If I go back I will die.
You will live, Carla smiles.
I don't want to live.
Yes you do, Mac. You want to live, inside you know you do. Don't give in to the pain.
Don't you need me?
You already saved me Mac, she tells me, her eyes with tears. You let me die knowing I was loved. I wasn't alone when I died; that's all I wanted.
But I'm here with you now, I want to stay.
Stella needs you now.
Carla I can't do this. I can't lose someone again.
You won't.
I could.
She needs you Mac, she loves you. Don't let her lose you.
But you...
You saved me Mac, from life and from a monster. She's here because she never stopped loving you or believing in you. If the situation were reversed would you want her to come back to you?
Of course.
Then go to her.
But I don't know if I can go back.
Yes you can. You are the strongest man I know. You have faced evil in the past and won. Charles is dead, you have something to live for.
Stella?
Love. The one thing you always told me that life denied you. And maybe you were right for a time. But you have been given a second chance. You gave me one and I'll be forever grateful. Now it's your turn for a second chance. Can you really walk away on her now?
"FIGHT MAC! YOU HAVE TO FIGHT!" Stella yells. "YOU HAVE TO COME BACK TO ME!"
I look down at Stella who is still begging me to come back to her and my eyes water. I'm scared, I finally admit to Carla.
You're strong Mac, you always have been.
What do I do?
Live Mac, go and live for both of us. Take Stella into your heart and love her. Hurry, while you still have time.
I don't know how.
Yes you do. Mac, all your life you have given your time, energy and love to those around you, myself included. But you never once gave some of that to yourself.
To serve others is the greater good, right?
Mac, you need to love. A life without love is no life at all. You gave me love and I was forever thankful. But now you need to have that for yourself. Go to her, love her and show yourself that you do have something worth living for.
But Carla...
Do you love her?
I do.
Mac, go to her. Prove your love to her. Prove to her, her efforts aren't in vain.
"MAC!"
I want to. I love her, more than life itself. I do.
Then show her that. Go to her now. She needs you.
But we parted in anger. Will she forgive me?
She's here. That should give you hope and tell you that she's here because she never gave up on you, she loves you. Go to her now.
But...
Mac, when I needed you, you were there. In my darkest hour you gave me hope. My life course was doomed from the first mistake I made, but you showed me love and for a brief moment in my dark life I knew what it was to be wanted and really loved. Stella has given you that, don't give up on her now. Go to her. You know you want to.
But you...
Will always be with you. I live on inside your heart, where I think I have been all my life. Trust me there is room in here for Stella. Prove to her that her love for you is not in vain. Go and live for both of us. Mac, go now before it's too late; before time runs out. Now go.
I love you Carla, goodbye...
I love you too Mac, goodbye...
I look down at Stella and smile. I love you Stella, I'm coming.
XXXXXXXX
"Mac!" I shout once more, tears dropping onto his face, making trails through the blood and dirt, and pooling on the ground. Flack touches my arm. "Please come back to me!"
"Stella, we're too late," he whispers in torment. I look at his watery eyes with a panicked expression. "I'm sorry."
"But..."
"You're here and he's not alone...he would have wanted that."
"I can't give up. Mac wouldn't want me to give up," I try in desperation. I turn back to Mac and once more place my warm lips on his cold ones and offer one more life saving breath. Just as I pull back I am finally rewarded with a small inhale.
"Stella!" Flack practically shouts.
"Mac!" I shout as I try again. "Flack, tell them were we are!"
"Mac, if you can hear me hold on, please just hold on," I beg with a happy smile. I take his cold hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze. Finally after what seems like a painful eternity, Mac's watery blue eyes slowly start to open.
"Don't talk," I offer as I see him trying to move his parched lips. "Just rest. I have you now and you are safe, they'll never hurt you again. I promise. Please fight Mac...please fight for us. Just hold on!"
I notice Mac just look at me with a blank stare and I lean in and kiss him on the cheek. "I love you...I do...with all my heart but you have to hold on for me. Please hold on for me," I whisper to him and I notice a faint smile finally being offered. I look at the blood still coming from all the wounds that Charles inflicted but I tell myself as I hear the medics near that Mac is safe and he will survive and we will be together. I have to keep believing that.
"Detective Flack?" One of the medics asks in haste.
"He's right here," Flack directs, pushing himself out of the way.
