Sorry that this chapter took longer to upload than the others, but as you can see it is way longer. Again, thanks for reading, reviewing and what not and if you could review again if you have time it would be appreciated.
Jace sat down on the bed handing me tissues as I tried to pull myself together. The tears and initial shock had finally passed enough that I could focus.
"I'm sorry that you had to see me like this but thank you for bringing me home."
"Don't be silly Clare, it's what friends do for each other. Stupid question but are you feeling better?" Jace replied.
"A little. When I was in England, I stayed with a family and on my second year there, their little boy Noah found out that he had neuroblastoma, which is basically cancer. He was only four years old. I used to spend my days with him playing, reading. The way his eyes would light up when I'd come home from school. Or his smile when he'd painted me a picture. He was gorgeous and sweet and funny. He was a fighter that kid. He fought against it and got rid of it, but after I left, they found out that it had come back and hoped that he had more of a chance to fight it since he'd fought it once. The thing is that with cancer, if it comes back a second time, you're more likely to lose the battle against it because it usually comes back more violent. Noah, my sweet adorable monster passed away that night. His family wanted me to know because I was the sister that he'd never had and he was the little brother I always wanted."
Jace sat there silent as I told him these things, he let my tears fall down my face as I explained how important Noah was to me. When I finished crying he pulled me into a hug and I sat there in his lap, face buried into his chest crying. At some point I stopped crying and just let Jace hold me and I must have fell asleep on him because I felt him lay me down and him try to move away from me. I didn't want to speak so I took his hand and pulled him back to me. I guess he took the message that I didn't want to be left alone and laid down next me to with him brushing his fingers through my hair sending me deeper into a dreamless sleep.
When I finally woke up, my head was on Jace's chest, his arm around me and our legs tangled together. I tried to move but Jace kept an iron grip to keep me close to him.
"Jace," I nudged him slightly. He grumbled. "I need to pee, let go of me." He grumbled again but let go of me. I got up from Jace and walked into the bathroom and closed the door. Well that wasn't awkward on anything waking up hugging your ex boyfriend. I had to sort myself out. I needed to be strong and brave Clary. I needed to book a flight to England and go support Mike and Jo on the loss of their son. I needed to help them, be there for them because they where there for me when I was dealing with my own issues. I owed them so much. I looked at the time, we'd only slept for three hours and school was still in session so I had time to ring them and explain the situation and see how long I could take off school, maybe two or three weeks? I walked out the bathroom and Jace was still laid face down into my pillow looking like he wouldn't be moving for a while. He looked so innocent while he slept. I left him there and crept downstairs and begun to sort out my plans out so I could go to the funeral.
An hour later I heard Jace coming down the stairs. I was on my laptop looking at flights. The school let me have two weeks off and the rest of the week as it was a Wednesday. I appreciated their sympathy. I'd run Mike and Jo and told them my plans, that they were my second family and I had to be there whether they like it or not. I wanted to help them as much as I could.
"When you leaving?" Jace questioned.
"Monday." I replied scrolling through flights
"How long will you be gone?"
"For two weeks, I've got the rest of this week off school and then two weeks. Which doesn't leave us long to sort out the music stuff and I'm sorry, but you understand, don't you?"
"Clare, I understand. You're always going to try to help them if you can and don't worry about the music thing. We'll sort it out when you get back. You concentrate on this. He pointed at my laptop screen. This will be your main priority now."
I nodded at him and booked a flight in first class.
"So what's next on the list of things to do before you leave?" Jace questioned.
"Erm... The flights booked. I could use a new funeral dress and some shoes, I'll need to pack my bag. I need to write something about Noah as Mike and Jo want me to speak at the funeral. I need some clothes while I stay there. I need to arrange flowers." I replied counting off the things on my fingers.
"Why don't we start the list while we're thinking about it. We'll get the dress shopping out the way now, before Izzy gets word that you need a new dress and spend 5 hours picking one for you." he laughed.
I smiled back at him slightly. "Alright. We'll go dress shopping."
