THE TRIAL OF THE LOST

This chapter is all about Leo and Raph. And it's a long chapter. Hope you enjoy!

-Based on/inspired by 2003 TV series episode "Same as it never was".

-Disclaimer: I do not own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Chapter Six: Forgive You

*(Five years ago)*

"Come on, Raph." Leo hollered, challenging. "Your feet are much too slow."

Raph's left eye flickered as Leo uttered the sentence, and he was suddenly tensed up, his teeth clenched.

"Back off, Leo." Raph hissed back dangerously.

They were thirteen, and the four of them were supposed to spar in pairs according to Splinter's training curriculum. But it seemed like Raph just didn't want to do it today. Now they were just facing each other, circling; Raph didn't even have his fists up.

"Are you afraid?" Leo taunted him with a smug smile; he knew Raph hated it.

"I will pound you to the ground, Leo, but not now." Raph barked, and stopped moving all at once.

"What are you doing?" Leo yelled, taking a step forward and grabbing Raph on the shoulder. "We are supposed to spar, Raph! Master Splinter…"

"Master Splinter Master Splinter… do ya ever say anythin' else? You're drivin' me crazy, Leo! And that's why I ain't gonna fight with you." His younger brother shoved him away furiously.

"What the shell, Raph?" Leo said angrily.

"You're always lecturin' about how we should do stuff… but ya know? I don't think ya really care 'bout us. Ya only care 'bout your achievements. You just want to show you're better than us; you just wanna prove it." Raph shouted at his face. "Ya SELFISH hypocrite."

Leo stepped back, staring at Raph in disbelief. He felt his blood racing in the veins. "What?"

Raph scowled at him defiantly and grunted, "I said, you're a phony. Ya only care 'bout yourself and how good you are. And yes you are a saint, O Fearless One, happy?"

"Raph, I can't believe it. You're still angry about last night? It was an accident!" Leo gazed at him wide-eyed. Last night Leo had accidentally swung his sword across Raph's shoulder, and had pointed out it was because Raph's too slow. Later that night when Leo tried to apologize and help him dressing the wound, Raph refused.

Now Raph growled while smiled viciously, "'m not talking about the accident. You think ya so smart and nice, ain't ya? Well, I don't have ta take your hypocrisy."

He pushed Leo away with unexpected great force, causing his brother fell to the ground, and then stormed out of the lair.

"Where are you going, Raphael?" Leo heard Master Splinter called behind his hotheaded brother, but Raph had already gone into the darkness of sewer. He heard Donnie and Mikey whispered something about Raph and him. He felt the world crumbling around him as Raph's angry voice echoed in his head. Ya selfish hypocrite.

His mind was clear. It was clearer than ever. Suddenly he saw things he never noticed before. His grip on the katana loosened a bit, but it was for the good. He felt his mind had become one with the sword. Now he did not have to worry about Raph and Mikey, so he could fight like he's got nothing to lose. And it was what he had always wanted. Without burden.

He pushed the blade into the abdomen of the ninja he was fighting. As he pulled it out and swung it to the next opponent, warm blood traced down his arm like a greeting friend. He realized just how much he actually enjoyed this. The fluid rhythm of the brandishing katana, merging with the pure aim of his will. Leonardo grinned.

Is this how Sensei felt after he sent them away? He found out that he could do the same thing for his brothers. But was it really because he wanted to save them? Or was it only because he just liked to sacrifice himself? Interesting. Some say people all have sympathy because if one sees a drowning person, he or she would definitely jump into the river to save that person; however, some say people do such things not due to their sympathetic nature, but because saving this person makes them feel good…

Was he lost in his thoughts? No, because he still traveled in the gradually eroding smoke like a wind. Aware of the fact that there was only one last enemy standing, he inched toward the person. The other ninja also wielded a single katana, and was aware of his approaching presence as well. Their weapons clashed with one another. Leonardo turned his wrists so their blades were pushed aside, and then lifted his left leg quick enough to kick out at his opponent. The ninja was sent flying and fell flat on the back.

