After graduation I moved in with Madge and went to a local college. I heard that Peeta had moved to another state to study art which surprised me. I guess I never knew him as well as I thought, I figured he would be involved in sports.
My mind snapped back to the present. Thankfully my shift is almost over and I can hopefully avoid any awkward encounters with Peeta.
"Katniss, can you man the till for a moment? I really need to pee." Johanna asked, without waiting for an answer she headed towards the bathrooms.
I stood by the counter eyeing the muffins, they always look better than they taste.
"Hey Katniss," a familiar voice says, I freeze. My eyes still on the muffins. "Can we get the cheque please?" Another voice, the giggly blonde.
With no choice I look up, those blue pools are still captivating. I shift my glance to the blonde and put on my best 'for the customer' smile.
"Of course." I ring up the bill, "That will be 24.50." I focus on the blonde girl.I should say something, feign vague recognition.
"How have you been?" He asks, forcing me to acknowledge his presence.
"I'm okay thanks, and you?"
"I'm great, do you remember Delly?" He indicates to the blonde.
"Cartwright. We were in Spanish together." She adds.
Oh I do remember her, she had been several pounds heavier back then.
"Yes, sorry I didn't recognise you. You look great."
"Thanks," she beams at me.
Peeta's staring is making me feel so uncomfortable. "You're back?" I ask, unsure of how else to get out of this awkward conversation without being rude.
"Yeah, I have a job interview here and my brother's wife just had a baby. Do you work here now?"
"Um only during winter, I work at the national park as part of the educational team. Right now though there is little work due to weather conditions so I pick up some work here to help with the bills."
He grins, "I can't imagine you teaching."
"I do quite well I'll have you know, kids love me."
"I never doubted they would, you just were never much of a people person. Back in high school anyway."
"Things change." I retort, glowering now.
"That's the Katniss I remember." He grins again, I find it irritating. Fuck off Peeta and take giggles with you.
"We should go, it was nice seeing you Katniss." Delly interrupts us.
"I'll see you around Katniss." He says as they leave.
"Yeah, bye." He glances back before they exit the door. I watch them walk through the car park, it sort of looks like the are arguing.
Johanna is standing behind me and I startle when she talks.
"What was that?" amusement in her voice.
"What?"
"You and the hot guy. How do you know him?"
"We were friends, back in high school. We sort of drifted apart. And that was nothing."
"Didn't seem like nothing to me. Did you have something going on?"
"No." I couldn't think quick enough to respond with something to close this topic.
"Bullshit. He was eye fucking you for most of his time here while he was with another woman, brainless."
Johanna, always so blunt. She never held anything back and she didn't give a shit what anyone thought. Part of the reason being friends with her could be so liberating. Especially on a night out. Right now however I could do without this. Despite her no cares attitude, Johanna was a pretty fierce friend and was there for me when I needed someone most.
"Kat, you need to start thinking about moving on with your life. Be open to new possibilities and all that shit."
"I am moving on. I'm just not moving on to someone else right now...especially not him." Johanna looks at me exasperated. I wish it was that easy. Just to get over it. I leave my apron in the basket and grab my coat. I say my goodbyes to the other staff and head home.
X
My apartment is filled with boxes. I haven't gotten around to unpacking or even considering what is contained within.
I have dinner and take a shower. I attempt to not think of Peeta but that makes things worse and in the end he's all I can think about for the rest of the evening.
In truth I'm embarrassed about the past. I was fully aware of what I was doing the times when I text him to come get me. I had enjoyed his attention and the fact he would drop whatever he was doing to come get me. Listening to my bitching about Gale, never judging or forcing his feelings on me.
All these feelings and thoughts coming up are a welcome distraction. Usually I would be sitting here with a TV dinner wondering how the hell this could have happened. Its been a hard year, usually I would talk things over with Madge or Gale would be there to comfort me. But not anymore. Prim is away at college studying to be a Veterinarian, we really only communicate via text and email these days. Though shes always there to answer my calls but I hate to put my problems onto her when she's studying or enjoying herself.
I decide to text her anyway.
Katniss: I miss you, so bored right now.
Prim: I miss you too! I'll see you soon at Christmas break. I'm studying for tomorrow, why did I decide this is what I wanted to do?
Katniss: Can't wait, you'll ace it
Prim: Thanks, love you!
