His mother had died when he was three, and Frau didn't remember much about her, much less her voice or her face. The latter he knew from photographs, but even that had hardly rung a bell. He had thought she was pretty, which Frau remembered from when Magdalen had sat him down and showed him the pictures. Frau remembered she had let him keep them, all of them, and he had stuffed them away in one of his hideouts around Eden.
That woman was a stranger to him, although there had been pictures with both of them and Frau had been pretty sure the baby in her arms was him.
He looked nothing like her, not even a little bit. Her hair had been a warm brown and long and soft, while his was short and blond and no matter what he did, rumpled. Some strands always seemed to stick out. Her eyes were of a dark grey, mixed with green; his were blue. Her nose, her lips, her face; she used to claim he was the spitting image of his father, Mag had told him, and for the longest time Frau had believed that. Now... he wasn't so sure anymore.
Yes, they both did have blond hair and blue eyes, but that was it. Though maybe she had been seeing something he never did.
After her death all her things had been packed away, but Frau did remember his father telling him which one of the rooms had been hers. He remembered going through those boxes.
In fact that was all there had ever been, people telling him stories about her that he did not belong in, how much she would have loved him and cared for him. But none of that had brought her back or eased the gaping hole in his chest. At some point the whole concept of having a mother at all had seemed strange to him.
Sure it was nice, and sure, he would have liked that, but he did not have it and he never would. Magdalen had been always very nice to him, but she had not been his mother and her care had been no compensation.
His father was a different story, though not by much in the very end, only that Frau had a much clearer memory of him. Frau remembered his voice and his face and flying around the island when he couldn't sleep. The memories came easily and vivid.
"So you knew them both," Frau's interest had already been captured, but Gido was rarely so talkative when it came to things like this. Gido nodded while Frau made himself comfortable next to him on the window sill. "So?" Unable to figure out what to ask first, or what to ask at all, since he didn't really know either of them, he let the decision fall into Gido's hands.
"Your mother..." Gido scratched his head in thought, chewing on that cigarette holder of his. "She was kind, a free spirit as they come, you got that from her... and your soft spot for children, she was the same" a smile swept across his face. "She looked after me and Mag every now and then. I remember Mag was very excited about her being pregnant. Au– err," Gido stopped dead, smiling, turned his head away, but he didn't explain. "She was busy often, Mag and I had to babysit you then, but whenever she was home you were with her. She spent hours singing to you, carrying you around and talking to you and as long as she did, you were a little angle. As long were on her arms at least..." Gido chuckled lowly. "The stuffed dragon she made you, you were always chewing on its ear and at some point she just gave up repairing it. The thing was as old as you, did you know that?"
Frau shook his head. No, he hadn't, but it made him smile. "Dad told me she was not the most talkative about her family, do you know anything about them?"
"No." Gido sighed, shaking his head. "Alas no... I'm sorry..."
Something about the way he said it seemed strange to Frau, but he couldn't put his finger on it so he didn't say anything.
There was a moment of silence where Frau's head dropped against the warm window and he closed his eyes.
"You were the most important thing in her life, that much I know for sure," Frau opened his eyes a bit when Gido spoke, and ran a hand through his hair. It all seemed so surreal, but at the same time it was heart-warming. "I'm sorry I don't remember much more."
"You're trying..." Frau admitted quietly. "And you're not repeating the same old phrases like everyone always did. That's enough." And it really was. "So what about my dad?"
"Mick...?" The name rolled of Gido's tongue with a sigh, but the smile on his face was rather fond. Frau found himself slightly paralysed by the name he had not heard for so long. "Oh...", Gido seemed to notice, "that's right. Your mum gave you his name..."
"It's just weird hearing it after all this time..." Frau tried to smile as he ran a hand over his face. "Keep going."
"Mikosh, that's his full name, and Clarice was your mothers... I actually knew Mikosh a lot better, due to... circumstances. He helped me cope with a lot and also when I became leader of the islands' pirates. He was a good guy, had his heart in the right spot. He tried his best to be there for you and never be gone too long. And when he was gone all I ever heard was Mick, Mick, Mick. I bet you, he would have taken you with him if there had been a chance." A small chuckle left his lips. "One of the best pilots I ever knew... He was a great captain, and he taught you right. I hadn't seen you in years, but you got so upset at the bar back then. I saw you, but I heard him talking."
