What if the way we started made it something cursed from the start
What if it only gets colder
Would you still wrap me up and tell me that you think this was smart
Cuz lately I've been scared of even thinking 'bout where we are
Alex looked up at the clock again, only five minutes left of her shift. She fidgeted impatiently, having already filler her quota for the day and waited as the minutes painfully ticked by. With only three minutes left to go she decided that she'd done enough waiting and rushed out of the damp room and towards the suburb dorm, she needed to get these names written down. As she was walking towards her dorm she passed Healy's office, hearing a crying woman inside Alex felt a pang of sympathy for whoever was stuck inside. Healy was an ass. She hadn't walked past the door much when she heard the shout of 'Chapman!' come from inside and she hesitated. Piper never cried in front of Healy, at least, not anymore. Eventually she halted and turned, shooting daggers at the door whilst she waited for Piper to leave the room. She saw a figure, that she assumed was Piper's standing behind the foggy glass and she watched it intently, when she saw the door handle begin to turn she began to slowly walk, as if she had not been waiting there. When Piper didn't come out of the room she frowned and retraced her steps once again. What was she doing in there? Or, more importantly, what was he doing? She found herself waiting, once again. Her only distraction from the now quiet sobs of her girlfriend was the reciting of the list of names she had come up with over the last few hours. Soon enough, it was dinner time and Piper had still not left the room. Alex began to worry now, Healy's earlier words of 'punishing Piper' came back into mind and she growled quietly, thumping the wall she was leaning on with her fist.
"Woah Vause, why so tense?" Nicky's voice sounded through the mass of people now making their way towards the canteen.
Alex was too stressed to reply and gave a stiff nod towards the door she was glaring at.
"Healy? What's he done now?"
"Piper." Alex growled out.
Nicky laughed, "Healy did Piper?"
Alex shot her daggers at Nicky who quickly lost her smug look.
"Okay. Not in the mood for jokes, I see. Vause if he comes out of there and sees you like this I have no doubts he'll find a reason to send you to SHU. Come on, there's nothing you can do out here." Nicky dragged Alex towards the canteen.
Alex was too agitated to eat and made sure to sit where she would be able to see Piper as soon as she stepped into the canteen. She only needed to see her to make sure she was alright, that was all she needed. Alex was faintly aware of the mumbling coming from the other end of the table but ignored it until she heard various calls of her name, she was met with sympathetic looks and smiles and she managed to muster up a small smile in return, but only for a moment before her eyes snapped back to the doors. Her mind raced through the things that could have happened to make Piper cry in front of Healy. Maybe he told Larry about them again? Maybe he told her parents? Maybe he told Caputo about the Pennsatucky incident and maybe he was getting more time added to her sentence after all. She sighed and glanced up at the large clock on the wall. There was five minutes left of dinner and Piper was still nowhere to be seen. Alex's foot started to jolt up and down nervously and she fiddled with her glasses, thinking that she shouldn't have let Nicky drag her away from the office after all. Alex all but raced out of the canteen once the guards started to let people out and only stopped when Mendez shouted at her to halt.
"Where's the fire, inmate?" He asked, sadistically. "Assume the position."
Alex didn't fight, knowing that it would be over much sooner if she just complied and allowed the revolting man to rub his hands all over her as he conducted his 'search'. Seemingly satisfied, he smiled and motioned that she was free to go. Alex walked only slightly slower this time as she made her way back to Healy's office. When she got there she inched around the corner, seeing that the door was open but no one was inside. She swallowed hard, nervous again. She hoped to god that Piper hadn't been put in the SHU again. She searched the prison thoroughly, looking in all of the obvious places she might find Piper before checking places like the kitchen and the laundry room. Piper wasn't anywhere. It was as if she had simply vanished into thin air. Alex, by this point, was almost having a full blown out panic attack. What if PIper had been transferred? How would they contact each other? How was Alex going to survive? She slumped over towards her bunk and fell into it, face first. Holding back sobs as she pressed her face into her pillow, as if she was trying to suffocate herself. Fucking Piper and fucking Healy. Why'd they have to go and mess everything up.
"Hey Vause, you okay?" Nicky asked gently, rubbing Alex's back.
Alex was unable to reply, trying even harder now to hold back the panic she felt inside.
"I saw Chapman by the way. I think she was heading to the track - she didn't seem to hear me when I called her though."
