In the end Frau had went alone to look for a new place to think and hide. Finally, after hours of frustration and searching, he found himself at the bridge of trials. Frau felt like he should be fuming with frustration at this outcome, but found himself simply tired, realising that there was probably no place in this replica of the church that wasn't somehow connected to his past. Everywhere he went he was haunted by his memories. He had even been to his old room and the catacombs, hoping to find some solace in the familiar and quiet, but hadn't.
At last he found himself in Bastien's room, and he quickly curled up in a corner close to the bed. Frau closed his eyes and smiled a little when he noticed Gido as he appeared in the room. He didn't need to look up to know. He knew Gido's soul all too well, and in heaven it was even easier to recognise a familiar one's presence. Aside from that there was no one except Gido who would look for him in this place right now anyway.
"I don't think this place is any better than the roof...", Gido said quietly and Frau shrugged, though he had to agree. It really wasn't.
"Nowhere is," he then admitted. "All I want is a place not packed with memories, but that's apparently too much to ask..." It was all too familiar, right to the point where it almost physically hurt.
"Well I do know one place you haven't been yet..." A smirk curled around the corners of Gido's mouth as he offered Frau a hand.
Taking it, Frau replied, "frankly, I doubt that." But he was too tired of finding nowhere to go to reject the offer. Closing his eyes, Frau got up, hand tightening around Gido's for a moment as they teleported... elsewhere. Wherever that was.
When he opened his eyes Frau realised they were still at the church, which was mildly disappointing. Just another room filled with memories for him. It looked much like one of those among the bishop's quarters, though it shouldn't be too far from his own. However, he also noted that he had never seen it before.
Frowning, he gazed around. This one clearly had been inhabited for quite some time. He could tell from the interior and various items scattered across the room. One of the walls was decorated with two pairs of swords, which was probably the only good use you could put them into up here. For one because there were no battles to fight, but also because he doubted they would do any good in hurting souls. They looked awfully familiar...
On a table nearby was a box of cigarettes and Frau saw several books scattered across the room. One was on the bed stand, a couple on the floor, one on the window sill, and a few on the table. And each of them had a bookmark of its own. There seemed to be one for every halfway comfortable nook and a whole lot more on the shelves. They had been added to the standard interior.
There was also a dark baldachin over the bed, matching the dark tapestry. The fabric was purple, almost black. It pictured an emblem Frau was sure he had seen before, he just couldn't remember where. The table was covered in maps and pencils, mugs and coffee stains and there was a sextant too. Someone had started painting a starry night sky on the wall. A smile formed on his lips as he looked back to Gido and bowed his head. "Of course..." he murmured.
Gido's room. Frau closed his eyes with a sigh, silently admitting that this was a pleasant surprise.
"Next time when you feel like running, you might as well run to me," a couple fingers tipped his chin up. Frau opened his eyes, lifting his head. "Besides. I'm disappointed. You used to follow me everywhere and now I don't get a single visit."
At that he laughed. "Don't flatter yourself, old man. I only followed you for my own benefit. Besides I made you run after me for months, I think that's pretty impressive!"
"I didn't–"
"You hardly left my side and when you did you never kept me waiting. You insisted on staying with me."
"Of course. I had to look after you. You snored away almost three months drowned in sorrow and self-pity and if you think I let you–"
There were no words, only laughter in his reply and he pulled Gido close by gripping onto his coat. Frau kissed him, biting his lower lip and let go with a smirk. The captain's cabin had often been his refuge, although he would have never admitted it out loud. "Quit being mother hen for once will you?" The smirk remained on his lips.
Gido had always looked out for him, had tried to hold a protecting hand over him, yet he had always run. And now he was offering him a place to run to, but Frau wasn't sure what to think of it. It was one thing to have Gido worrying about him, but another being invited into his life like this... It was– Frau swallowed and smiled thinly. It was...
Pastime.
He had to remind himself of that. It was mere pastime what they did and he knew it. They both knew it. Still, the feeling overflowing in his chest told of something else as he wrapped his arms around Gido, leaning against his shoulder. Once more Frau wished for it to ease the pain and sooth his wounds. He was so glad to have him back, hardly anything else mattered. Neither loosing Teito nor that he might end up sharing heaven with Ayanami. Not that he could do much about either though.
Frau meant to say thank you, but Gido might have gathered that from the kiss he gave him. There was a smile on his lips when he pulled away. Then he let go and walked over to the table to pick up one of the books. "So that's what you've been doing in your spare time when you weren't busy missing me?"
The answer Gido gave was a smile, with a tilt of the head.