"Gido... Gido..." He had been repeating his name until Gido's words had trailed off and he was listening. Frau closed his eyes once more, shifted in his position a little. Some small voice told him this would hurt a lot, but he wanted to know. "What happened? I mean... how did they... nobody ever told me." Not that anyone ever had a chance to in the end. But for all he knew they were dead and they wouldn't come back home and that was not enough anymore. How had it happened?
A long moment of silence followed and Frau could tell from the look in Gido's eyes that he was contemplating again how much he could take. "I deserve to know, don't you think," Frau insisted grimly. "Tell me!" There was no need to settle him first.
Something sad and equally painful seemed to flicker across Gido's expression before he began to speak. "I don't know what exactly killed your mum, but I understand as much as that it was some kind of disease..." Gido paused for a moment, seemed to swallow on something. "About your father, well... that was an unfortunate encounter with some asshole that I should have finished off when I still could. The guy that led the sky pirates before me isn't exactly the one you want to meet in a dark alley at night, and he was drunk and angry and I don't exactly know what happened, but I know that it ended with his death. As well as... that there was little chance to prevent that. I'm sorry, I wish I could have done something... But I wasn't there."
Something yelled at him not to ask. "What are you not telling me..." And when Gido tried to quiet him, shaking his head Frau only urged on. "What. Are you. Not. Telling. Me," he repeated, eyes fixed on Gido, hands almost clenched.
"You don't–"
"I do want to know!"
"No..." Gido got up, shaking his head. Frau grabbed his arm to pull him close again, but Gido struggled to get away. "Let go!"
"I won't unless you tell me. I'm sick of everyone only telling me half-truths!"
"And I'm sick of you not knowing when to stop prying. When will you understand that there are some things you're better off not knowing!" Gido blurted out. Angry and... there was pain in his voice.
The words were harsh and they hurt and for a moment Frau was shocked, but not enough to retreat. He had spent all his childhood yelling back and forth with Gido, so his voice, however loud, did not scare him. "I don't care," Frau felt like his voice shouldn't be this calm and sure. There had been few times he had seen Gido this upset about his constant questions. The flicker of pain had returned as well, and it was no flicker anymore, it was clearly visible on his face. "What is it, what are you not telling me...?" he asked again, more careful this time, squeezing Gido's hand.
"Please don't..."
But not this time, Frau thought, the grip on Gido's hand tightening, his eyes boring holes into him.
Gido swallowed, grimly shaking his head again, but Frau would not let go, and when he finally gave in he seemed at a loss of words at first. "Whenever... whenever I think about..." his voice cracked. For a moment nothing came and Gido was just opening and closing his mouth again and again, his eyes quietly telling him just to stop. "I had to get something from the store and then head home, and I didn't even have to open the door to... I heard you crying." Gido closed his eyes, swallowing again on something that seemed stuck in his throat. "You were next to her... and she was lying there, dead and I knew that even before I was sure, and you were crying and you wouldn't stop and God knows how long you'd been sitting there and I couldn't make you understand what happened and that it was going to be okay again. All you were doing was crying and you were asking me to make her get up, to make her wake up and I couldn't do that, and just thinking about it... hurts because I couldn't stay and I knew your dad wouldn't stay for long either and in that moment I hated myself for knowing that he would go because of me. You didn't deserve that, you didn't deserve any of that, and I just wish I could have done something..."
Breathing felt unspeakably hard when Gido stopped talking and Frau had to swallow a few times, take a few deep breaths before he could even start thinking clearly again. He had been so right. Gido had been so right, he hadn't wanted to know that.
"You should have had it better. You shouldn't have to suffer... That was always the plan."
"Well it didn't work out!" Frau wanted to yell at him, but it only came out broken and exhausted. "Nobody was ever there for me until you came. And then you... you were gone too..." Something tightened in his throat.
"I'm sorry..."
"That doesn't even cover it..." Frau said, his voice thick with old pain. It was all coming back, and when Frau realised he was staring at Gido's hand it sickened him. God no, was all he could think, before pushing as much as possible back down as he locked it up. "I was... so alone... I missed you so much." The words were not meant to come out, but they did anyway.