Alex sat up, almost knocking Nicky off of the bed and mumbling out a thanks to her friend, she raced outside. Piper was okay, she was okay. Alex saw the flash of blonde hair, racing around the track and she smiled, feeling that instant high of relief. She revelled in it as it washed over her and allowed herself to feel stupid for being so worried before. Of course they wouldn't transfer Piper that quickly without even telling her first. She was being irrational. Alex called out Piper's name but the blonde didn't falter in her running and Alex frowned, thinking that maybe she had been too quiet and called a little louder, earning a warning look from the guard. When Piper still didn't react she walked into the track and called again, waiting for Piper to get close to her. She must have at least seen her, Alex thought. "God dammit.." She muttered, picking up pace with Piper. If Piper wasn't going to stop then Alex would just have to run with her.
For a while Alex tried to make conversation with Piper as they ran but Piper didn't seem to even acknowledge her presence there, this annoyed Alex some but she tried to let it go. Maybe Piper just really wanted to run. Talking got increasingly hard as they continued to run and keeping up with Piper's pace was starting to take its toll on Alex who never ran at all. Eventually, she had to stop for fear that she might pass out and she bent over the grass, wheezing and trying to get her breath back. Alex had no idea that her lungs could actually hurt. After a moment, she had gained enough breath to stand again and she turned to look at Piper who still hadn't stopped running. Alex's stomach churned, this wasn't good. Piper had never ignored her like this before, not ever.
"Piper." She shouted again, ignoring the guard this time. Piper still didn't respond and so Alex walked onto the track, directly in Piper's path who then ran straight into her, knocking them both to the ground heavily. Alex was winded and pushed Piper off of her, struggling even more to get her breath back this time. "Holy...fucking...shit..." She panted.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" Piper shouted, standing up.
Alex stared at Piper, never before had she seen the blonde so enraged and she wondered briefly if this is what she had looked like when she was beating the life out of Pennsatucky. Alex shook the thought out of her head and struggled to stand up, noting a flare of pain in her knee. "Piper, calm down." She said, carefully. She noticed that Piper wasn't even panting and was suddenly convinced that she was actually some kind of robot.
"Why'd you run into me like that?! What the fuck Alex! I can't believe you!" Piper fumed, her face somehow growing even redder.
"Piper, calm down." Alex repeated, holding up her hands in defence. "You weren't listening to me."
Piper actually looked confused then. "What?" She asked, frowning. "You weren't even here a minute ago..."
Alex sighed and ran her hands through her now sweaty hair. "Piper I've been here for ages. What's going on with you?"
Piper shrugged it off, her anger gone as suddenly as it had come. It was unsettling. "Nothing. I'm fine. Let's go get dinner."
"Dinner finished over an hour ago."
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh."
Piper looked at Alex briefly and a strange look happened across her face but she seemed to switch it off and then looked back at the track. "I'm going to run some more..."
"No." Alex deadpanned, stepping towards Piper again. "You can't run anymore today Piper, this isn't healthy."
"Fuck off Alex. I don't think a drug dealer is the best example of 'healthy', do you?"
Alex stopped dead in her tracks, she couldn't believe Piper had said that to her. "Are you fucking kidding me?" She laughed sarcastically. "Where did that fucking come from?"
"Leave me alone, Alex."
Alex shook her head, making to grab Piper's arm to force the blonde to look at her and felt the hurt sting her when Piper moved away from her.
"Please just go Alex." Piper's voice was gentle now, pleading even.
"Fine. Suit your fucking self." Alex snapped, turning to go back inside; if Piper wanted to be alone then her wish was granted.
Alex's mood was foul and it seemed no one, not even Nicky, dared to talk to her once she had showered. She was angry at Piper, she had been so rude and for no reason at all? What could Alex have possibly done to make her react to her like that? Not only ignoring her but then telling her to fuck off and leave her alone when all Alex had done was worried about her? She scoffed and shook her head, looking down at her knee and the nice bruise that was forming from her fall earlier. She was too mad to go to sleep and so she stared holes into the wall opposite her. Eventually, Leanne entered and looked hesitantly at her. The meth head hadn't bothered her since Alex had shut Pennsatucky up but it looked like she was going to spout some filth from her mind tonight. Alex sighed and prepared herself.
"She deserved it." Leanne mumbled in Alex's direction.
Alex frowned but avoided looking at the blonde. "Who did?"
"Your precious little girlfriend."
Alex was immediately concerned again, her anger for Piper all but forgotten. She stood up and cornered Leanne. "What the fuck have you done to her now?" She growled, narrowing her eyes at the woman who was now cowering in front of her.
"Nothing!" She exclaimed, "We've done nothing... I'm surprised she hasn't told you about it, really." Leanne smirked, seemingly regaining some of her confidence.
"You lay even a hand on her..." Alex began.
"Yeah I know. You'll cut us up into little pieces and get Red to feed us to the entire prison. Whatever." Leanne finished, waving her hand dismissively before turning to crawl into her bunk.
