Title: Opposites Attract
Chapter 31 - Happy Homecoming?
I pull back from Stella and smile.
"I told you before that I am not the kind of woman that is just going to walk away every time things get tough; I'm not a wilting flower and have seen your dark side," she tells me and my face finally softens. "That's a part of love," she concludes.
I look at her and offer a heavy sigh. My body is tired from the brief walk and I feel pain in my chest from my stupid anger outburst but I just can't seem to pull away.
"Mac, what's really bothering you?" She asks directly.
Should I tell her? Why not. After that stupid display what do you have to lose? My dignity! Already gone, so just go for it.
"Us," I dare.
"What? What about us is bothering you?" She questions with some hesitation.
I look up at her and frown. Losing someone is hard, I sigh inwardly. Here goes. "The case is over and," I start and then look away. "You know what, forget it."
"And you think that now I'm just going to up and walk away?" She asks in surprise; once again able to reach into my brain and pull out my very thoughts.
"Stupid right?"
"Maybe unnecessary," she tells me warmly, gently touching my face and I look at her in surprise. "Mac, people have survived working in different jobs and still can make a relationship work," she tells me. "Maybe you should ask Paula about that. She doesn't work with Ed on a daily basis, yet I have yet to see a more happy marriage."
"Yeah, they're lucky," I huff.
"But it's nice to know I'm not the only one worried about that," she offers and I look back at her in shock.
"Really?"
"You act like you're the only one who has something to lose by this all being solved. I'm the one going back to the empty office beside mine, remember?"
"Yeah I know," I tell her as my chest finally starts to burn. I can't tell her that as I dont want to ruin our discussion and so press on; pushing aside the pain my chest is offering. "Kinda liked having you as my partner," I admit in truth.
"Well I'm sure there will be other cases," she tells me, gently taking my arm and turning me back to my room.
"I know," I reply with a slight wince.
"Mac?"
"I'm okay," I lie.
"Shesh Mac..."
"Stella..."
"I'll make you a deal," she starts, gently pushing me back to the room; despite my quiet protests. "We take it one day at a time."
"Ah I hate that line!" I lightly growl. "Paula says that to me all the time."
"You are searching for another answer and there isn't one," she frowns. "You want to know what's going to happen a week from now and so do I. How on earth are we supposed to know what's going to happen tomorrow?" She asks with a softer tone and I look at her with wondering stare. "Seriously, Mac, give yourself a break already!"
"Fine," I sigh as we finally reach the entrance to the room. "I hate it here; always have hated hospitals. They just serve as reminders how fragile we really are."
"And that time is too precious to waste arguing," she lightly reminds me. "Now get your ass back into bed, before I call for restraints," she teases and I can't help but smile.
"I think I'd like that."
"I'll remember that," she smiles.
"Please do."
"Mac?"
"I'll be there in a minute or so."
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I watch Mac slowly head for the bathroom and lightly frown. He's feeing the same nervous anxiety as I am about our having to get back to our own separate worlds. To be honest, I want him as my partner, but know that won't happen in this lifetime. They aren't just going to close his lab and I doubt he could just up and walk away from a place he worked hard to build. I can't admit this to him right now, but I too am wondering how we'll fare. I hear him offer an angry curse in the bathroom and offer a heavy sigh.
This feeling of helplessness must frustrate a man who is so used to being in control of everything. I know he blames himself for his recent misfortune but in truth if Charles Gibbons wanted Mac; there was nothing he could have done to stop him. Ah why won't he just accept it already! Like I said before, stubborn. I look at my watch and then feel my stomach rumble a bit and know I need something to eat; but eating in front of Mac would be torment as he's still on the liquid IV for a few more days so I put the thought of bringing something up to the room out of my head for now.
I am wondering what to do when Mac opens the bathroom door but Dr. Adams walks into the room at the same time and my wonder is over.
"Everything okay Doc?" Mac asks in haste.
"It will be when you are resting again," he frowns at Mac.
"Just needed to stretch my legs," he offers in a quiet voice; like a son who just got a scolding from his father.
"Nurse Jennings said you had a rough night last night and I'm here with a sleeping sedative so that your brain can have a rest," he said walking up to Mac. "This is not optional."
