A/N: Hey! Here is the next chapter! I can't believe that only with one chapter more the story will be over. It's kinda sad, don't you think? :S well, I warn you: I've gotten so emotional with this chapter…I've even cried a little!! (first time since my other story) I don't know how you will feel about this chapter, but I prefer to warn you…just in case :D
Oh, another warning: this chapter is looooooooong, but I hope you'll enjoy it the same :oops: :D
I'm going to let you read because I could ramble and ramble and I'm sure you want to read the story…not my crazy ramblings, so…there, I'm shutting up!
Here is chapter 24. Enjoy! :)
"Have you told her?"
Troy shook his head. "I couldn't," he exhaled deeply. "She's been sleeping, then you came in and we haven't really talked about us…"
Susan nodded her head and directed her eyes to the road again while Troy's mind replayed his afternoon with Gabriella while being at the hospital.
A soft murmur coming from Gabriella's sleeping form alerted Troy that she was about to wake. Though he wanted nothing more than to wake her and talk, he'd promised himself that he wouldn't pressure her, and to force her into talking was something totally out of question. He'd been happy enough having the chance to hug her, to hold her while she slept, to feel her body moulding into his once more, but the burning sensation in the pit of his stomach was still there.
He had to close his eyes; he couldn't wake her up. She needed rest and, at the moment, what was important for him was her wellbeing, the rest could wait. However, he couldn't help but tangle his fingers in her silky hair and lean down to kiss her forehead softly. "I love you," he whispered so lowly so he wouldn't wake her up.
"Mmm…" Gabriella murmured. "Troy?"
"I'm here," he said reaching for her hand, intertwining their fingers together. "Go back to sleep…"
"No," she whined still sleepy and snuggling her body more into his chest.
"Shhh," he said caressing her knuckles with his thumb. "Go back to sleep; you need to rest…"
"I need you more," she stated softly opening her eyes and looking directly into Troy's.
Troy couldn't help but lean down again and kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry," he whispered against her skin. "So so sorry…"
"It's okay," Gabriella sighed. "Don't think about it now…"
"But I've hurt you," Troy protested. "It's been my fault you're here…"
"Don't talk this way," Gabriella said squeezing his hand. "It's been an accident…"
Troy locked his eyes with hers. "But what I told you…"
"Shhh," Gabriella sighed. "Can we not talk about this, please?"
"But Gabi," he began.
"Please Troy," she said closing her eyes. "Not now…"
And then she fell asleep, leaving Troy with his own thoughts for a while, until the others returned into the room.
Troy felt frustrated; he needed this talk with Gabriella. He needed for her to know everything he had been feeling and that he would go away following Susan's orders, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. Seeing Gabriella so hurt, so broken, was the most painful thing and he couldn't add more suffering because she was suffering enough; he knew the talk he was wanting so desperately was also the worst talk he would have with Gabriella, but he had to be a man. He had to face his fears, his worries, and he was sure as hell he would do so; not only because his family and Gabriella deserved happiness but also for him.
Because while Gabriella had been sleeping he had enough time to think about Susan's orders, and he concluded she was right. He needed to be a peace with himself, and he couldn't do that if he was with Gabriella. Of course the separation would be painful, excruciating…the worst, but he needed to do that in order to be able to love her completely.
It wasn't as if he didn't love her; Troy's heart had an owner and that owner had been, was and would be Gabriella, but he was aware that, in a relationship, there were more things. Though until that moment they, both Troy and Gabriella, had thought the Superman of their story had been Troy, they had been wrong; Gabriella had been the Superwoman who had helped Troy over and over again. She was his rock, and maybe he was hers, but in a whole different level, and he wanted for those levels to be at ease; and for that to happen he needed to be at ease with himself first.
He was fearing the conversation where he would explain Gabriella he'd be away for some time; though they weren't a couple because he'd broken up with her, the truth was that their bond, their love, their care went so much deep than what a fight could do. But in order for him to be okay with himself, the rupture would have to be clearer; he didn't want to hold her back while he fought with his demons, he wanted her happiness and if she was happy with another person, then so be it. It would kill him but he was determined; he wouldn't be an obstacle for Gabriella's happiness in any way.