Katniss: You too little duck
Prim: :|
I smiled, she hated that I still call her that. A nickname from when her blouse stuck out like a duck tail. I'll always think it's cute, no matter what age.
I try to read, I'm about two chapters in when I lose interest and start thinking back to high school again. Damn Peeta, its not that I had forgotten these times. I just chose to not acknowledge them. I was with Gale and that meant forgetting the boy with the bread. I never forgot those cheese buns though and no amount of bakery testing had I found ones which were quite as good.
Gale had been jealous of the friendship I had with Peeta, if he had known that after we fought that's who picked me up he would have flipped. All he knew was that it was limited to lunch. I wasn't doing anything wrong, so I never felt the need to tell him. Madge knew but for all I know she never told him, back then anyway.
One night when Gale was at a party, I was home alone studying when Peeta text.
Peeta: How's the studying?
Katniss: Soul destroying.
Peeta: It's Friday night, you have the whole weekend, go do something fun.
Katniss: Alone?
Peeta: Are you asking me to join you?
Katniss: No, are you offering?
Peeta: I can't, too busy studying:)
Katniss: But we have all weekend!
Peeta: Do you want to go out in the car?
Katniss: We can hang out at my house if you like
Peeta: Sure, be over soon
Katniss: Ok, will order some pizza
Peeta: With extra pepperoni
I ordered the pizza and cleaned my room a little. Our house was small though fairly tidy, it wasn't much but it was comfortable and what we could afford.
When Peeta arrived he had brought me chocolate, he knew it was my favorite.
"You're the best." I grinned.
"I know."
I rolled my eyes at him. "What do you want to do?" I ask as I grab us both a drink from the fridge.
"We could watch a movie?" He suggests, indicating to our stack of DVDs.
"As long as its not Disney, Prim watches those way too often."
"We can skip the Disney." His smile was illuminating. I tried not to notice his muscular build or the way his curls sit on the nape of his neck.
We settle on a movie and eat our pizza, sitting side by side on the sofa. I pulled my legs up and hug them to me. The movie had trigged memories about my dad. I tried not to think about him often, it hurt too much. We had been close and I could never understand how he could have left us.
"Katniss are you okay?" Peeta asked with concern. He looked alarmed as a large tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped my eyes.
"Yeah, sorry. Just this movie, made me think of my dad."
"Do you want to talk about it."
"No, not really" My voice broke and before I knew it I was sobbing. Peeta wrapped his arms around me holding me to his chest. He whispered in my ear, soothing me, telling me I would be okay. I wanted to stay like this, let him protect me. But then I thought of Gale and all the times he was there for me when I needed him back when my dad first left.
"I'm sorry," I sniff.
"Don't be, its okay."
"It's not, you must get tired of me. All I do is complain to you about my problems and now I'm crying."
"It's okay Katniss." He rubs my back and strokes my hair, "Wheres your mom?"
"She's took Prim to visit my aunt til tomorrow." His fingers play with loose strands of my hair and it feels so good.
"Tell me about your dad," he says, as I relax my head against his chest. I'm not sure I want to say these things out loud. I should hate my dad but all I do is miss him.
"He left us...my mom, for another woman. They worked together, they had been having an affair for a while. Her husband called my mom and told her. It was a shitty way to find out."
He exhaled, "Katniss, that fucking sucks."
I continued, "My dad and I were really close, he used to take me hunting with him. He taught me to shoot, fish and clean game. We would go out into the woods and stay in a cabin for entire weekends living off what was caught or found. I lived for those times. It was just my dad and I mostly because Prim hated killing animals...I guess I didn't notice my mom and him had drifted apart. I never noticed anything that would have given away that he was with another woman then but when I look back now he went away on longer trips for business or there were more work functions to attend. He also spent a lot of time checking his work phone for messages. My mom she...she drank a lot sometimes. She refused to go to work functions with him branding his colleagues pretentious. The man who had called to tell her about the affair told her that his wife had said she was an alcoholic. I don't think she was, she was just insecure and she drank. She hasn't drank since he left."
"And you never see him now?"
"No. He tried but then I found out when he left he had moved in with his new girlfriend and her daughter, I couldn't face him. My mom had taken it really badly, she just went into mental torpor. She didn't talk to us or get out of bed. I had to try and take care of Prim and I, make sure the bills were paid and that we had food on our table otherwise social services would have become involved."
