Disclaimer: Yeah… no. Just no. If you think so, you're wrong.

A/N: I am so sorry! Truly I am! You have no idea how busy I've been (Higher Exams – aaaaaargh!) – and I know everyone says that, but in my case, it's the blatant truth. Siriusly. (:P)

This is dedicated to my wonderful beta Aidan, who's birthday it was a wee while ago and who was my Secret Santa. :) So Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas Aidan! ;P I should probably also say that he has been trying to get me to finish this chapter for ages, but as I have told you all before: I'm stubborn and bent in my ways (and I had loads of homework and other crap to do so…). He hasn't actually beta-ed this so mistakes are definitely all mine this time… ;)

So on with my v. late chapter then… (if anyone's still reading this piece of crap… doubt it to be frank – people probably got sick of waiting) :S. As always, reviewers are cool and the recap is in italics.

Oh yeah… and Happy New Year everyone!

So, yeah – chapter 3…

Muggles, Fan Mail and Metamorphmagus Werewolves
Chapter 3: Boarding School With Girls Has Its Merits

'No, Vernon.' She took a tentative seat at the Gryffindor table, a couple of spaces apart from everyone else on either side, and looked pointedly at her husband whom had remained standing.

'We'll just have to make the best of it.' A ghost of a smile played over her lips.

Vernon stood gaping at his wife as she straightened the plates and cutlery around her, trying to make it look more uniform. She turned and looked pointedly up at her husband and down to the seat next to her, uttering his name sharply under her breath.

Vernon didn't move.

He seemed to have gone into a kind of shock. As though seeing his normally doting wife with a backbone scared him slightly… at least enough to make him re-think the situation before opening his mouth. Harry could almost see his brain working behind his throbbing vein: calculating the number of witnesses to this strange event, wondering how many heard him and his wife's exchange, wondering if he could sell them drills…

'Vernon!' Aunt Petunia said again, her eyes wide, her "don't let the neighbours hear" expression in place.

After a moment, in which Uncle Vernon looked menacingly at the people closest to him – daring them to say anything about the sudden change in control, he sat down. Looking slightly panicked, the wordless Dudley hurriedly took a place next to Harry.

Feeling the bench move a bit less than usual under his cousin's weight (well, rather than the tectonic movement he expected), Harry turned his head to look at him. He'd changed – that was obvious. His face was a bit thinner and his blonde hair was longer, making him appear less childlike. His massive bulk had also decreased, although he still took up more that one designated place at the table.

Dudley squirmed under his inspection and Harry looked away, trying to find something interesting that could hold his attention away from his cousin. Nothing could, so he looked back.

Dudley was awkwardly picking at something on his wrist, not meeting anyone's gaze. People around him were eyeing him curiously, as though expecting some incredible circus trick they were scared they would miss out on if they looked away. Harry caught Hermione's eye, silently asking advice. She gave him a look, reminiscent of Mrs Weasley that clearly said 'talk to him' and looked away. Glancing at Ron, whose face showed only bewilderment, he turned to Dudley who was still picking animatedly at his wrist.

'So, Dud,' Harry started awkwardly, his eyes straining to look at his face but being distracted by the movement of his fingers, 'How have you… what are you doing?'

'Huh? Oh, I have a scar. It's itchy.'

'You have a… what?' asked Harry, frowning.

'A scar. Well, a scab… kinda, I dunno. It's pretty big. I mean, not as big as yours, but…' Dudley trailed off, looking at Harry's forehead.

'My scar…? Which one?' Harry said, sighing, his tone resigned.

Dudley frowned, looking confused, shaking his blonde head slightly.

'You have more than one?'

'Yeah, things like attacking me and leaving marks. If it isn't an evil wizard it's a snake, or a crazy bitch -' (Hermione tutted) '- with a quill, or… jewellery…' said Harry distractedly, playing with a fork on the table.

'What did the locket do to you?' Ron asked in surprise.

'It fused to my skin, Ron. You would have seen the mark when you pulled me out of the pond,' Harry replied, incredulous disbelief playing on his features.

'I'm sorry!' said Ron sarcastically, 'I was a little preoccupied with saving your life! I mean, honestly - what kind of plonker jumps into a pond wearing a necklace?!'

Harry scowled 'At least it didn't have 'My Sweetheart' on it.'

