All the years I miss your warmth
Have you missed my warmth?
On your island.
1 month 27 days.
Alex stared at the empty wall in front of her, fingers drumming on the plastic surface of the visitation table, waiting for her lawyer. She sighed for the millionth time when she eventually saw him and she forced a small smile, he didn't offer one back.
"Alex, I have some bad news..."
...
1 month 26 days.
"What do you mean you have to leave?"
"Piper, I don't have a choice here."
"Well I know but... what if you're not back before.."
"Please don't."
"What are you going to do?"
"Whatever it takes."
...
1 month 25 days.
Thoughts raced through Alex's mind so fast she could barely latch onto them before the next one arrived. She had been called to testify against Kubra is Chicago. She was leaving in two weeks. Piper wasn't coming with her, not yet at least. Alex already knew she was in deep shit with the cartel for giving up more names but if she testified against Kubra then there would be no doubt that he would have her killed. She would just have to lie, risking her early release and possibly adding even more time to her sentence.
"Fuck!" She shouted, slamming a fist against the wall of her cube.
"Woah there, Vause." Nicky's voice called out from a few cubes over.
Alex sighed and pushed her glasses up. "My bad." She muttered in way of apology.
"I heard about Chicago, rough deal." Nicky's voice was growing closer.
Alex merely nodded.
"Can I give you some advice?"
Alex shrugged, finally looking up at her.
"Don't do anything stupid. Like, lie for example. I don't think Chapman would survive hearing that you gotta spend another 5 years in here."
Alex laughed humorlessly and shook her head, "I think she would do better than if I turned up dead in an alleyway somewhere because I didn't lie."
Nicky shrugged, "Yeah well, just be careful okay. God knows nobody wants to deal with a hysterical Chapman."
Alex smiled as Nicky walked off. Piper appeared at the entrance to her cube a few minutes later, she hovered there just looking at Alex. Alex arched a brow, "Seriously? Are you still waiting for me to invite you in?"
Piper blushed and walked into the cube, sitting at the end of bed and fidgeting with her hands. Alex rolled her eyes and placed her own had on top of them to still them. "What's wrong?" She asked after a moment.
Piper sighed, "Alex you're leaving."
Alex smirked, "10 out of 10 on your observation skills, kid."
Piper ignored Alex's jab. "To testify against your fucking drug lord dealer king or whatever the fuck he is!"
Alex stayed silent this time, despite the fact she had wanted to laugh at Piper's desperate attempt to use the correct term. She sensed Piper was getting flustered and rubbed her thumb over the top of Piper's hand in an attempt to soothe the blonde.
"And now I have no idea what's going to happen to you or if you'll be back before I leave - if you're even going to be back here at all! Alex, I'm going to be out of my mind the whole time you're gone."
Alex chuckled quietly and shrugged, "It's probably good life experience."
Piper almost smiled at the memory Alex's words provoked before her expression turned hard and she jerked her hands away from Alex's grasp. "Alex, you don't understand." Piper's tone took on one of exasperation and exhaustion. "I was out of my mind about where you were for the whole time we were together and you were gone from sunrise to sunset. That is not something I want to relive."
Alex nodded, realisation settling over her. "I'm sorry." She said quietly, because at this point what else could she say? "I know it fucking sucks but I don't have any choice but to go, they won't let anything bad happen to me - as long as I don't say anything against Kubra then I'll be safe and back here in no time at all."
Piper sighed and leaned into Alex. "I hope so."
Alex ran a hand up Piper's arm and dipped her head down to kiss the blonde.
...
1 month 24 days.
Alex was sat in the visitation room again, waiting for her lawyer. She felt a strange jolt of deja vu. When she eventually saw her lawyer, she didn't offer a smile like she had this time; instead she looked over him and noted down all of the obvious signs of his stress. Silver hairs threaded through his normally raven black hair, lines forming across his forehead from where he'd been frowning too much.
"Alex." He greeted her as he sat in the plastic chair opposite her own.
Alex offered nothing in reply.
"Listen, I know what you told me last time - about not being able to tell the truth against Kubra but..."
"But what? But you want me to risk my life anyway?" Alex interrupted, narrowing her eyes in annoyance at the man.
"No.." He took a breath and leaned forward. "Kubra is going away for sure, all they need is for you to testify and tell the truth to put him away for good." He paused, scratching at the faint stubble on his chin. "They're offering you a plea bargain."
Alex sat back in her chair, folding her arms over her chest. She wasn't surprised that they would stoop to those levels to get her to tell the truth. "What? I've already got my sentence shortened, I don't really need them to take off an extra 6 months." She smirked.