"And he didn't try and help?"
"He did come around but he never came inside. I was so angry at him I just screamed at him to leave. He stopped showing up and trying to talk to us, it just upset Prim when he came and I told him we didn't want to see him ever again."
"But you did?"
"I did. I tried to see him a few years later, I couldn't track him down, his parents had died when I was a baby and he doesn't have any brothers or sisters. I found out from a friend of his at the mine where he worked though that he had moved state. It didn't take long before court papers arrived requesting a divorce. Then someone told my mom that he remarried and his new wife was pregnant and he had adopted her existing daughter who was about Prim's age." I felt fresh tears sting my eyes. "He replaced us. It all fucking sucks, Peeta."
He held me close to him again as the tears spilled, even our silence was comfortable.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that," he says. Its wasn't his fault and he was apologizing, always the gallant gentleman. The clock catches my eye, its late.
"Peeta, Can you stay? I don't want to be alone?" I look up at him with my puffy eyes and tear stained face.
"Always." He pressed his lips to the top of my head. I ached to reach up and touch my lips to his but I pushed those feelings aside and broke our embrace.
"I'm going to wash my face and change, my bedroom is the 3rd from the right."
"I can sleep on the floor or the couch?" He suggested nervously.
"It's more comfortable in my room. I'll be there in a second, can you check the door is locked?"
I headed to the bathroom. I was fully aware I was playing with fire by inviting Peeta to my bed. I had no intentions of anything happening and I trusted him fully.
After I changed into my most unflattering pajamas, an old band t-shirt and shorts, I entered my room. Peeta was sitting on my bed looking through my pictures, they were mostly of my sister and I, some of my dad and mom. And some of Gale, which Peeta was staring at right now. A picture of us at the beach, laughing and eating ice cream.
"You look happy here." He keeps staring at the picture.
"I was, it was nice. Gale's family, Prim and I were all at the beach. I tan really well whilst Prim got sunburned, she looked like a lobster and she was mad at us for teasing her." I smiled at the memory. "Are you going to wear your jeans to bed? That cant be comfortable."
"If you wanted me to undress you only need to ask," he teased with a smile. My stomach was in a knot, this was maybe a bad idea.
"If I wanted to see you undressed, I would have asked a long time ago. I'm only considering your comfort here." I respond as I climb into bed. Peeta chuckled then removed his jeans and socks and climbed into the bed.
We were lying next to each other awkwardly at first, then I moved over and put my head on his chest, he brought his arm up over me. It was innocent and comforting.
"Thanks Peeta," I whispered.
I could hear him smile as he said, "Goodnight Katniss."
When I woke in the morning, Peeta's arms were still around me. I nuzzled against his chest for a while longer, listening to his soft snores. Gale and I had never spent the night together or woke like this. Peeta's face was so peaceful. I reached out to trace his lips. He stirred slightly and his arm tightened around me. I felt safe and dared to wish this moment could last forever. But my head told me it wouldn't, I broke away and got up to go take a shower. Peeta muttered in mild protest and opened his eyes.
"Morning." I rifle through my drawers for clean clothes.
"What time is it?" He asked groggily.
"Eight forty. I'm going to take a shower, help yourself to breakfast."
When I entered the kitchen Peeta had made us pancakes for breakfast.
"I didn't know you could cook." The pancakes were amazing.
"My dad owns a bakery and you assume I can't cook." He laughs, "Who do you think makes the cheese buns for lunch?"
"That was you?" Im still shovelling pancake down my throat greedily like I'm worried I won't get enough.
"You eat worse than my brother. I can make more if you are hungry."
"No they just taste so good. My mom never cooks breakfast and I can never get the consistency right. So why cheese buns?"
"You said they were your favorite so I kept making them." He's blushing a little, a slight flush over his ears.
We are and talked, it was so comfortable. I forgot about everything in the presence of his company. I couldn't help but think How uncomplicated my relationship with Peeta was compared to Gale. Even before Gale and I had sex, our friendship wasn't like this. We would talk about the circumstances of our lives, where things had gone wrong or who was to blame. We could argue or debate for hours but then be kissing as though we needed to consume one another. Eventually though that fire extinguishes. At the time that didn't seem possible.