Alex huffed and went back over to her own bunk, annoyed once again. Why were blonde people so much fucking work? Piper hadn't told her something, so what? It wasn't like that knowledge was anything new, Piper hadn't been telling her stuff for years. Her mind was very mazelike and Alex was sure that half the time even Piper couldn't navigate it. She stared at the entrance to the dorm now, feeling the sense of deja-vu from dinner as she waited for Piper to enter. She had to wait for ten minutes before Piper walked through, looking haggard and extremely sweaty. Piper looked at Alex for a moment, the same strange look she had seen earlier reappeared on her face before she disappeared into her bunk. Alex frowned harder when Nicky entered the same bunk not even a second later. Fuck them, Alex thought, turning to lie on her bunk. Fuck. Them.
When Alex woke up the next morning, she didn't even glance into Piper's bunk and walked straight to the canteen. She had decided the night before that she wouldn't talk to Piper before she came and apologised to her for yesterday, Alex wasn't going to go running to her again. If Piper had shit to deal with then Alex would let her deal with it, with or without her help. She got her tray and grudgingly ate her fruit portion. She didn't like oranges anymore. She downed her cup of water and went to get it refilled, downing the second cup almost as quickly as the first. She was dehydrated after her run yesterday. Her legs ached and her knee stung but other than that, she was okay. Running was so not her thing though. Boxing, however. That would be a sport she could take up, especially if she got to stare at fit, sweaty women in crop tops the whole time she was there. She smirked at the thought and dumped her tray to begin walking to the bathrooms. She needed to pee after all the water and she thought that it was pointless in drinking it all if it was just going to go straight out again. Most people would be heading towards breakfast now so she knew the bathrooms would be empty. She walked in, still cursing the water but halted when she heard voices. She arched a brow, not wanting to disturb the two in case she had stepped into something that would actually be interesting. When she heard Nicky's voice however she sighed, sure that the woman was probably just making dirty talk with Morello. She walked towards the toilets but halted once again when she heard crying, she listened closer now.
"Please don't tell her, Nicky." The voice cried, still to quiet for Alex to make out who it belonged to.
"You can't keep it a secret forever, you know she went mental yesterday."
"I know. I was so out of it too, I just couldn't cope with talking to her after all that had happened." The voice rose slightly and Alex's brows almost flew off of her face as she realised it belonged to Piper.
"Maybe it would be better if you just told her," Nicky seemed to try and reason with her.
"No! Nicky please, promise me you won't tell Alex-"
"Tell me what?" Alex rounded the corner and looked between the two women, her anger quickly resurfacing.
Piper frantically looked at Nicky, as if begging her not to say anything and Nicky grimaced at Piper and then at Alex. "Jesus, what happened to me just sitting back and watching the dyke drama unfold." She moaned, crossing her arms over her chest and huffing.
"Tell. Me. What." Alex repeated impatiently.
"Alex, I.. It's nothing. You just heard it out of context." Piper said, dismissively.
"Oh right," Alex nodded, pretending to think about it. "So, hearing you say not to tell me and then hearing Nicky say that I went mental really sounds like I heard something out of context here. Sure."
Piper looked down at her feet and Nicky avoided Alex's glare like the black plague.
"Alex, look, it's nothing okay. We were just planning something for your birthday.." Piper replied.
"Do you really think I'm fucking stupid Piper? Good fucking god. I honestly thought we were past all of this, after that big talk you had with me about telling you how I felt. You're such a fucking hypocrite."
"It's not that simple!" Piper shouted, looking near to tears again.
"Then tell me!" Alex replied, calmly.
"Alex, maybe you should just leave it. Blondie here isn't in good shape..." Nicky said, trying to reason with Alex now.
"Fuck off, Nichols. Why do you know more about my girlfriend than me, huh? It's fucking bullshit." Alex snapped, turning and walking out of the bathroom. It was only after she left that she realised she still needed to pee and she growled in frustration. Repeating her mantra of 'fuck them' in her head multiple times as she made her way toward the ghetto bathrooms. When she had finished peeing Alex stalked back out of the bathrooms and towards the rec room, still furious. She almost knocked into Lorna as she rounded a corner and her arms shot out to hold the small woman upright.
"Shit, sorry Lorna. I wasn't paying attention." Alex muttered, letting go of her once she was steady again.
"No problem, Vause." The small woman replied brightly, "Hey, you okay?"
Alex shrugged, letting out a sigh she hadn't realised she'd been holding in. It was as if she deflated with the sigh as she slouched down and dropped her head to look at the ground. "Not really."
"What's up, hun?"
"I don't know." Alex admitted, smiling sadly at Lorna. "Piper won't tell me anything."
A look of recognition flashed across Lorna's face at the mention of Piper's name and she tried to wipe it away before Alex could see it but she wasn't quite fast enough.