We ended up going to about three dress shops until I found one that I found worthy of going to a funeral to. Why was most the dresses these shops either too short or showing off cleavage. The dress was a black skater dress I figured I could wear my black leather jacket with my down in the curls that Noah loved. I found some black 3 inch heels which went perfectly with my dress. Jace approved that the outfit was funeral worthy. He was silent today. Not making jokes and being his usual cocky self. I appreciated that from him.
I sat down at a table as Jace brought some food over. He remembered that I usually ordered the fast food place, cheesy spicy fries two sets of them for me since he didn't know how hungry I was.
"Thank you Jace. Just thank you for being there for me today and helping me. I don't know what I'd have done if it was anyone else instead of you." I told him sincerely.
"No problem Clare, no problem at all." he replied digging into his food.
I picked at the chips, not realising how hungry I actually was. I finished both portions of chips.
Jace drove me and my shopping home and told me that he'd tell the others to give me some space and tell them of what was going on. I thanked him for it, he always seemed to know when I needed space to sort my thoughts out. I guess he could tell that even though I looked perfectly normal now. I still hadn't come to grips of the news of Noah's death. I just didn't understand how a little boy with so much life and so much to give to the world could be taken away. He was only four for Christ sakes. No one deserves to lose a child before you die. They are meant to out live you, they're meant to make you go absolutely insane and drive you mad, but they always love you and you them. No one should have to lose a child at all, it's such a tragedy for it to happen.
I spent the rest of my weekend writing my speech for the funeral, picking and having various people keep me company. At school they'd been asking for money to go towards cancer and managed to raise a fair bit of money.
Before I knew it Monday had came and I was in the car with Jace. My parents hadn't been able to get away from work to take me to the airport. I understood. Jace offered to take me instead and I accepted. I'd finished my speech but I was nervous. I didn't want to say goodbye. We made it to the airport, I grabbed my handbag which had my iPod and a few other things in and Jace grabbed my suitcase and wheeled it in with me. We stopped inside the airport and Jace handed me my suitcase.
"Remember Clare. If you need me don't worry. Ring me up no matter what time it is. I'm going to be there if you need me okay?"
"I know. I'll be back in two weeks or you better be thinking of some ideas we can do for music okay? And don't annoy the rest of the gang please just because I'm not there to shout at you."
"Okay okay, I'll be on my best behaviour until you get back. It'll be alright. You'll be alright." He told me. We wrapped me in a hug for a few seconds and I had to go.
"I'll see you in two weeks." I told him and waved as I walked towards the receptionist person.
Two weeks later I was on the flight home. The funeral had me in utter hysterics. I managed to say my speech and his parents with a few tears streaming down my face. I have to say that it was beautifully done and there was fond memories of Noah that everyone could remember. He was loved by everyone. I was happy that he wouldn't be in any more pain, but I missed the little guy. I'd miss him jumping on me in a morning with that cheeky grin of his and him laughing while I tickled him because he woke me up.
While I was in England, I sneakily booked myself to have a tattoo, it wasn't anything big. It was an image of a small dinosaur on my hip. He loved dinosaurs. Mike and Jo let me take the one I'd bought for him that he loved which I was holding while I was on the aeroplane. I didn't really sleep much while I was there, I kept hearing Jo crying in the middle of the night. I kept thinking that I'd heard Roman's laugh through the house. Most of the time I'd end up sitting in his room in the dark while Jo and Mike cried. I didn't know what to do so I just held them as they helplessly cried. I felt so utterly useless, I couldn't do anything to make them feel better.
It was about four in the morning when I arrived back in America. I wasn't sure who was picking me up. I collected my things and went to hunt for who would be taking me home. For it being four in the morning, it was really busy and I couldn't find anyone. I stood on a chair and looked around. I saw Jace, guess he got the unlucky straw. He saw me standing on the chair and made a signal telling me to stay where I was. I watched him move towards me and I jumped down off the chair. He'd collected my things before I could grab them off the floor.
"Guess you got the unlucky straw for picking me up." I said to him
"I volunteered. I guessed you wouldn't want to talk about it, so I'm really doing you a favour and not letting you fall into the grips of Izzy yet."
"And I'm forever in your debt for it. Thanks Jace. Really, I mean it."
"No problem, let's get you home before jet lag gets you." he said and started walking towards the car.
