I'm buried in this house,
I'll never leave this floor.
A page full of je t'aime's for you,
I know I should have said it more.
2 months, 1 day.
There were 4 different kinds of silence. The first was the kind of silence where you were on your own or in a quiet place, reading, writing or thinking. Nobody is speaking but somehow the world is speaking to you as you get lost in the page of a book or lost in the words that spew out onto the page through ink, even lost in the jungle of your own thoughts.
The second kind of silence is the comfortable one, the kind of silence where you're with someone you know better than you know yourself and you can just sit there for hours in silence, not needing to utter a single syllable because the silence says everything for you. It says all of your love, emotion and everything that you cannot find the words to say.
The third kind of silence is the painful silence; this silence is the type that makes you cringe both on the inside and out. The kind of silence that only appears when you've done or said something so incredibly stupid, or hurtful, or selfish that there are no longer any words to describe just how much you have done wrong and so only the silence pertains, telling you and torturing you at the same time.
The final kind of silence is the eternal silence. This kind of silence is not one that many people get to experience many times in their life, some only once; or twice if they're lucky. This kind of silence is the strangest because it is neither good nor bad, it is neither welcome or unwelcome. It is stuck in a strange grey area that you have to tiptoe around for fear of disturbing the delicate balance that creates it. This is the type of silence that only occurs when you have witnessed or been a part of something so great and something life-changing that the silence falls and lasts a lifetime because in that moment you cannot bring yourself to disturb it by saying the words that form slowly in your brain. You keep that memory, that silence, instilled in your brain for a lifetime. This is the kind of silence that Alex had heard twice already. Both times in the mere space of a few days. The first time she had experienced this silence was when Piper had left her alone in their apartment in Paris after her mom had died. Alex was so confused and hurt that she let the silence of the apartment close around her like a suffocating blanket, she couldn't even bring herself to cry. The second time she heard that silence was at her mom's funeral, she had been standing at the foot of her mom's coffin, the whole church waiting for her words but all Alex could do was stare at them. Everything she had planned to say was lost in space and time as that silence wrapped around her again, this time a warmer and more welcome cushion and everyone seemed to understand what it meant because one by one they smiled at Alex and nodded.
It was with this knowledge that Alex walked into the dorms and turned to see Piper sitting on her bunk, waiting. Alex had experienced all four kinds of silence with Piper before and each had made her as giddy as the next. It hadn't taken her long to realise that she was in love with Piper the first time, she had been so afraid to admit it to herself and to Piper that she tucked it away; convincing herself that she could just ignore it until Piper said it first. Alex had no qualms with admitting her love for Piper now, it was a burden and a blessing to her. She took a shaky breath and started towards Piper's cube, each slow step Alex forced herself to remember something about Piper that she loved.
One step, Piper's smile. Two steps, Piper's laugh. Three steps, Piper's strange courage. Four steps, Piper's eyes. Five steps, Piper's smell. Six steps, Piper's humour. Seven steps, Piper's ability and inability to love. Eight steps, Piper's sense of adventure. Nine steps, Piper's innocence. Ten steps, Piper's skin and the way it felt on her own. Ten steps, Piper.
On that thought, Alex had stepped into Piper's cube and she stared into the blue hues of the girl she loved more than anyone before or after. Alex stared and mentally photographed each slight change in colour of her eye, the way her pupils grew big at the sight of Alex and the way the blue seemed to light up, as if someone had lit a fire behind them. The second silence greeted Alex with open arms like an old friend as it settled between them just as Piper's hand travelled up to caress Alex's cheek. Alex leaned into Piper instead and marvelled at the way Piper's skin seemed to meld with her own, as if Piper was a part of her and they were two parts of the same body; each more fucked up than the other and yet somehow coming together to create something that was so flawed and yet so perfect. Alex was lost once again in the ocean of Piper's eyes, the stormy blue seas that had first captured her so many years ago had long been replaced with calmer and lighter tones. Piper's eyes still yearned for adventure, but it was adventure of a different kind. One that, all those years ago, Alex wouldn't have been able to give her. The adventure that Piper now craved was one of experience, love, life and family without all of the danger and risk. That was an adventure that Alex could see herself living now, as long as Piper was with her every step of the way.