"When do I have to take this?"
"As soon as you're in bed," he directs and then turns to me. "Stella, are you going to stay?"
"For a bit longer only and then he'll rest, I promise."
"Fine, you can take it when she leaves," he answers. "Please let that be soon? Mac, the faster you heal the faster you can leave this place."
"Right," he huffs as he takes the pill from Dr. Adams and watches him leave and then turns back to me with a frown. "Are you going to go?"
"In a little bit," I tell him in truth. "I am hungry and won't even dare to tempt you with food when I know you can't have any. End of discussion," I tell him as I see him start to protest. He offers a small wince as he heads for me and then slowly gets back into bed. I know he's trying very hard to swallow his pain but I wish he would just be a regular guy and admit it already. I help him settle into bed and then we make small talk about the days events. Finally I see him starting to fight the sleep battle and know I should take my leave.
"Mac, you need rest and so do I," I tell him softly, leaning in close. "I love you and will be back first thing tomorrow morning."
"Then the pity starts," he huffs in anger.
"Oh you're really asking for it aren't you," I lightly scold and he offers a slight smile. "I do need to sleep also."
"I'm being selfish," he huffs as he reaches for a glass of water. "I'm sorry."
"You are being Mac," I counter as I watch him take the pill. We make small talk a bit more and then I watch as he finally closes his eyes for the last time and he's asleep; a peaceful expression on his handsome face and his chest offering a slow but steady rhythm. I gently push myself up; plant a soft kiss on his warm lips, offer a smile and then take my leave. The ride home is one of wonder and anxiety. Mac will probably go home tomorrow and while I can't spend every minute with him, I do want to make sure I'm there when he needs me.
I finally let myself into my apartment and offer a heavy sigh. The last few days have been draining in every aspect that I can't even think about anything other than having something quick for dinner and then getting some much needed rest. Sadly as I finally lay my head down to sleep, my brain starts to dwell on the fact that in a few days we'll both be in our own separate worlds once again. With that sad thought I finally close my eyes and allow sleep to consume me.
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The sleeping sedative that Dr. Adams gave me, I hate to admit actually worked. I am still up before the sun but the pain from yesterday has almost subsided. Of course when I offer a small stretch and put undo strain on my chest, I offer a soft gasp and quickly return to my original position. I watch Dr. Adams walk into the room and can only offer a small smile followed by a frown.
"Morning Mac," he greets me. "All set to go home today?"
"I am allowed?" I ask in surprise.
"Well you've been here a few days and nothing is broken and there are no signs of infection, so as long as you are careful, you'll probably do better in a more comfortable surrounding. If you take it easy; can't stress that enough."
"And what about food and medication and such," I sigh.
"All will be sent home with you. You'll be on a liquid diet for a few more days so your stomach can heal but the x-rays from yesterday showed me that all is healing nicely so you should be back to normal in no time."
"Back to normal..." I grumble and he smiles.
I listen to him explain things a bit longer and then watch him leave. Stella is going to take me home today and I can't help but feel my anxiety starting to grow once again. With a small word of encouragement to myself, I take a deep breath and then slowly push myself up and then off the bed. I head for the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror; holding open the gown and staring in misery at the ugly sight before me. Charles Gibbons might be dead but I think he's ruined any psychical attraction that Stella might feel for me if she ever sees me naked again. Somehow I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. I finish up in the bathroom and then head into the hallway for a walk. My back and legs are sore from just lying down but Dr. Adams said that even when I get home I won't be able to do anything strenuous because if I ripped open any of the stitches I'll be finished!
I stare at my sad reflection in the mirror before I see a smiling face watching me. Just as I am about to turn around Stella is at my side, carefully wrapping her arms around my waist and offering a good morning kiss on my cheek.
"I wish I could hold you against me," I whisper in anguish. "Feel your warmth on me."
"It will come," she promises as she kisses my neck and I feel my core start to warm. "Do you get your walking papers today?"
"Thankfully," I lightly frown. She wraps her arm around my waist and we head back into the small room. In about half hour, Dr. Adams arrives with a small box of stuff and then I take my street clothes from Stella and head into the bathroom once again. Even pulling on a pair of casual pants is painful and I offer a heavy curse before I hit the wall in anger with my fist.
