"Just follow me."

I did as told. We went to the station and boarded the train Koizumi used to board by himself, and stood up for about 20 minutes. I looked at his face, and made again some sort of decision; I didn't understand a thing, but I knew for sure that it had been enough. I've had enough of Haruhi and her ideas, of the whole listen-to-her-or-the-world-will-crumble-down. I won't deny that I had fun all this time, and that I used to find everything interesting, even if exhausting. I had wanted to meet aliens, time-travelers and espers as well. I had made that choice during that Christmas time. However, there are limits to everything.

The fact that Koizumi, the one who used to glorify Haruhi had somehow betrayed her, indicated me that this situation which ran out of control was to be stopped. Haruhi needed a lesson, she needed to understand that you cannot always have it your way, no matter if you are a mere human or some sort of god. Koizumi looked sad, but also angry. I felt anger myself. I felt it was impossible for me to continue living on like this. Something had to be done.

After getting off at a random station, Koizumi guided me on a bunch of small and dark streets, after we finally reached an apartment complex. He lived at the highest level in a large studio, all by himself.

"Please make yourself comfortable, I'll go make some tea."

Do not let yourself deceived, this courteous line wasn't said by the old Koizumi, but by the real one, and it had a rather unpleasant sound to it. Reluctantly, I got myself seated on a white leather couch and waited. There was a rather simple living room, in a European style. Aside of the couch, there were all sorts of gadgets which I couldn't recognize, a desk and a bookcase. I noticed there was some sort of stairs leading to the roof. Everything gave off an awkward feeling. After a few minutes, Koizumi brought the tea and dragged himself a chair next to the table in front of the couch.

"Here."

It tasted like poison, but I still gulped it down knowing I couldn't do any better either. Koizumi stared me down, not touching his own cup, and said after a while:

"I also have juice."

After this apparently random comment, he did not move to bring the juice, but instead said:

"How could have you been so stupid?"

What?! What do you mean?! Now it's my fault?!

"It's precisely your fault. But I won't deny I had been stupid as well for failing to notice."

Failing to notice what? What did exactly happen with Haruhi?

"Now how should I put it…" he pondered while lowering his gaze. "I think I should start from the moment when Suzumiya came to the clubroom announcing our participation in the manga club's project and pushed me over the table."

I couldn't stop my cheeks from turning red, but more because of the anger of remembering. Wait, are you calling her just 'Suzumiya'? The shock was just too great…

"So, what about it?"

"Suzumiya had been very bored at that time, and because she had no idea what activity to do, she suddenly remembered one thing from the past. That would be the time when she helped the Music Club and performed at the cultural festival. So, remembering that there were other clubs in our school, she went on scouting them , hoping she would find something interesting or mysterious."

"And so she reached the Manga Club?"

"That's accurate. And there's one more thing… the gratitude she had been repaid when doing something for others' sake, she remembered that as well. Getting to know something new, that would be the activity of the Manga Club, she was instantly fascinated, but did not quite realize the complexity of such things and the consequences that would follow. Being encouraged by everybody's enthusiasm, she didn't even notice her own feelings."

Now you've lost me. You mean she'd actually been doing this for the sake of the Manga Club, even if she didn't really want it?! Haruhi is not the type to do things against her own will!

"No, she isn't, but her will is also hidden from herself. While feeling satisfied when gaining others' admiration, she did not realize that this was hurting her. You are not the only one who had been stupid, but I must say I had a bad feeling. That was after our first visit to the Manga Club, when I told you I'm sad because of going against her will, even though I had said her will was close to law. That was when I first thought about the unfolding events not to be her actual will…"

So she didn't want to do any of these crazy things? Then why…?

Koizumi frowned, preparing to say something which he found very difficult. Why didn't I notice his sighs, why haven't I asked myself about the hatred in his eyes?

"Why, you ask? First, she had been overwhelmed by the events… And afterwards, when she felt something was not right, she dared you even more, she got desperate…"

Dared me?! Desperate?!

"I am only going to tell you this once. I have no choice but to say it."

He leaned closer to me, and I could feel his gaze lock unto my eyes, like he was trying to hypnotize me. I found it to be a little scary.

"I'm listening."