Leonardo fixed his stare on the man who was presently struggling to stand up, and recognized him, no, her as the smoke nearly cleared away.

"Karai." He emitted a snort, pointed his katana at her face.

"Go on and finish me." She said inexpressively.

He smirked. "Why should I do that?"

"Vengeance. Avenge your father." She looked at him with a sharp gaze.

"I'd like to do that."

"It's an honorable thing to do." Karai said, narrowing her eyes.

"Yes, it is." He nodded slightly.

She scrutinized his face and found contempt in his eyes.

"I do not regret what I have done." She said calmly.

"You should be." Leonardo said, his eyes burning with confusion, sorrow and hatred. "Goodbye, Karai."

And he turned away.

O-O-O

It was lucky that the cops had not have the time to take the car key with them when they hurriedly got out of the car to chase behind the "ninja gang" Leonardo had reported; both the Foot ninjas and the cops were now nowhere to be seen.

Raphael put Mikey on the shotgun seat and carefully fastened the seat belt for him, and then rushed to the other side of the car. Starting the engine, he turned to glance at Mikey; he felt his heart squeezed by an unseen force as he saw Mikey's head silently drooped to one side. Though he knew Mikey couldn't hear one word, he said out loud in a soft trembling voice. "Hang in there Mikey. We'll get ya to some place safe. Ya know there's nothin' I wouldn't do to keep ya safe. Ya know it right Mikey? Just hang in there. Ya gotta believe in us bro. Ya gotta believe in us." He did not know if he's saying that to his brother or himself. It appeared he needed to hear it just as badly. He hit the gas and the engine roared. With a sharp turn of the wheel, the car lurched towards the warehouse like a mad horse.

O-O-O

They heard a deafening crash.

Leo's eyes were temporarily blinded by the sudden daylight. He blinked several times, recognizing a patrol car from the dusty haze and the wreck of the wall. Confused, he held the katana up.

"Hop in Leo!" the dark green mutant stretched his upper body out from the side window of the car.

"What the hell Raph?" Leo yelled at the driver. "It's…this will get us into trouble Raph, they might be able to track it—"

"Whatever Leo. Just get in here!" Raph shouted, waving his hand. "And don't ya think we have already got us into serious trouble?"

Leo shook his head as he ran towards the other wall to pick the grocery bags up from the floor. "You should be more careful though. Is Mikey okay?" He climbed into the back seat and shut the door behind him.

"Yeah he's still the same." Raph replied absentmindedly while hitting the accelerator and pulling the car away from the warehouse towards the road.

"Where are we going?" Leo asked as he adjusted the shotgun seat so Mikey could lie down more comfortably.

"Casey's place." Raph said, eye fixing on the road. "He's gone to the farmhouse and nobody's there. And Shredder and the Purple Dragon never know where exactly he lives." If they knew, he wouldn't be able to live to this day.

"Yeah right. Dammit. I haven't thought about it. He was with April when they noticed they were being followed. So…his apartment was safe."

"Yeah."

Silence.

"Ya took 'em all down?" Raph asked.

"What? ...Oh, yeah."

"Did ya get hurt or anythin'?"

"No. I'm fine."

"Good." Raph said flatly.

A pause. And then Leo broke the silence.

"You should park the car behind that construction site over there. We shouldn't give the police a chance to trace us down."

"Right. Sure."

"Raph." No response. "Raph?"

"…What?"

"Park there."

"Oh, right."

O-O-O

They climbed into Casey's apartment from the fire escape ladder.

The first thing they did was lay Michelangelo down on Casey's double bed, and then Raph went into the bathroom to fetch some clean towels while Leo busied himself with organizing the supplies they got.

Casey's apartment was spacious with little furniture in it; there was only one big room combining bedroom and living room, a bathroom, and a small kitchen.

Raphael sat down beside Mikey on the bed and pressed the wet, cold towel down on Mikey's forehead.

