THE TRIAL OF THE LOST

-A/N: Again, I want to thank all the readers and, especially, reviewers! My thanks goes to InsaneDutchGirl, dondena, cup-mikey-gertha, and yukio87. Originally I wanted to send you all a PM but I'm not really good at words (except when I'm writing stories). So, just want to thank you all! You have no idea how happy I am to see there are people actually reading and enjoying my writings.

And here is something important I'd like to say...I know it's a SAINW fic explaining what happened after Don was gone, but I'm not planning to cover the whole timeline, which is 30 years (from Don's gone to Don showed up and beat the Big Brother Shredder).

This story is coming to an end for now. According to my plan, the next chapter will be the last. I have other stories planned already (some of them are still SAINW). And there might be sequel to this in the future.

BTW I rewrote chapter one some time after I upload chapter seven. No change was done to the plot. I just wanted to improve it since it's the opening of the story.

-Based on/inspired by 2003 TV series episode "Same as it never was".

-Disclaimer: I do not own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Chapter Eight: Mended and Severed

His vision became hazy. Someone went pass him but it was maybe an illusion, for he wasn't supposed to see anything coming from his left side. So I'm like delusional now? Sounds like fun. He laughed at himself.

There were about five Foot ninjas behind him right now. He knew he would not be able to maintain the distance for his leg was hurting like it was going to separate from his body. He ran into an alley, gritting his teeth as he tried to ignore the throbbing pain.

It went pass him again. It was a shadow indeed. He could not tell whether it was real. It looked real, though. Was he seeing things with his dead left eye? Focus, Raphael. It was an illusion.

And he had run into a dead end.

"Great." He smiled wryly, turning to face his fate. Holding his both sai tight, he inhaled deeply.

This really seemed like something he'd like.

O-O-O

He was knocked down, his head hitting on something blunt and hard; there were stars in front of his eye. For a moment or two he couldn't think of anything. And something penetrated his confused mind at once. Fish. Interesting. Fish. Suddenly all he could think of was fish. How's that?

Then he remembered things about fish. The first time he'd ever seen fish in real life was in the sewer, when he was six years old. The water was polluted and filthy, but some life form managed to thrive down there. Those little grey fish had been one of them.

Someone was inching toward him, dangerously close. He waved his fists—he had lost his sai? Where? Somewhere near but he didn't have time to search for them. He threw the ninja off. Even through his frothy vision, he could tell that these ninjas weren't trying to kill him; they were—he blinked—trying to capture him? Sure. They needed him to find his brothers, to lead them to their hideout. Even if he refused, they could use him as bait.

That's not gonna happen, he smiled viciously. He swung out his leg—with chattering teeth as the pain rose up sharp and without mercy—and one of his enemies fell. He dodged an attack from his right side as he reached for his pocket. Shuriken. His enemies noticed his move but it was too late; two of them fell to the ground without knowing what had assaulted them.

He glimpsed from the corner of his eye and saw there were four or more Foot ninjas coming toward him.

Thud. He fell.

Fishes were all over the place. He had leaned forward toward the dirty water, trying to catch one.

All foamy and frothy. Fish.

He'd have to kill himself if they actually capture him.

Fish. Someone kicked him in his lower plastron and he coughed groans. Blood filling his mouth, he spat and feeling nauseated.

Fish. He hadn't noticed he was lost. The sewer could sometimes feel like a giant maze, dark and horrible. It was fun when he played with his brothers, but it was a totally different situation when he was alone in the tunnels. He had followed the fish, but these little creatures weren't heading toward his home.

He helplessly raised his fists and something hit his head again. Dull and hard. Ah, they were gone, those little fishie.

The world was fading. The end had come—at least he thought so.

"Raph? Can you hear me?" A familiar voice. It sounded like his brother.

"Raphael!" The voice called his name again. He was being dragged to his legs, forced to stand straight. The world was still dark. He couldn't see a thing. Oh, maybe one fish or two.

"Stay with me Raph. Open your eyes. We need to go, more are coming." The voice was firm and strong. "Can you walk?"

He murmured something he wasn't quite sure himself.

"Lean on me." The voice said.

They started walking, in a slow but steady pace. The voice had said more are coming? What are coming?

Presently he felt another presence. Still couldn't see anything, he managed to reach an arm toward the direction.

He touched something furry—it was a hand, and it held his hand in its warm grasp.