Looking down at her again, Troy couldn't help the stab his hear felt when he saw the face of his dreams knowing he would have to say goodbye; it would be fucking difficult, too fucking difficult, but he needed to do it. There was only one thing that he would demand Susan: to be with Gabriella until she was okay or, at least, physically okay; he would be with her through the whole process, not only because he couldn't be away from her knowing she was living a hell but because it was time he was for her the same way she'd been for him, even if only as friends.
A soft knock broke his train of thought. Turning his head to the right, he saw how the door opened and everyone entered in the room. The adults didn't commented anything nor acted surprised he was there, and he was grateful for that; he didn't know if he'd be able to tell them why he hadn't been in the hospital sooner and he didn't want to answer their questions, because Troy was sure as hell that they had a lot of questions for him.
"Is she sleeping?" Peter asked placing himself beside the bed.
Troy nodded and tried to reach into his love's father's eyes the feeling the man had towards Troy, but he only saw respect and gratefulness. Wincing inwardly, Troy took a deep breathe feeling as guilty as a person could feel. "She woke up not long ago but she's fallen asleep again."
Peter nodded once and, realizing his daughter was when she wanted to be, retrieved himself and went to sit on the chairs placed at the back of the room with his friends, leaving Troy with his and Susan. He didn't expect for them to talk to him because he was sure they hated him, so his shock when Chad spoke was huge. "Hey man," he whispered trying to control his temper for Gabriella's sake.
"Hey," Troy whispered still not looking directly into Chad's eyes.
"Susan has told us her plans," Chad sighed and gulped when Troy snapped his head upwards to lock his eyes with Chad's. "Have you told her?"
Troy shook his head. "She was barely awake and when I've tried to talk to her about it she's asked me to not do so…"
"We'll miss you," Chad said all of a sudden surprising himself and Troy.
"I'll miss you too," Troy whispered knowing his voice would be more controlled this way. "A fucking lot…"
"It's for your own good," Taylor whispered placing her hand in his shoulder. "And also for Gabriella's…"
"I know," Troy closed his eyes forcefully and sighed. "And that's the reason because of I'm going to do it; I need her but I want her happiness first."
"We'll take care of her," Chad promised. "I promise you I'll be her shadow if needed…"
Troy smiled. "I know, and you don't know how grateful I am for that." The threesome stayed quiet for some minutes until Troy spoke again. "Susan," he said still lowly. "I'll go to Texas and wherever you want me to but…"
"What?" Susan whispered satisfied with this new maturity Troy was showing.
"I can't leave her while she's still at least physically okay," Troy gulped. "You can't make me go away until Gabriella is not okay…"
"Don't worry," Susan smiled for the first time that day. "You'll be with her while she goes to rehabilitation and she recovers."
"Thank you," Troy whispered with some tears glistening in his eyes.
Susan dropped a soft kiss on Troy's forehead, surprising him and herself, and stepped away. "You're welcome…" She said before she went to sit with the other adults.
"She's nice," Taylor commented softly.
"Yeah," Troy sighed again. "She's very nice…" He added absently looking out of the window.
Taylor and Chad interchanged a look; the fact that Troy was willing to do whatever it took in order to be okay, in order to be happy, in order to make Gabriella happy was the thing they needed to forget all the crap that had happened between them. They knew the sacrifice Troy was about to do, and they respected him for that; they knew Troy would be unhappy for a long time, but even though he was aware too, he would go away.
Gabriella chose that moment to wake again. "Troy?"
"I'm here baby girl," he whispered squeezing her fingers still laced with his.
She opened her eyes slowly and searched for his. "I thought it's been a dream…I thought you weren't here…" Troy didn't say anything and simply tightened his hold on her hands. "Dad?"
"Hey there sweetie," Peter said going to stand in front of her bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Better," Gabriella said closing her eyes for a moment. "But still a bit sore…"
"The doctor has said you would feel like that," Peter said with a smile. "Don't worry; it'll pass…"
Gabriella nodded and frowned, worrying Troy in the process. "What hurts?" He asked alarmed.
"No, no," she giggled a little. "What time is it? I'm hungry…" She blushed making the occupants of the room smile while Troy's heart did a mortal jump at the sound, at the sight.