"Mac?"
"I'm fine," I huff in frustration. I finally finish my dressing and pull the door open. Thankfully Stella doesn't offer anything in the way of pity; probably knowing that I already feel like a helpless loser for not being able to be my old self. But once again she won't allow me to wallow in misery and I feel again that I can do anything with her at my side. We slowly walk out of the hospital just talking about things in general and it's not until I am nearing my apartment that my anxiety starts to take hold of my very being; refusing to let go.
I hesitate slightly before I reach for the door, taking my key from Stella, forcing her to look at me in wonder.
"What is it?"
"Feels like I haven't been here for so long," I lament as I finally turn the key and let myself inside. "And the last time you were here..." I start only to have her force my watery gaze to hers and have her place a warm finger on my lips.
"Please don't," she starts in sorrow. "We both acted rashly and it's over now. We're both back here and that's all that matters."
"But how we..." I start only to be silenced with a kiss.
"Don't think on that another moment. Please, for me? Mac I don't want to be reminded of it either. Remember it was me who told you..." she tells me as her eyes water and I feel instant remorse.
"Stella, I'm sorry. I am being selfish thinking of my own misery."
"It's over Mac. It's over and we are both alive and together. Nothing else matters. Okay?"
I offer a nod and then finally push the door closed. I drop the small bag that I told Stella I had to carry and just stand in my living room with a frown. Stella makes herself busy setting things up and I am immediately hit with guilt and remorse as I can do nothing more than just watch.
"How are you feeling?" She asks in a gentle tone, coming up to face me with a wondering stare.
"Angry," I admit in truth. "Like I wish I had the chance to go one on one with Charles."
"Mac, I am sorry I denied you that," she offers in sorrow.
"I'm not mad at you. Stella, you saved my life," I tell her in haste, taking her hands and holding them in mine. "I can never repay what you did."
"You would have done the same for me," she whispers as she leans in close and plants a kiss on my lips. "I want you just to rest all day," she instructs. Having her this close is pure torment, as my body is aching to have her but my brain tells me if I rip any of the stitching I'm in for it; and she would be the first to tell me so.
She tells me just to rest and I can do little more than offer an angry protest but comply. I slowly head into the bedroom and very carefully ease myself onto the top of the bed, looking up at her with a frown.
"Mac, I know you'd rather be up and about and that will come," she tells me. "Now just close your eyes and rest. I brought my laptop and am just going to do some work. When you're up we'll, do whatever."
"Yeah nothing," I offer in anger.
She sits down beside me and takes my hand into hers and starts to play with my fingers. "I almost lost you," she whispers, her eyes starting to water. "Nothing seems pretty good right about now."
I look up at her in anguish; cursing myself for not being to hold her in my arms. "I'm sorry," is all the inadequate response I can offer.
"For what?" She asks in surprise.
"For this, for how you're feeling, for me being, well like this," I tell her in misery. A single tear escapes her eye and my heart instantly breaks. "I can't even hold you."
"Mac, it's okay, I don't ne..."
"Come here," I whisper. "Please?"
"Mac, I don't want to hurt you," she frowns.
"Please? Don't make me beg," I offer in desperation. She gently eases herself down beside me and although she's not able to lie on my chest as I would want, just having her close is comfort enough.
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I gently push myself beside Mac, listening to his heart rapidly beating and offer a slight sigh. I plant a small kiss on his cheek and finally feel his tension starting to ease. "Just rest Mac," I instruct and am rewarded with a sigh of content and his eyes finally closing, dark lashes framing flushed skin. About an hour later, I slowly open my eyes and look at Mac who is asleep. With some regret I push myself out of bed and then close the door so I don't make any noise. The more sleep he gets, the faster his strength will return. And as much as I don't mind taking care of him, I want the old Mac back at my side; the one with power, strength, determination and a zest for life; the same as me.
I head into the kitchen, pull open the fridge and laugh. "Empty. Are you serious?" I get my coat and head for the door; but not before leaving a small note so when he wakes up he won't think I've abandoned him in his time of need.
But as I head outside an odd feeling starts to cover me comfort. How odd. I'm just going to get groceries for Mac but I'm at ease for some strange reason. And as I push my way into the nearby market a smile is pasted on my lips and I feel content; like I am shopping for my life partner and that feeling makes my heart swell.