He'd already loaded my bags into the back seat of the car and open my door for me, being the perfect gentleman I remember from a while a go. Jace must have noticed that I didn't feel like talking any more and started the car and drove onwards home.
For one thing I knew I needed to speak to Izzy about Jace's change in behaviour. I just didn't get why he'd volunteer to take me and pick me up. I mean yes we're friends now, but Izzy or Magnus or even my parents could have drove me. This was giving me a headache. His mood swings always changing constantly. Couldn't he just act one way towards me and that'd be it. I must have fell asleep because the next thing I remember is Jace carrying me into my house. I stirred in his arms and heard him whisper that jet lag finally got the best of me. He laid me down on my bed and I heard my mom thank him for getting me. He told her it was no problem at all and then the darkness consumed me again until the afternoon.
The next day I had my parents giving me the silent treatment. I'd told them about my tattoo and well to say they wasn't happy about it was an understatement. They'd come around eventually I thought to myself as I ate some pasta.
Come to mine after school to practice for music? I want to hear all your ideas. - Clary
Sure, I've got a few for my solo which I'd like you to help me with as well. - Jace
Yeah that's fine, I want your help on my solo as well please. - Clary
Sure thing cutie. I'll be around in a few hours. I hope you have food in, I'm so hungry! - Jace
All you ever think about is your stomach. I can't wait for the day that your metabolism fucks up and you end up bald and fat. - Clary
How you wound me woman! - Jace
I'm sure your ego and yourself will survive eventually. Now actually do some school work instead of texting me – Clary
Yes Miss! ~salutes~ - Jace.
Jace arrived at my house and of course I fed him, silently praying he'd turn fat soon so I could laugh at him. We discussed a few options for his solo and decided on what he'd be doing, we also sorted out my solo in the process. We where just having trouble trying to decide on what to do as a duet. Since we'd decided what we were going to do we chilled out for a bit watching some TV and then Jace jabbed me with his finger right where my tattoo was.
"Ow! Watch the tattoo man!" I shouted
"Tattoo? Since when?" he questioned trying to have a look at it.
I raised my shirt slightly so you could see the dinosaur tattoo on my hip.
"It's for Noah. He loved dinosaurs, I got it while I was in England on the sly."
"Since when you become such a bad ass?"
"Around the time I arrived in England three years ago. You wouldn't believe half the things I got up to." I laughed.
"Oh really." he smirked raising an eyebrow.
"Well there was this one time at a party and I ended up going around the room scamming money off people because 'I didn't have enough money to get home' I ended up with £500 and then spent it all on alcohol with my friends at their party. I've bagged my way out of driving fines that was so funny! This one time I even got a police escort back home. I also got free alcohol from a shop. I flirted with the counter guy while my friends stole it. I've stole my friends ex's car and left it in a shopping mall." I laughed remembering these memories. While Jace's face just got more shocked and shocked. Before I left here I never did anything wrong and if I did I'd feel so guilty for it and make things right.
"Sounds like you had fun there." he replied chuckling
"Yeah I did." I smiled.
The week went on like that. We ended up practising at houses mostly. Going to school and waiting for Friday to come around. Me and Jace would be the last people to perform that night so the heat was on for us to finish in style.
The night began with me singing Ronan by Taylor Swift. The song had stuck in my head once I'd heard it as it reminded me of Noah. I'd spoken to Luke about singing it and of course he has I could and I would be the first person on stage to sing it to everyone.
I walked on the stage. It was a full house everyone was here, students, parents, teachers.
"Hi, I'm Clary Fray. As most of the students know someone very dear to me recently passed away because of cancer. Tonight I'd like to dedicate this song to Noah who was only four years old. Also I have a collection box to go towards neuroblastoma and a hospice, if you could give anything you can, even if it isn't much it all helps. Thank you and I hope you enjoy this song." I spoke to them clearly.
I sat on stage, guitar in hand, strumming along. A white spot light on me. Everyone who was performing tonight was in the crowd listening to me. The whole room was quiet as I sung along to the song. I noticed that a few parents and students has a few tears coming down their face, so did I. I had the room in awe.