As if on cue, the door opened and a nurse entered in the room with a tray. "It's time for dinner, Gabriella."
Troy was about to stand up from behind Gabriella so she could eat more comfortably but she whimpered. "Don't go…"
The beg he saw in her eyes was enough for him to stop any movement and kiss her temple, whispering with his lips against her skin. "Okay…"
Everyone smiled at that; it was incredible how Troy's presence was enough to comfort Gabriella, how with him there she felt more secure, protected. And of course, to see him so over Gabriella, to see the way he was looking at her, to see the lovely way he was treating Gabriella with was also a sight to keep in their memories. The bond they had was something out of the ordinary, and everyone with eyes could see that.
Susan had explained to everybody her plans with Troy; at first Diandra had protested but once she'd heard everything Susan, Chad and Taylor had explained she had agreed. They had no idea about what was happening with Troy's life; they thought everything was okay, but knowing the guy they loved as if he was their son was suffering so much had been a shock for them.
They knew Gabriella would be the one who would suffer the most, but they also knew that, in the end, this was the only solution they knew for them to be okay with themselves. Gabriella had her own problems to deal with, and being near Troy was the way for her to worry about him forgetting about herself; and the same with Troy. Both needed to learn to be happy with their own lives so, in the future if that was their destiny, they could be happy with their life together.
The doctor came to the room again after a while; Gabriella had already eaten and the entire group was talking about anything and everything. He'd told them Gabriella needed to rest, and so everyone but Peter went to say goodbye. However, when it was Troy's turn Gabriella's eyes filled with tears. "Don't go Troy, please…"
It was like a flashback for him; this beg had been the same she'd been doing all this time, each night he went away from her after their lovemaking. He had to close his eyes at the sight, he couldn't bear it. "You need to rest, baby…"
"Please Troy," she whispered desperately. "Stay with me…"
"I'll be here first thing in the morning," Troy promised her grabbing her hands. "You'll be still sleeping and I would be waiting for you to wake up in that chair," he said pointing the chair beside her bed.
Gabriella locked her eyes with his and she could see he was being sincere. "Do you promise you'll be here when I wake up?"
"I swear I'll be here," Troy kissed her forehead. "Now sleep and get some rest…"
"I…" Gabriella began hesitantly.
"I know," Troy interrupted her. "Me too…"
Both knew what the other wanted to say, but both were aware that they needed to talk first. They couldn't complicate more things between them because everything was already too confusing, so locking their eyes once, both felt the I love you they weren't saying but were thinking.
"Come on, Troy," Susan said from the door. "Gabriella needs some rest…"
"Sleep well, baby," he pecked her forehead again.
Gabriella kissed the corner of his mouth, making shivers ran up and down both their spines. "Good night, baby…"
Soon the room became empty but Gabriella and her father, who decided to stay the night. Peter had been looking at the couple and he could say their love was so strong; distance wouldn't be able to break it. He was sure Troy and Gabriella would survive the separation and he also knew their relationship would be stronger and deeper when both were at peace with who they were apart from each other; that didn't mean he wouldn't worry about Gabriella, though, because he knew that, even though they still needed to talk, now they were closer. Gabriella would have a rough time with the separation from Troy, and he only hoped she would let him in; he only hoped she would let him help her, cheer her, act like a father with his daughter.
With what Gabriella told him and with the accident, he realized how short life was and how important Gabriella was for him, even though she was a copy of her mother. She didn't leave him, her mother did. She was the one left…not only by her mother but also by him, and he knew that, thought it would be difficult, at one point he would have a normal relationship with his daughter. Even if that was the last thing he did; because he would fight for his daughter's love and for his daughter's respect with all his might. He would show Gabriella her father was back for good.
"Are you okay sweetie?" He asked going to stand beside her bed.
"Yeah," she answered absently. "Dad?" She asked after a moment.
"Yes?" He smiled softly seeing how her eyes were a little happier now. "Can you sing my lullaby for me, please?"
"Of course," Peter said with a voice laced with emotion remembering all the times he had sung that same song to Gabriella when she was little; how it was the only thing that could pacify her when she woke in the middle of the night because of a nightmare; how Gabriella begged every night for their song; how Gabriella told him that would be her favourite song forever.
