Title: Catharsis 3/4
Series: FE9 AU
Character/Pairing: Ike/Soren , there's minor mentioned BoydMist and TitaniaRhys (with a brief mention to GreilTitania that never was, but that's canon anyways) and Ranulf/his fanclub
Rating: PG-13
Summary: AU Trust stemmed the bleeding, comfort dulled the pain.
A/N: lj user=30_ways: #27 - Forgive without forgetting / The Gauntlet, 7) I wished your dust to intermingle with mine
.
Spring
The melting came earlier, so deceptive, as it would surely frost over and this warm spot would merely be a teasing slight.
Soren still kept layers and warm things around for when the cold snap would return, but Ike was as reckless as always. There he was, waiting outside, with no extra coat should things turn sour.
Stefan smirked, yet seemed oddly sad. He lacked his usual sharpness.
"Go on. He's waiting for you."
Soren slipped outside. He did not bother to respond.
Ike waved in one languid, slow move of his hand across the air.
"There you are. I wanted to say goodbye before I go."
"—Goodbye–? What— You're leaving?"
"Mmhmm. For Gallia. I have some things to sort out there. It will only be for a couple of days."
"When?" Soren said.
"Tomorrow, or the day after that. It'll take at least a day to get there and I don't want to miss the last of school."
A part of his universe had turned sideways and he was reeling. Soren had begun to suspect that Ike was becoming a part of the foundation of his life, a thought which was both comforting and deeply terrifying. This proved it.
And thus, a choice. It was made before a thought was even cast.
"...I'm coming with you."
Everything was jumbled and stuck within him. Something within him was crying out. Don't leave me behind. Don't go without me. Don't go!
Ike looked back. He said nothing for a long, blank moment, and then he smiled.
"Alright. There's room for two where I'm going."
.
Ike was quiet on the drive over. He seemed caught up in the threads of his thoughts, or memories. Soren could not tell which. He had never seen Gallia, but the scenery did not interest him much. Trees, trees, trees and more trees. Perhaps if he was more interested in biology, he might feel more interest, but as it was, the green blurs were nothing. Less than nothing as worries kept him locked tight. His catharsis had passed, and now it was Ike's turn. But he was no comforter and when the time came, what could he be but a burden?
.
They had to abandon the car and walk through the dense underbrush to the place that Ike sought.
Ike used his pocketknife as a machete, albeit a poor one. It was humid, and they were as bugs trapped in glass in this climate. Sweat glistened and slipped down Soren's forehead.
Ike pulled his t-shirt off and tied it lengthwise about his waist. Muscles rippled under his skin, and Soren found himself oddly hypnotized.
Must be the heat.... he muttered.
"Didja say something?"
Ike turned to him and brushed his sweat-drenched hair out of his eyes. His forehead band was soaked. He was...very well built. Of course Soren would expect nothing less, but being confronted with it was as startling as a slap to the face. Ike's shoulders were wide and his chest was broad, and just as well muscled as the graceful motions of his back muscles.
Soren turned away, flushed.
The heat had definitely got to him.
.
The path veered on, with less sticky and rough brush to traverse. There was a dirt path full of deep ruts. It was terribly muddy, and Soren's boots sunk deep into the guck, all the way to his ankle. This was a place where few had ever been. Years had passed with the landscape as an empty echoing cavern of trees. Soren wondered why Ike's father would've ever taken the trouble to go to a meeting in this desolate place. Had he known the person who would take his life? Had it been a meeting gone bad?
Ike never elaborated, Soren never asked. It was something locked to tightly to ever divulge in a scene by scene basis. The mysteries would have to stay in the same enigmatic limbo of Ike's memories.
Even when the time came, some things would never be known.
.
They came upon a bend in the road, which lead to a clearing. It looked like a perfectly innocuous clearing; one that could be in any painting for all its seeming peaceful nature. From Ike's face, Soren knew this was the place. He stared a long time, and came to a spot in the middle. He did not explain, but Soren knew the war must be repeating within his mind.
Ike walked on, through another path, three block's distance before they came upon a fortress in ruins. Surely it had once been grand. An imperious place to keep out whatever enemy forces should come across it. But now it was a graveyard for those times, and those fallen soldiers, Greil among them. The elements had washed away any trace of the blood.
Ike felt the wall, and Soren could almost hear the words he would say could he speak.
When it dried it had looked like rust stains. Something so common, so extraneous. His father had died there. He had slumped against the wall and his own wounded son and bled out. Breathed his last breath. Expired.
Soren said nothing for he never had skills in comforting and likely never would. His hands hung uselessly at his side. He was a few paces behind Ike, merely offering the only thing he could: someone to listen.
He took steps forward until he was on level with Ike. He wanted to touch Ike, to clasp their hands together, to cling tight to him. But what good would it do? His hands were too cold, too small, his shoulders too slim to carry any burdens, his lips too thin and grim to offer any spare hope.
In the end, what was he but gutter trash? Something to be cast aside, useless.
"His last words were a request. He wanted me to live happily and not chase after revenge."