Peeta and I were still talking when the door opened and Prim ran in towards us.
"Katniss, look what I got!" She froze, staring at Peeta.
"Hi," he said giving her a friendly smile.
"Hi," she said shyly.
My mother came in behind her, her eyes took in the sight in front of her. If only ever had Gale over before.
"This is Peeta, a friend from school. He and I were just eating pancakes, he came over early to get a book and I was about to make breakfast so I asked him to stay." I realise my excuse was too long but hope they are satisfied that he only arrived this morning.
My mother nodded in his direction and gave him a courteous, "Hello, nice to meet you."
Peeta announced he should go, studying couldn't wait. I walked him to the door. I hugged him before he left and whispered, "thanks."
He gave me a smile which looked half sad as he left.
When Prim had finished showing me her new dress and gone to hang it up. I was left alone with my mother. Despite her mental health being better, she still had bad days and I struggled to have patience with her.
"Did he spend the night?" She asked suddenly.
"What? No." My heart raced and I looked away hoping she couldn't tell I was lying from my facial expression.
"I saw you kiss him on the porch." Oh god, the night the light came on.
"That was a mistake. We're just friends."
"Good. Because he'll hurt you, you know. They always do." And at that she left the room.
My mother had met my dad in senior year of high school after she transferred when her parents moved here for work.
Maybe she was right. He said he had liked me for a long time, crushes rarely last. Infatuation has its limits. I knew that now.
X
I fell asleep on the sofa so when I wake up my neck hurts like hell. I check the time on my phone 7:47am, later than I usually sleep.
I take a shower and decide to go running, I have today off work. I know I should be unpacking those boxes but I still can't face it. I drive to the beach and decide to run along the shore. It's freezing but I love the sea spray and the smell of the ocean as much as I love the smell of a forest.
About an hour later my phone signals a text.
Johanna: Hey Brainless, hot blonde was in this morning, alone. He asked me when you would next be working.
My heart pumped a little harder in my chest.
Katniss: What did you tell him?
Johanna: I told him your shifts
Why do I feel nervous? And a little excited, if I'm honest with myself. I wouldn't mind talking to Peeta again.
X
It's a week before Peeta shows up in the cafe. He's with another blonde guy who I can only describe as beautiful. Johanna doesn't waste time serving them and flirting shamelessly. The sight makes me smile. Despite being a train wreck due to her past history Johanna lets nothing hold her back from getting what she wants.
She brings back their order and with a grin says, "Finn has united us to a party."
"Finn?"
"Hot blondes even hotter blonde friend who is giving me very inappropriate thoughts right now."
I roll my eyes at her, "His name is Peeta."
"Don't you dare even say no." She warns.
"When?" There's no point denying her, she will harass me about it until I relent anyway.
"Saturday night. And we both have the night off, no excuses."
I try to continue waiting tables without paying too much attention to Peeta. I can't help but glance over a few times but he's mostly deep in conversation with his friend. His friend however, Finn, catches my eye and a grin spreads over his face causing Peeta to look in my direction. I blush and hang my head down as I stack plates onto a tray and hurry back through to the kitchen.
When I go back out there are customers waiting to pay. I serve them and then see Peeta approach. I look around for Johanna to take over but she's busy taking an order. I sigh, no way out of it now.
"Hey," he greets me. He's wearing a navy t-shirt and dark green combats, I try to avert my eyes from staring at his muscular frame and instead focus on his eyes. Not helping.
"Hey," I reply, casually.
"I was hoping to run into you again."
"Oh?" Is all I can manage.
"I wondered if you would like to catch up. It's been a while."
I conflict internally with what to do. It couldn't hurt, it's just a catch up and I have to admit I'm curious about what Peeta is like now.
"If you ask me for coffee I'm going to have to decline, I can't stand the smell after working here so much."
He grins at this. "A drink then? There's a new bar in town I wanted to try."
"Okay. When?"
"Tomorrow night?" He suggests.
"Sure, pick me up at six." I tell him, I write down my address on the notepad and hand it to him.
"See you then." The smile he gives me makes my heart race. He pays his bill and then leaves to catch up with his friend.
I spend the next 24 hours with my stomach in a knot. I think about canceling but I don't have his number. Johanna comes over around 3 to try and calm me down.