Placing himself in the chair beside the bed, Peter intertwined his fingers with Gabriella's and kissed her forehead. "Good night, sweetie," he whispered tucking the sheets tighter around his daughter's thin figure. "I love you…"
"Love you too, dad," she whispered already closing her eyes, squeezing her father's hand and letting the sweetest of the voices calm her body, her pain and her worries down, almost making her body numb and filling her heart with peace.
Finally, peace.
He hadn't left the hospital until he hadn't heard Peter singing softly at Gabriella; he needed to assure himself she was okay before he left. He couldn't bear to leave her unprotected, sad, crying…he needed to know she would be okay, and Susan had given him permission to eavesdrop behind the closed door for a while, until his fears were erased.
"Troy," a hand on his shoulder snapped him out of his reverie. "We're here…"
"Oh," he said noticing for the very first time the car was stopped, the engine killed off and that they were in front of the building of his apartment. "Thanks. Night Susan…"
"Troy, wait!" The woman said grabbing his arm. "Are you still mad at me?" She asked lowly.
"No," Troy answered sincerely. "I understand why you're doing what you're doing. It pisses me off, but I know you're acting this way because you care for me and because you want my happiness as much as Gabi does. I know I've been a jerk, but still you're here taking care of me…so thanks…"
A very touched Susan gave him a small smile, sniffing a little after his speech. "You're welcome," she said placing her arms around his neck, surprising when she felt Troy returning the hug.
"Good night, Susan," he said lowly. "Can I skip school tomorrow?" He added closing his eyes but still with his arms wrapped around her, and hoping with everything he had for her to say yes.
"Sure," Susan pulled away. "I'll call the school tomorrow morning. Do you want me to drive there?"
"No, no," Troy smiled at her. "I'll drive myself there. I need to be there first thing in the morning and I don't want you to wait for me or whatever. You have your schedule, your work…so no worries, ok?"
"Okay," she said turning the engine on. "I'll call you tomorrow…"
Troy nodded once. "Bye!" He said already walking to the entrance of the building.
Susan didn't move; firstly because she had wanted to wait for Troy to be safe inside and secondly because she was still shocked about what Troy had said. She was more than glad that he saw things the way they were; she was ecstatic to know that he finally had accepted she cared for him and that she only wanted his happiness. It was a huge step in the right direction; it was a change, a nice change, and she only hoped his stance in Texas would help him.
Her grandfather had been like her father figure because she lost his father when she was little, so her grandfy, her petname for him, had been the person she had gone to when she needed a break from everything, advice, or simply someone who she could talk to. The man was a very wise man and she knew he and Troy would have a beautiful relationship; with Troy being open about the idea, and knowing how sweet and caring her grandfy was, she knew things would go smoothly in Texas. At least she hoped so.
Troy entered in his apartment a little shaken; though he was sure Susan was right and that her idea was the best idea, he couldn't help but fear Gabriella's reaction to the news. Seeing how she'd acted that night just before he left her for the night, he didn't want to imagine what she would do when he told her he had to leave for some time to Texas. And her reaction scared him to death.
However, there was something that appalled his worries; to know Gabriella would be with someone caring for her. Troy had been observing Peter and Gabriella's interaction and, though he knew they still need to talk, he was aware that Peter had realized about his past mistakes; he was aware that both had realized how lucky they were to have each other, to be able to lean on each other, and he knew they wouldn't waste more time with stupidities. Troy knew Peter and Gabriella would talk, would empty everything they had inside and their relationship would blossom like a relationship between a father and daughter had to be.
Plus, Chad, Taylor and their parents would be with Gabriella also. He knew how deeply they all cared for Gabriella; the way they all had interacted with her while being in the hospital told Troy that Gabriella wouldn't be alone. And knowing Gabriella like he knew her, he knew Gabriella was aware of that.
Troy was also sure about Susan's care for Gabriella; the protective way she talked about her alerted him that their bond was way deeper than he would have ever imagined. They clicked in the most intrinsic way, and Troy was glad that Susan would be there for Gabriella whenever she needed her to. The fact that Gabriella had also asked for help to Susan, the fact that Gabriella had felt the need to explain her story to Susan told him that she was accepting her past…and that she was fighting to have a better future.