He shook his head and smiled coyly. "They're offering you an immediate release on probation."
This time, Alex's brows shoot up showing her surprise. She stayed quiet for a moment, looking around the dingy room. She could be free of all of this in a few weeks. Piper wouldn't have to wait 2 extra years for her to get out, she would have to wait a month for Piper and then they would be together again. No rules, no unlockable doors, no schedule to keep or guards with ever watching eyes. She could be free. They could be free. "And he's going away? For sure? Like, forever?" Alex asked.
Her lawyer smiled a little smugly, knowing that he had already won Alex over. "He'll be behind bars for the rest of his life. He won't be able to touch you."
Alex nodded, her own smile forming. "Fine, I'll take it." She and her lawyer stood, shaking hands and exchanging polite smiles before going their separate ways. Alex could feel the hope bubbling inside her like boiling water, spitting to the surface and seeping out of her pores. She and Piper could have a life beyond all of this, a life where they wouldn't have to worry about drug lords or correctional officers. A normal life.
Piper was ecstatic when Alex told her about the deal, urged her to take it. They spent the next hour before count planning what they would do when Piper was out - the first thing being to get the largest slice of pizza they could find. They decided to hang around in New York whilst they waited for Lorna and Nicky to get out and then they would get far away from all and any memories of Litchfield and past lives and start fresh in London. It was what everyone needed. What they all wanted.
After count, when Alex was finally alone, she lay content in her bunk thinking about how everything was going to be perfect (or at least as close to perfect as a bunch of ex-cons living in another country could get). It wasn't until the heavy weight of sleep started to close down upon her that her brain finally kicked into action, uttering what-ifs and buts. Alex did her best to push them out, ignore them. Pretend that they didn't exist. Still, when she woke in the morning she couldn't escape the feeling that all of this would never be as simple and easy as it seems.
...
1 month.
Alex stood outside the courthouse, hands stuffed into the pockets of her jacket whilst she breathed in the clear, cold, Chicago air. Something fluttered through her that was a strange mix of nervousness and excitement. Glancing behind her one last time, eyes lingering on the stone building a while longer, before she followed her lawyer to the car that was waiting to take her back to New York.
The car ride was quiet, filled with the gentle mumblings of her lawyer as he periodically answered calls from his phone. Alex watched the city go by, feeling a little more free with every mile they drove. Kubra was no longer a problem. Alex could live her life, free as an ex-con bird.
"I trust you know the terms of the deal by now, yes?" Her lawyer reiterated once they arrived at the airport.
Alex nodded, "Know 'em off by heart."
The man smiled at her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Don't fuck this up, Vause. Who knows if I'll get another shot at a deal like this again."
"I won't mess up, don't worry. Seriously though, thanks for everything."
"Just doing my job. Good luck out there, Alex."
Soon enough Alex was left alone to board the plane, still guarded by a police chaperone but nonetheless that much more free without the constraints against her ankles and wrists. She watched the land slowly vanish into the distance as the plane rose and she finally felt all of the sleep she had missed over those past few weeks catch up to her. Her last thought before her eyes fluttered shut was Piper.
2 years later.
Alex walked briskly down the snow covered streets of New York, rubbing gloved hands together and watching as her breath floated ahead of her before floating up into the clouds. All four of them; Nicky, Lorna, Piper and Alex were leaving tomorrow morning for their flight to London. For the journey towards the rest of their lives.
Alex and Piper had been living in a kind of post-prison honeymoon period, one that was only amplified when Lorna was released and later Nicky. They had roamed the streets of New York, floating on Alex's saved money and Nicky's 'oh you're out of prison now' money that her mother had transferred into her account. None of them had bothered to get jobs and, with the help of Alex's lawyer, she had managed to get both Lorna and Nicky's probation lowered substantially so that they could make their new starts as soon as possible. Admittedly, it hadn't been easy for any of them to transition back into normal life. Alex knew that she had gotten extremely lucky considering her sentence ended up being shorter than Pipers, even if it was only by an extra month. The first month of freedom had been incredibly lonely for Alex. She had been under the constant glare of the lights for so long that she was afraid of the dark, she didn't often leave the apartment for the simple fact that she had no reason to unless it was visitation day. She agreed to Piper's terms of only visiting once a week until she got out because Alex apparently 'had to have a life outside of her' yet Alex had only found herself agreeing so that Piper wouldn't worry. Alex didn't have a life outside of Piper, not anymore. Prison had taken all of that away from her. It had taken going to prison for Alex to realise that she didn't have any friends, not really. They were all tied up in the ring, all in it for the perks. Her only friends were still stuck behind those grey walls and barbed wire fences, holding onto a dream of reality that Alex had helped provide for them.