Frau picked up a notebook and skimmed through the pages. He remembered seeing similar ones back then on the Aegis. Most of the scribbles looked nearly illegible, except for a few drawings, and Frau noticed it was notes about Kors. There was a sketch of a wing and a mark and other things he didn't recognise. It made him wonder why Gido took interest in these things. Then again it wasn't much out of the ordinary for a Ghost.
"The Princess Bride!", Frau beamed as he put the notebook down and picked up another book. "How come this is here?" He flipped the heavy book open and skimmed a few pages, noting comments and crossed out pages. He chuckled and closed the book, tracing a hand over its cover. Long nights of little sleep and endless days of rain and thunder came to his head, as well as Gido's voice.
Gido came over and took it from his hand, running his finger over the imprinted letters. "Because I read it to you. I know the story and that's how it ended up in our library."
"That doesn't make much sense," Frau remarked raising a brow.
"Probably," Gido shrugged, smiled. "You see, our library is added with every death. Each one of us has consumed a multitude of stories and information during our lives. Not necessarily in the form of a book though. That's just how all our gathered knowledge is stored here. And that's also why there's often no author or source given, but the sign of the Ghost who gathered the information at hand."
For a moment Frau thought that through, then he broke into a sudden fit of laughter. "I contribute my share of porn with pleasure," he explained giggling and Gido joined in for a moment. "I hope it came with the covers I choose," Frau said grinning. "There's nothing like a good old bit of history with scantily dressed girls."
"We should probably warn the others..."
"Nah, they know me better than I know them. They knew what they were getting themselves into." Accusing, he glared at Gido. "Thanks to you and that damn lake."
"Right...", Gido drew out the syllable in this. "Next time I'll keep to myself how proud I am."
The complaints he had attempted to voice were silenced into a mutter. Lately Gido had it way too easy to make him blush, but he also had way too plausible and thought-out arguments to stop their disputes. Lately, life wasn't fair. Frau missed teasing Gido for the sheer joy of having him go through the roof. Alas the man seemed to have lost his quick temper. Which wasn't all bad, it just meant that... things would never be exactly as they once were again. And that this was different from what he had wanted.
Whenever Frau had wished him back, had wished his life and family and comrades back, he hadn't put much thought into it. Never had he considered the most obvious thing, that what he might get back wasn't what it had once been. Though that was probably a good thing as well, considering how their relationship had changed. Otherwise this would have been twice as weird as it already was.
Outside, the sky was growing darker and it would be night soon. For some weird reason their world was affected by it too. Gido didn't have an explanation for that, which Frau had noted with a triumphant look. So he didn't have an answer to everything after all.
It was completely different from what he knew and it had taken a while for him to get used to it. In the end, it was just too pretty to be bothered by how weird it was. At nightfall there were no stars. Instead thin silver lines would thread through the sky slowly growing into an impressive replica of the all too rare northern lights.
Apparently he had spent more time on searching for a new hideout than he had thought.
Part of him considered going back to his own room, but he had gotten so used to sharing a room, as well as a bed, with Gido that he wouldn't miss it. Beneath it though was the childish fear that Gido might disappear when he let him go. It was something that he wouldn't be able to cope with a second time.
"So, you're going to stay?", Gido asked. At that Frau merely held out his arms and followed willingly when Gido gathered him close. "That's exactly what I was hoping for."
"Lewd old man," he teased with a grin. "Someone's gotta make sure you sleep at all. Didn't you know that's the only reason I ever stay?"
It was a loud smack which woke him to the most bitterly frustrated expression he had ever seen on Gido's face. Confused Frau rubbed his eyes as he was trying to make sense of the situation. It felt like nearly mid-morning, though it was hard to keep track of time with no clocks of any kind. Luckily, he was too tired to care.
But Gido was fuming, arms folded and gritting his teeth. And that was something he cared about.
"What's wrong?", he uttered drowsy.
The answer Frau got was of no help to that. "No one's dying," Gido snarled.
"What?" Frau heaved himself up to dare a look at what had happened. There was a book lying on the floor and apparently the cause for Gido's discontentment. Still sleepy, Frau chuckled as he began to piece it together. "Come here..." he muttered, still laughing as he wrapped Gido in his arms. "Nobody's dying," he agreed and smirked, pressed a kiss to his head. What an idiot... he fondly thought to himself. He proceeded to hug him.
Gido fumed for another while, but was the first one to break the silence. "You hungry?", he asked and startled Frau for a few seconds. First off, simply because Frau hadn't really thought about eating since he had died, and secondly because he realized he had not in fact eaten since he had died. Then again, Frau had to admit he wasn't feeling particularly hungry at all. More precisely he did not feel an essential need for eating, or sleeping as for that matter. Yet he still slept and even felt tired now and then. Maybe his hunger would come back with time...
