a/n- I am so so so so so sorry that i took soooo long to post this but i was having a serious mental block, i know that's no excuse but really i am sorry i i will try to update more often. I know i don't deserve it. But please review!!!

SORRY

Chapter 11

I stood in the centre of a circle of very powerful vampires. I was terrified. I couldn't believe that I was doing this.

Each of the vampires held a candle in front of them each in white. Signifying purity and peace. I also held a candle however this one was a deep royal purple to show that I was in the initiation process. The glow of the candles surrounded me in a warm that comforted me. Relaxing my apprehension slightly. With no visible signal the members of the group began a a low murmur. Which I recognized as the Greek that Grace had said earlier on the phone. It had seemed like an age ago that Grace had found me helpless on the pavement.

The murmur increased in volume, and then suddenly broke into a loud ancient hymn that awed me. It's lilting notes causing me to be bow my head. The song was filled with such emotion that I had never heard before in any piece of music I had heard in my century of life. The song constantly swayed from giddy joy that made me breathless. To heart-rending sadness that if it could. Would have made me burst into tears. The mantra continued on it's convoluted path. Eventually it quietened down to just a low murmur. Grace stepped out from the circle, and increased the volume of her singing so that it was louder than the others. She looked eerie her hair swirled about her face on its own accord and her eyes had become a brilliant violet that terrified me. Then with an abruptness that startled me she threw the candle she held, towards me. But before it reached me it dropped suddenly to the floor. And the flame created a circle of fire around the place I stood. I was trapped.

I suddenly realised that if this fire spread, I would quickly become just a heap of charred vampire flesh upon the floor. My eyes widened in fear and my knees started shaking. Were this powerful coven trying to kill me?

No I couldn't believe that. Even though I was unable to read any of the group's minds, didn't mean that I didn't feel any of their sincerity when they spoke to me. So with that thought egging me on. I lifted my shoulders and head erect an stood up firm and tall. Whatever they were going to do to me. I knew I would be fine.

The circle of furiously hungry flames rose in hight and depth around me until I could no longer see the members of the group behind the wall of flame. This was obviously designed to scare me,to incapacitate me. However I held strong in my beliefs and distracted myself from the possibly of death by thinking abut Bella. Bella even the sound of her name on my lips made my body burn with desire and my breath quicken to short quick gasps. Bella, my Bella. How I longed to feel her in my arms again. To hear her wind chime laugh float through my senses. To feel her full soft lips move with my own in perfect harmony. A sob shook through me as I realised that I would never see her again. She deserved someone better. Someone who wouldn't hurt her. Or felt the dry burn at the back of their throught when she blushed endearingly. DAMMIT! Why couldn't I just let her be!

Because you love her.

The voice inside my head was right I did love her. I loved her enough to leave her.

Or did I? It had been almost 6 months. And things weren't getting any better. I needed Bella. I needed her more than blood. More than anything else in this world. I would do anything to be the human that she so definitely deserved. Someone who is worthy of her selfless heart. Someone who wouldn't hurt her with every move he made.

The flames swirled sickenly around me. A reflection of the hell I was feeling in my heart right now. Grace told me before we started the ritual that the circle of flame and the eerie chanting was supposed to release an epiphany within me. But so far all I could think about was Bella. Bella,Bella, Bella......

"Grace.. I can't feel anything, It's not working." I whispered toward the wall of flame beside me, where I thought Grace was.

"Just be patient Edward. You may be here awhile but it'll come don't worry." She called softly out to me.

…...................^^......................

Grace was right when she said awhile. The epiphany occurred a week into the whole ordeal. I thought with all this exposure to the flame that even a vampire could be tanned, or burnt. My thoughts had been consumed with Bella. And with nothing to distract me except the heat. I felt as though I was in my own little form of hell. I couldn't talk to Bella, I couldn't see her smile,except in my mind's eye. It was hell. Hell on earth.

Her wide chocolate eyes swam before my eyes, smouldering. Hell. I was in hell. How did I deserve this. What have I done in my life to deserve this sort of torture. Was it's fate's way of punishing me? Or was it self inflicted? I now knew what Emmett meant when he said I thought things through way to much. In fact the whole family though the same. When I was with Bell they had constantly pestered me about stalking her, Babying her too much. Did I over think my last major decision to leave her? Did I really overreact when Jasper tried to bite her? Was she really happy now? If she was even feeling a tenth of the pain that I was feeling now. How could she possibly be happy?

And just like that. I had my epiphany. I needed Bella. I needed Bella like Jasper needed Alice, Or Emmett needed Rose or even how Carlisle needed Esme. The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence,distance, or time.