Taking the "Man" out of Humanity
Sakura wasn't sure she heard him right. Maybe all those blows to the head she had endured over the years had affected her hearing.
"You what?" she asked, her voice breathless with disbelief as she stared wide eyed at his profile, his pale skin glowing in the moonlight as he gazed out at the quiet water flowing under the bridge.
The man across from her finally turned his attention towards her, his dark eyes against alabaster skin striking, just as they had always been, but within those inky depths was something different, something that had not been there when they were first assigned as team mates.
"I want to be with you Sakura. I've finally decided to give us a try."
She didn't know what to say and any words she might have managed to piece together would have caught in her throat as it constricted painfully. A deceptively slender and feminine hand gripped the wooden guardrail as she did her best to conceal her shock even though she knew it was futile. Even without his bloodline limit activated, he could clearly see she was surprised.
"Sasuke," she whispered.
It had been years since she had left on that mission with Naruto, Sai and Yamato to find him and bring him home, but that image of him was still fresh in her mind, burned into her retinas and reappeared ever time she closed her eyes. She knew that memory would never fade even if she wanted it to.
She had supposed he would look different after all the time they had spent apart but she hadn't expected the white robes tied with purple cord that his sinister mentor had worn, nor the stony and indifferent expression. But what had really frightened her were his eyes. They were cold and hard and emotionless, more like those of the reptiles he summoned that a human's. His featured had matured and he had grown taller, stronger, but those eyes, those eyes that had once held pain and anger but also a little hope, were cold and blank and unfeeling.
Perhaps in that moment, she had known he had changed in a way that couldn't be reversed but even if her heart knew, her mind refused to believe it. It wasn't until Sasuke had drawn his sword and held it at Naruto's throat did she realize that the person she had known before was long dead.
She had returned from the mission broken hearted, overwhelmed with more pain than she had ever felt and had finally given him up as a loss. Perhaps she could have moved on if he hadn't returned to Konoha of his own accord several years later, his clothes stained with his brother's blood and his thirst for vengeance quenched.
She had fallen to her knees and sobbed like a child when he had walked through the gates, simultaneously cursing herself for being so weak and thanking the heavens that her teammate had been guided home, but even then, she was not so naïve as to think things would go back to the way they had been before.
Sakura shifted her gaze from the fathomless eyes, unable to meet their intense gaze, looking out at the moon's reflection as it trembled on the rippling water, like how she wanted to tremble now but wouldn't.
"Why? Why after all this time?" she asked quietly, her voice so soft it almost didn't reach his ears. "You said I was just an annoyance to you back then. What made you change your mind?"
She didn't know why she was questioning this. Shouldn't she throw herself into his arms with reckless abandon, agreeing enthusiastically to be whatever he wanted her to be? She had loved him unwaveringly for years, believed in him even when the entire village had turned their backs on him, had been there for him even if he hardly gave her the time of day.
And yet, something twisted painfully in her gut, something that told her while her younger self would have gladly devoted herself to him, she was now no longer so eager to smother him with adoration. The harsh reality of his betrayal had opened her eyes in ways that nothing else could.
His dark eyes continued to pierce her, threatening to swallow her up.
"You've changed Sakura. You've become stronger than I could have imagined and now that he is dead, I can see that now."
Sakura heard the hate and the rage in his voice as he spoke of his brother. It seemed it was the only emotion he could show now. Even after he had avenged the death of his clan, the hate still ran through him, as much a part of him as the blood in his veins and Sakura didn't think she or anyone else could ever purge it from him completely.
"You're strong and beautiful and a skilled kunoichi, maybe the best in Konoha, and would make a good mother to my children. You can help me rebuild my clan to what it was; perhaps make it even more powerful."
So that was it was it? He wanted her for her genes? Because she would serve his personal agenda well? She should have known he wouldn't have asked her to meet him here in the moonlight for any romantic reason, for even if the last Uchiha had just proposed her, there was no love in his voice. She wondered if he was even capable of the emotion as the dark creature he had become.
"Sasuke, I…I don't think I can," she murmured, still not daring to meet his eyes.
Even if she had wanted this at one point, she knew it wasn't what she wanted now. She had struggled and fought, pouring blood, sweat and tears into her training to become as strong as she had, and now that she was approaching her prime, she wanted to spend it in the field, serving her village and making a difference, not cooped up behind walls constantly pregnant with his children. It was selfish of him to even ask this of her, especially after what he had done.
"But isn't this what you have always wanted?" Sasuke asked, his cool voice steady and even despite her refusal. "I know how you felt about me when we were a team Sakura, and though it has taken me a while to realize it, I'm finally ready to be there for you."
His words should have been brimming with emotion, but they weren't. They were flat and cold just like every other sentence he had uttered since returning to Konoha.
Sakura felt a sudden surge of anger and she spun to face him, pink hair looking lavender in the moonlight as she bit back a bitter laugh.