"He's just came back to me and he's cut really bad," I offer in a tormented whisper.
"Detective Bonasera, we'll take it from here," one of the medics directs. I quickly move out of the way and notice that Mac's eyes follow me.
"Mac I'm right here, they just need to help you," I direct and finally watch as he looks back at the medics.
"Okay guys, he's losing blood rapidly, we need to stabilize and prepare for transport. We need to stop the bleeding or we'll lose him."
"Detective Flack are you injured?" FBI Agent McClean asks quickly, eyeing all the blood on Flack's dress shirt.
"It's his," Flack replies in a numb tone. "I'm okay."
I feel Flack's arm wrap around me as we both stand motionless, watching the medics racing to save Mac's life. I feel Flack offer a squeeze as my body finally starts to sag to the floor; but Flack quickly pulls me back to my feet; his strong arms not allowing me to become the next casualty.
"He looks so weak," I mumble.
"He'll pull through," he whispers in my ear.
"He has to. I need him."
I can only offer a sad smile as I turn my watery gaze back to Mac and just watch in captive silence. The medics fix an oxygen tank to his mouth to help him breath and then focus on his chest.
"We have multiple stab wounds to his arms, legs, chest; lungs appear to be punctured, appendix, stomach..." the medic's voice trails off inside my frantic brain. I squeeze Flack's hand but the tears don't stop as I look at Mac, who has once again locked eyes with me. His gaze is tormented and he winces in pain every time he either takes a breath or is touched by the medics.
"I love you Mac," I whisper at him. I almost see a faint smile but he is told by the medic just to rest and do nothing more than concentrate on staying alive.
Then much to my horror his body starts to convulse.
"Flack!"
"He's going into cardiac arrest!" One of the medics shout and I look at Flack in terror.
"Get him stabilized!"
"We can't use the AED!"
"We're losing him!"
"Come on Mac, fight for us!"
"Mac..." I whisper in misery. "He can't die."
"It's up to Mac now," Flack whispers as we watch helplessly as they work frantically to revive him. Finally he offers another breath and his body starts to respond once more.
"Heart rhythm stabilizing!"
"He's back," one of the medic dictates and I finally exhale.
"Let's not lose him again!" Another growls.
"Give him a booster!"
"Stay with us Mac!"
I stand helpless as they work to get Mac stabilized once again and then continue to stop the flow of his precious blood. Finally after what seems like an entire lifetime has passed the lead medic looks at me with a slight frown.
"Detective Bonasera, I believe he's ready for transport," he tells me.
"Okay," is all I can manage with a soft whisper as I look at Flack.
"Let's go," he offers. We wait as the medics finally have Mac safely secured in the transport carrier and then rush for the waiting Air Medi-Vac. Flack and I climb in beside Mac and I take his hand and hold it in mine. The rest of his weary body I ensure stays under the blanket so he can have some measure of warmth.
"Mac's cold," I offer in torment.
"He's lost a lot of blood," the medic frowns as he hooks up an IV of ringers to help Mac's lifeblood restore before he goes into surgery.
"Will he be okay?" I dare to ask.
"Well his femoral artery wasn't hit so that's a relief."
"They wanted him to die slow," I barely whisper. "But he will live now right?"
"Thats up to him now," he replies with a frown.
"Have you seen worse?" I manage weakly. "I mean there is so much blood. How many cuts do you think he has?" I ask in sorrow.
"Yes I have seen worse but it looks like only a few deep but strategic cuts. The amount of blood is just spray from movement. Trust me he might look like something from a horror movie but when he's cleaned up you'll be quite surprised. A few will probably leave scars but not as many as you might think. But it's up to him now, he still has twenty four hours of a steep hill to climb before his he's completely out of the critical zone," he tells me with a heavy sigh. The Medi-Vac heads back to New York and Flack calls Cyrus on the way.
"Thanks man, yeah we found him," Flack sighs as the medic finally spies Flack's wound. "Stella says thanks for all the help. You helped save Mac's life."
"Sir, I need to look at that," he tells Flack.
"Just tell the team to meet us there," Flack directs as he hangs up. He slowly removes his gun holster and allows the medic to attend to the cut on his side.
I, however, don't allow my eyes to leave Mac's face. I lean in close and offer a warm kiss on his bruised cheek. "I love you Mac," I whisper.