When Piper got out it was even harder at first. She had to adjust again, from the constant silence that she endured before to the noise of another person. It had only been a month that she was living on her own and it surprised her at just how quickly she had gotten used to being on her own. Piper stayed over at Alex's most nights despite having her own room at her parent's place. Alex couldn't hide her relief that Piper was there with her. They finally were allowed to be free, to love each other without restraint and without caution. The first week, they barely left the bed. The first month, they only left the apartment to buy groceries.
Lorna was the first to join them after Piper and it was a little awkward at first, adapting to having another person in the apartment. Having to restrain themselves from touching each other at all times. Piper was the one who mostly dealt with the comforting side when it came to Lorna. She missed Nicky like hell for the first few months. Alex had to admit that she herself was worried about Nicky, even if she did still have Red in there, undoubtedly all of Nicky's closest friends had left her and Red was the only one she had left. Alex had faith enough that the Russian would keep her in check until her release date. Lorna spent much of the first month in Brooklyn with her family, returning often late at night furious and slamming the door. Alex came to understand that Lorna's family didn't quite get the whole 'finding true love in prison' thing and that the fact that she had fallen for a woman was even harder for them to accept. Lorna's sister, Frannie, came round to the apartment a few times once things had settled somewhat. Those visits were often tense and awkward, the older Morello clearly not comfortable still with Lorna's newfound life but, credit to her, she was doing her best to accept her little sister and her friends for who they were. Thoughts about Nicky's reactions to all of this often made Alex chuckle to herself. She did miss her crazy haired best friend, as loathe she was to admit it.
After a whole year of dealing with Lorna's third-wheeling Nicky was finally released and the apartment became a war zone. Not that any of them were fighting but rather that Nicky and Lorna tore the apartment up having sex on every single available surface. It was ridiculous really. Alex and Piper, tired of walking in on the constant love fest that Nicky and Lorna had become, eventually decided to evacuate the apartment for a week and lived out of a suitcase in a nearby hotel. That hotel room became their own little war zone. Somehow, they all managed to live mostly harmoniously together. Aside from Nicky constantly calling out Piper's bullshit and Piper educating everyone on things that, really, nobody should know. Arguments were kept to a minimum and were always solved in the same day. It seemed that they no longer had anything to fight about, they all had what they wanted, for the most part at least. This was better that any of them could have dreamed to have once prison was over for them and to think that it was only going to get better from there kept everyone in high spirits.
...
Alex jogged up the steps into the building, trotting up the short flight of stairs that led to her apartment. She could hear the noise emitting from behind the closed door as she entered the hallway and rolled her eyes. Music bounced off of the walls and Lorna's terrible, high-pitched squealing (that she had the audacity to call singing) floated chaotically to Alex's ears. Grimacing she opened the door and walked in, mentally preparing herself for the chaos within.
Piper was drunk, as usual, dancing on their small and rickety coffee table in the middle of the living room. Nicky was lying on the couch, wriggling and grappling her stomach as she fought against the fits of laughter that erupted from her mouth. Lorna was grinning, ear to ear, eyes locked onto Nicky as she belted out Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen on the karaoke machine. Alex laughed, shaking her head and thanking whatever Gods that may exist that their neighbours had moved out last week. She dumped her bag by the door, closing it behind her and made a beeline for the kitchen to grab herself a cold beer. It didn't take long for Piper to stumble in behind her.
"Alex!" The blonde squealed, drunken slur hidden by her happiness at the sight of her girlfriend.
Alex smiled, turning to look at Piper. "Hey babe."
"We started the party without you," Piper giggled, leaning lazily against a counter.
"I can see that." Alex arched a brow, eyes flickering past the blonde and to the semi-quiet living room where Lorna was no doubt by now collapsed on top of Nicky on the couch. "Too bad, you know how much I love your singing."
Piper grinned and shook her head. "Don't try to be a smartass with me, Alex Vause. I know you don't appreciate the art that is my singing when I'm sober, let alone when I'm completely off my face."
Alex chuckled, placing her beer down behind her and moving closer to her girlfriend. "At least a part of you knows that you're shit at singing. The first step to beating denial is admittance, baby."
Piper hits Alex's arm playfully. "Asshole."
"You love it."
...
2 months later.
Tell my friends I'm gone, it's true.
I've passed on now
To the eyes of a dark, lost blue.
I don't believe you,
Falling in deep
Sleep.
Out of control.
Can you feel it?
Is this the end of the road?