"What if I'm standing in your closet trying to talk to you?
What if I kept the hand-me-downs you won't grow into?
And what if I really thought some miracle would see us through?
What if the miracle was even getting one moment with you?
Come on baby with me we're gonna fly away from here,
come on baby with me we're gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years.
I remember your bare feet down the hallway.
I love you to the moon and back..."
The whole room was silent after I finished the song. The wiped their tears and applauded.
"Thank you for letting me sing this tonight, enjoy the rest of the show." I said as I wiped my own tears off my face.
Everyone rushed around trying to get themselves ready for the show, me and Jace where silent and calm with all the madness running around us, we listened to everyone sing, congratulating our friends on their performances. And then I was my time to sing again. I was nervous. Jace was out in the crowd again, saying he wanted the best view to watch me.
I walked on the stage, all the lights were out just like I'd requested. A spot light came on as I began to sing. I noticed Jace in the front row.
"So I called you up late last night and I said, hey, what you up to now?
And you said 'Hey stranger, I'm in bed', and I said well guess what, I'm outside you door.
'Oh girl do you know what time it is?'
Oh boy do you know how long it's been? Come quick, full moon with me outside.
He laughs down the phone and whispered 'Give me five'
So I gave him three, 'cause this can't happen to me again, and I won't let him do this again."
Jace looked like he remembered this memory, a few days ago I'd come to his house. I'd been up most of the night reminiscing about us before I left, before he cheated. That night I'd realised that I still had feelings for him. After all this time it would always be him. No matter how much I tried to hide it, I knew right at that moment.
"And he looks a lot different now he's cut his hair.
And he smells a lot sweeter, he stopped smoking cigarettes.
But the one thing that hasn't changed at all are his smiling eyes."
I looked straight at him singing this part to him. I couldn't read his expression before he looked confused because this wasn't the song that he thought I was going to sing. He shrugged it off and continued to listen to my lyrics contently.
"Another piece of you has found a way in.
Thought I locked my doors and turned off the light.
Another piece of me must find her way home,
I cannot accept I always do this alone.
A part of my heart dies and I build from the bottom up.
All I get are lies and I'm never quite sure,
I don't want to be closed but it's all that I seem to know
And don't you get the feeling something's gotta give?And another little piece of me has lost itself to you
No matter what I change, the changes don't pull me through
Another piece of me just goes and does it again
Ignoring all of the signs, flying over the bends
And all that's left is yours to takeAnother piece of you just won't let me go, and I'm not even sure you know you're taking a hold
You say you do not get it but I say that you've got it good
You stand perfectly still but I'm running aroundAnd another little piece of me has lost itself to you
No matter what I change, the changes don't pull me through
Another piece of me just goes and does it again
Ignoring all of the signs, flying over the bends
And all that's left is yours to takeWhen will I realize that nothings as it was, nothings as it was
You won't keep me terrified, 'cause I found another way out
When will I realize that nothings as it was, nothings as it was
You won't keep me terrified, 'cause I found it, I found it, I found itAnd another little piece of me has lost itself to you
No matter what I change, the changes don't pull me through
Another piece of me just goes and does it again
Ignoring all of the signs, flying over the bends
And all that's left is yours to take, oh, and all that's left is yours to takeYou only do it, 'cause I let you do it, but I'm at the end
You only do it, 'cause I let you do it, but I'm at the end
You only do it, 'cause I let you do it, but I'm at the end."
My song finished the audience clapped and I avoided Jace by staying hidden as a few more people came to sing before it was Jace's turn. I'd promised that I'd sit where he'd sat and cheer him on. So just before Jace was due to sing his solo, I'd sat in his seat waiting.
Jace came out with a guitar, we didn't agree this. Guessing he'd changed his song as well. Seems like tonight we where the ones who changed things as the last-minute. My thoughts where correct as he played a song I didn't know play..
"When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?"
Jace looked directly at me, like he was trying to tell me something. His eyes were filled with an emotion I couldn't place.
"I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I amI won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up.