He swallowed. "Sensei." His voice came out in a rasp.

"I'm here, Raphael. I'm with you." The old, gentle voice said. "Keep walking, my son. You'll all soon be out of danger."

"I…I don't know." He muttered. "Mikey…"

"He will recover from his injury. And you all will. Never hasten to know the answers in life, my son. The answers will come as long as your mind remain calm and peaceful to welcome them in."

The rat's voice was so distinct; it was as if it was pronounced inside his head.

He walked in silence, leaning on the person who first called his name. It was easier to walk now.

"We're almost there." The first voice said. Splinter had gone. "Just hold on a little longer."

He nodded. A fish slipped through his thick fingers.

"Alright." The voice sighed. He felt arms around him, and he was laid down on something soft. A sensation of relief came to him as his mask was untied and his face was naked. He felt something, maybe a pillow, was stuffed behind his head.

"It's safe Raph. Can you hear me?" The voice called again. It was not calm anymore; now it sounded anxious and eager.

"Say something, Raph." It pleaded. Cool, wet towel pressed down on his cheek, easing the pain from the back of his head. And something freezing cold was placed beneath his head. Ice pack.

"Come on. Raphael." It begged; he could hear the desperation in it.

"My son." He heard it again, the voice of his father. "Awake. Your brothers need you." As soon as the last word was uttered, the presence was gone again. And his mind felt clearer.

So he opened his eye.

They were back in Casey's apartment. He was lying on the couch. And Leonardo was looking down at him with worried gaze.

Raph curved his lips into a smirk.

"… These fish were tryin' ta lead me away. Knew you'd come. Big brother."

Leo smiled tiredly back, not completely relieved, though.

"You can count on me." He said softly, and then cleared his throat with an unsure expression. "I have to tell you something, Raph. I'm sorry I haven't tell you about it."

"What is it?" Raph asked, though he already had a vague idea.

"…Master Splinter is dead."

He swallowed.

"I know. He talked ta me." Raph said. "When there were fish all over the place."

Leo gazed at him closely, frowning.

"You alright Raph? I think you hit your head pretty hard."

That explained why he felt lightheaded, and the fish. Wait. They were real, weren't they? Master Splinter was real; he really was there.

"I went back to the lair. It was…a huge mistake. I put you and Mikey at risk." He said with a painful glare into the distance.

Raph did not say anything. The fish still troubled him. And that's not gonna change anythin'. Mikey lost his arm. Splinter's already dead.

Leonardo sighed. Placing one hand on Raph's plastron, he changed subject, "How are you feeling?"

Raph shifted uncomfortably under his touch, but he was too exhausted to shove it off. "Dizzy." He mumbled, thinking maybe he should stop talking about fish. "Head hurts like hell."

"It might be a slight concussion." Leo said.

"Guesso." Raph wanted to sit up, but his body felt like it weighed a thousand ton. Geez, those fish are heavy.

Leo noticed his struggle. "Don't move just yet. Lemme take care of your wounds first."

"Are they bad?" Maybe the fish had been trying to eat him.

"…Yeah." Leo touched his left upper arm with the wet towel. He flinched.

Leo looked at him apologetically. "Sorry. It will hurt a little."

Raph lowered his chin to a small nod. He watched Leo clean the wounds and apply ointment onto them. Leo's brow furrowed as he worked with patience and focus. The look was so familiar to him. He had seen it on Leo since they were little. The 'big brother look' he called it. Although they always competed in all things, Leo was the only one who actually possessed the dignity as the leader and the top turtle. It was something he never had. And sometimes he wished not to have. He'd never admit it, but sometimes it was good to be the younger brother, like now, as he looked at Leo's austere face.

Maybe his own face betrayed his thoughts, for Leo stopped to stare at him attentively. "You alright?"

He blinked; he hated it when Leo noticed his vulnerability. "Huh? Yeah…'m fine."

"You look like you're drifting off. It's okay ya know. You're exhausted." Leo's hand was on his arm.

"I'm…alright." He yawned, protesting. "It's just fish." Somehow the warmth coming from Leo's hand made his eyes and throat burn.

Leo looked puzzled, "What about fish? You keep saying that."

"No I didn't." Raph smiled. Why is he smilin'?

"Yeah?" Leo's concerned face was closer, "I think this is serious, Raph."

"Ya found me." Raph muttered. "While I chased behind those stupid li'l fish."