It was good when Gido came close again to wrap him up in his arms and to run a hand through his hair, because Frau didn't want to think about Gido being gone or anything else but what was going on here. Some tears were forcing their way out of his eyes, and Frau stubborn blinked them away and ignored them. "Just don't go anywhere..." he muttered, his face buried in Gido's shirt. The other answered something quietly into his hair, because that's where he had buried his face.
For the longest time Frau didn't even realise how hard he had been clinging to Gido, trying to swallow everything that was forcing its way up, pushing and locking it away once more. It was over now; Gido was here and he wouldn't go. He was carding his hand through Frau's hair like he used to. He was warm and he had a heartbeat and that was even more than he had ever asked for. Slowly, Frau began to loosen the grip of his hands.
In the end Frau had no recollection of how long he had sat there, hands clutched into Gido's shirt, breathing in his scent and finally feeling somewhat okay again. The pain was still there, but it was only a dull ache now, something easily ignored.
Suddenly something else came to his mind. "You said... home?", Frau asked quietly, daring to look up at him. "You lived with us...?"
"Hmm... yeah, though I spent a lot of time over at Mag's place," Gido answered, smiling softly and brushing a thumb over his cheek. "But yeah, it was home. Having you around, that was what made it feel like home."
Frau didn't need any more words, all he did was snuggle happily into Gido's shirt and close his eyes, while Gido kept running a hand through his hair. All he could manage to mutter in the end was, "you too." It was what he had always felt, even as a kid, in which anywhere with Gido had been home. And when he had left, Frau had missed it and that was how you knew it was home, wasn't it? Missing it when it was gone and wanting it back.
It was a bright sunny day when it happened and Frau thought the sun was betraying the grim nature of the matter. He had overslept the matter itself, as the deed had been done at night and now they presented him with the result.
To Frau it seemed almost surreal that Ayanami should be dead, that he should be actually up here. But they assured him he was, and Gido had this constant sorry look on his face. And however much Frau asked there was no answer to the cause of it.
And for once in all the time he had been here Frau wished Gido would actually take time to settle him down. He craved proximity. Strangely enough, Gido held him at an arm's length, telling him in that deep calm voice what had happened and how matters were now. And Frau just couldn't believe it. How could Ayanami have made it up here? Or had it been two souls after all and whatever was left of his human side had now escaped?
"We're keeping him away from everyone for a while, so we all can adjust to the situation," Gido told him and Frau wanted to yell at him that he sounded way too calm. There was a sheer endless moment of silence. "But I can bring you to him, if you want to."
It was only now that Frau noticed he was shaking and no, no, no he did not want to see Ayanami. Not now, not ever. Why was he even here? It was beyond his comprehension because it shouldn't have happened, and finally Gido closed his arms around him and held him tight. Burying his face in Gido's clothes, Frau took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent, the leather and smoke and slowly, slowly, he felt like he was calming down again. "You're not telling me everything are you?" Frau muttered, half guessing the matter. Gido pressed a kiss to his head, and it was nice, but he did not really notice.
"Everything at its time," Gido merely said and Frau felt his grip tightening for a moment, and after another while one of his hands started running circles across his back.
Frau had no clue how long he let Gido soothe him, standing there with his face buried in his coat and finally beginning to feel calm again. It was only then when he remembered to move again. Apparently Gido had waited for him to calm down, because there was definitely more going on, and for a moment Frau just scrunched up his face. Oh no, there was more. Frau felt like he was only realising that now. He didn't want there to be more. All he wanted was for Gido to stay with him and keep him calm.
Strangely, Gido chuckled. "You will like this," he promised with a soft smile.
"No, I won't," Frau complained without knowing what they were talking about.
But Gido shook his head. "I've got a surprise for you and you'll love it... I know it." A little, reassuring smile sat on Gido's lips and as much as Frau wanted to trust him, he found it quite hard right now. What the hell should be good about Ayanami being dead and stuck up here? There was nothing he could imagine that Gido could do to make it up to him.
Growling quietly, Frau followed when Gido urged him to come along. It only became amusing for a small bit when he remembered that it had been a lot like this when he had been younger. Gido had always put all his efforts into getting anywhere, but Frau had only repaid him with grumpiness. "Where are we going?" he asked, but there was no answer, and Gido merely kept dragging him through another corridor. What the hell was he planning to do with him... The longer this went on the weirder it got.