"If that was his wish... then you should, " Soren said
"When father first died, I wanted to kill that man with my own hands. I practiced swordplay and I took to the shooting range and I started looking for him. I would've dropped out completely if I could, but father made a clause in his will about me leaving school.... I guess I worried Mist and everyone with how I was acting."
"Ike..."
He felt Ike's arm over his own shoulder. Even in a time of his own grief, here Ike was comforting him.
"It's ok, Soren. Don't fret about it. Sometimes these things just happen."
Sometimes children are born to those who throw them away. Sometimes they are taken in by those who do not truly care and sometimes they cling to life by the dregs of a half-remembered moment, a memory.
Sometimes beloved fathers died without warning. Sometimes no one could do anything about the cruelties of life but merely keep walking on.
The rain fell on the just as well as the unjust .That was the way of life.
.
Everyone knew that Soren would be the valedictorian, they had prepared a guest speaker specifically and cut his speaking time to nothing. Thirty minutes of berating the hypocrisy of the school was something the wanted to avoid. Soren had thought a short, concise outburst about the incompetence of the school administrators and the overall futility of the world would be a welcome change. The administrators did not agree.
Still, he was glad to be spared the trouble at least. It gave him more time for important things.
The black outfit hung on him, making him look like a gaunt Ichabod Crane. Ike and Boyd fared better, but Soren looked like he was drowning in fabric (or possibly trying to scare small children).
"This hat is ridiculous," Soren groused.
Ike pushed the fringe from Soren's face. "I wonder who came up with this stuff."
"I never cared to check. He must've been drunk."
Ike laughed. "Soren, you're–"
Whatever Ike had been going to say was drowned out by Ranulf's Heeeeyyy guuys!.
Speaking of drunk.
"What do you mean they're useless? I found plenty of uses for them."
Ranulf opened up his robes to reveal a large amount of contraband alcohol."
"I'm sneaking out early. Ike, Boyd...Soren? You guys coming? This is the last party before we're college students. We've got to celebrate and practice for the epic college parties!"
"Geee, sounds fun, but Mist'll kill me," Boyd said.
"Titania has a thing planned. Besides, parties aren't really my thing," Ike said.
"Why are you even bothering to ask me? You already know the answer," Soren said.
"Always the blunt one eh? You and Ike are quite the pair."
Soren turned his attention away to the view outside.. This outfit was entirely too hot. Soren brushed at his cheeks, but the heat remained.
From the windows, they could already catch sight of everyone who had gathered outside in the uncomfortable metal folding chairs. Titania, Rhys and the whole group was there. Even Shinon, though that might have been for the after party alcohol. For all Soren knew, he was one of the distributors.
Ranulf sidled up beside him and peeked out over him.
"What'd you see? Something cute?"
Soren scowled at him. "...why are you here and why are you talking to me?"
Ranulf laughed, and Boyd came to see (possibly checking to make sure that no one was ogling Mist. Ike joined for possibly the same reason.)
"Wait, isn't that your dad?" Boyd said.
"Stefan isn't my father," Soren said.
"Who's that with him?" Ike said.
A very tall, very musclebound bearded man sat beside Stefan. His hair was a bluish grey in this light, and his clothes had an eastern flair. From here, Soren could see that Stefan's hand was on his knee.
"...I don't know and I don't want to," Soren said.
Soren turned away and tried to get that thought out of his mind.
"Soren, you're going to the party at our place later, right? Mist made sure to tell me to tell you to come."
"Of course, Ike."
"Wait, you were going to have a party without me? No fair, Ike. I thought we were bros," Ranulf said. He pouted, threw an arm over Ike's shoulders and leaned against him.
"It's a family thing. Low key. Not relevant to your interests," Ike responded.
Soren frowned. He wanted very much to displace Ranulf from Ike's arm. "I believe it's time for us to leave."
His voice was thinner and more irritated than even he intended. He shook his head to clear free the fizzing, buzzing feeling of something. The sharpness that was the equivalent of breathing in powder, his lungs turning in on themselves.
.
The party afterwards was in their compact backyard. Lighted yard lanterns on sticks were around. Citronella candles still didn't drive back the insects. Soren kept at the sides, head down. The menagerie of people was the same mix of family and friends that came for dinner. .
They didn't ignore him per se, more that they realized he preferred to not be asked meaningless questions. Ike's family was good for that at the very least. Soren kept a close distance to Ike and sipped his punch, waiting for a chance to be alone.
It came when it'd grown late and the rest of the family was too tipsy or tired to keep up much of the usual conversation. Ike stared to a far off place, between the lines of lights to someone else, a memory, another time.
"Ike..."
"I wish he'd been here," Ike said.
Ike didn't have to voice anything more. The football games, college graduations they'd never spend together. The first jobs, raises, advice never given, cars never fixed together.
Soren laid his head against Ike's arm, and held on, clung tight. What he could not put into words, Ike would merely have to read between the lines.
"I'm alright. I just miss him sometimes. I think I always will. That's life. You just keep on going on."
The lights faded down on their Graduation party. Soren refused to let go, and eventually fell asleep with his head laying on Ike's broad shoulder.