"Mac is my partner," I utter with a happy face.
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I go to roll over and offer an angry curse as I feel strain on my chest and my eyes are painfully forced open. I look around and see that I am alone and offer a frown before slowly pushing myself up and leaving the warm bed. I head into the main living area and am greeted with only silence.
"Stella?" I ask with a slight frown.
Nothing.
I offer a small huff, thinking she's gone home and head into the bathroom; my eyes not seeing the note she left on the kitchen table.
I gently lift up my shirt and off my body and stare at my bare chest with a frown. I have indeed torn some of the stitching and fresh blood now dances around the black webbing. Leaving my shirt on the bathroom counter, I head for the bedroom and quickly get the medicated cream that Dr. Adams provided and head back into the bathroom. My fingers are slightly trembling and I know I'm going to make a bigger mess than if I just left it alone and waited for Stella; but since I don't want to seem a burden to her any further I press on.
I am so distracted that I don't even hear her until she mentions my name; making me slightly jump. I turn off the water and face her with a slight frown.
"You are making a mess," she tells me, eyeing the fresh blood on my fingers.
"I know."
"Mac..."
"I'm okay," I tell her stubbornly as I turn my back to her.
She comes and stands beside me; her warms hands on my bare flesh. "Here...let me do that."
"I thought you'd left," I mention as I finally surrender control of the items in my hands over to her. I turn to face her with a slight look of annoyance and she just leans in and kisses me on the mouth.
"You don't read well do you," she tells me. "I left a note."
"Sorry," I frown as she starts to gently wipe the blood from my chest. I offer a slight wince but once again refuse to show major pain. Her fingers are delicate and warm and the nearness of her once again is sending the wrong signals to body parts that won't see usage for some time to come. Maybe never again! Damn it!
"You know it's hard to be this close to you and not want more," she whispers, but I don't look up. Finally she takes my chin in her hand and gently forces my face to hers. "Do you believe me?"
"Hardly," I frown. "But thanks for saying it."
"Do you seriously want an argument?" She counters.
"I look like Frankenstein," I lament, my eyes slightly watering and I quickly look away.
"Mac, I love you. You have been through hell and those will for the most part heal, the rest will just be more places for me to kiss."
I look back at her and offer a sad smile; not being able to bring myself to fully believe what she's telling me. And once again she's quick to call me on it.
"But you don't believe me do you?"
"No," I offer simply.
She says nothing more as she quietly goes about finishing her task of cleaning the blood and then applying the cream and helping me put my shirt back down. She takes my hands and holds them in hers.
"Mac this is hard for me also. I'm used to you being strong, in charge, in control; ready for anything that life throws your way. But this is just a small bump in the road. Didn't you have to recover after you were wounded in Beirut?" She asks to which I can only nod my head.
"This is recovery."
"But I had no one back then that mattered to me," I frown.
"We are going in circles and I'm hungry," she smiles. "Come on, let's just go and rest."
XXXXXXXX
I take Mac by the hand and lead him to the living room and despite his many protests force him onto the couch to rest. I hurry back to the kitchen grab what I need for him and rush back.
"I don't want that," he grumbles as I hold the liquid meal supplement in my hand.
"Do you want to get better faster? It's just one more day," I urge.
"Fine," he huffs in resignation and takes the glass. I head back to the kitchen to prepare myself something to eat and finally we are once again just resting on the couch.
"Come here," I instruct him as I help him lay down on my lap and I reach for whatever book is around. "Close your eyes and rest," I tell him and he looks up at me with a frown. "Mac I know you won't be like this forever."
"It's hard for me to be this close and not want you," he whispers in torment.
"Please take that pressure off yourself," I tell him in a tender tone. "I am not going anywhere. So I want you just to close your eyes and rest," I offer with a soft smile as I lean in and kiss his mouth.
"Promise?" He asks in a husky tone.
"Promise," I whisper and he finally smiles. I start into my reading and in half hour or so Mac finally closes his eyes; his hand still grasping mine and is asleep. I read for a bit longer until I can no longer keep my eyes open and have to close them to rest. However, when I open them, it's already well into the night we both need some proper rest.