Because Troy knew Gabriella had finally forgiven herself; knowing her father loved her and that the others were there for her too had shown her that her mother left because she was an idiot, not because Gabriella was a bad person or because she deserved it. She finally was accepting that yeah, her mother left her but, at the same time, she was not alone.
Gabriella was sure the best role model for Troy; he would be like her, he would fight against his demons and he would win. He would accept all the crap life had thrown at him and he would fight to have a better future; he wanted to be happy, he understood that what happened to him was all shit, but his parents wouldn't want for him to be miserable. They would like to see him happy, content with his life, giving freely his love to another someone and receiving the just same amount of love. They would want to have a happy son, and he would make them proud, because he would be that son.
He knew he had to do that for himself, but with Gabriella as his role model and with the unconditional support of his family, with the memory of his family, he would have something to look forward to when things were bad, when he felt down, when he felt sad. He was not alone in his fight, and that was something he was thankful for.
Stopping in front of the "Memory Wall", Troy caressed his two favourite pictures again. His eyes were directly to each member of his family's eyes; he was being stupid, he knew that, but he could have sworn that, with each lock, he felt better, powerful, stronger…and he knew everything would be okay.
With Gabriella or without Gabriella, Troy had a future, and he would fight for that future to be a bright and happy one. Even if that meant to be away from his loved ones for a while, to be away from Gabriella giving her the chance to meet another guy, to be alone for months…because he would be proud of himself, and because he would make people who loved him proud of himself too.
The next morning, Troy woke and rushed to the shower; he didn't have time to spare, he needed to be in the hospital before Gabriella woke, like he had promised her he would be. Not even bothering to have some breakfast, Troy drove to the nearest Starbucks to buy both his and Gabriella's breakfast; it was silly, but he thought she would like it and that it would make her smile. And he was all for see and hear her beautiful smile, the melodic rhythm of her giggles, the brightness of her eyes…her perfect beauty glowing with happiness.
Parking in the parking lot of the hospital, Troy killed the engine of his car and grabbed the bag with the breakfast. Stopping for a moment with his hand already in the handle, Troy took a deep breath; he knew Gabriella would be in pain, and he needed to be ready for that. He needed to be strong for her, to be happy to cheer her up, and to do so he had to be mentally ready.
Arriving at Gabriella's room, Troy knocked softly and opened the door trying to be as silent as he could, meeting an already awake Peter, who lifted his eyes from the book he was reading and smiled at Troy. "Good morning, Troy," he greeted whispering.
"Morning," the guy said stepping into the room and closing the door softly behind him. "How is she?"
"She's been sleeping all night," Peter chuckled. "She hasn't even noticed the nurses changing the IV or anything so everything is okay."
Troy nodded once and returned the smile Peter was sending in his direction. There were so many things he needed for him to know, he didn't know where to begin with. However, the decision was made for him when Peter cleared his throat and spoke.
"Susan explained you'll go to Texas for a while," Peter said lowly. "How are you feeling about that?"
"Honestly, I'm okay with that," Troy said sitting in the chair beside Peter's. "At first I was mad, but now I understand where she comes from, and I also understand that this would be good for me…and for Gabriella."
Peter nodded his head. "I know I've been a bad father for her, and I know that I'm probably one of your latest favourite people in the world because of that or maybe you even hate me, but I want you to know that I'll take care of her, Troy. I love Gabriella and I want for her to see in me her father; I need to have the relationship with my daughter back, and I'm planning on to be beside her 100%. Gabriella won't feel alone anymore if I can help it."
"Actually," Troy cleared his throat. "I don't know how much you know about my story with Gabriella, but I want you to know I've been a jerk with her. Even though I loved her I've hurt her so many times…but…"
"I know," Peter put a comforting hand on Troy's shoulder. "You've been beside Gabriella, Troy. Maybe you've hurt her, but you've helped her too. You saw how yesterday she didn't want for you to go back home; with you she feels safe, she feels comforted, and only because of that, you have to be happy with yourself. You acted the way you acted because you cared for her, Troy. Everyone makes mistakes, but what's important is the reason behind our acts; you didn't mean to be cruel with her, you only wanted to protect her. Gabriella knows that and I know that."