"From the very beginning, after realizing something was off, Haruhi had wanted you to do something and oppose the events, in other words, she didn't want you to obey her. When seeing your attempts to disobey she wasn't satisfied and got even harsher because she had wanted you to do more, to break the chains which kept her locked, her promise to the Manga Club. And she had come to hating everything because she could not stand it – seeing you being close to me."

What?! So she didn't like yaoi then?

"No you idiot. That was because she loves you."

I went wide-eyed, and in that exact moment, Koizumi leaned even closer and while running his fingers through my hair, he pressed his lips against mine. I understood. How could I not? Everything became crystal clear, and Koizumi's sorrow seemed endless. His love for Haruhi and his hatred for me. The desire to understand the beloved of his goddess. Now, the hatred for not observing him, for using him, for not treasuring his support. The need for revenge, wanting to steal away the only thing she cared about. That would be me. I had become an object being disputed between two superior beings.

Even so, even if I lied to myself and to others about me not caring about Haruhi, even if she could have been god… today, at the Manga Club, when she went berserk and made Koizumi kiss me, that thing which could be named my love for Haruhi broke. She had disappointed me, she made me hate her and throw her away, even though she needed me in order to keep living in a world which did not accept her. She had got angry at Koizumi for the first time and denied his loyalty only because it was her who had made him do something like that. Even if it had been her fault, she shoved it on us. I didn't want to forgive her, it had been just to painful. I guess I wanted to prove she was no god and she had to accustom with living like any other human, without getting everything she wanted, whenever she wanted it.

I guess that after three days of nightmare, I finally felt relieved in the arms of Koizumi, who hated me so much. As I had had enough of a certain person's love, I felt at ease with not being loved. Koizumi continued kissing me and I closed my eyes shut while he circled round the table and came in front of me. Without stopping for a single second, he removed my blazer, pushed me on my back on the couch and then proceeded with unbuttoning my shirt. The irony of life was almost unbearable: after being so tormented these days because of the 'boys love' thing, now I ignored it completely and did not feel anything was bad or strange.

It was very simple actually, I had nothing to do because Koizumi looked like he knew what he was doing, and I wasn't flustered at all.

I tried hiding from myself the fact that I was treated like an object and humiliated by a person I used not to stand and who hated me, the fact that my first time was just meaningless revenge for healing my broken heart and that I was to hurt the person I used to care most about. I tried ignoring all these as Koizumi went down on my body with his kisses and after getting rid of his own blazer, unbuttoned my pants and threw them on the floor. It was almost like he was planning to kill me, he didn't give a damn about my body or feelings, he was just taking the shortcut for relieving his anger.

Had he wanted to do this with Haruhi? Only the thought of it made me throw up, even though I said I didn't care anymore… The next thought I had felt very heavy, and I couldn't totally accept the me who had thought it, but alright, here it is… 'You can have me, but stay away from her. I'd do anything so you'd stay away from her.'

Koizumi was not gentle at all, but he didn't seem really experienced either. After stripping me of my boxers, he rolled me over and I couldn't even breathe as my face drowned into the soft sofa. After some sounds which presumably meant Koizumi getting rid of his own pants and underwear, I felt his cold skin as he got on top of me and proceeded with hurting me even more. In that moment, I could sense it… his hatred for me, stronger than anybody else's. I remember trying to yell him to stop, waving my hands and trying to get up, but none of these worked – he didn't give a damn about me or what it felt like being in my position; it was obvious he truly wanted me to suffer, both physically and psychologically. Koizumi had always been a bastard. I now disliked him even more than I used to.

I must admit it felt a bit good near the end, but at that time, my body ached so much I could feel barely nothing. After literally finishing me off, he left me laying there and put on his own boxers, somehow unfazed. I only managed to change the position of my head for a bit, and now I could see the room around. I noticed Koizumi had disappeared and heard noises from the kitchen – some glasses broke. I hardly lifted my body and put my clothes back on, with the odd feeling of feeling refreshed but also very tired.

I sat stiffly on the couch, with my hands in my lap, like a middle-school kid in an unfamiliar environment. After a short while Koizumi came back, wearing only his boxers and unbuttoned shirt and carrying two glasses with orange juice. After putting them on the table, he started out of the blue:

"There is still something I didn't tell you, and I'm certain you aren't going to like it."