XXXXXXXX
I hear Stella's words and slowly open my eyes once more. Every small movement offers me untold agony but when her lips touch my face I just have to offer something in return. My mind drifted through several stages of life and near death when I was being worked on by the medics in that death shack; but I kept hearing Stella's voice calling me back and knew I had to keep fighting; my brain going directly against what my body wanted to do.
With the mask over my mouth and nose, helping me breathe I can't do much else than look up at Stella and try to tell her with my eyes that I'm happy she's with me. Sadly they just water as my body tries to take another painful breath. I feel her squeeze my hand, offering me added warmth and I force my eyes open once more.
I love you Stella, I whisper inside. I hope I actually get to tell you that with my own lips so you can hear it for yourself and believe I mean it.
XXXXXXXX
My eyes lock with Mac's, refusing to look away even when he's forced to close them to try to give himself strength to just breathe again. I look at the bloody bandages on his chest and know that even though the bleeding has slowed; he's not out of the woods just yet. Some of the cuts are deep and he'll need surgery as soon as we reach the hospital; some of his organs needing to be repaired.
Guilt is now starting to eat away at me as I know that Mac's condition is partly my fault. If I hadn't turned him away...oh I know he'll never blame me and he won't have to. Every scar is will be an everlasting reminder of what I partially allowed to happen. Stella, how can you just push it away? I can't, I'll just have to learn to live with it. Mac's love will overlook it, I know that in my heart; and at that moment, I am humbled.
The ride back to New York seems to take longer than I remembered, maybe because when you are in such a panic and a life hangs in the balance, time is not on your side. Is it ever, Stella? No. I see Mac struggling to try to open his mouth; pushing his heart rate to a dangerous level, but I lean in close and stop him. "Mac, please just rest," I whisper to him and his lips stop moving. "I'm going to be here all the way in. I'm not going to leave you again. You can tell me you love me later," I tell him and I notice his heart monitor finally offers a normal reading once again.
He closes his eyes and I gently push some sweaty hair off his forehead, cleaning away some dried blood and dirt. I notice he once again starts to calm a little; offering me another sign that he'll pull through.
Flack touches my arm and then leans in close to us both; his phone still in his hand. "Paula's awake," he whispers with a smile, tears in his eyes, giving Mac's uncut shoulder a gentle squeeze. I notice at that instant that Mac's eyes offer fresh tears; but I know inside they aren't tears of pain, they are tears of joy. I give Flack a small hug and then turn back to Mac with a smile.
"Mac, there was never a doubt she'd pull through. Now you have to do the same for me," I tell him in a gentle tone.
After what seems like another painful lifetime has passed we finally near the hospital and once again my nervous tension starts to rise. I see the stretcher waiting for Mac and know he still has a battle ahead of him. Within minutes, the helicopter is down; Mac is being taken away from us and loaded onto the stretcher as they two waiting doctors race after him, down to the ER surgical unit.
Flack and I hurry after him; finally reaching the ER and being greeted by the team.
"Stella!" Lindsay exclaims as she rushes for me and gives me a hug. "We just saw them take Mac into the ER."
"I know," I tell her with watery eyes.
"He's going to be okay," she tells me. "If anyone can pull through this it's Mac."
"I know," I reply with a hesitant voice. I look up and see Ed and the girls and I rush for them, offering Ed a hug. "I just heard about Paula," I lightly cry. "I'm so happy for you all."
"I know you want to wait for Mac but you can go and tell her that yourself if you'd like," Ed smiles. "I think she'd like to know from you what when down."
"But Mac..." I try, casing a glance of doubt at the doors to the ER.
"Will be just fine," Ed tells me in a slow voice. "He has something to live for now."
"But..."
"Stella, just go," Lindsay smiles. "I'll call you if there is a change. I promise."
I offer a smile to Lindsay and to Ed one more hug and then leave the team to go and see Paula. I near her room and feel my heart starting to beat a bit faster. I peer inside and she appears to be sleeping. But as I turn away, I hear a soft voice asking me to stay.
"Stella?" Paula lightly calls to me; forcing me to look back. "Please come in."
"Hi," I offer weakly, my eyes still wet. I quickly brush my tears away as I walk up to her bed and slowly sit down.
"How's Mac?"