"Are you serious right now? You know too? What the fuck! Why does everyone know apart from me? The one person who you would think she would tell first! JESUS!" Alex shouted, pushing her way past a stuttering Lorna.
"INMATE!" Mendez shouted behind her but Alex ignored him and continued to make her way to the rec room.
She sat down heftily on the nearest chair and buried her face into her hands. This was all so fucked up, why couldn't they both just be happy for a change without all of this mess hanging over them. If it wasn't Alex fucking things up then it was Piper and somehow when Piper fucked up, she really fucked up. Alex's stomach twisted painfully as she thought of the possibility of Piper going back to Larry and trying to think of a way to tell Alex. Nicky wouldn't cover her for that though, surely? Alex didn't know anymore. It seemed like everyone was hiding stuff from her and she lifted her head to look around the room, spotting Big Boo and Sister Ingalls. The two women seemed to sense her look and they both smiled at her, a smile that Alex did not return. They probably know too, she thought bitterly, sinking down into her chair and wishing that the grey walls around her would just swallow her whole.
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home
Piper didn't talk to Alex for three whole days and Alex made no attempt to talk to the blonde either, despite the fact it was near killing her. She had patched things up with Nicky despite the woman's resilience in not telling her what Piper had told her that day; saying that 'it wasn't her place to say'. This only seemed to increase Alex's fear that it was actually something Larry related.
"Listen Vause, I can tell you right now that Chapman loves you so much it physically sickens me to even be around her when you two are in the same room. I can practically feel the love she emits towards you and it's just so..eugh." Nicky pretended to shudder in an attempt to lighten Alex's mood one night after Alex had told her about her fears of losing Piper again.
Alex smiled, even chuckling a little but shook her head. "That hasn't stopped her from leaving before." She countered.
"Jesus Christ. Okay, listen. It's not to do with anything like that okay? That's all your getting from me so don't even bother asking." Nicky replied, exasperated. She returned her attention to the scrabble letters in front of her to make it clear that she really wasn't going to say anymore on the matter.
Alex allowed herself to smile properly now, at least it wasn't that. She frowned then, her smile gone again. Why wasn't Piper talking to her then? What could possibly be so bad that she would ignore her? She got up without saying anything to Nicky and went in search of her stupid girlfriend. It didn't take her long to find Piper, she was sitting on her bed, nose buried inside a book.
"Piper." Alex said simply, waiting for her to look up.
"Oh, hey." Piper smiled, shifting on the bed to make room for Alex.
Alex made a face but sat down anyway. "I take it this means you're done ignoring me then?"
Piper looked over the top of her book disapprovingly, "I wasn't ignoring you Alex."
"Oh? So, you not talking to me for the whole week was what then? I mean, I must have missed all these telepathic conversations we must have been having." Alex retorted sourly.
"Alex please don't start. I'm sorry for not talking to you, I've just been busy."
Alex laughed loudly. "Piper we're in fucking prison. How busy can you get that you don't have time to even say good fucking morning?"
"Alex." Piper responded, glaring at Alex now. She snapped her book shut and curled her legs towards her. "Stop it."
Alex sighed and rubbed her forehead but stayed quiet, showing that she would comply.
Piper smiled after a moment and moved towards Alex, "I missed you."
Alex rubbed Piper's arm and nodded, "I know." Alex moved to wrap an arm around Piper's waist but frowned when the blonde shifted out of her reach. Alex's hand was suspended in midair for a moment before she let it flop down - a thought suddenly occurred to her. She waited until Piper moved back towards her before she gripped onto Piper's arm to stop her from moving again and covered the movement with a kiss, she let it carry on, her mind working at a million miles an hour and she waited till she felt the familiar feeling of Piper melting into her arms before she slipped a hand under her beige shirt. She opened her eyes as she lifted the shirt as slowly as possible, doing her best not to alert Piper. She looked down at Piper's torso and felt her stomach flip flop at the sight. Purple and blue bruises racked her ribs and lower abdomen. She pulled sharply away, a nauseating feeling slowly gnawing at her. Piper finally seemed to recognise what Alex had done and yanked the bottom of her shirt back down, pain and hurt evident in her face.
"You had no right Alex!" She exclaimed, curling back up onto her bed.
Alex couldn't bear to look at Piper, she wasn't sure if she was more angry or upset. She turned away from the blonde and leaned over the wall, the nauseous feeling was still there and the sight of Piper's stomach wouldn't leave her mind. "It was him, wasn't it?" Alex finally managed to mumble.
Piper's silence told her everything she needed to know.
Authors Note:
Please don't hate me! Saw that someone mentioned Healy in the reviews and that reminded me that I hadn't actually addressed that problem yet. Ask and you shall receive my wonderful readers! As always, please leave a review and thanks for reading.