The crowd applauded and I sat there, confused. Was Jace trying to tell me he loved me like I loved him? Wait I loved him? Yes, I loved him. I'd have to face him soon as I rushed to the stage. There was one person before our duet. We was the last people singing. Luckily I had to be on the other side of the stage to Jace so I didn't have to face him yet. The last duet finished and the stage emptied just before me and Jace where due to sing. Everyone wanted to see what we where going to do as we hadn't told anyone but the stage crew so they knew what to do with the lights.
The music started, but it wasn't the song we where going to sing. What was he doing? I guess I'd just have to go along with it. It was our back up song that we didn't really wanted to sing.
(Authors note: I don't like glee but my friend showed me this song and it was just so fitting with my story)
Jace walked on the stage so I figured I should as well. We began to sing.
"Face to face and heart to heart
We're so close yet so far apart
I close my eyes I look away
That's just because I'm not okay
But I hold on, I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong."
We met in the middle of the stage and sang to each other. We stared at each other. He reached for my hand and held it. I ignored the spark of electricity I felt as he touched me. Our fellow students started clapping at the right times to the song.
"Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls
Will we ever have our happy ending?
Or will we forever only be pretending?
Will we always, always, always be pretending."
We both walked to opposite sides of the stages, we both sang to the crowd who was looking at us both intently. Everyone in the room was silent.
"How long do I fantasize
Make believe that it's still alive
Imagine that I am good enough
And we can choose the ones we love
But I hold on, I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong,
Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls
Will we ever have our happy ending?
Or will we forever only be pretending?
Will we always, always, always be."
We both turned to look at each other Jace's eyes held that emotion again, the one I couldn't place.
"Keeping secrets safe
Every move we make
Seems like no ones letting go
And it's such a shame
Cause if you feel the same
How am I supposed to know?"
We walked back to each other slowly to the middle. The whole audience holding onto our movements and the song.
"Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls
Will we ever have our happy ending?
Or will we forever only be pretending?
Will we always, always, always be
Will we always, always, always be
Will we always, always, always be pretending?"
We both met in the middle at the last line of the song came. Jace's eyes still held that emotion. We sung the last word, staring at each other. I finally placed the look in Jace's eyes. He loved me and I loved him. I didn't want to keep on pretending that I didn't. We kissed a few seconds after we finished the song. I forgot what it was like kissing him. I felt his arms pull me closer to him and I snaked my hands into his hair. I forgot about the crowd in front of us, I forgot about everything that had gone on, it was just me and Jace. It felt right. I let all my emotions, my love, my longing for him into this kiss feeling the same feelings from him. We broke apart breathing hard as we realised that the crowd was applauding us. I blushed bright red, Jace reached out for my hand and I accepted it. He smiled at me, his eyes shining brightly. We walked off the stage together, hand in hand. I couldn't help but think that Luke had planned this all a long.
We walked passed Aline backstage who was shooting me death glares.
"That Clary is such a drama queen. I bet she made up that story about that little boy." she sneered.
I let go of Jace's hand. "I'll be back in a moment." I told him. He looked confused but nodded anyway.
I walked up to Aline. I raised my fist to punch her but before I knew it, her minions where on me. She knew that I wouldn't let her get away with saying I was telling lies. She knew I would come and set the record straight. I tried to fight my way out, they'd gotten me down to the floor, they was kicking and punching me. I heard them laughing with each blow they gave to me. I tried to roll myself into a ball to soften the blows. It felt like minutes ticked by. The endless beating went on. Someone was repeatedly kicking my head. I felt dizzy and tired. So tired. I heard Jace shout my name as he spotted me on the floor. He shouted help as he made his was toward me, the teachers finally noticed what was going on and rushed to get help, some of them had ran after the girls as they'd fled away when Jace had finally noticed what was going on. I could feel the darkness pulling me towards it as Jace got to me, he was telling me to stay awake.
"So sleepy Jace." I mumbled.
"Stay awake Clare, you need to stay awake okay?" he told me as he held my hand looking down to me worriedly.
"M'kay." I mumbled.
"There's my little fighter. You where so amazing out there."
My eyes where fighting against me, everything just wanted to sleep. "I love you Jace." I mumbled clearly as the darkness consumed me into unconsciousness.
Thanks for reading and please if you have time review my story.