I shivered at the sound of his voice like I had just been woken up, and wearily asked:

"What is it?"

"After getting away from the closed space yesterday night, I had an unexpected encounter."

I gulped down my glass of juice. You mean…?

"It was Asahina-san from the future."

WHAT?!

I jumped out screaming. I got dizzy, so eventually sat down, under the mindless gaze of Koizumi, who for some reason felt very distant and out of reach.

"I suppose you remember the script Suzumiya-san wrote for the Manga Club?"

That absolute piece of crap? Don't tell me you….?!

Where did that '-san' come from?!

"No, it would be impossible for me to kill the Asahina-san from this timeline since Asahina-san big exists. However, Asahina-san skipped classes because she did indeed return to the future."

NO!!! WHY?! Wasn't it you who said Haruhi didn't really mean this thing to happen?! Therefore, why….?!

I was basically in despair, and there was no longer anyone who could save me. Either way, I did no longer deserve Asahina-san's kindness. However, for her to leave this soon…

"No, you have misunderstood. She did not return to the future because Suzumiya-san wished so in that meaningless script, but because the situation degenerated and Suzumiya's instability threatened to become a problem. According to the big Asahina-san's words, they are currently trying to decide upon a course of action which would preserve the future intact."

You mean you lied when you said there is no danger of her destroying the world?! If things are this bad, I, we…, I mean…

"The Organization does not consider the situation to be critic. If you remember, mine and Asahina-san's factions have opposite views regarding Suzumiya-san, and their point of view is not important to us. Asahina-san big just wanted me to carry this message to you, because she couldn't meet you in person. I am not lying. Also, Nagato's role is to observe, so she hasn't warned you of anything, because the SOS Brigade is not in danger. I'm not sure about Suzumiya throwing you out either."

You mean I am still part of the SOS Brigade?! But there's no way I can face Haruhi again, after everything that happened… Things are going to break down and then the situation is really going to be critic…

With a pensive look, Koizumi answered, after sipping from his glass of juice:

"Do you think I gave a damn about the world when laying you down on that couch?"

I couldn't help not to blush and frown at the same time.

"This means you're going all out?"

"Exactly. If Suzumiya wants to destroy me, you or the world, then be it. If the Organization will be after my head, be it. I couldn't care less."

You're walking the path to destruction willingly?! I did it as well when allowing you to do as you pleased, but I didn't really feel like having a choice…

"Everybody has a choice, and you had just made yourself mine, out of your own free will. It's not my problem that you're in denial."

In denial?! No, I had the same reason as you did… However, I still don't want this world to be destroyed because of me – the guilt would be too much.

His gaze pierced through me once again.

"Well, too late."
I finally noticed the difference between me and him: I stood down properly dressed, politely talking, while he had messy hair and was lousily sitting on his chair, wearing only his underwear and a ruffled shirt. He spoke calmly, while I got all emotional. He was acting like a finished man who desired nothing more than death, while I was ready to face forward and concerned about the future.

"Is this what you really wanted? Do you want it to end like this just because Haruhi couldn't love your mask, since she doesn't even know the real you?"

He stood up and grabbed me by my collar, while angrily but calmly snapping me to the wall.

"I'll have you feel even more pain, until you'll be able to understand how I feel."

His eyes did not waver and I started to fear him. I expected him to run berserk and shout insults, even beat me up, but I couldn't break that state of lethargy engulfing him. His arm choked me and I tried removing it, but the grip was too strong. I couldn't make a sound. I was going to die by the hands of the person who took everything away from me. After some seconds which seemed endless, Koizumi finally let go of me and I slide down the wall panting. I had underestimated him. I should have thought better about the expression "nothing to lose".

"You were scared you might die, but you lived. That's the feeling one gets when entering Suzumiya's closed spaces in order to erase her worries."

What do you…?

Koizumi was still up, and I was seated on the couch. Looking down to me, he said:

"I have never done anything to satisfy my own desires, except of what I did today. I don't have a past, or if I had one, it had been erased when Suzumiya recreated the world three years ago. Suzumiya had been all I had. But the truth is she had never belonged to me. She had been my world, so when I stopped caring about her, I stopped caring about the world. I'm not afraid."

Just when I was about to answer, the ground moved.

"Earthquake!" I yelled as everything faded to white.