The Trial of the Lost

Hello, I'm back! I want to thank dondena, for you are a faithful reader and reviewer. There aren't many reviews, but it's happy to know there are some readers! And this certainly encourages me to keep on writing.

Hope you continue to read and enjoy my stories!

-Based on/inspired by 2003 TV series episode "Same as it never was".

-Disclaimer: I do not own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Chapter Four: "What Is Your Heart Telling You?"

When I was, like, eight or nine years old, my brothers had always taunted me about being so obedient to Master Splinter all the time. They were eager to go topside, to explore and to have their own ways. Of course I was curious about the world outside the lair, but I wouldn't go as far as sneaking out or rebel against Sensei's orders. It was not because I dare not disobey our father, but because I understood something they could not comprehend then. I had a feeling even when I was young… I felt that Master Splinter was different, different from the people talking on TV, and from us.

I felt that he knew things and the ways of things, the ways of the world. I felt that his knowledge was profound and far beyond our apprehension. And it was not that kind of knowledge the young Donatello was already too familiar with. It was the wisdom of life, the mastery of combining one's body and soul. It was the philosophy that one must learn to live in harmony, regardless of different environments and conditions.

I tried to learn from Master Splinter as much as I could. There were times that lessons came too early, and my heart was unprepared. But I always did my best. I thought it was our responsibility to know more about ourselves. So we could always be in control, and we could always tell our hearts what to do.

However, Master Splinter told me one day that my heart was lost. It was about six months after Don went missing. "My son," I remember he said to me softly and sadly, "you have forgotten about your goal. You no longer desire the mastery of your own self. You no longer wish to ascend to a higher spiritual level." He looked at me closely. "You heart has gone astray, my son. And I cannot help you, unless you help yourself first. What is it that you really want? What is your heart telling you? Have you listened?"

I did not know what I wanted at the moment. Nothing seemed right. I couldn't look at my brothers in their eyes. I could not face them, because I knew I had not been myself.

But now I know. I know exactly now what I wanted and what I needed. I needed to hear someone say it to me. Someone had to say to me and look me into the eyes. It was not your fault that Don was missing and you could not keep your family together. Do not blame yourself. And that was all I needed.

I realize now I have always been wrong. I've been wrong about our training, my meditation session, and even myself. We train our mind not because it needs to be under control. Life is never something we can control. We meditate because we need to listen to our heart. We need to be aware of the present moment. Awareness alone makes a big difference.

And I wonder, if I was aware of what was happening around me before things fell apart, would I be able to save my father and my brothers?

There were Karai legions, over twenty of them.

How can I get out of here alive? And with Master Splinter's body? Think. Think. Think!

Leo's grasp on his katana tightened.

Standing just a few feet from him, Karai looked inscrutable and expressionless. And, as he expected, she raised a hand to mid-air.

"Legions, attack!"

Leo cursed in his mind for being so reckless as he swept his sword through two approaching Karai bots. What was he thinking? Heading straight into a trap? And alone, no less? This was screwed up. But he couldn't leave Master Splinter here, not in their empty home and with their enemy.

Leo moved as swiftly as he could towards the shattered wall, the way he came in; but as his opponents, robots that possessed inexhaustible energy once charged, coming from almost every direction, he fought with great effort, feeling weary already.

Karai kept her distance from the battle and watched closely at Leonardo's movements. He was a lot slower than usual, and his eyes were unable to follow his opponents' moves. It was not long before his shoulder received a blow. He stepped backwards uncontrollably, almost falling to the ground.

Karai bent down and picked Leo's other katana up. She looked at the weapon, her expression becoming hesitant. And she sighed.

"Legions, … stop!"

Leonardo pushed the robot in front of him aside with his katana. Panting, he looked up in confusion.

"Legions," Karai ordered, dropping her head to her chest, "let him go."

Leonardo tightened his grip on Splinter. "What is this for?" he yelled, his eyes glinting, staring closely at her. "Don't you want to fight me, Karai? Face me!"

Karai looked away, avoiding his gaze. "Go quickly, Leonardo. This is not the kind of task I should be doing. I will pretend I have not seen you."

"Don't show me mercy, Karai." Leo grunted through his teeth.

"This is not mercy." Karai said rather softly. "This is for a dutiful son who has to take his lamented father out of harms way."

"You killed my father and destroyed our home, Karai. Your father and you have harmed many innocent people." Leonardo said coldly. "Do you even care?"

Karai hesitated, her mind struggling. She finally met his eyes, and said under her breath, "I'm only doing what I have to do.

"And, yes Leonardo. I do care. Now go. Do not make it harder than it already is."

Leonardo still looked fixedly at her. He saw the truth and her exertion.

"So you are not completely without honor." He mumbled, and then said in a higher voice, "Leave the Shredder when you still have a chance, Karai."

Karai smiled painfully. "I'm afraid I do not have the chance to choose, Leonardo. He is my father. And it is to him I devoted my loyalty." And she turned her back to him. "Go, Leonardo."

Leo heaved a sigh and turned away. He raised the sword, making his way towards an exit. He never looked back again.

This must be a dream.

It must be a dream, for he was a grumpy eight-year-old again, lying on his side in a corner of the shower, sulking over some trivial matters. In the old lair, the one that was later destroyed by the infamous Mousers, young Raph preferred to hide in the shower enclosure when he was gloomy, as they didn't have another secluded space in their home.