"You're ready to be there for me?" she asked, her voice brittle and on the verge of breaking as she fought to keep herself calm. "Sasuke, you betrayed me. You betrayed the whole village! You hurt me deeper than you'll ever knew and you almost killed Naruto who's been nothing best the very best of friends to you. How can you expect me to so easily forget that? To forgive that?"
Her anger spent, she took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the cool air that smelt like the cherry blossoms blooming around them.
She stared at him with twin orbs like liquid emeralds and was surprised to find he had the humility to lower his eyes briefly as if too ashamed to look her in the face.
"I'm sorry," came his soft whisper.
Once again, Sakura thought her hearing must be faulty but he repeated himself as he raised his head and took a step towards her.
"I'm sorry. I know I hurt you and Naruto and maybe even Kakashi with what I did. I never apologized to you properly for it so I'll say it now. I'm sorry I had to hurt you, but I did what needed to be done to gain the strength to defeat my brother."
In all the years Sakura had known him, this was the first time she had ever heard the arrogant Uchiha make a sincere apology. But even if he wasn't proud of what he did, it didn't wipe out the years of pain and worry both Sakura and Naruto had experienced while he was gone.
Even if his words tugged at her heart a little, she couldn't help but notice that Sasuke wasn't sorry for what he did, but sorry for the consequences of his actions, and she knew that if put in the same situation, he would do it all over again.
"Apology accepted," she said softly, summoning the strength to look into those eyes, those dark, emotionless eyes. "Hearing those words from you means a lot, but it doesn't change my answer."
For a moment, there was silence that was interrupted only by the sound of running water and the breeze in the cheery trees. Sakura wasn't even breathing as she waited for the Uchiha to respond. He regarded her quietly, almost curiously, as if he had no idea who the woman in front of him was, and she supposed he didn't. They had both changed too much to be familiar to each other now.
"I see," he said at last, his voice still devoid of emotion. "Then is there someone else?"
The kunoichi tucked a stray strand of pink hair behind her ear as she shook her head.
"No, there's nobody. It's just that I don't think it will work between us Sasuke, not anymore. You can't be what I need you to be and the same goes for me."
Again he was quiet a moment, his dark hair falling into his eyes in a way that made him look mysterious, the same mysteriousness she had been drawn to all those years ago, but mystery and good looks weren't enough to make her happy, she knew that now.
It happened so fast that even her heightened reflexes didn't have time to respond as he wrapped an arm around her slender waist and tugged her to him forcefully before dipping his head to press his lips to hers in a kiss.
She gasped against him lips but didn't fight him, to shocked to do anything but stand rigid and unmoving in his arms.
Hips lips were warm and his tongue gentle yet firm as he parted her own trembling lips and began to explore her mouth, but despite the heat and life in his body and his heat beat pulsing against her own chest, the kiss lacked fire and passion as if he were just mimicking the act of intimacy, of love.
Love…so he really was incapable of it. Even in this pivotal moment as he tried to prove himself to her, he betrayed that he was indeed dead inside. She could never be his wife because he was incapable of giving her the affection she needed. She could imagine that making love to him would be just like this. All the moves would be executed perfectly and yet the act would be hollow and empty, his heated touches failing to set her skin burning.
Even now, as he kissed her, he failed to stir anything inside her. Her body was unresponsive to him, her mouth remaining still, an inactive participant in their kiss.
She felt tears welling in her eyes, overcome with sorrow at what had been stripped from her team mate. While his body had remained intact through his training with Orochimaru and the fight with Itachi, his soul had not. His humanity was gone and he was now an empty shell of a person who was suited for nothing but the life of a shinobi, a cold, cruel shinobi who could kill and slaughter unflinchingly for his heart was either frozen over, or gone all together.
Weakly, she pressed her palms to his chest and pushed him away in a silent plea for him to stop and he obeyed, releasing her from the arms that held no comfort. Sakura's head was turned to the side, unwilling to meet his gaze and Sasuke could see unshed tears glistening in the moonlight. Somewhere a frog croaked, making the only sound that shattered the silence between the two figures on the red bridge.
"Sasuke, I can't. I'm so sorry, but I don't love you anymore."
Just as she had expected, there were no desperate pleas, no outbursts, no tears but her own. He was past all that now.
She supposed that statement was something of a lie, she would always love him, just as she would always love Naruto, but she no longer had the fairytale dream of living happily ever after with him. He wasn't the Prince Charming she had thought he was.
"I see," he said again, his voice a little quieter, but lacking even the devastation of defeat, of loss.
Sakura wanted to say something more to him, perhaps offer her own apology, but her words would be meaningless since there was no broken heart to mend. Instead, she turned on her heel and walked away, leaving him alone on the bridge, a pale figure in the moonlight overshadowed by an intangible darkness.
Though it had taken all her inner strength to say so, she knew she was better off without him, and even as she finally let her tears fall, she knew she had done the right thing. As much as she wanted to be happy with him, it was no longer possible, for she needed more than what Sasuke could give her, and perhaps she always had. She was her own person with her own needs who was no longer dependant on someone else, who could stand on her own two feet and face the world, even if it was alone.
And that was something she would never apologize for.