Ron gawped at him, aghast, before giving in to the smile tugging at his lips. Staring at each other, Harry and Ron both started to snigger at their inside joke.

'I got maggots,' said Harry through his laughter.

It was like a dam inside of them broke as their laughter grew. A dam that had been built up over the past few months by guilt and fear; a dam that had now, finally, been broken by a surge of relief, of freedom.

And so they laughed. Growing until it was almost hysterical, their amusement at a triviality no one but them could understand was acknowledged. After all, it has always been easier to laugh than to cry…

Hermione looked between them, confused, as their laughter died down, before tutting and muttering under her breath. Something about 'tact' and 'boys'. Dudley looked even more confused, as though he was still attempting to work out what they'd said a few minutes ago and was working furiously to get up to the point they'd reached.

But just as Dudley opened his mouth, presumably to ask about their laughing exchange, a distraction appeared in the form of Parvati.

'Harry!' she called wearily, approaching their section of the long table. Her usually sleek hair was lank and dirty and a chunk was missing from one side. Her clothes were filthy and scorched and ripped in places, showing sores and blisters on her usually flawless skin. 'I just wanted to say thanks,' she began, upon reaching their seats, 'to all of you.' she gestured around the table at Ron and Hermione, 'I didn't really get a chance to this morning, cooped up in the hospital wing-'

'You don't have to-' Harry began, before realising her full comment and instinctively checking her over with his eyes. 'Why were you in the hospital wing? Are you hurt?'

'No. It's my sister. Oh – she's okay,' she said hurriedly, answering the unspoken question on the trio's lips', 'well – she's okay now at least. The curse was pretty tricky, but one of the other patients had seen it before so he knew what to do, thank Merlin.'

'So she's okay?' asked Hermione, with a hint of worry in her voice.

'Yeah, she's fine. Oh – she says thanks too, by the way.' Parvati replied, smiling.

'You don't need to thank us – we didn't do anything-'

'Yes. You did, Harry. Especially you. What you did was amazing. You got rid of You-Know-Who and you taunted him – that's practically everyone's dream!'

Dudley muttered something too quiet to hear beside him, disbelief playing on his features. Harry turned to look at him, frowning, before turning to answer Parvati.

'It wasn't just me – it was everyone-'

'Stop being so bloody modest Harry!' spat Ron, but he was smiling an affectionate half-grin towards the friend he was addressing, shaking his head a little at his typical behaviour.

Harry opened his mouth to retaliate, but Hermione cut across him, forcing him to bite-back his reply.

'Honestly, you'd think after killing You-Know-Who his attitude would be a little more supercilious,' she said to Parvati, smiling at the frowning Harry affectionately.

'Super-what?' asked Ron, his face screwed up in disgust at her word choice.

'Supercilious.'

'Which means…?'

'For Merlin's sake, Ronald! You should read more – then you'll have a higher understanding threshold!' said Hermione, sighing resignedly. 'It means arrogant, condescending, disdainful – do you understand now?!'

'Yes, yes – okay! Calm down!' said Ron, his eyes wide and fearful, his hands out in front of him to protect him from her wrath. Hermione smirked.

'Er…' began Parvati, not sure what to make of their exchange.

'Yeah…' Harry said slowly, nodding his head along to her awkwardness.

'Anyway, guys – I should probably go back up to the hospital wing – I said I wouldn't be too long. Padma doesn't really want to be left alone in the hospital wing – it keeps reminding her that she's sick,' said Parvati, chuckling at her twin's views and beginning to walk away backwards. 'Bye! Thanks again!' she said smiling.

'Bye Parvati!' 'I hope Padma's okay!' 'Bye!' the trio replied, their own messages getting tangled up in each other's as they replied almost simultaneously.

Parvati laughed and waved as she turned and made her way back up the hall.

Dudley watched her walk away.

'She goes to your school?' he asked, drawing their attention to his antics and where exactly his eyes were fixed.

'Er… yeah. Why?' asked Harry frowning, looking around at Ron and Hermione for backup.

Dudley turned towards them as Parvati disappeared out the oak doors. 'But you go to boarding school…' he said slowly.

'Yeah…?' replied Harry, just as slowly, frowning.

'You mean,' said Dudley, his eyes lighting up with envy, 'girls go to your school! To your boarding school!'