"Fucking hell Kat, this place is like a storage unit. Unpack already."
"I will...eventually."
"You're not wearing that are you?" She points to my faded leggings and oversized shirt.
"No, I don't know what to wear. I don't want to give him the wrong impression."
"First off we need to sort out the 3 W's. Waxed, washed and wardrobe. Despite your plans to fuck him or not."
"It's just a catch up. Old friends. And yes I waxed and I showered." I roll my eyes.
"You need a rebound. Just get him out of your system."
"That's not what I need."
"Kat, if anyone needs no strings attached fun right now it's you."
"But not with Peeta."
"Why the fuck not?"
So I explain to her about our past.
"That was years ago Katniss and you are both different people now. He was a horny teenager with a crush back then. Albeit a very gentlemanly one, fuck knows how he managed that."
"Not everyone has to fuck anything that moves Jo."
"When you are a teenage boy you do."
I sigh and think of Gale, how at 18 he couldn't get enough. Had Peeta been that way too?
I thought of Cressida and wrinkled my nose.
"Catch up with the guy, hook up, move on. I bet you will feel better, I imagine he's great in the sack. Those arms could probably balance you as-"
"Shut the fuck up." I say throwing a pillow at her, "Help me find something to wear."
We dig around the boxes of clothes and I settle on a cobalt blue skater dress with a black belt. Joanna argues with me over whether or not I should wear heels or boots. She relents as I choose ankle boots with a heel.
"No tights Katniss, I draw the fucking line there, you have great legs so show them off."
I pull on the boots and Johanna helps me fix my hair and apply the minimum of make up.
"This isn't even a date."
"No but it's the first time you have spent any time in the presence of a man since Gale."
"There was Darius."
"He doesn't count, you weren't even interested."
It's true, we went out once around a month ago and I had text Johanna begging her to rescue me. She had called with an excuse about my water pipes or something and I had left a poor confused Darius alone at the restaurant.
At 5.55pm I feel so nervous that I can't stop playing with my hair. Johanna left a half hour ago making me promise to call or text her as soon as I got home or when was alone.
I make my way down to wait on Peeta just as he's pulling into the sidewalk.
x
During the ride to the bar I chat politely with him about his brothers family and his new nephew. I remember Peeta's brother Brandon vaguely, he was several years older than us and his other brother Ryan had been in Gale's year at school. He's staying with Ryan for the moment which he says sucks because his brother has a particularly noisy girlfriend who stays over, a lot.
We arrive at the bar which is surprisingly quiet though it is a Thursday night.
"I've never been here before but Delly tells me it's great."
"Me either," I say as I look at the sign which names the bar as 'Abernathy's'. "Does Delly mind that you are taking another woman out to a bar?"
He laughs as he opens the door for me, "I hope not considering she's engaged."
"To you?" I ask, surprising myself as my voice raises about two octaves.
"Nah Thom, they met at work."
"So how are you two friends?"
"We've been friends since preschool. Our mom's knew each other from high school." I never knew but I suddenly recall Peeta's regular lunch table which was filled with douchebag jocks,
We find a booth at the back and Peeta orders a water and I ask for a blackberry Gin and Tonic from the cocktail list. He laughs at my choice.
"What?"
"I had you pegged for a straight up hard liquor type, not one for fruity drinks with an umbrella."
"Well I'm full of surprises. And you are drinking water."
"I look forward to finding out more. I'm also driving." He catches my eye, his grin is friendly and his eyes give away nothing. I'm desperately trying to assess the situation. Is Jo right, does he want to end up back at my place tonight? I'm no good at this. With Gale there was just a transition from friends to lovers to a relationship. There's never been anyone else and flirting with anyone on my part was always innocent or me being passive aggressive.
The waitress brings our drinks and I instantly remove the umbrella and place it in his JD and coke, he laughs.
"Are you hungry? I'm going to order some chicken wings."
In truth I haven't eaten but I am filled with nerves and decide I'll stick to the alcohol.
"So are you planning on staying here? I ask Inquisitively.
"I'm thinking about going on to earn a teaching degree."
"That's great, what would you teach?"
He goes on to tell me about college and how he fell in love with The Renaissance whilst spending time in Europe. Studying abroad in Italy had driven his inspiration of art history and given him time to develop his skills with different materials. Peeta was so passionate as he spoke about art and his favourite pieces. I was entranced.