"I don't know," he admitted, screwing up his face. Why would he want to eat now anyway? "I don't need to, do I? Do we even have actual food up here? Like, edible stuff that's not completely weird or gross."
"Technically not, but it lifts the mood," Gido smiled. He untangled himself from Frau's grip to get up. "And yes, we do. You'd be surprised." Frau didn't trust the smile that curled up his mouth. "You–"
"One more word and you'll lose your tongue. I won't ever get used to this freakish place," Frau scowled and screwed up his face.
After several attempts of getting out of bed and dressed, Frau later found himself in the refectory. He hadn't been here since... forever.
That sounded about right.
The last time he had seen this hall he had been with Teito. They had argued and he had tried to nick his food, which had caused the brat to elbow him in the side. The thought brought a little smile to his lips as he ran a hand over his face.
Most of the hall was empty, as there were hardly enough of them to fill one table alone. Instead, everyone was scattered across the front in small groups of three or four, seldom larger or smaller. The emptiness beyond emphasised how big the hall really was and Frau had to swallow. He was used to hundreds of people filling these walls, chatting and arguing and laughing. Not like this, with the silence weighing heavy on his shoulders. He tried to swallow, and barely noticed how Gido dragged him to a table where two other Ghost's were already seated.
One of them was Fea he noticed, and Frau managed to put on a rather sheepish smile. He hadn't really talked to Fea since his arrival in heaven. Being with him was slightly awkward. After all the man had been like a father to Teito, and was in fact his uncle to make it all worse, but the worst was that he had probably watched eighty percent of their relationship and that was something Frau felt highly uncomfortable with.
Teito would probably laugh if he could see him now.
Even worse now, he was left to sit next to Fea while Gido took the seat next to the woman across. Still not hungry at all, Frau stared at the dishes at hand and noticed that there was quite the variety for a church. But also no meat. He wondered where the hell it all came from. Yet he asked, "don't tell me we've got to follow the rules of church up here too?"
Fea was the first to grasp the meaning behind it and reply. "No, but... well this is rather doing a friend a favour," he smiled, glancing notably at Gido. Gido simply smiled and scratched his throat.
Right, Frau thought, tilting his head in question and curiosity. Then he only nodded. There was a vague memory of this, but he would bother later with it. For one he was used to it and besides, there were more pressing matters at hand.
Warily he eyed Fea who seemed to be delighted about his company. He was chatting with Gido and the woman, but Frau paid attention to neither of them. He was staring at the food presented to him as he tried to summon hunger, or the urge to eat, or simply an appetite at all. In the end he found himself having none of them. Eating seemed fairly pointless. Just like being here in this hall where he only thought of Castor and Lab, or of fighting over dinner with Teito.
"Come on," Fea urged him. "Eat. It's good for your soul."
"I suppose..." Frau said, blinking, and looked up. "I'm not hungry," he then admitted. "It's not like I need to eat anyway."
"Eating comforts the soul." Gido pinched his nose and Frau growled, rubbing the pain away.
"But I'm not hungry," he insisted, picking at one of dishes on his plate. Apparently another of Gido's infamous urges to take care of him. Frau had to admit it looked tasty, it even smelled delicious, and although he felt like sulking he took a few small bites. Carefully chewing he noticed that Gido was watching him as the man continued his conversation with the woman he couldn't name. They seemed to know each other.
To his own surprise he leaned in to ask Fea, "who's she?" between two reluctantly taken bites. Frau felt far from hungry, but at least it gave him something to do.
"That's Tamika, she was Vertrag before me," Fea explained, beaming. And the worst was that Frau knew exactly why.
Burying his face in a hand he mouthed, "quit that." It was awkwardly embarrassing.
"I'm sorry," he said and Frau noted the sincere apology on his face. "I can't help myself. I'm glad for what happened. Glad for what you did." Frau only ducked his head in response. "I owe you so much for what you did for Tiashe."
"You owe me nothing," Frau replied with a sigh. A thin smile decorated his lips as he looked up, locking their eyes for a moment. "After all who knows better how to mend a broken soul then the broken?" He spoke low, hoped that Gido didn't hear him or at least ignored his words, but Frau noticed how everyone went awfully quiet for a moment.
That didn't particularly help with making him feel more at ease, he noticed, and was twice as glad when Tamika and Gido continued their conversation. Because then he could ask Fea quietly, "how come they know each other?"