The small box in Alex's pocket felt like it weighed a tonne. She stood not five meters from the apartment debating what she was going to say to Piper. Her hand reached into her pocket and touched the offending item again, pulling it out to observe it. Inside the red velvet box lay a small, simplistic ring. It was still beautiful, no doubt about that, and had the price tag to match but it wasn't anything too flashy. It was perfectly Piper. Alex knew that it was time she made some extra show of commitment to Piper, marriage had actually been on the table for a long time but Piper was so content with their new life in England that she hadn't pushed the topic and so it was Alex who was making the first move. Deep down she knew that she had no reason to be nervous, of course Piper would say yes. Still, she knew that once she proposed there really would be no backing out now. For either of them. They would be tied together, bound by law. That was scary for anyone. It almost made Alex laugh, here she was settling and yet it still felt like she was free falling.
Movement from her apartment caught her eye and she saw a flash of blonde hair jog down the steps and down the street in the opposite direction from Alex. Knowing that her window of opportunity to ask before Piper went for her jog had passed, Alex sighed and walked back down the street, deciding to go over what she was going to say in the time she had to wait. In all of her concentrated self she didn't notice the two men who were shadowing her every step. In fact, she hadn't noticed that they'd been following her since she'd left the jewellers.
Alex found herself in Hyde Park just as the sun was beginning to set and knew that she should probably head back if she wanted to catch Piper before Lorna and Nicky got back for the night. She made another round of the deserted park, the ring box still clasped tightly in her hand. She glanced around, catching sight of two men who were walking a fair distance behind her, and carried on. Just as she was beginning to come closer to the exit of the park she stopped and looked behind her again, noting the men were still behind her but considerably closer than before. This made her frown and she held onto the box a little tighter. Pulling out her phone she dialled Nicky's number (she was still too nervous to call Piper) and made idle chit chat with her for a moment as she left the park and crossed the road. Five minutes into her walk she looked behind her again and saw that the men were still there.
"Nicky.."
"Yes, Vause?"
"Two guys have been following me for about an hour."
"Shit. You sure they're the same guys?"
"Positive."
"Fuck. Okay, uhh... Where are you? Me and Lorna will come pick you up."
"I'm walking along Kensington Road. Hurry the fuck up."
"On our way, don't stray too far and be fucking careful, okay?"
Alex hung up without replying, resisting the urge to quicken her step for fear that the men would realise she knew they were following her and do something rash but also that she would come to the end of the road and forced to turn off before Nicky arrived. She took several deep breaths, doing her best to focus on where she was going to help quell her panic. This was all useless however as moments later she heard the men's footsteps behind her. Not bothering to even look behind her she quickened her step, knuckles going white where she gripped the box in her hand.
"Hurry the fuck up, Nichols..." Alex muttered under her breath. Heart hammering against her ribcage.
Too soon Alex found herself approaching the end of the road and Nicky was still nowhere in sight. She turned hastily and, to her dismay, found herself walking down another deserted street. Where the fuck was everyone, tonight?
The men were even closer now, their shadows loomed over Alex, only amplified by the weak streetlamps above.
"Alex Vause?"
Alex's step faltered when they called her name and it was enough for them to grab her by each arm and drag her down a side road and into a darkened alleyway. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and Alex resisted the urge to call out, knowing that it would only make things worse for her.
"Who the fuck are you?" She demanded, glaring at the men, determined not to appear weak. Fuck them if they thought they were going to get anything out of her.
"Who we are doesn't matter," The man on the left replied as they shoved her roughly against the wall, knocking the air from her lungs. "All that really matters is that you're Alex Vause, and you, Alex Vause, have made some very big mistakes."
Alex felt her throat go instantly dry at their words. It had been years since she last thought of her 'mistakes' or rather, one in particular. "Kubra..." She managed to utter quietly.
The men smiled simultaneously and nodded. "Glad to see that you haven't forgotten."
Alex shook her head roughly, eyes glazing over. "No.. no... it's not possible.. he's in prison, in America... how did..." Alex pauses, struggling to regain her composure. "How did he find me.."
One man shrugs, "He's been out for quite some time. They reopened his case, it seems someone mishandled the evidence used against him."
"Fuck..." Alex finally comes to her senses and looks both straight in the eye. "You don't need to kill me, you know. You can just tell him that you did it and I'll disappear. He doesn't need to know."
The one on the left laughs at her and Alex flinches. She's not accustomed to begging but she knows that there is no alternative here. She either begs or dies. She'll take her wounded pride if it means she still gets to go home to Piper after it all.
"You don't lie to Kubra." The man says, tone steely and matter-of-fact.