They'd come so far to be where they were today. Alex could safely say that the Piper she knew now was not the one she had met ten years ago and she was not the Piper who had entered this prison with her safe, predictable and boring life safely intact. Piper was new and yet old. She was broken and fixed. She was everything at once, all consuming. She had consumed Alex in every way possible, happiness, sadness, anger, love and pain had all enveloped Alex at Piper's will and yet Alex never once found herself strong enough to stay away. Strong of will but not strong of heart, was something that registered with Alex immensely.
The world around them seemed to fade away completely as the silence was disturbed by the gentlest whispers of "I love you." That were accompanied by even gentler touches, a contrast to the fire that smouldered behind each woman's eyes. The words hadn't needed to be said at all but at the same time they were exactly what each of them had needed to hear, that almost inaudible reaffirmation of their love for each other allowed them to revel in the moment and just be. There were no hidden intentions or ulterior motives, they were, for the first time in a very long time, just living in the moment for and with each other. The ever-advancing date that was to be their last day for who knows how long hung much like a heavy rain cloud over them, waiting to burst, but for now both of them could ignore it and stare through it and up into the stars instead.
Alex had wasted no time after she was released from SHU, she strayed far away from Healy and the meth-heads as she could because there would be no more wasted time for them. If Alex couldn't stay out of trouble for Piper then she would do it for herself so that she could get out early. Discussions about what had happened to Piper at the hands of Healy were brief but the offered some closure for the two of them, Piper wasn't called into Healy's office anymore and only went to see him when she had to. The door was always left open. There was a gentle hum of happiness that seemed to float around the prison because for the first time things actually seemed to be somewhat peaceful. Hushed talks about the future and what waited for them outside of the grey walls took place almost every night, sometimes Nicky and Lorna would join in too and they would plan days out in London where they would simply do nothing and just enjoy their freedom without the pressures of work, money or due dates. Alex actually felt hopeful.
Alex settled onto Piper's bunk and lay beside her, being the blonde's big spoon. Bennett ignored them as always. Alex marvelled again at the way Piper's body curved perfectly to mold into Alex's, not a single part of them went without contact from the other person. Alex was engulfed by the smell of Piper and she allowed it to saturate into her clothes, her hair, her skin. Every part of her craved Piper's presence. With Piper's back to her, Alex felt courage that she had never felt before and placed her lips to Piper's ear.
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Piper Chapman. No one else has ever made me feel this way and I don't think anyone ever will. It's always been you Pipes, I was stupid to ever think otherwise." The words toppled out of her mouth much like baby birds fell from the nest, sometimes accidental, sometimes willingly and sometimes forced. She felt the kind of freedom that the bird would feel as it dropped through the air, as if her words were her feeble wings and she was trying to fly she only hoped that her wings would hold and that she would not feel the ground beneath her once again.
Piper turned to face Alex with a slowness that felt everlasting. Icy blue eyes had turned warm, as if heated by the sun and fresh diamonds fell like rain from the corners. Alex kissed them away and smiled, she didn't need Piper to say anything because her silent response had meant more than words. So it was with this that the fourth silence fell upon them and enveloped them into a safe cocoon woven from promises of the future and apologies from the past. The silence whispered quiet stories of adventures to come and all of the possibilities that lay before them on a smorgasbord that was their world. They had been given another chance, a chance to start over. Clean slates with no repercussions to any crime following them like a dark shadow. They were finally going to be allowed to live however they wanted. Slow or fast; they could control the speed with which they led themselves. The silence was gentle and caressed them, soothing them until their breaths united into a slow and steady rhythm of in and out. Out and in.
It was with a heavy heart that Alex pulled herself out of that cocoon so she could go and do her work. She left with the unspoken promise of later. They still had time. After work had trudged by with all the speed of a slug high on pot, Alex had walked to the phones and dialled her lawyers number.
"Have you heard?"
A laugh from the other side of the line. "Someone's eager... Yes, I have."
"And?" Her impatient voice returned.
"We did it! Well, I did it."
"How much?"
"You'll be out of there in another two years."
Alex smiled, "Thank you."
"No thank you! Those extra names you supplied of the people who actually mattered a little bit made my job so much easier. Take care of yourself, Alex." Her lawyer said, happily, before hanging up.