"It'll make ya feel better, I guess." He muttered, unfolding another towel and dipping it into the basin filled with cold water he had brought from the bathroom. He rubbed Mikey's face and arms gently with the other towel, cleaning the blood, dust and dirt accumulated from their previous battle off his body. Mikey's breath was shallower than before, and his left arm was even more swollen. Raph tore off the bandage and inspected the wound.

"LEO?" He yelled, voice quivering with nervousness. "We gotta find a doctor."

Hearing his brother, Leonardo frowned.

"We couldn't just go to a hospital." He said. "It's broad daylight, and we just barely got ourselves out from that warehouse."

"Leo, I'm not joking." Raph said brusquely. "If I didn't know this is serious ya think I'd say somethin' like that?"

"I know how bad it is, Raph."

"We have ta get a doctor now Leo."

Leonardo sighed and headed towards the bed.

"We can't treat it, but a doctor can." Raph said again.

"It's too dangerous." Leo said through clenched teeth.

"He's dying." Raph grunted. "An' it isn't supposed ta be like this. We're too late. We should've treated it in da first place Leo. And guess whose fault was that?"

"—Without that cop car, we couldn't even make it to here, Raph. We barely—"

"—I don't care. And I don't get what ya tryin' to say, Leo. I say let's find a doctor right now!"

"It's too risky to sneak into a hospital with all the people in there."

Raph stared at him. "We don't have ta barge into a hospital Leo. I know just the right place. There's a small animal clinic in this block." He and Casey often joked about that place when they went to smash some Purple Dragon goons, saying if one day Raph got hurt bad enough, they'd send him there and told the vet he was Casey's giant mutant pet turtle.

"Right." Leo thought for a moment. "But we wait till dark okay?"

"He's fuckin' dyin' Leo!" Raph cried.

Leo narrowed his eyes, looking at the younger turtle. "He's not, Raph." He said slowly. "We can't go out now, we'd be risking the lives of us all. And if we're gone who's gonna take care of Mikey? Have you consider that?"

"Geez Leo." Raph snorted as he rose from the bed, glaring at his elder brother with wild rage in his eye.

They stared at each other like that for seconds, and then Raph went towards the kitchen in furious step.

Leonardo sighed again, sitting down on the bed. He had never felt so weary in his life. He thought about Master Splinter; the old rat now rested in the ragged bag on the couch. He thought they should cremate the body, but now it seemed that they did not have a proper time and place for that. He rubbed his face tiredly. He felt so weak and shattered. With another sigh, he lied down beside Mikey. Within seconds, he fell asleep.

*(Five years ago)*

He looked into the kitchen.

"Hey Raph."

Raph glanced up briefly at him. He took a couple of unsure steps forward.

"How… is your shoulder?" He tried to ask.

"None o' your business." Raph mumbled.

"Look, I'm sorry." He said, trying to fix his gaze on his brother whose expression was certainly not welcoming. "I can help you ya know. It's difficult to wrap that bandage around with only one hand."

"And guess who's the reason why I only got one hand now." Raph continued to stare at him coldly.

"I said I'm sorry." Leo said as patiently as he could.

"Heard it. Accept it? No." Raph said in a low yet clearly audible voice. He looked down at his shoulder, twisting his neck into an uncomfortable angle.

"Com' on, lemme help you." Leo approached his brother and picked up the first-aid kit.

"Go away!" Raph snorted and stood up. "And give that back!"

"I can help you—"

"I SAID, GIVE IT BACK, AND GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!" Raph cried.

"…Alright, alright, I was just trying to help." Leo held up his hands frustratingly, and then quietly put the kit down beside his younger brother.

"I do NOT need your help." Raph said stiffly.

"Okay, Raph." He looked down at the floor. "Just trying to say sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Really."

"Get OUT."

"All right."

He turned and trudged out the kitchen when he heard Raph muttered, "not easy to not hurt a retard like me with your impressive skills huh."

He froze.

When he woke up, he found the room was already half dark. Where's Raph? God, is he still angry? He swung his feet out of the bed and began striding towards the kitchen.

He looked inside.

"Raphael?"

The red clad turtle was sitting by the kitchen table with his back to Leo, fumbling with Casey's pocketknife. "What?"

