Chapter 6 - Chances

What did he want? That was a damn good question. He honestly didn't know what he wanted. All he knew was that a strong inner voice had urged him to visit her, and now, standing before her, he was speechless as he realized what he had done. He stared at her, the little bundle in her arms, and couldn't help but imagine what he could have – what kind of life they could offer him.

Cameron looked at him and sighed. "Listen…we just got home and are trying to get to know each other. If there isn't anything important, please go…"

House stared at her for a long moment. Why was it so damn hard to find the right words? Usually he never had problems finding the right words; at least not when it came to work.

"I…If…" he stuttered.

"Complete sentences, House…" she pleaded tiredly.

He let out a defeated sigh. She was right. This wasn't him. And now he was standing here in her doorway, tripping over words like a schoolboy minutes before his first date. Ridiculous. That wasn't him. He felt as if she had turned him into a weak and unfamiliar version of himself. It made him angry. Her fault. Everything was her fault. It was much easier to blame her, but... he still felt his heart shifting just a bit.

"I'm not touchy or caring. I hurt the people I like," he said finally. "Wilson is the best example."

"You didn't kill Amber…" Cameron said calmly.

"But it's my fault that it happened. You can't deny that. Neither can I. When I…screw this up, I won't be hurting just you. I won't be losing just you." He had to look away. "I lose my last chance at..." he trailed off, waving his hand in the air to fill in the words that his lips couldn't find. "And that scares the hell out of me."

Cameron stared at him disbelievingly. The funny thing was that a part of her could understand him completely. Stacy had done enough to hurt him. Betrayal by a person you love was one of the most painful feelings on earth. A fact she was experiencing right now. And....

No. She had been putting others before herself long enough. It was time. It was her turn. If she caved right now, it would be too easy for him. She saw it coming. They would be happy for a few weeks, but then he would get bored or frustrated with the baby and everything would fall apart.

The person who would suffer the most this time was obvious, and she wasn't willing to put her son through that. No more putting others first. She had to think about what was best for him. If House wanted to be there, he was going to have to fight for them and she wouldn't make it easy.

William cooed softly and pressed his head into her shoulder, almost as if he wanted to immerse himself in her scent, searching comfort. She stared at House a second. It was a mistake. One night and a stupid mistake. To build a relationship on that was way too risky; a baby was now part of their mixed up equation.

"You should go…" she said and smiled, determined to hold her ground.

"Allison…"

"I…I can't. Please. Don't force me into something neither I nor your are ready for. Not yet. I have fought too long trying to get your attention and you have told me more than once that we're not meant to be together. Now all of a sudden you changed your mind and I'm supposed to just let you into my life? Our life?" she said, nodding toward the baby on her shoulder. "If you thought that's the kind of person I am, that I would just give into you, then maybe you don't know me very well at all."

House's blue eyes stared at her for several seconds before blinking away. Looking down, he nodded his head slowly before directing his gaze to his son. For the first time in an eternity, he wanted to take somebody into his arms and now she was refusing. He supposed he deserved this punishment for denying any kind of feelings for her over the past few years.

Sighing, he looked at the pair before him and then tentatively reached out, gently placing his large hand on the downy head of the little boy. So soft.

A smile spread across Allison's face. A subtle touch could mean so much.

"Nothing will change the fact that you're his father," she started. "He'll grow up knowing that. You can have contact, as much as you want, but anything more, I'm just not ready to give. Not now."

House into her eyes. Ice blue met jade green. He nodded. With a soft sigh, he bent forward and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek before silently turning toward the door and leaving.

He had a feeling that after this agonizing year, she had finally made peace with herself and he was happy for her. But still, a part of him was jealous that she seemed to have found something he was looking for his entire life.

He wouldn't change. Deep down, they both knew that. He would always be a selfish, narcissistic bastard. He wouldn't take her in his arms when she was crying, he wouldn't say her he was in love with her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. It just wasn't him. But he would be there when he was needed. That much he was ready to give, to make the two people he cared most about at least a little bit happier.

Life was never easy and making a relationship last was even harder in this world of desperation and twisted thoughts. But maybe, he though, there would come a time when he would know it was all worth it.

----------------------------------

When the door closed behind him, Allison sat down, asking herself if she'd made the right decision. After all, he had actually opened up sincerely in front of her and that was something he'd never done before. But he had to learn that he couldn't have everything on his terms. Not after he'd left her broken in pieces.

She gently placed William down on the couch and then laid down carefully next to him, curving a protective arm around his body and closing her eyes tiredly. The little boy had just fell asleep a few minutes ago and now her own eyelids were becoming heavy.

"You know…" she whispered softly, "your father isn't that bad. He's just stubborn and doesn't know how to handle us. But if I just let him walk into our lives, it wouldn't be worth anything. Not to him. He needs to figure this out the hard way. You'll understand…someday."

House stood in front of her apartment for a long time, like some kind of stalker, and merely stared up at her living room. She hadn't welcomed him in with open arms, but she also hadn't completely kicked him him out of their lives. She wanted him to be part of her life, part of their son's life.

Their son.

It still sounded strange and foreign to him. He had seen the baby boy. He had touched him. And yet…it still felt like some sort of fantasy, maybe a dream. Maybe he would get used to it. Maybe he wouldn't. Right now, it was hard to tell. But he did have the ability to make a choice.

Frustrated for the night, he hopped on his bike. The snow-covered streets felt somewhat magical – almost comforting. If this really was his last chance, he wasn't going to let it slip away so easily.

At least he could try.

TbC

A/N: Thanks to chicagochicklett for beta-reading my story. :) You're just awesome.