Hello again, and thank you for your continued reading. I am UnlikelyLoveUnimited. This does contain risqué material and subject matter, meaning it might be unsuitable for younger readers.Once again, Please note that Naruto is not owned by me, it is owned by the incomparably brilliant Masashi Kishimoto.(Duh) Also, this story is a work of parody, not to be taken as canon.(Double Duh)

Three Stars, chapter 2

Standing there, being stared at quizzically by Naruto, Tsunade was mortified. Tears began to form in her eyes as, overwhelmed by guilt, she tried to explain herself. "Naruto, I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me, I… I wasn't thinking, I swear…"

Naruto closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side, as if he was in deep thought for a few moments, then shrugged his shoulders. "It's alright, Baa-chan. No big deal."

"…..What?" was all the flabbergasted Hokage could manage. How could anyone be so casual about nearly being robbed of their innocence?

"I said it's okay." Naruto reaffirmed.

Tsunade stood dumfounded in front of the young ninja. Did he not see what she did? Was he that naive? "Naruto…" the Godaime began slowly. "You may be too young to realize, but I….I was about to take advantage of you."

Naruto looked completely unfazed by the statement, merely raising one eyebrow as if her statement was the most obvious thing on earth, before simply answering "So?"

"Naruto! How can you not care?!" Tsunade burst out, nearly sobbing at this point. Naruto got up off the bed and moved over to Tsunade, who took a step back uncertainly, her guilt obvious on her face. "And why should I care about you touching me a little? Jeez Baa-chan, after what those villager idiots were trying to do, I'm just happy to be in one piece." Gently placing a hand on her shoulder, he led the still shaky Godaime and sat her on the end of the bed, as he stood next to her their heads now level. He looked into her dark brown eyes, still tearing a little in the corners, and gave one of his famous grins and said "Look, Tsunade-Baachan. I know deep down you'd never try to hurt me. You're one of the people who are precious to me. As a matter of fact; I'm touched you like me enough think of me that way."

Tsunade wiped her eyes, trying to come to terms with what the spiky haired youth was saying. It was unreal. The idea that he might not be upset seemed too good to be true. "But even so," She continued. "What I did was still wrong, I easily could have traumatized you, and you are still a child…"

Naruto shook his head sadly as he interrupted. "Traumatize me? Not a chance. This village excels at handing me crap, but I've survived it so far, so I highly doubt you could ever do any worse. Now that I think about it, I really should have counted on those drunks wanting to ambush me on my day back. It was a tactical error on my part for not seeing it coming. I was just lucky you came along. And second of all, Baachan, technically I'm an adult too. The Sandaime let me sign papers making me a legal adult. I've even owned my own apartment since I was seven. At first I didn't understand, but I came to realize that, politically speaking, Ojiisan's hands were tied otherwise. He couldn't really do anything for me, without pissing of the village council. So the best he could do was give me independence and as much money as he could spare. It was actually pretty sweet. I didn't have to put up with a bunch of bull crap from the orphanage, plus I was eligible for a minimum allowance from the government. And once I became Genin, I became an adult in the eyes of the Ninja Community, as you well know. Now, I'm an adult, so I can decide for myself what I do and do not perceive as harassment, and I do not view your actions as harassment. You saved me from people who would have killed me." With this he looked her directly in the eyes, piecing blue meeting soft brown. "I trust you, and I know you would never try to hurt me. Someone as strong as you could have made me do whatever you wanted, asleep or not. But all you did was touch me a little." At this moment Naruto's voice faltered for a moment, before adding quietly. "My only question, however, is…k'know… you could have just patched me up and sent me home, so…why me? There are other guys out there that are way stronger and more popular…

This time it was Tsunade's turn to interrupt. "But they aren't you, Naruto. It was you who revived my belief in Konoha, even winning my Grandfather's necklace from me. And if it weren't for you, I would probably be in a casino somewhere, half drunk and broke. I truly admire you, and the truth is, I…well, I've just been so lonely ever since Dan died, and when I saw you there, in danger, all alone…I don't know what came over me. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I may have had feelings for you, at least unconsciously, since you defended me from Kabuto. I tried to cover it up, even to myself, because at first I was unsure of how I felt about you, and how Shizune would feel if I took interest. You see, she is Dan's surviving niece, as well as one of my dearest friends and students. I would never want her to feel that I had forgotten Dan, or no longer honored his memory. But it's become clear to me that I need to move on, and your compassion and strength filled me with admiration, and on reflection, desire. I have feelings for you, Naruto, but I'm genuinely afraid of what it may mean for us."