"He's uh, in the ER right now," I manage, trying to force myself to be firm. "He was pretty cut up when we found him but I think he'll pull through."
"It's okay to cry you know," she offers and I finally allow the tears to flow once more.
"He has to pull through," I whisper.
"He will honey. He's got a thick head remember? His stubborness will force him to live for you both," she tells me in a warm tone. "So you went after him did you?" She asks with a weak smile. "Brave woman."
"I had to."
"Knew you'd do the right thing. He needs you in his life."
"I love him."
"Oh I know that," she smiles. "I knew that even before you were here telling me."
"You heard me?" I ask in surprise. I had always heard that people in coma's can hear those talking to them but never actually had someone confess it to me directly.
"Every word," she smiles as I squeeze her hand. "Was it worth it? All the pain and mental frustration?"
"Worth my life," I offer happily as Ed and the girls slowly walk up behind me. "I know when he heard that you were okay he was given an added boost of strength," I tell her and she smiles. "Think he'll be able to handle both of us in his life?"
"Mac's a strong guy," Paula offers. "He managed to hold onto you."
"That he did," I answer with a smile. "And I'm glad I have you in my life."
"A little girl talk?" Paula smiles. "I think I could use that sometimes. Thanks Stella."
"I should be the one thanking you for helping me keep the best part of my life and for coming into mine. But I should let you rest."
"Go to him, he needs you now. I'll be here for you both," she says looking up at Ed. "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."
"You sure?" Ed frowns.
"Baby you are stuck with me for good," she tells him and he smiles. I offer her a hug and then take my leave so that the Watford family can finally be together as a whole happy unit; my mission now to find Mac and stay with him for as long as I am needed.
I head back down to the ER and notice Danny and Lindsay on the couch, Sheldon and Cyrus talking in the corner, Don and Jessica hovering near the entrance and even Adam and Ralph are looking at something on one of their computer gadgets. I offer a smile to Jessica as I head for the doors to the ER and peer inside.
Most of Mac's clothes are gone and he's only lightly covered; allowing the doctors to work on every cut that Charles Gibbons handed to him. My eyes water as I notice the bloody bandages and clothes around him and on the floor and he's very still but tell myself he's probably sedated to give his body a chance to try to heal itself while the doctors frantically work to restore him to a whole state once again.
A few hours later it's just me, Don and Jessica, sitting on the ER waiting couch. My body is tired from being up almost for twenty-four hours but I refuse to close my eyes or take my leave until I know something more on Mac. I have to be here when the doctor comes out.
Finally I notice an older man pushing his way through the ER doors and I push myself up in an instant.
"Dr. Adams?" I ask with a hesitant question.
"Are you Stella Bonasera?" He asks with a slight frown.
"Everything okay?" I ask in haste.
"Well he said your name a few times, are you his family?" He lightly questions.
"I love him," is all I can offer. "Does that count?"
He finally smiles and then comes a bit closer. "That'll do."
"Will he make it?"
"As you know he's been through quite the ordeal. Every major part of his body has suffered severe trauma and he's lost a lot of blood; but he's refusing to give in. His will to live is the only thing that will help him through the next twenty-four hours. He's coded twice but always fought back. He has multiple stab wounds and punctures to his lungs, stomach and upper torso, and his appendix burst. A few bruises and general body fatigue; thankfully no broken bones and his major arteries are still in tact. His face wasn't cut so he'll have no visible scars unless he wants to show them. I know all this sounds bad but if he pulls through in the next day he'll be back on the mend in no time; his body will heal from this ordeal. I notice a scar above his heart?"
"Beirut," I mention softly.
"Ah. In any case, his body is responding well to the medication we are offering and he's lightly sedated so that he can just rest. We are just waiting for a private room in the ICU where a team will be on hand in case something goes wrong. But I think he'll pull through without incident."
"Can I see him?" I ask with a watery gaze turned toward the ER. "Just for a second."
"For a few minutes yes go ahead," he offers with a kind hand on my shoulder. "I would tell you to go home but if you want to stay he really needs to sleep."
I turn to Flack and Jessica and give them both a hug. "I'm going to stay, even if I have to sleep out here."
"He'll pull through," Jessica tells me. "Did you want me to bring you a fresh change of clothes?"
"Yes please," I reply with a slight frown.