"Here we are," Gido smiled and pointed at a door. They were close to the bishop quarters, Frau realised, and not even too far from his own room. Actually, he realised almost belatedly, they was right next to his. With questions in his eye he looked at Gido, scrutinising him, wondering what the hell this was going to be. "Come on, go inside," Gido urged him on, giving him a little shove towards the door. "For me?" This was definitely a plea.
"God dammit!" Frau rolled his eyes. "Alright... just stop begging like that." At that Gido only beamed and Frau felt his eyes on him as he slowly approached the door and went inside. "But if this is some sick joke I swear I'll make you regret it later!" he said, turning his head towards the man behind him who was still beaming like mad.
The door slowly fell shut behind him, though Frau barely noticed it when he saw what Gido had definitely wanted him to see. But it felt as surreal as when he had heard of Ayanami's arrival. This just couldn't be. No, it wasn't true. That goddamn– He wasn't– Pressing his lips together Frau bit back whatever the thing stuck in his throat was. It felt like a sob, or something dangerously close. "You goddamn brat, what's so hard about not dying..." Towards the end Frau felt his voice breaking away because the stupid brat was smiling and a moment later he had him in his arms and that just wasn't true. Only that it was and it felt so damn good.
Frau's heart was skipping beats way too fast when he closed his arms around the slender figure. Oh God, he was warm and solid and just a real as Gido had been. And that was as tragic as it was comforting, and actually made him feel quite conflicted because Frau surely did not want Teito to be dead. But here he was. God it felt good getting to hold him again and Frau wouldn't trade that for anything, he realised.
"You've grown..." Frau noticed, smiling to himself. He had sunk to his knees, holding Teito tight with his face buried somewhere in his chest.
Teito was laughing, "yeah..." And crying. Frau could hear it in his voice, so he kept hugging him. "Are you... okay? I- I never thought I'd..."
"I am. I'm here. I won't leave," Frau reassured him without thinking twice. Face still buried in his clothes. That damn brat had definitely grown, not too much, but definitely a bit. A heavy sigh escaped Frau's lips when he dared to look up. "It's good to see you, you stupid kid," he muttered.
There was a weak smile on Teito's lips. "I'm no kid, you idiot," he started to complain, but was already close to sobbing. He was crying soon enough when Frau wrapped him up in his arms and held him close. He was muttering soft little words and stroking his back in slow circles and through all this distress Frau found himself smiling, with every kiss he placed on his head, on his face, and lastly on his lips. He tasted salt and what was solely Teito and smiled against his lips. "I missed you, brat," Frau muttered. "And I love you... and I should have told you way earlier..."
Teito smiled, it transforming soon into a smirk, and instead of forming any words with his mouth he pushed Frau onto his back and kissed him hard, until they were both out of breath and blushing. "I know..." Teito muttered at last, "I know. I love you too..."
And at that Frau had to run a hand over his face and curse Gido under his breath, because he didn't know whether to cry or laugh when he realised that Gido had been right all over again. Although this lesson had been unspoken, but he had been right. Nothing was lost after all. It would get better after all. Even with Ayanami around now, it would be fine. Frau smiled, running a hand through his hair and hugging him. "It gets better now..." he said quietly and he didn't quite know whether that was for him or for Teito, but he felt him nodding against his chest.
He had forgotten about Gido, probably still standing by the door, but Frau hoped he was not because he wasn't likely to come out of here for a very long time.
Here it is!
A few pieces of information about the Teito and Frau part now: There is in fact a short part of the story where their relationship is important, by name the two months that Teito spends in heaven before he will be reborn. And probably a while after that two, since the fic I based this one has two prequels, if you want to think of them as that, about their relationship and I do want to give that aspect it's time and place. Frau will not simply forget about him just because there's Gido and he spent some time and shared a bed with him. It's all not that simple and I won't just shove something this big and important for Frau aside for a sake a single ship. Not happening. In fact I can already tell you that we will encounter someone important from Gido's past as well and that that will play out way more complicated than with Teito and Frau and just... really... I know this is a popular ship in this fandom, so I really don't want to lead anyone astray with their hopes. Yet it will play a part and only a part. Simple as that.
I hope you enjoyed this one though! And those that will come in the future!