Once again Naruto donned a look of concentration, as if he were judging every fact from every possible angle. Five seconds later he spoke up. "Well, I like you a lot, and obviously you like me, so it all really comes down to one question then…why don't you be my girlfriend?"

Tsunade sat in shocked silence for a moment. A small smirk appeared on her lips, which grew into a chuckle, then hearty laughter. This was one of the reasons she was so attracted to him. He was able to take the direst circumstances and make them seem like common occurrences. "You make it sound so easy, Naruto. As if I could just snap my fingers and make people accept us being together."

Naruto crossed his arms and looked thoughtful for a moment, before saying "Well isn't it kinda like that? I mean, you're a Hokage at a time of post war, and the village is still fragile, with the only other Hokage candidate being Ero-sennin, who I know for a fact would rather chew off an arm than assume leadership. Ojiisan once told me that the Hokage is the central pillar of the village. Anyone who would try to get you fired just for being my girlfriend would be seen as aiding the sound village."

The smile on the Hokage's lips softened from humor to contemplation. "Your serious about this, aren't you?"

"Dattebayo! I'm sick of being alone, and since you feel the same, and you said you like me, why not?"

Tsunade lowered her head in silence for five full minutes, the only noise being the soft buzzing of insects outside, as thoughts running rampart through her mind again, and slowly, a smile formed again on her face, a smile of confidence, as she often had when behind her desk giving orders, the smile of a gambler, willing to lay it all on the line to get what she wants..

"Okay, Naruto-kun I'll be your girlfriend, but I'm going to have to lay down some ground rules."

"Ground rules? Like what?"

"First of all, I want to address what I did tonight. I will never let myself make that mistake again. I want you to know here and now that I will absolutely not pressure you in this. If you want to go back to being professionals, Hokage and Genin, at any time, just say so. I would never be able to live with myself if I thought I was coercing you."

"Now that I think about it, I got to admit the idea of a Medic-Nin like you trying to 'play doctor' with me was kind of funny, but I would hardly call our interaction in the past as 'professional'…Unless you count and insults and name-calling as professional…."

"Very funny Naruto, but seriously… Second of all, even if we eventually go public with it, we can't go telling people right away. I need to do some political chicanery."

"Chika-what now?"

"Chicanery, you know, as in subterfuge. I'm going to have to manipulate the political system so that you become the most practical successor to me as Hokage. The closer we are to each other when we tell people of any liaisons, the more natural it will seem. And to top it off, not only will we get to spend time together, but you will receive vital training in the day to day duties of Hokage.

"You sure this isn't all just some huge scam to get me to help you with your paperwork, Baa-chan.?" The youth intoned sarcastically.

"No, it isn't, and that brings us to the final rule, no more calling me "Baa-chan" now or ever again. If we are to be together romantically, more appropriate names are in order, right, Naruto-kun?"

"Yeah I guess, but I'll need time to think of a good one though. Will Tsunade-chan do for now?

"Of course, that name would be just fine."

In the back of her mind a lone dirty thought buzzed "Well, he did call me Kaa-san before he passed out…perhaps some day soon we could role play…I'll be able to get him to call me that again…and again…and again…hehehe…." Quickly banishing the perverted thought back into the "naughty" part of her mind whence it came, she stood up and got her gambler coat back on.

"Ahem, well anyway, if you're okay with the plan I've laid out, I think I should take you back to your apartment. You'll need as much rest as you can get before I announce your apprenticeship tomorrow."