"I'm afraid that hasn't been enough," Troy whispered looking at the sleepy form of Gabriella, "I wanted to protect her and she's ended in the hospital anyway…and it's my fault."
"Don't say that," Peter whispered. "It was an accident. Don't overthink about it, Troy…it won't help. You have to be positive because if not, if you continue blaming you for everything that has happened, you won't recover, you won't be happy…"
"I see you know more than what I think you knew," Troy muttered shocked somehow.
Peter chuckled. "When Susan explained us her idea, Chad and Taylor also explained a little how they saw things…and I think I've an accurate idea about what you have inside your head. I'm sorry you haven't been able to come to us; we were your parents' friends but still we weren't able to help you through everything…"
"No," Troy interrupted the man. "I was the one building walls around me; I was the one who didn't want for anyone to be too close to me…I was the one that pushed everyone away…"
"But you were a kid," Peter interrupted sternly. "We should have seen you were having a rough time; we should have seen you needed us…but we didn't see anything. I'm glad your friends have been able to help you somehow…"
"Mostly Gabriella," Troy whispered wiping a few tears that were falling from his eyes. "I don't know what I would do if not because I had Gabriella…though in a weird way…"
"I'm sure she thinks the same about you," Peter pulled Troy's body towards him. "Don't give yourself up…fight, please…try to be happy…"
"I'll try," Troy said with his voice breaking twice.
"I'm going to the cafeteria to have some breakfast now that you're here," Peter stood up. "Tell Gabriella if she wakes up before I'm here again."
Troy nodded once. "Will do, Peter…and I don't hate you…." He added softly smiling a little.
"Thank you," Peter said from the door returning the smile. "See you later…"
Troy thought about what had happened between him and Peter; it was amazing how all the hate and the rage he felt towards the man had evaporated when he'd heard the respect, the love, the care towards Gabriella under his spoken words. He had made mistakes but he'd assumed them and he'd learned from them; Troy thought about it and realized that, in reality, his situation and Peter's weren't as different as he thought in the beginning. Both had been completely jerks with Gabriella, but both were settled to try and make Gabriella proud and happy.
"Troy?" A sleepy Gabriella tossed in her bed, wincing in pain when she turned her body to the right.
The boy stood up and reached for her hand. "I'm here, baby…"
Gabriella opened her eyes slowly. "You're here…" She said in awe actually surprised Troy was there. "Am I dreaming?"
Troy chuckled, sitting carefully on the bed beside her. "I don't think so…" He whispered caressing her forehead with his free hand. "How are you feeling?"
"Better," Gabriella smiled and leaned into his touch. "Are you sure I'm not dreaming?"
Smiling, Troy pecked her forehead. "I promise you're awake…and I've brought you some breakfast…"
Gabriella's eyes brightened with excitement. "For real?"
Troy nodded chuckling and reached for the Starbucks' bag, placing her muffin' and her frapuccino on the table so she could grab them more comfortably. "Your breakfast is served," Troy whispered massaging her knuckles with his thumb.
Gabriella giggled and Troy's heart skipped a beat, ecstatic to see her as happy as a little girl on Christmas' morning ant to hear the only sound that was music for his ears. "Thank you," she whispered softly taking a sip. "Gosh, I've missed that…it's heavenly…"
He chuckled and retrieved his own breakfast from the bag. "Your father has gone to the cafeteria to have some breakfast himself."
"I can't believe he's been sleeping here," Gabriella said thoughtfully. "I'm still trying to understand the change of his behaviour…"
"He loves you," Troy answered directly. "He's realized how much he was about to lose and he doesn't want that…and neither do I…" He added whispering the last part.
Gabriella heard him. "You won't lose me…"
"Maybe you change your opinion…" Troy whispered afraid of the conversation he was about to have with Gabriella.
"Why do you think that?" Gabriella asked reaching for his hand and intertwining their fingers forcefully.
"I'm going to Texas, Gabriella," Troy said lowly afraid that his voice would break if he talked normally. "For a while…"
"What do you mean?" Gabriella said as softly as him with her voice shivering in fear.
"Susan thinks that I need to be alone in order to be okay," Troy sighed. "She's sending me to her grandfather's farm in Texas for a while so I'm able to forgive myself and with who I am…"
Gabriella's reaction surprised him; he had expected more drama from her, but Gabriella remained quiet for a minute or two, and spoke calmly. "I understand," she said wiping a few tears that were falling from her eyes.