"Raph, I want… I wanna apologize—"

Raphael gazed at the window.

"Ya don't have to ya know."

Leo swallowed.

Raph did not look back. "In that warehouse, I don't know what's in your mind, Leo. But ya clearly don't wanna tell me about it. Ya think I wouldn't understand. Fine."

"No, it wasn't because—"

"Then what is it all about?" Raph asked coldly.

"Raph… I…" Leonardo tried to say something, but he searched in vain for the words he needed.

Raph sighed, standing up.

"Never mind."

"But you're still angry, aren't you? Com' on Raph, let it drop."

Raph shrugged, still not looking at him. "Whatever."

"I'll explain later—"

"Yeah, suit yourself, Fearless." And he yawned and walked out of the kitchen. "I'm gonna check on Mikey."

"You're a jerk, Raph, ya know that?"

"I said, suit yourself." Raph turned and smiled at him irritatingly.

Leo watched as his brother slowly stumbled away. He was sick of having to apologize every time. Why can't they set things right? Does it have to be like this? He's so tired. Isn't Raph tired?

*(Five years ago)*

He called him a SELFISH HYPOCRITE.

He couldn't believe it. Maybe he was so upset because Raph was somehow right? Was he really a phony? He did want to do the right things. Was that intention even wrong? He did not want to make his brother look bad though. Well, maybe sometimes he did want to show he's the better?

He had been avoiding Raph the whole afternoon, which was easy because neither did Raph want to see him. Now it's almost bedtime; the lair was dark and Don and Mikey were already in their beds.

He went towards the TV; there was this documentary program about Japanese culture and bushido he loved. He never missed an episode. He turned the TV on; preparing to sit down on the sofa, then he noticed someone had already occupied the place.

It was Raph. He's heart sank. But the program was about to start; and he did not want to sit on the cold floor nor want to wake Raph up so he had to endure his resentful glare. Pouting, he slightly lifted Raph's head and squeezed himself into the remaining space on the sofa, Raph's head leaning against his lap. This was actually not that unpleasant, since Raph was still asleep and in his rare peaceful state.

Once he was absorbed into the world of television, he totally forgot about that unhappy incident. And for a moment he thought the weird noise he heard was the kitchen door cracking. And then he remembered that no one was in the kitchen; Master Splinter was out inspecting sewer tunnels.

He looked down and saw Raph was looking at him, but the red masked brother turned his eyes away quickly.

Leo continued to watch his TV. So Raph woke up; now he might consider move out of Leo's sight? But Leo heard that noise again. It came from Raph.

"Leo." Was Raph crying?

He ignored it.

"I'm sorry, Leo."

The commercial was on. He wondered about how a bottle of beer's gonna lighten up the mood for you and your friends.

"I'm sorry Leo. I shouldn't have said that."

Master Splinter wouldn't let them have alcohol even if they were old enough.

"I'm sorry bro. Would you forgive me?"

Whatever. He was not fascinated by the idea of alcohol.

"Leo."

So he think a simple sorry's gonna work? Leo thought.

"Please. I'm sorry. I'm insane. I said stupid stuff when I'm mad. Ya know that."

Yeah, said that every time.

"Leo."

He bit his lower lip.

The lair was quiet and the only sounds he could hear were the TV and Raph sobbing.

"Alright Raph," he sighed. "I forgive you." He put a hand on Raph's shell, patting him consolingly on his back.

"…So we're good?"

"Yeah." He finally looked down and met his brother's gaze. "We're good."

He smiled, still feeling hurt inside, but the wound of those angry words was going to heal. Wounds always heal.

"Let's go, Raph."

Leonardo returned to the bedside and found Raph sitting there, staring at Mikey.

"Finally." Raph grumbled.

Leo paused for a moment and looked at his brothers, and then his eyes lowered. He turned about to look out of the windows. The night out there was cool as usual.

-End of chapter six.

A/N: Yeah. He didn't kill her, he just left like that. I'll explain later! But... wait, I guess you all know what kind of person Leo is.