They take their leave and then I inhale a deep breath and slowly head for the doors to the ER. I push my way through and stand in the entrance way, my heart starting to beat faster. They are just waiting for a room near the ICU and then he'll get a private room. I slowly head for his bed, each step seaming to take forever to complete. I near his bed and my heart almost stops.
His face is pale and he has a breathing tube affixed to his swollen lips to help him breath. "Oh Mac," I whisper as my tired eyes can only offer fresh tears. I pull up a chair and carefully sit down beside him; taking his hand in mine and holding it tightly. I look up at the monitors and offer a faint smile; they are showing a strong heart rate and that is encouraging; but as I start to look at all the bandages covering his arms and chest my nervous panic starts to grow once again.
I sit for a few minutes before I am once again rewarded with slight eye movement. "Mac?"
XXXXXXXX
Stella?
I feel her hand holding mine and the warmth from her fingers starts to flood the right side of my arm, forcing my brain to tell my eyes to open and acknowledge her presence. I slowly open my tired eyes and rest on the most beautiful woman in the world. But as I go to say something my mouth is taped shut and panic grips me; my chest starting to hyperventilate and my heart to race. My mind offering images of me gagged and at Charles' evil mercy.
"Mac," Stella's voice calls to me; once again forcing my eyes to hers. "It's okay; you have a breathing tube in your mouth to help your lungs. Just rest okay, you are safe," she tells me in a warm tone. I look at her face and know she's not lying and finally start to feel myself easing from my panic attack.
I watch her move in closer and plant a soft kiss on my cheek. I wish I could smile but this damn contraption in my mouth is preventing such a display. How much longer does this thing have to stay in? I look up at her in anticipation but can only frown.
"You just need to rest Mac," she whispers, her face inches from mine. "You are going to be okay but you need to rebuild your strength. Can you do that for me?"
I try to nod and hopefully she understood that small gesture. I guess she must because she squeezes my hand and tells me that I am going to pull through. Hopefully, but right now everything is numb with pain.
"Close your eyes and just sleep," she instructs. "I'm not going anywhere."
As much as I want to just lay awake and watch her, I know I need my rest and am tired of hearing my brain scream at me to just close my eyes and rest; telling me she'll be here when I open them again next.
XXXXXXXX
I watch Mac struggling to stay awake and frown. "I'm not going anywhere, please? Please just close your eyes and rest. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise," I tell him in a soft whisper, still leaning in close. "I love you," I offer and I am finally rewarded with him offering a slight nod and then closing his eyes to rest once again. His breathing starts to slow and his heart rate once again levels out and I know he's going to sleep now.
I lean back in the chair, my hand still holding his and offer a small yawn. As much as I dont want to fall asleep, I know I should take advantage of it while he is. With some regret I let go of his hand and go in search of a small pillow and blanket. The nurse wheels in a sleeping chair that they bring in for families who want to stay overnight and pushes it up close so that I am facing Mac but have someplace to rest my head. I arrange the pillow and then cover myself, my hand once again taking his; thankful he finally has warmth coming back to him.
I lean back on the soft pillow and offer a slight frown. I almost lost him. Mac could have died and I would be alone forever; knowing inside I could never offer my love or my heart to another man on this planet ever again. But as I contemplate one other fact, my heart starts to fill with morbid anxiety. This case is now over.
It's over and that means Mac will be going back to his world and I to mine - alone. When we first met, I was upset that I would have to spend even one hour with him. Now one hour apart almost seems like an eternity; and not having him around on a daily basis might be too much even for me. It could be the fear of almost losing him that is driving my worry right now, but inside I know it's deeper than just simple fear; it's true love for him and it's real.
But he's the head of his lab and I, mine. How can I lose him, get him back only to lose him again? He won't be lost for good, just on a working basis. Can I just see him on a social level and be satisfied with that? I liked working with him in the field and could very easily get used to having him as my partner. But now that won't happen. I look at his handsome face and offer a slight smile as guilt and worry now start to consume me.
"I love you Mac," I whisper sadly; my smile fading. "How on earth can I just walk away after all this?"
A/N: okay so first you had no nails, now did you run out of Kleenex? Sorry if you did but had to add the Carla part just to keep her real in his mind. Hopefully not to sad or sappy. Please review and tell me what you thought. And what you think is in store for them? Thanks!