"So I think I would like to teach art history and then I would still have time to paint. In the future maybe set up a gallery."
"I'd love to see your work sometime." All my nerves are forgotten as Peeta and I just talk about everything that's happened since high school, although that could be with the help of the alcohol. I tell him about Prim being off at Veterinarian school, my mom now working in an alternative medicine surgery in another town. We have never really repaired our relationship, I resented her for the past and leaving Prim and I to look after ourselves. She couldn't find a way to make up for it so we had fallen into a silent agreement of minimum contact and only for Prim's sake. I had moved out for college and never returned unless for special occasions or holidays. We start chatting about my work as part of the educational team at the national park. I teach kids about the forest, the animals, plants and trees and also teach archery and swimming in the lake during the summer. I love my job and hope to move from seasonal part timer to full timer someday, then I can finally quit the cafe.
Conversation turns back to high school as we get talking about old acquaintances, before I know it Peeta asks about Madge.
"How is she doing?"
"She's fine, I guess."
"You guys aren't friends anymore?"
"We...we grew apart. I haven't seen her in a while." I'm lying, I haven't seen her since that night six months ago, I never wanted to see her again.
As if he can sense that I don't want to talk about Madge he moves the conversation on. I reach over and take a chicken wing.
"Hey, you said you weren't hungry." he protests.
"I changed my mind." I reply as I chew the chicken.
"So are you and Gale still together?" When he asks this, I struggle to swallow and take a sip of my drink.
"No. We broke up."
"I'm sorry. I seem to be asking all the awkward questions..." he trails off looking embarrassed.
"It's okay, we...it's just. Its still kind of raw you know. It wasn't that long ago."I look down and stare at my drink. I turn and signal the waitress and ask for another.
"Sorry I totally understand. You guys must have been together a while, that's rough."
"Don't be sorry. It was almost six years. What about you, no girl to bring back with you after all your travels?"
His ears flush red, I remember this from school when Peeta was embarrassed. I always thought it was adorable.
"None of late and none that I ever felt like investing six years into."
I smile, "It doesn't feel like six years since you and I drove around in that old beat up car."
"I loved that car, in fact my brother gave it tp me when I went off to college. Sadly it gave up after about a year in."
"Rest in peace...what was it you guys called her again?"
"Glimmer, I can't believe you remember that." he laughs.
I raise my glass in toast, "To Glimmer." Peeta raises his glass too and he stars at me so intently I almost pour the drink over me.
We spend the rest of the night catching up some more and Peeta drops me off he insists on walking me to my door.
"I'll be fine, its not like someone can grab me in the short distance from your car to the door."
"It's polite, plus I can't call and see if you are okay."
"I don't have your number either."
"Give me your phone," he says and when I hand it over he programs his number into the phonebook.
He hands it back to me and we walk towards my apartment. When we reach the door Peeta pulls me into a hug. It lingers longer than I expect.
"It was good catching up with you." he says into my ear.
I pull back unsure of what to say or do next. So I make the biggest mistake of the night, I lean forward and kiss him, his lips don't respond and I'm beginning to regret that fourth drink.
Peeta pushes me to arms length and says, "Katniss, this wasn't a date. I wasn't expecting anything."
"I-I'm sorry." I stammer, the heat in my face must be visible. I'm such a fucking idiot. I don't even want to have sex with him, even if I agree with Jo that he is fucking hot. He's been so nice to me all night but I was sure he was flirting sometimes, maybe I'm getting so pathetic I'm starting to misread people.
"Hey, It's okay." He pulls me into another hug and rubs my back. It's so comforting. I wish he would fucking leave so I can be miserable alone. Okay no, let's just stay like this. I relax into him.
"Katniss, I'm not really the rebound guy type. I think it's for the best if we stick to being friends." He pulls away and looks away from me. I feel a bit rejected in spite of my lack of plans to sleep with him tonight. "I had a great time tonight catching up and I'd hate to ruin that with residual weirdness from a one night stand."
"Of course, I'm sorry. I think I overindulged on the G&T. I'm so sorry." I apologise again.
"Don't worry about it," he gives me a lopsided smile, "Call or text me anytime, I'll see you at the party." He starts walking back to his car and I let myself inside so I can die of mortification.