Alriiight....
I'm in an airport with nothing better to do.
So I thought I would write you something.
This is going to be about eggs. Thanks to WhiteTree, whose copious reviews made me think a whole bunch of people enjoyed it.
But it was only one. And HAII THERE!
And before you start reading go Google Uluru. Unless you're Australian, and if you need to Google Uluru and you're Australian you need to go jump off a cliff. Cause that's just shameful.
Bella was 666 years old. She was so over living in the city or in small towns and she had lived in so many different places it was just stupid and boring. So she decided that she would go live in the country somewhere and she could do what she liked rain or shine (AN: anyone else noticed its rain or shine and when its "shine" the vampires shine. I had a giggle over that.)
She moved to the middle of Australia and using her vampire strength dug a hole in Uluru and lived there. Edward was currently this awesome doctor person working around the place and Rosalie was being a super model somewhere on the globe which meant that Emmett could live with Bella in Uluru.
They decided that just living there was a bit boring, so they bought farm animals. They bought 12 ducks, 3 geese, a handful of guinea fowl (Once again, Google), a cow, a horse and some chickens. Considering Bella and Emmet had never actually looked after any animals (they preferred to kill them and drink their blood you see) they all died pretty quickly. The guinea fowl got eaten by a snake, the ducks and geese flew south, even though they pretty much would just get to Antarctica, and the cow and horse were taken by a dingo. Probably for breakfast.
The chickens however managed to last a few months. After two months the chickens started laying eggs. Bella and Emmett couldn't eat eggs so they just dug another hole in Uluru and stuck all the eggs in it. At first it was fun. Ditching them down the hole and hearing them SPLAT! at the bottom. After a while though they realised that eggs go off, and when they go off they REEK! This scared all the animals away so when Bella and Emmett were so thirsty they were about ready to try and drink each other, even though they have no blood in their bodies.
After a week of intense (like camping) thirst, Emmett had a wonderful idea of what to do with the eggs. So while Bella was reading Wuthering Heights for the bajillionth time Emmett snuck up behind her and dumped a whole bag full of eggs on her head.
This started a mass fight all across Australia with Emmett and Bella throwing eggs at each other. So if you ever get egged around Uluru, you know who it was. And if it hurts it's probably Bella, but if it REALLY hurts, it's Emmett.
I hope you enjoyed that.
I realise it's probably a piece of shit.
But you know, I'm bored and stuff.