"What do you mean?" Leo frowned, and suddenly his eyes softened and the wrinkles on his forehead disappeared. "You mean…that time you went alone in the abandoned tunnel section?"

"A long, long time ago." Raph found himself showing another silly smile. "Only ya remembered the way home and you were only six."

Leo still looked worried, but now he smiled. "Yeah. I remembered. You should never run off, Raph. You have no idea how worried I am each time you just storm off the lair."

"Yeah, …and ya should never keep things from us. And stop bein' a condescending jerk." Raph said, eyelids drooping.

"You should stop talking, Raph. You are tired and lost too much blood. I'll make you some herbal tea later."

Raph smiled at the last sentence in disbelief. "Casey's got herbal teabags in this place?"

"Yeah, I found them in a drawer. Guess Sensei gave them to him." Leo shrugged. "Or maybe you want some hot chocolate?"

"With marshmallows?" Raph licked his lips, grinning sleepily.

"Sure." Leo smiled. "But first let me bandage your arm. Man, your head…. You'll be better after some decent sleep."

He'd like to have some hot chocolate with no fish swimming inside, but he fell asleep before Leo finished dressing the wounds. He remembered vaguely being carried to the bed in half-sleep.

He wanted to convince himself he was not angry with Leonardo anymore. They were good again. Just like old times.

But that's a lie. He hated him, more than ever. He hated himself. They weren't able to stop this. They weren't able to stop fucking everything.

He did not have any dream that night.

[Michelangelo]

He heard voices.

Sometimes he heard his brothers. Sometimes he heard strangers. Sometimes he found Donnie sitting by his side, smiling at him. It's nice to know somebody was keeping him company, for there was constant pain and fever tormenting his body.

Sometimes it hurt so much all he could think of was to die. He wanted so badly just to end the pain. He'd begged and begged for the pain to stop, but no one listened—sometimes it was silent and it felt like time had stopped ticking. A second was extended to an everlasting moment; there was pain, and pain, and nothing besides.

Sometimes the darkness would fade a little and he could see through a thin cloud. He saw many things. Faces, places, and scenes from his memory. He experienced some memories over and over again. His arm was gashed open for countless times. He could see blood pouring out and splashing onto the faces of his opponent. He could see the worry look on his brothers' face. They were enduring pain just like he did. He could see Raph's left eye, losing its vivid rage and emotions; the beautiful shade of amber had gone. He could see Leo's stern face and cold eyes, and the warm and reluctant soul within. He could even see himself sometimes. He saw himself, motionless and lifeless, lying on a bed and wrapped in a blanket; the scene replayed over and over again—he'd see the blanket being pulled away, showing his body, showing his left arm. He always ended up screaming in silence, because there was no arm.

His forearm—it was severed.

Michelangelo gasped, panting and shuddering in cold sweat.

That must be a dream.

It must be.

His eyes jerked open, and he found himself in a bed. Just like in his dream.

He lifted his head slightly and stared down his body.

He was covered in warm blanket. He couldn't see his arm.

With a painful attempt, he raised his right hand weakly. The blanket slipped from his body.

"Leo? Raph?" He whimpered lowly.

O-O-O

"We had to." Leonardo said with his back to him.

Raphael was sitting on the edge of the bed, studying his face.

And he was still lying on the bed, looking blank and feeling empty.

"Yeah." His voice still weak and faint, "I…I know."

Raph reached out a hand, trying to put it on his shoulder. He pushed it away.

Leo sighed, standing up.

"Where ya goin'?" Raph yelled at Leo, harshly.

"Just…going to the kitchen." Leo said.

"Don't ya think ya oughtta explain somethin'?" Raph asked coldly.

Leo turned back, "Explain what?" He looked irritated.

"Everythin'. To him. Isn't that yer responsibility?"

"You can explain it yourself." Leo said expressionlessly. "Go on. Tell him it's my fault. That's what you wanna say, isn't it?"

Raph smirked. "I just—"

"Oh, just shut up." Michelangelo said suddenly. There was annoyance in his voice that he couldn't quite recognize.

His brothers turned to stare at him.

"Leave me alone." He said wearily. "Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah…" Raph swallowed, his expression confused and strange. "Sure, Mikey."

"Of course." Leo said slowly, drawing back a few steps.

When they left him, he buried his face into his right palm—he had wanted to bury his face into his both palms, but that was no longer possible.

No tears came.

—End of chapter eight.