Well, he couldn't recall what happened. Maybe it's because the cause of his temper tantrum was not even important at all. That happens. Sometimes he was only angry for angry's sake. And he liked to pretend he enjoy being alone before it actually became prominent truth during his teens. At least he was sure that he didn't want to face Sensei and Leo. The last thing he needed was to hear them lecture.

It must be late spring or early winter, because the cold of the shower's floor was almost unbearable. But he was insistent. He must stay there, and he didn't know why.

He could hear faintly the sounds coming from the dining room. "Where's Raph?" he heard Leo, "He's sour again, isn't he?" "Well then, he must be in the shower." Donnie said.

"Go fetch your brother, we are about to have supper." Master Splinter said.

"We can start without him, Sensei." Leo suggested.

"I'm not hungry. I can wait for him." Donnie said. Raph could easily picture his always-cool brother sitting down next to the dinner table and pulling out one big shell of a book.

But he did not hear Mikey. Where's Mikey?

"Raph?" a little, husky voice whispered outside the curtain of the shower.

Raphael continued to stare at the concrete wall, ignoring the voice.

"Raphie?" Mikey asked, "Are you in there?"

"Go away, Michelangelo." He heard himself say.

"Why don't you want to come with us?" Mikey asked, "I thought you like to play the game Donnie invented the other day."

"Leo's bossy." Raph pouted petulantly, but deep inside he knew it was he, Raph, who broke the rules in the first place.

"I know." Mikey said. Good thing about Mikey, he never pointed Raph's fault out, not when Raph was cranky. "This place is so cold. Why do you even like to stay here?"

"I don't know. Will you go away, Mikey?"

"Not until you come out."

"You can start eating without me. I don't care." He said loudly.

"Can I come in?"

"No, I said… go away!"

But the next second Mikey was already in the shower with him.

"If you don't come and eat with us, I'll turn the cold water on." His younger brother smiled innocently, reaching for the faucet.

"Don't you dare…" Raph sprang to his feet.

But it was too late; they were soaking wet, and shivering in the shower of freezing cold water.

"Ohhhhhh…Mikey, I swear I'm gonna kill you!"

"I warned ya." Mikey laughed. "Now catch me if you can." And then the little one rushed out of the bathroom. Raph turned off the water and chased after him.

But their feet were wet. When Raph ran through the door of bathroom, he heard a loud bang. As he turned to the next corner, he saw Mikey lying on the floor with his face down. Mikey had slipped.

"You idiot!" He jeered at his brother. "It's slippery!"

But then he noticed there was blood on the floor.

He came quickly to Mikey's side. There was a wound on the Mikey's right temple, and it was bleeding freely.

"Mikey!" Raph cried, too shocked to move, "Master Splinter! Leo? Donnie? Help! Mikey's bleeding!"

"What is going on?" He heard footsteps and the voice of their father.

Before anyone came to their rescue, he looked down one more time and saw Mikey holding back his tears and trying to give him a cheering smile.

o-o-o

Later that night, when Raph thought everyone else was asleep, he sneaked out of his bed and climbed into Mikey's bunk.

He sat there and stared at Mikey's bandaged head. It was a disaster. He should have be more careful, he should have tell Mikey, he…

"Raph?" Mikey whispered.

"Mike?" Raph asked. "You are not asleep?"

"No, I heard you."

"Sorry to wake you up, bro." Raph said, head down. "And I'm sorry…for…"

"It's my fault." Mikey sighed.

"No, you…you were only trying to cheer me up." Raph said, trying to keep his voice low but failed.

"It's okay. You don't have to say sorry."

"So…you're not mad at me?"

"Not at all." Mikey smiled.

He woke up, cold sweat streaming down his neck.

Hours had passed. He was in a dark place, a very dark place. The warehouse. His heart was screaming something about his brother…His youngest brother.

"Mikey." Raphael spoke softly.

He stumbled his way back to his brother. When his hand found Michelangelo, he let out a sigh of relief. Mikey was still alive. How long did I fall asleep? … I remember I got angry again… And then…

But it's okay now. Mikey found him and brought him back, in his dreams.

I'll guard you now. I'll protect you from any harm. Raphael thought to himself. He sat down against the wall with Mikey's head resting on his lap, and started to wait for the dawn.

I must have passed out.

Leonardo found himself lying in the corner of an alley; it was a dead end. Fortunately he hadn't lost anything; three bags of supplies sat quietly by his side, and he had something firmly locked in his arms.

Father, he thought, eyes narrowed.

His left shoulder throbbed painfully; he turned and saw there was blood all over it. The stab was deep but not fatal. I've lost too much blood. That must be the reason why I had lost conscious.

He lifted his gaze, and saw unexpectedly that the sun was about to come up. The city was still quite dark, but he knew that little time had left. He must return to the warehouse before the city fully awoke.

He inhaled deeply. Now I will return to my brothers' side safely. This is a task I cannot afford to fail.

He gathered the bags and left the alleyway.

o-o-o

Shortly after Leonardo disappeared from the alley, a man in back, tight outfit emerged.

"This is N98 from ninth squad. Target is on the move. …No, he is not aware of my presence. …I'll follow him. …Yes, Mistress Karai. I will find their hiding place for you."

And then the man sneered.

—End of chapter four.