"Sorry," I utter in sorrow. "I didn't want to wake you, but you need to get some proper sleep in your bed," I gently instruct as he offers me a slight wince.
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My mind awakes with another nightmare and I force my eyes open; my body covered with a light film of sweat.
"Mac?" Stella asks with a sleepy voice.
"Sorry," I frown. "Another nightmare."
"Do you want to throw up or anything?" She asks in a small voice.
"No. Sorry to wake you," I huff.
"Mac, it will take some time for all those nightmares to disappear," she whispers softly, gently caressing the side of my face. "I'm right here, so just close your eyes and try to rest again. Think of us naked and that might help."
I can only offer a smile as I squeeze her hand and close my eyes. Thankfully her suggestion works and I am able to sleep for a few more hours before I am once again forced awake with another nightmare; this one offering a bit more strain to my chest. I offer a slight gasp and we are both awake. My body is on fire and when I flip on the bedside light the room is starting to spin. "Dizzy," I offer with a heavy frown.
"Want some cold water?"
"Actually yes, but I can..." I start.
"Mac, I'm here to help," she tells me in a warm tone as she quickly pushes herself out of bed and hurries for the kitchen. I watch her leave and feel remorse starting to settle upon me for not being able to help myself with something so simple. She rushes back and I take the glass; she sits beside me and gently strokes my back. I look at her with a frown and she's quick to pick up on my misery.
"Mac, stop making yourself feel guilty," she assures me. "I am here because I want to help. I don't think of you as a burden and know this is only temporary."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I reply with a slight frown as the room finally stops spinning. Stella takes the glass from my hand and then pulls my head onto her chest; her hand stroking my face and playing with some sweaty hair.
"Close your eyes and rest Mac," she whispers, kissing the top of my head. I offer a smile as I listen to her heart beat and close my eyes; once again taken in to sleep and thankfully don't awake until the sun greets us.
I slowly open my eyes and look at her with a smile. I know I must have been heavy; sleeping on her for so long but she never complained or pushed me off and I was able to sleep through the rest of the night.
"Morning," she smiles down at me. I finally manage to push myself up to her side so that I am facing her and plant a kiss on her warm lips.
"Have I told you how much I love you?" I ask warmly.
"Not today," she teases and I smile.
"Well it's true," I whisper with a slight frown.
"Mac, don't start to think morbid thoughts," she warns me and my anxiety once again subsides. "Today you are going to rest and tomorrow you can go into the office if you are up to it."
"If I don't I think I'll go insane," I offer with a sigh. "But that sounds like a plan. Can I help with breakfast?"
XXXXXXXX
The rest of day we spend just taking it easy; Mac mostly resting, me finishing up some work emails on my laptop and checking in with the team on a periodic basis. Various team members stopped by to see how Mac was doing and Paula called to ensure that he was just resting; he of course arguing that she needs to listen to herself also. Charles and Marla Gibbons were finally cremated and in their house there was all the evidence of the murders that Charles had participated in over the years.
"Wow," I offer and Mac looks up from his reading.
"What?"
"Just all the things that Flack's team found in the Gibbons home," I look up at him with a frown; my laptop still displaying all the information Flack sent me. "These two people were monsters from the word go. Why did you help them?"
"Funny," he frowns. "Charles asked me the same thing."
"Oh sorry."
"Its okay. I told him it was for Jacob and I still stand by that. Whatever kind of people his parents were, I didn't want to see Jacob die like that."
"Did you know about all the taunts that Jacob received before he was murdered?" I ask softly.
"Only what Charles told me and that wasn't much," Mac replies with a heavy sigh. "I guess from now on, I'll take threats more seriously. I mean I won't have you watching my back on a regular basis and we all know how easily distracted Cyrus is," he tells me with a slight frown, followed by a nervous smile.
"Mac?"
"Just wondering how it's going to be not working with you on a regular basis," he tells me; forcing me to walk over to him. I gently ease myself down beside him and take his hand. "We had to have this talk sooner or later right?"
"Mac, nothing will change between us," I insist.
"Except that my partner is not going to be at my side where she belongs," he huffs.