Alex felt both happy and uneasy at the same time. She'd had to give over some of the other importer's names when the mules hadn't cracked up for much and she hoped that it wouldn't cause too much trouble for her. Still, she was going to get out not long after Nicky now and soon enough they would all be able to start their new life in London. Just like they had planned. Alex walked down towards the canteen and got her tray, sitting down at the table she grinned at her fellow inmates. She told them the good news and she saw that both Nicky and Lorna were relieved that she wouldn't be in there longer than Nicky but also that she wasn't getting out before her either. Dinner was average, they all talked amongst themselves quietly and happily, making jokes and laughing at one another's expense.
Once dinner had finished Nicky and Lorna followed Alex and Piper into the rec room where Fischer was standing on duty. They settled around the scrabble table although none of them had the intention of playing. Alex and Piper shuffled the makeshift letters around, spelling author and poet names alike whilst they watched Nicky and Lorna from the corners of their eyes.
Nicky had Lorna's hand clamped firmly in her own and was murmuring gentle jokes to the short brunette. The kinds of jokes that only she would understand and the types of jokes that made Lorna's face transform into a living sun. The warmth and happiness was practically emanating off of her and with each word or brush of Nicky's fingers along her skin Lorna only seemed to grow warmer. Lorna, Alex realised, was the type of person who needed that kind of unconditional love that Nicky offered her. It was what she needed to survive in what was this very harsh and fucked up world. It was something she thought that she'd had with Christopher but only realised what it really meant when she had opened her heart for Nicky. Nicky needed love too, of course, but it was a different kind of love. Nicky needed to look after Lorna but also seemed drawn to the simple honesty that Lorna's love held. Lorna didn't speak unnecessary words or exaggerated truths to make her love seem more profound. It just was and after all of the lies that Nicky's mother had imposed onto her, it was exactly what Nicky needed to survive, without drugs or any kind of numbing substance.
Alex and Piper shared a smile and drew themselves out of their own little world to drag Nicky and Lorna into it so that they could all spend time together. They would have plenty of time to get caught up in each other later. Soon enough, free time was over and they all headed back to the dorms. Alex gave Piper a brief kiss goodnight before she climbed into her bed and lay back, letting her mind drift as she pictured those blue eyes. Her thoughts but a small boat, sailing through them; carried by the wind.
"Alex!" A deep voice exclaimed from behind her. Alex turned to look but could only see the darkness. "So good to see you, it's been so long..." The voice continued, seeming to echo all around her now.
"Who are you?" She asked.
"I'm hurt, I thought you would remember me. I mean, you put so much effort into getting the feds to take apart my organisation piece by piece..." Kubra hissed, suddenly in front of her.
Alex narrowed her eyes. "I didn't give up anyone important." She defended herself, trying to take a step back but finding that her back was pressed against a wall.
"No, you didn't." Kubra agreed, nodding slightly. "You just cost me a lot of money and hassle."
"I'm sorry, I needed to get time off of my sentence.."
"Oh, right. I heard all about that. You were always resourceful, Alex." Kubra commented, smiling sadistically and inching ever closer towards her. "It's such a shame that you put that resourcefulness to the wrong use because now I have to be resourceful..." He paused, eyes narrowing and his head seeming to grow slimmer, his skin slick, until he resembled his namesake; a cobra. "And cut my losses." He said, harshly.
Alex stared at the snake in front of her, wide eyed and pleading as it lunged for her jugular.
Alex bolted upright, her t-shirt sticking to her body from the sweat. She was panting and took a moment to gather her thoughts. She was safe. She was in prison. It was just a dream. Alex couldn't shake the uneasy feeling the dream had granted her so she stood and made her way to the bathrooms, pushing past the few women who were already standing at the sinks she stripped quickly and climbed into the shower, letting the lukewarm water wash over her, cleaning herself from all of the worry. She was just being stupid, after she got out of here no one would know where she was. She hadn't given up anyone important and that was what mattered. That was what always mattered.
AN: Hey guys, mostly narrative for this chapter but I felt like being all fluffy so here you go! I hope it wasn't too lame or boring with the lack of speech but I did my best to keep it a little interesting. Thanks so much for all of the kind reviews you've given me over the last few chapters, time is starting to go faster and I'm thinking about wrapping this story up soon. Please let me know what you guys thought of this chapter and if my fluff was okay, lol, thanks for reading! :D