"Well..."
"Because there has rarely ever been a cut as clear as after the war. Before, the different generations of our kind were more close, as usually no more than one or two died and were replaced," Tamika explained, cutting off Fea. She smiled sweetly at Frau who once more felt like a boy and his actions stupid. "You could have just asked," she then added and glanced at Gido. "I heard a lot about you," Tamika added as warmth spread through her smiled.
Oh great, Frau glared at Gido, his teeth less chewing and more squashing the food. Another who knew his life story. Suddenly the little appetite he had managed to summon vanished. Tamika smiled apologetically, quietly said something to Gido, and then excused herself. She ruffled Gido's hair as she went away.
Uncertain, he eyed Gido, and his question was answered before it was voiced. "You didn't scare her away." How nice to know, Frau thought grimly. He was poking a fork at his food. "Don't look at me like that," the expression on Gido's face softened, and Frau sighed, almost resigning.
It was tiresome and suddenly he didn't want to be in this place either. The food wasn't too blame. Frau felt, very badly, like running. Or yelling. Snapping. He gritted his teeth instead.
"What's wrong?" Gido asked, softly. Too soft. There was too much patience and understanding in his voice.
Fea cleared his throat. "I probably shouldn't have mentioned Tiashe..." he muttered, though more to himself, and Frau thought about how stupid that was. Shouldn't Fea be the one unable to talk about him at all?
"That's not it," Frau sighed, running a hand over his face. "I just can't stand it. Everybody knows everything about me. That's not fair!" He sulked, frustrated.
"Your boy got a point there," Fea remarked and Frau involuntarily blushed.
Now, this was even worse, considering the turn their relationship had taken. Fortunately Gido seemed to agree, as Frau could see he was mildly uncomfortable with that.
"I think he's outgrown that term," Gido said and reached across the table to ruffle Frau's hair.
Frau let it happen and remained silent.
A chuckle answered from Fea. "Oh, I don't think they'll ever outgrow being our little boys completely," he said, half teasing with a glance at Frau.
Frau sunk down, glancing sheepishly across the table. He hadn't grown particularly shameful or easy to embarrass in his time up here, but telling Fea what had been going on since his arrival didn't seem quite right. The man was so happy about what had happened between him and Teito, he couldn't take that away now once he had seen it. No matter how fleeting the reasons why he kept Gido company in bed, it was only temporary. A way to forget the pain and a rather enjoyable one too. But all in all, it was out of the question to let Fea know.
Which left the fact that calling him boy just seemed weird. "I do have a name," Frau reminded them. "And stop talking over my head. I'm here."
"My apologies," Fea answered.
Frau sighed to himself and started eating again. He caught the two men smiling; they seemed awfully familiar with each other. A moment later, he wanted to ask if they had been friends, but then he remembered what Gido had told him. They had barely ever seen each other. Which meant this relationship had probably built up in the last ten years or so. And while he was glad to see Gido had made friends, he found himself to be a bit jealous too.
Oh right, there was no personal heaven. Gido had been so right. Another sigh escaped his lips as he continued eating. The atmosphere was quiet and felt heavier than it should. Though it eased after a while when Fea started asking him about Teito, and it brought back more of the pleasant memories he had believed forgotten. The subject didn't come without pain, but it was bearable. It was even okay, because when he watched Fea's smile he knew was easing someone else's pain.
They ended up chatting about the church, mainly to Gido's entertainment, as Gido couldn't contribute much on the subject, only but a few anecdotes gathered on his journeys.
Frau wouldn't go as far as to say it was due to the food he consumed, but something about the whole situation seemed to lift a weight from his soul. By the time he left the refectory behind, he had a smile he didn't notice decorating his face. He was strolling through the garden with no aim or destination when he almost bumped into Tamika.
"Oh, sorry!" she exclaimed, brushing a strand from her face.
"No worries. Wasn't looking where I was going either," Frau shrugged, smiled, and then frowned. He remembered how she had left earlier and somehow wanted to apologise. "Look, about earlier..." he started, rubbing his right arm, a habit from having the scythe and running his fingers across the letters imprinted to his skin...
Tamika sighed and shook her head. "It's okay. I understand why you were upset."
"You understand?" frankly, he was confused. But only for a moment, because that was when he realised, understanding was given away for free en masse in these parts of heaven. He groaned, "of course you do."
Tamika chuckled. "Oh my, seems like we didn't leave the best impression," she said and put her arms akimbo. There was something motherly about her posture and expression, Frau thought, and blinked and suddenly it was gone.
"Gido seems to like you," he noted like the jealous little boy he felt. He was even sulking a bit.
