I am surrounded.

And I am engulfed.

And as far as I tilt my head up or look left and right…

I am overwhelmed in the infinite sense.

"Finally… …" I breathe.

It is the middle of the day.

Indoors with scattered sunlight and dust particles.

Dressed in an unassuming blue sweatjacket and jeans.

"Finally… …. …." I breathe again.

The City Library.

Third Floor.

English Renaissance.

"…. … …finally I have time and space to read… ….," I murmur as my pale fingers rub across the spines, spines, spines…. …. ….

… …It's not a very ironic thing, actually.

For when do I ever have space to read?

True, I read a lot—or at least I try to read a lot.

But it never fails. Starfire's childish suggestions. Beast Boy's foolish pranks. Cyborg's gut-wrenching laughter and Robin's endless chores… ….

"Not today… … …Not this hour… … …" I murmur as quietly as superhumanly possible. There is no expression to my face. My body just drifts along the aisle like melting ice. It's my psyche's way of 'smiling'.

Indeed, forbidden…. …. "… …just me…. …the silence… … ….and Seventeenth Century England… …"

I pull out a weathered, old parchment. Barely in tact. This library is old—with brickwork and stained-glass art connecting the urban past of this City site to a church of long-gone-lore. It shall forever be a holy place of thought and thought alone. The book speaks of the library's age. It too is crumbling under the weight of its own years accumulating. But in my gentle fingers, it practically hovers.

I open the pages. I blow off the dust. And the iciness within me travels lightly to my lips, indeed…

Indeed….

"Mmmmm….," I lean back against the opposite book shelving and cradle the book in my grasp as I absorb…. "Katherine Philips, I hardly knew ye." A breath. Girl nostrils… …lady lips.. … …mother trachea… "How is Orinda lately anyways---?"

Vmm-Vmm-Vmm.

"… …. …. …."

Vmm-Vmm-Vmm.

"… … .. …..nnngh….." I grumble. I try to calm down. I take a deep breath.

I have found my center.

My center dissolves.

Perfect clarity…

Zero dichotomy….

Peace…..

I jab a hand down, snap the Titan communicator on, and shove it to my ear. "Yeah? What?"

"Snkkkt—Raven? Are you going out to the library?"

"Yes, Beast Boy. I am at the library. Which means that you have less than ten seconds to quietly give me a reason for interrupting my R&R so that your subsequent disembowlment upon my return home will involve just that much more gracious morphine."

"Uhhhh—I was just gonna ask, that's near the Kwik-ey Mart, right?"

"Right?"

"What in Azar's name could you possibly want from the convenience store?"

"Well, I was reallllly needing some more soy sauce for tomorrow's Tofu Surprise and—"

"Beast Boy.. .. …Can't you just fly to the grocery store, or--?"

"What? Are you crazy? And let myself get mobbed by floods of crazy, rabid fanchicks?"

"Then go as a skunk."

"Dude! I don't think the supermarket's a 'no shirt no service place.'"

"How I pity the Sane… ….now good bye—"

"Oh pleeease, Raven? You're already out! Think of it as paying me back for…. ….f-for… …"

"For what?"

"Th-The mountain of tea I'm gonna buy you the next time I'M out! I promise! I'll make it up to you!"

"Nnnngh….," I rub my forehead and slouch in the center of the aisle. "… ….if it means you not calling me again, then sure…."

"Woo-Hoo! All right! Wicked! And I-I'll pay you back too, Raven!"

"I thought Robin had made it clear that this day was to be my day off with no interruptions whatsoever—"

"Oh, I know!"

"---….unless a dire emergency."

"Pfft! Chytaa! And you don't think TOFU is a dire emergency—Raven? Hello!"

Click.

I pocket the communicator away.

I take a deep breath.

I melt… …calm down… ….and pour myself back into the book again.

"Mmmm… ….My Dearest Lucasia.. … …where did it all go wrong---?"

Vmm-Vmm-Vmm!

"Snkk-kraa-ghhht--….nkkt…..mmm….ahemm….." I slowly shut my eyes. I raise a finger in a meditative pose and let it drop slowly down the middle of my face as I inhale….

Vmm-Vmm-Vmm!

Thwooosh! I practically slap the communicator open. "Beast Boy, for the last time, I—"

"Heya, cutie! Thought you might like to know that the History Channel is running a day-long documentary marathon about the Bronte sisters!"