'Yeah – did you not know that?'

'No…'

'You must have! Who did you think "Hermione" was?' asked Harry, scowling.

'Who's that?'

Harry looked at him, disbelieving. He had mentioned Hermione, hadn't he? In all those years with the Dursleys, he had to have mentioned her. And yet, here was his cousin, denying he had ever heard of her.

'I'm Hermione,' said the girl herself, biting her lip.

'I told you about Hermione,' said Harry, adamant he had mentioned her.

'Maybe… I dunno, you didn't really talk about your friends much…' said Dudley, now facing the table.

'Well…' Harry began, but not quite sure how to finish, grimaced and looked apologetically at Ron and Hermione. Trying to tell them with his eyes that had he lived with people who cared for him, they would have been a main topic of conversation. They seemed to understand for they smiled uncomfortable smiles and jerked their heads downwards in understanding.

'That must be amazing…' muttered Dudley under his breath.

'What?' asked Harry distractedly, turning away from his best friends of whom his "family" knew nothing.

Dudley looked at him; looking for the first time as if he felt overshadowed by his cousin.

'Are you on a team? Like a sports team?' he asked finally, confusing Harry with the drastic change in conversation topic.

'Yeah...' he said slowly, 'Quidditch team. Well, at least I was when I was at school...'

'Quid-ditch?'

'It's – the wizarding world's football – sport played on broomstick. Seven players, four balls, three hoops,' said Harry, almost automatically.

'Right. Are you any good?' questioned Dudley, quite obviously not completely understanding the concept of Quidditch.

'Are you joking?!' burst Ron, 'are you seriously asking Harry if he's good at Quidditch?! The Captain – the youngest Quidditch player in a century and you're asking if he's good?!'

'Wh-what?' Dudley stuttered, getting confused with Ron's sarcasm-riddled question.

'Ronald!' Hermione stated, tutting. 'Dudley's a muggle – he doesn't know all that!' She turned to Dudley, smiling, 'Harry's very good at Quidditch – he's been on the team since his first week at Hogwarts and last year he was appointed Captain. They won the cup.'

'Yeah, even though I wasn't there to see it-'

'That was your own fault, Harry! You got detention!'

'Yes, thanks, I know! No need to remind me…'

'Do you get detention a lot?' asked Dudley, again looking genuinely curious.

'Er… yeah, I suppose so, why?'

'Nothing, it's just… you're good at Qui-Quit-Qu… sport and you get in trouble a lot? Don't girls like that kind of thing?' his face was screwed up in, what looked like discomfort as he tried to get his point across.

'Er…' Harry stuttered as Ron started to snigger, his mouth forming words unspoken. 'I-I-uh…'

'I mean, come on – back home girls love that kinda stuff! They always love the ones that get into trouble lots - well, as long as they aren't complete bastards – and the sporty ones are always surrounded by tonnes of the really hot girls…' Dudley ranted, trailing off, 'Is that the same for you?'

'Er…' Harry started again, not sure how to finish.

Hermione giggled and Harry shot her a pathetic glare.

'Yes.'

'Really?' Dudley enquired, looking at Hermione in jealous awe.

'Yeah,' Hermione continued, grinning, 'Well,' she glanced at Harry, giggling, 'Especially last year, girls were all over him. Pining after him, watching him fly, trying to force love potion down his throat without him noticing…'

'Wait – "love potion"?' Dudley enquired, looking sceptical.

Hermione made an agreeable noise in her throat through her giggles and nodded. Dudley's mouth almost fell open as he gazed at her in amazement.

'You mean,' he began in barely over a whisper, 'I could get any of these girls to fall in love with me? To do anything for me…with just a little bit of potion…?'

The trio looked at each other, smirks tugging on the corners of their lips, as Dudley gazed into the distance, eyes glassy.

'It's not real love, Dud,' said Harry, looking away from his friends and thumping his cousin on the back, smiling.

Over his shoulder Harry saw his Aunt watching him with an odd expression on her face. He jerked his eyes away to face the table, without turning his head.

After a few seconds, he looked back from beneath his eyelashes, trying to inspect them without their noticing. His Aunt was straightening cutlery again; the faint pink gracing her cheeks the only indication she felt at all awkward about their brief exchange. Beside her, he could see his Uncle's piggy eyes darting around him as though waiting for someone to attack.