"Umm, Tsunade-chan, not sure how to break this to you…I know I just got back to the village, and everything, but given what happened to me tonight, there's a ninety five percent chance by apartment is trashed."

Tsunade sighed bitterly at this revelation, rubbing her temples to ward off any oncoming headaches, both of frustration for her newfound, and for herself at the prospect of the paperwork the insurance claims would create. "All right, you get some rest here then. As you clothes are pretty much ruined, I'll see to that you have some fresh, fitting clothes for the morning. There's a tailor that owes me a favor that's opens early a few blocks down. I'll be back in time to wake you up, at which time you'll need to get going before Shizune comes to wake me. I'll break the news to her quietly and discreetly tomorrow. I believe she will understand, but nevertheless, it wouldn't be tactful if she came by in the morning and found you in my bed."

Naruto yawned, fatigue catching up with him. Thanks, I am kinda tired, so we were up all night talking, huh?" With this he eased himself back into the bed, dozing off almost immediately. As Tsunade slipped on her heeled sandals and got up to go, the half asleep boy spoke, barely above a whisper. Thank you, Tsunade-chan…for everything."

"You're welcome, Naruto-kun, Ill wake you up when its morning." With this she walked out into the lit streets, an unusual spring in her step.

Two hours later, the Godaime walked into her office, surprising almost everyone on the morning shift. "Hokage-sama? You sure are early today; normally Shizune-san has to bring you in around noon."

"Well I didn't get much sleep, and besides today is a very important day, Could arrange for a meeting between myself, Jiraiya, the Jounin instructors and the village elders this afternoon, if you could, please. And also, when you see Shizune, please direct her to my office, there is a personal matter I need to discuss with her."

Slipping out just as the sun began coming up four hours after falling asleep, the still groggy Naruto made his way, first to his house, then to the Hokage tower. Just as he had suspected, his apartment had undergone significant vandalism the last night, with almost every window broken and more than a few dead foxes littering the floor. They sure loved to be direct, he reflected, as he left for Ichiraku's ramen shop to fill his stomach. What followed for him was a day mostly filled with insurance claims, catnapping and discounted ramen. (Old man Ichiraku was a sympathetic soul, letting have ramen almost for free upon finding out what happened to his favorite customer's house.) In the evening a Chunin messenger came around to tell him that The Godaime wanted to see his as soon as possible. Upon reaching the office, he found her alone at the desk.

"Did everything go alright, baa…I mean, Tsunade-chan?"

"I think so, Shizune was a bit upset at first, but I think she just needs a little time to get used to the idea. As for the Village elders, I've backed them into a situation wherein they must accept you as my new protégé, replacing Sakura. I threatened to abandon my post as Hokage if they did not accept. Much like you predicated, they caved in once they realized Jiraiyta would have no intentions of replacing me."

"What about Sakura-san? Doesn't this sort of sabotage her career as a Medic Nin?

"As a Medic Nin, maybe, but I feel that someone who lacks compassion really wasn't qualified to become a high level Medic Nin. When I found out about how she responded to your return, I felt that having her around would be detrimental, and anyway it's not as if I'm ruining her life. I've given her a good reference, so she can always find employment as a nurse or orderly at the hospital. If anything, such a sub par kunoichi should be so lucky as to be "guided" away from a genuinely dangerous lifestyle."

"So, then I'm in?"

"Yes, starting tomorrow you will be helping me with my paperwork, as well as helping me to greet and entertain so dignitaries from the village hidden in the grass when they arrive in the afternoon. Also, I informed Kakashi that his team was officially dissolved."

"Kakashi-sensei always paid too much attention to Sasuke-teme anyway, but what do I do for new Jutsus now, I don't want to become a pencil pusher, and besides, I have to be on a team to participate in Chunin exams!"

"I.know, I know, let me explain.. I know you probably think paperwork and diplomacy is boring, so to help you ease into your new duties, I've arranged it so that you're now free to join as an add-on to any team you wish, provided you have the Instructor's and all teammates' permission. This will allow you more fluidity in your instruction. For example, Taijutsu training with Gai, Genjutsu training with Kurenai, you get the idea."