I blink. "… .. …. …"

"Rae? You there?"

I snap out of it. "Ahem. Cyborg, as much as that appeals to me, there's only one problem."

"What's that?"

"I don't watch television. Ever."

"Awwww…..Not even for this? I thought you'd love this stuff, girl!"

"Not while it's being fed to me through the box of banality."

"Hah hah hah! Is that what you call it? That's the silliest thing I've heard you say yet, cuti—"

"Cyborg, Library time. Me. Now."

"B-But--!"

"Never."

Click.

I sigh.

A beat.

I slowly pocket the communicator away.

I slowly re-grip the book.

I lean forward like a rabbi-ette to the Wailing Wall.

"This is worse than a 'married state'.. ….where in Azar's name was I--?"

Vmm-Vmm-Vmm.

"Nnnngh-Nnnngh!" Click. "NO."

"But friend! Today is Gorthmog! Might you want to join me in exquisitely feminine rituals of Glorkleberry juicing and---?"

"Rewind and relisten!"

CLICK.

My eyes flicker a hot gray for a moment in time. Then… ….I slump back and slide to the floor till I'm sitting in an undignified manner on the public library floor. The light from the stained glass dances across my jeans'd lap as the ambiance of silence fills the gaps. And I feel—for once—a ringing distant and ever-permeating in the residual universe of my ear. Is it fear? Expectation? An omen?

Always.


And it never fails.


But why do I protest or complain?

I just… ….

I just wait it out and exist.

Don't I… …mother?

Was this what you meant when you let them teach me humility and patience?

And the ever stoic resistance to evil? Even if that 'evil' is nothing ore than an irritation?

What am I here in this library to get away from? Books are everywhere. Books are in my blood. It's not that the Titans are constantly interrupting me. I'm constantly interrupting the chance to be unto them the very least of what I was so insidiously born to be…

So it is with a considerable lot more reserve that I calmly breathe and grab the communicator the next time it imminently—

Vrmm-Vrmm-Vrmm.

Click.

"Raven? Are you all right? Starfire said that you sounded like something was bothering you."

"Robin, everything is bothering me. All. The. Time."

"Heh… …Is this the understatement of the year?"

I run a hand through my cold blue strands and sigh. "I don't know. I just… …don't know…."

"Raven, we all need our alone time. Some more than others. God knows I do. I have a set of earplugs for every one of these masks I wear."

"…. .. …," I blink into the dust. "… …you do?"

"The next time you feel like having silence, then just—Be silent."

"Uhm….."

"Turn your Communicator off and don't respond."

I bite my lip. "Erm…."

"Is that understood?"

"But Robin….," I drone. "… …how would I be able to respond in an emergency?"

"Raven, if the Titans had to answer an emergency and you needed to know… … …You'd find out. Wouldn't you?"

"… … …," slowly, my lips do curve. "Mmm… ….You've been hanging around empaths too long."

"Hardly. The cave where I come from is about as deadpan as it gets."

"Heh."

"Just turn it off, Raven. The rest of the day is yours. I promise you."

"… … …You.. .. …pr-promise?"

"Yes, Raven."

"Okay…"

"Enjoy your.. ….'reading time' or whatever you're doing. I'll keep a watch out on the rest of the team. It's what I do, after all. Leader and stuff."

"R-Right…"

"Robin out."

Click.

"… .. …," I lean back with a sigh. I gaze up ceiling-ward. Relaxing….

'Reading time'…. …..and ordained from 'higher up'…. ….As in the trapeze 'higher up'…. … …

This may be a good day off after all….

"Uhm… … …E-Excuse me?"

I blink. I raise an eyebrow and look to my left. My body pales twice as much….

Over a dozen young people with notepads and bright looks on their faces gaze down at me in more-or-less a single file line. The first of the bunch is a high schooler with a pen in her eagerly shaking grasp. "Are y-you really Raven?"

"… …uhm…."

"Raven of the Teen Titans?"

"… … …er…. . ….maybe?"

They all blush in one accord.

The girl holds out her notepad in two hands. "C-Could we have your autograph?"

I take a slow… … …slow… … .. … .. …..slow… .. … … … .. … …breath.

Oh.

Yeah.

Them.