He looked away.

'So?' asked Dudley stubbornly, carrying on the conversation, 'It doesn't matter if it's real love, does it?'

'What?'

'You just – get what you want, and then stop giving the potion to her.'

'Well, that's hardly fair on her is it?' said Ron with a quick glance at Hermione, 'I mean – it – it's wrong – you – you'd be taking advantage of her and that – wouldn't be… right…'

Harry looked at him, eyebrows raised while Hermione beamed at him for his mature response. Dudley continued, face screwed up as though this much thinking pained him.

'But have you ever thought about it? Slipping someone really hot love potion? I mean,' he looked around the room, 'You'd have a lot to choose from around here, there's a lot of hot ones…' his eyes settled on a redhead not sitting too far from them, 'Wow, look at her. God, she's hot.'

The trio turned to look and Harry's mouth dropped open. Ginny. He had a sudden urge to rip Dudley limb-from-limb for looking at her in that way. The monster in his chest raised its head from hibernation and growled in appreciation as he imagined making Dudley's old tail reappear. But that feeling died down almost as soon as it arrived… Ginny didn't need his protection… but Dudley might.

Ron turned slowly round to face Dudley, looking murderous. Dudley flinched back from his glower.

'What? Is she your girlfriend?' he asked misinterpreting his glare.

'No. She's my little sister, you git!'

'Ron! It's not like he knew!' Hermione intervened.

'So?!' Ron said stubbornly, almost pouting.

Harry snickered and regretted it instantly as Ron's attention focused on him.

'Why aren't you defending her?!'

'She can defend herself – she told me enough times at least. Besides,' he continued, trying to be reasonable, 'It's not like he's going to do anything about it… he's just saying she looks…nice…' his voice strained and he grimaced, 'And she does.'

He could feel Hermione looking at him sympathetically from his right, but he looked at the table and didn't meet her gaze.

'But you dated her?! Do you not like her at all?!'

Dudley gasped, 'You dated her?! Really?!' at Harry's nod he continued, 'Wow! How far did you go?'

Harry grimaced. He knew Dudley had just made a very big mistake… he could almost feel the anger radiating off Ron in front of him. Suddenly there was a movement from his right and Ron yelped. Hermione nudged him.

'Answer him,' she whispered.

'Which one?' he muttered sceptically back.

'Both!'

'Okay, Ron, first of all,' he lowered his voice although she was out of earshot, 'Of course I still like her, but so much has happened… I dunno… Dudley, to answer your question, we… kissed in broom cupboards… and… did-some-other-stuff, so-'

'Hang on – "other stuff"?' asked Ron, his eyes narrowed.

Harry's mouth was suddenly very dry.

'Yeah…?'

'What kind of "other stuff"?'

'Just…' Harry began awkwardly, inspecting one of the candle brackets on the wall, 'other… things… nothing - nothing really – nothing – no,' he shook his head.

Ron opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Dudley asked the worst question he could have in the vicinity of Ginny's youngest brother: 'Did you fuck her?'

'What?!' Harry yelped looking wildly at the three faces around him, each showing different sentiments towards the direction the conversation headed: curiosity, anger and disbelief. 'No!'

'Really?' inquired Ron murderously.

'I swear,' he replied, his hands stretched out in front of him.

'So what did you do…?' asked Ron suspiciously.

'Well,' began Hermione, talking over Ron and saving Harry from any more awkwardness, 'Now that's settled…'

Ron looked distinctly ruffled at being interrupted trying to gauge what happened between Harry and Ginny the previous year. He opened his mouth to say something, but his words were never heard.

Far above their heads they heard a high-pitched screech.

Everyone in the room, as though in was one collective movement, jumped, startled from the sudden noise. Some getting out wands and looking up towards the ceiling, standing rigid and ready for attack. Harry, Ron and Hermione were among these few and were first out of their seats.

After a few seconds of absolute silence, the room began to fill.

To be continued…

A/N: Ooh… cliffhanger… kinda... ;) I will try and update in the next two weeks – I have a six day holiday after my prelims so I should be able to manage it. :) I would also like to take this opportunity to mention that this chapter is almost three-thousand-one-hundred words… the longest chapter I've ever written… xD

Reviews and constructive criticism are always welcome.