Naruto was practically leaping up and down in unbridled enthusiasm at this point. "Kickass, at this rate, I'm gonna become Hokage so fast it'll make everyone's head's spin.."

"Allright, alright, settle down. I'm glad you're happy, but it's getting late, lets head back home and get some rest."

"Huh?"

"Oh, that's right, after receiving your insurance claims for the damage done to your house, if decided to let you move in until the repairs are finished."

"So were roomies now?"

"Well, we are boyfriend and girlfriend now, right, Naruto-kun? So then there's nothing wrong with it. And I certainty wont stand by while my cute new boyfriend gets hassled and vandalized by bullies." An almost imperceptible smile developed, as Tsunade proposed her next idea." Tell you what, what say we go get dinner at that ramen place you like so much, then well head back to my place for dessert."

"Yeah! Ichiraku ramen is the best!! What will we be having for dessert?"

"You'll see…"

In the meantime, as the sun began setting on another day in the ninja village of Konohagire the gears of fate made another of their quirky turns, as a certain trench coat and fishnet wearing sadist began filling out a Jounin Intructor job application form. Anko Mitarashi was the kind of woman, who when faced with problems, retreated into work. But this time, she was seeking a change of pace. After all, she reasoned, it was the work that she did as being a supposed "torturer" and "assassin" that earned her the stares and hatred she was so sick of. Being Orochimaru's former apprentice didn't help either, she grimaced. Most people would not go within ten feet of her if she was walking down the street, and for all the men that approached her, every last one ran away like a coward upon getting to know her. She reflected, that she would do any thing to keep her mind off her frustrations, even a technical lowering of rank, from Special Jounin to Jounin Instructor would be a relief, as long as teaching would take her mind of her troubles. And as an added bonus, she mused with a grin, that cute kid whose blood tasted so good from the Chunnin exam was back, and from what she had heard, technically without a team, so there was always a chance. ..

And at the exact same moment, across town, a quiet, pale eyed girl sat in her room in the Hyuga compound filling out a Team Transfer form. Although she was never one to seek out conflict, the fact was that she just couldn't take her team anymore. After her father's morning lecturing ran late, she had traveled to the training ground where her sensei then lectured her for being tardy. It was like she was completely unsympathetic to other's problems! The adult were sometimes overheard calling her "ice princess" and upon getting to know her for a year and a half, Hinata decided the name was fairly apt .Her team mates were annoying too. One self-centered to the point of being offensive, the other a blank slate, both gave no concrete support for her endeavors at all, other than the obligatory "good for you", or half hearted "don't give up." Completely disheartened, she began training with them that morning in combat practice. One "Dynamic Marking" mishap later, she was resolved to join a different team After all, Boys who either had fleas or seemed to be robots were just not for her, and now that her beloved had returned and would need new team mates, after Uchiha had left and the Haruno-Bitch thankfully never had any interest, there was a chance...

Naruto sneezed twice as he lay in Tsunade's bed, both basking in post coitus glow, her taller form snuggling up behind him, her bountiful bosom pressing against the back of his head. "Man, I'd better not be getting a cold." he mumbled. As her hands subconsciously wrapped around him gently, he leaned his head against what was rapidly becoming his favorite new pillows. His last thoughts before falling asleep was, "I'm so happy I've found Tsunade-Chan, who really loves me, but truthfully, had someone told me a year ago this was going to happen, I would have laughed in their face. Well, at least things are looking up for the both of us, and at least I know things couldn't possibly get any weirder than the last two days." With this, Naruto joined his lover in slumber, both content for the first time in a long while.

It would take three days, and eleven hours, the amount of time it would take Anko and Hinata's paperwork to be processed, for Naruto Uzumaki to find out just how weird things could really get.

Endnote: Haha, I have updated! Finally! Unfortunately, I'm taking a break to deal with finals now, so count on the next updates to be sometime around Christmas. By the way, in this story I made it so that Anko's Special Jounin ranking is actually higher than that of a regular Jounin, which may not be the case in canon. Anyway, thank you everyone for reading. Be sure to review!