"Look me in the eye and tell me that you can give up control of your lab," I lightly challenge him. "Yes I need a co-lead, but can you just walk away and share everything with me? Leave all you worked so build in the blink of an eye?"
He offers a deep look of concentration out the window and then followed by a heavy sigh. "No."
"And I don't expect that," I offer and he looks at me quickly. "But don't expect the competition to stop," I inform him. "I'll fight you for every dollar I can."
"Somehow I dont think I'd expect anything less," he tells me as he leans in for a soft kiss. However, when I rest my hand on his side to pull him close, his body is tense and I know he's now worried about something.
"Mac? What is it?"
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"Just tired," I lie. Professional enemies by day and possibly married lovers by night? Somehow that's not exactly as I pictured us spending our life together but she's right; I can't just up and walk away from my team but having to go back to working alone wasn't what I had planned and so my body is tense. "Are you going home tonight?"
"I think I should," she tells me in a soft whisper. "Is that okay?"
"I don't think I can stop you," I offer. "As much as I want you to stay I know you need to get back to your regular routine."
"Are you going in tomorrow?"
"Well it's been almost a week," I frown. "I just need to be out of this place; even if it's to give guidance or whatever on a case. I think I might go postal if I stay cooped up here one more day. Would be different if I could have my way with you," I tell her and she blushes. "But I can't even do that right now."
"Mac, I'm not going anywhere," she assures me, offering another kiss. "There will be another night."
"Right," I frown as we both push ourselves up.
"Tell you what, since you are finally off your liquid diet, I think it's time to get some meat back on those weary bones of yours. Dinner at my place tomorrow night. Think you can handle it?" She offers.
"I think I'd like to try," I offer. We linger in the doorway and my anxiety is growing at the thought of her actually leaving. I pull her close and hold her as best I can. My chest is still sore as the stitches are still tight but I am hopeful they'll be able to come out in a few days and I'll be on the mend and back to my old life.
"I love you Stella," I whisper gently bringing her lips to mine and hungrily devouring them. As I my body presses against hers I feel strain on my chest but don't really want to break the moment. Stella, wraps her hand around my head and holds my lips captive against hers. Her hand lands on a tender spot on my chest; one of the deeper cuts and I offer a slight wince and the moment is broken. But before I can offer a curse in my name she gently touches my lips to stop me.
"Mac, they will heal," she whispers. "I love you," she tells me as she kisses my cheek. "Goodnight."
I watch her leave and then close the door and listen to the silence. I haven't been alone for so long that the silence is almost suffocating. However, as much as I want her to stay, I can't be selfish and know that each of us needs to get back to our regular routine as soon as possible. I slowly head for the bedroom and gently ease my shirt off and stare at my reflection in the mirror. Dr. Adams is right that some of the cuts have already started to heal; the small stitches dissolving and starting to fall out. The deeper cuts have to have the stitches removed and thankfully in two days that might happen and then I can start to properly heal. I frown as I think that Stella could possibly be turned off my looks for good but I tell myself that she isn't that shallow and to trust our love. I offer a slight frown and then slowly get into bed. My mind has finally pushed aside most of the nightmares of my abduction and attack as I tell myself to dwell on future plans with Stella; the thought of tomorrow's dinner with her finally putting a smile on my face as I close my eyes and try to find some solace in sleep.
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I finally reach home, tired and happy. Mac will finally have a normal meal tomorrow and while Dr. Adams said that he needs to take it easy for another week, he's going into work tomorrow and that will help boost his self esteem and hopefully ease some mental anguish. I know he holds it in; probably telling himself it's over and he doesn't need to dwell on it.
However I felt the tension in his body and the anxiety in his voice when we briefly had the discussion about us not working together any longer. It will be hard for me also to go back to my lab and see that empty office on a daily basis; knowing it won't be occupied by him anytime soon. That thought forces me into a feeling of melancholy as I slowly start to get ready for bed. But, it's not tomorrow that worries me inside my mind; it's the days that follow. What will happen to us long term?
However, I force myself to think on dinner with Mac tomorrow night and I finally have a smile on my face when I lie down and close my eyes.
A/N: Thanks for all the reviews so far and hopefully these chappies aren't too sappy or boring but if he was back on his feet the next day I'd hear about it! lol. Feedback please and thanks more to come!