Alex's heart drops, sinks and ebbs out of her feet. She knows it's true. She knows that Kubra would find out she hadn't been killed. You don't fuck with Kubra, you don't lie to Kubra and you certainly don't betray Kubra. No one wanted to be on the receiving end of his sick, twisted, revenge. Yet here Alex was. Eventually she nods, takes a deep breath to contain the sob she can feel building within her chest. "Can I make a call? I would like to say goodbye to my... to my Piper."
Both men are still for a moment, clearly not anticipating Alex's cooperation in her own death sentence. Eventually one shrugs and releases his grip so that she can get her phone. She pulls up Piper's contact, shows him the number so he knows she isn't calling the police and dials it.
"Alex?" Piper's voice rings out, rushed and out of breath. Alex knows she's only just finished her jog.
"Piper, I don't know if I have much time," Alex begins. Voice already shaking from the emotion held within. "I want you to know that I love you with everything that I am. You have made me so happy and such a better person than who I used to be.."
"Alex? What are you talking about? What's going on?"
"Piper. I need you to listen. Find Nicky, tell her that even though she's an ass I love her. Lorna too." Alex's voice is surprisingly calmer now, she closes her eyes. "You are my family, Pipes. I was hoping that one day I would get to call you my wife."
Piper's getting hysterical now, Alex can hear her typing frantically on a keyboard. "Alex I don't know what the fuck is going on but I'm going to come and get you. Stay where you are okay?"
Alex frowns. "Piper, you need to say it back."
"What?"
"Say it back."
"Oh fuck, I love you too Alex. More than you'll ever know."
Piper is rambling, something about 'find my iPhone' and how both she and Nicky are on their way to her. Alex doesn't really listen, she's too busy thinking about how she's glad she gets to die with Piper's voice in her ear.
"I love you so much Pipes." Alex utters as the first shot rings out. Alex immediately sinks to the ground but her hands hold steady to the ring and her phone. Piper is silent for only a moment on the other line.
"Alex?" Piper whispers after a moment. "Alex?! Oh God, Alex please tell me you're okay? Alex say something, baby."
There's a car in the background and Alex realises Piper is driving. She frowns, focusing on the wet warmth that's spreading across her stomach. "You shouldn't... be driving with your phone..."
Piper laughs although Alex can hear her tears through it. "Hold on Al, me and Nicky are almost there."
Alex smiles.
The second shot is fired but Alex no longer has the power to respond to Piper's frantic yammering. Her fingers go limp and lose their hold on both the phone and the ring box. They clatter, useless, to the ground. Deaf ears and cold eyes are met by the headlights of Piper's car and eventually her wild screams and pleas for Alex to be okay. Eventually Nicky arrives, she swears and kicks the wall before dragging Piper away and calling 999. Lorna is the last to leave the car, she walks hesitantly over towards Alex's still body and just observes. Her eyes land on the red box, dampened now by the spread of blood and she picks it up, opens it. Hand flying to her mouth as she realises what it is and she chokes back sobs.
"Oh Alex..." She whispers. "I'm so sorry, hun." With that, she leaves. Hands Piper the box and explains where she found it. Piper's screams turn into guttural cries and she crawls back towards Alex, falling limp over her lifeless body. Tears mixing with blood. Blue eyes staring at the last smile that graced Alex Vause's lips.
AN: Okay so first off, let me start by saying that I'm sorry! For many, many things. This chapter has been a long time coming and in all honesty, I'm not happy with it but I wanted to get it out because you guys have been so patient in waiting for it and I don't have it in me to keep you waiting any longer. I am also sorry for the way this story has ended, it was my intention to end it this way for quite a while but up until I actually wrote it, I wasn't sure if I was going to go ahead and do it. I also realise that everything is very rushed and that I probably could have gone into more detail about all of their lives after prison but most of it would have been fluff and with the detachment I ended up feeling towards this story, I didn't have it in me to write all of that. In saying that, I may contemplate a few one-shots where I write just random fluffy bits about what they all got up to in between leaving Prison and Alex meeting her demise. If this is something that you guys would like to see then please let me know and feel free to send me some prompts either here or on tumblr. ( insubordinateidiots. tumblr .com) Thank you all for following and reading this story. This was my first story that I have written both as fanfiction and in the OITNB/Vauseman fandom. I am eternally grateful to everyone who took the time to both review, comment and send me messages of encouragement and advice. I only hope that you can go on to appreciate my other stories, which are all much better than this, and that you don't hold this ending against me forever. (What can i say, I'm a sucker for angst and tragic heros.) Thanks for the journey guys, as always, please review and let me know what you think :D