"And I do like him," Tamika replied with a gentle smile. Which made him wonder what kind relationship theirs had been. Though she could hardly be his type, considering Magdalen's personality. Tamika was too gentle... With a pretty face that could awaken a taste for difference. "I took care of him when he took over Asyl's place."
With a wave of her hand she encouraged Frau to come along, and so he did, suddenly curious. Gido never spoke of his time as Zehel. "What do you mean?" he asked, eyeing her as she walked beside him. She had the walk of a queen, or of a princess at least, he noticed.
"Well, you grew up with the other Ghosts, but when one or two die at a time that usually leaves the children among us to deal with everything alone. And you experienced where that can lead first hand."
"The Shadow," Frau sighed. Rumour said it was Landkarte.
Tamika nodded in response. "If the rumours are true at last."
"Tell me about Gido," Frau asked, suddenly quite eager to hear more from her.
She chuckled and combed her hair behind her ears. "He was a smart little boy," she said with a smile. There was a thoughtful pause in her speech. "Not half his height now and... unexpectedly earnest for a child. He was a few years younger than you were, but he took it with surprising calm... most of the time."
Younger? The thought of it made his stomach turn, as he remembered Gido's words. They always go for the youngest. So it was true. "Guess we all have to grow into our roles..."
"Not all, but most of us," Tamika corrected him. Lightly she squeezed his arm. "You reminded me of him... sometimes..." she admitted.
Frau only shook his head in response. He knew he shared a couple character traits with him, after all Gido had raised him, but that was all. "I doubt that," he responded into the silence.
"And I know better," Tamika said. "A mother should know her child and I know what I saw. You two share a lot more than you know and maybe that's even for the better, because it's been a long while since I have seen him smile like this."
Frankly, Frau had stopped listening at mother. "What?" he uttered.
"What – what?" Tamika frowned.
But Frau only shook his head. This was beyond his comprehension. "What – mother?!" Tamika could hardly be Gido's mother, could she? That would be... was that even possible? Well, in a way, but... "I demand an explanation and this better be a good one, because I'm trying to get my head around it and can't." Mostly because he didn't see Gido affiliated with any of the Houses of God, whether royal or noble.
Tamika's mouth opened in a silent oh as it dawned on her, and she quickly covered it with a hand. She suppressed a small fit of laughter with it.
What the hell was so funny about this?
Apologetic, she glanced up at him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to confuse you. Well, he's not... my son," she explained. Now she put both of her hands onto his arm. "Not by blood, or marriage for that matter," she said and smiled, lowering her gaze. "But I do feel that way," Tamika continued quietly and turned away, folding her arms. "Someone needed to take care of him and that's what I did... He needed that. For some time at least." Her eyes went up to meet Frau's again, theirs eyes locking in the gaze. "In fact, I believe of all you did. Someone to teach you how to walk in those shoes... It's a heavy burden and it already felt overwhelming to me. I don't want to imagine what it's like for a child."
Suffocating. Crushing. Frau uttered neither of these words. Just waited for her to talk again.
When she spoke again her voice was quiet, "I hope this makes you feel better next time you see me. Be it with him or not."
To that Frau had no answer, but he had a feeling that it would help... The next time. "I will keep it in mind," he finally replied and then added, "tell me more about yourself. You seem like you've grown up in a royal household?"
"Observant," Tamika noted impressed, smiling. Frau couldn't tell what she was thinking, but she was obviously willing to continue their conversation and so they did.
Maybe Gido had been right. Maybe lying in bed all day wasn't all there was to this place, and he would find out the different ways of passing time by getting to know the others.
A little birdy whispered me, I have indeed shy readers. Which startled me to be honest. You don't have to be. I don't bite and I'll probably turn into a gooey, compeltely harmless, mess if you comment. I will most likely make little happy noises and incoherent gibble gabble, just so you know.
I hereby dedicate this chapter to Aoshiru, as she suggested to name it after here when I pondering over a title just moments ago.
And here's a bit of extra information: Gido's love for books and his attachment to the characters was decided over a tumblr post stating "the owner of this blog is too attached to fictional characters." And that was too in character for him.
Regarding The Princess Bride: I decided to make the original book a part of their world, which means there is no narrator just a lot of boring or unimportant pages inbetween the story parts. For those who have been wondering why Gido needed to cross out pages and make comments - that's the exact reason. He probably took over the part of the narrator when reading it to Frau and made anecdotes and told him why these and those pages where utterly unnessecary.
I just really hope you enjoyed reading this! Also big thanks for the follows and favs! I really appreaciate that uwu