Troy snapped his head up to see her face. "Do you?"
Gabriella nodded. "You need to be at peace with yourself, and here, with all the memories…and me, you can't…I understand…"
"No baby," Troy said alarmed. "It's not that I can't be at peace with you beside me it's just…"
"Shhh," Gabriella gave him a sad smile. "I didn't mean it like that. I understand Troy…"
"I don't want to leave you," Troy touched her forehead with his. "But I have to…"
"I don't want you to leave, either," Gabriella said closing her eyes. "But I understand that you need to be happy first with yourself so you can be happy with another person…and I want you to be happy Troy. I want you without demons, without ghosts from the past haunting you…"
"Even if that mean we won't see each other for a while?" Troy whispered with his voice cracking.
"It's for the best," Gabriella placed her hand on his cheek. "You and I need to be able to be happy for ourselves, without worrying about the other forgetting our own happiness, forgetting to heal with our own problems…"
"I love you," Troy whispered with his lips inches apart from hers. "I love you so fucking much. Don't ever doubt that…"
"I love you too," Gabriella whispered as well.
Troy couldn't help but touch her lips with his, moaning with the desperation he was feeling; it was a simple kiss but still so full of emotion, of feelings, of love…Troy and Gabriella felt the usual sparks floating through their bodies. Pulling away after three simple pecks, Troy wiped Gabriella's tears. "Fuck, I don't want to leave you…"
This time it was Gabriella the one who wiped Troy's tears from his face. "If our future is to be together, we'll be together; we'll find each other again, free from ghosts, ready to love each other freely…"
Carefully, Troy hugged her and kissed her neck. "You are the most important person in my life…you are my life…"
"Oh Troy," Gabriella said closing her eyes. She wanted to say more but her throat was suddenly dry; she couldn't phrase what she wanted to say, but she knew Troy would be able to read it from her eyes, so she pulled away and locked her eyes with his for a moment. The interchange of unspoken words they shared was so powerful, no more words were needed. And then, as if they had agreed somehow, the moment was gone.
"When are you going to Texas?" She asked lowly taking a bit from her muffin'.
"I told Susan I didn't want to go away until you weren't recovered," Troy sighed taking a sip from his own drink. "So once you're perfectly okay I'll go…"
Gabriella nodded. "Will you be here while I go to physical therapy?"
"Of course," Troy nodded. "I'm going to be with you in every step of your recovering process…"
The doctor entered at the same moment, before Gabriella could add something more. "Good morning Gabriella, how are you feeling?"
"Good," she answered reaching for Troy's hand.
"And I can see why," the doctor chuckled. "I see this boy is spoiling you. Breakfast from Starbucks? That's what I call a good recovering gift…" Both Troy and Gabriella laughed along with the doctor and he took the chart. "Where's your father?" He asked after reading the notes the nurses had taken during the night.
"He's in the cafeteria," Gabriella answered.
"Well, I see you've passed a good night," the doctor nodded for himself. "So what would you say if I say you can go home in three hours?"
Gabriella's smile got wider. "Seriously?"
"I don't see why not," the doctor smiled. "You need to take it easy for a while; walk with crutches for a week and be careful with the movements you do. But other than that, you're ready to go…"
"But could she walk with the crutches having three broken ribs?" Troy asked confusedly.
The doctor nodded. "Sure, those ribs are the lowest ones, so the movement of her arms won't affect them. She can't walk a lot, so she will have to be at home for some days, but the simple movements she'll have to do while being at home with someone won't be a problem…"
"And the physical therapy?" Gabriella asked. "When I should start it?"
"In three days or so," the doctor nodded. "I'll give the details to your father, don't worry about it. Now I have to go to check other patients but I'll prepare everything so you can go home. I'll come back later to talk with your father, ok?" Both teens nodded. "Bye kids!"
"Bye," Gabriella and Troy chorused at the same time watching the doctor's back disappear through the door.
Chad and Taylor arrived one hour later and, with Peter, all talked about anything and everything until the doctor entered once again in the room to tell them Gabriella could go home. Taylor helped her to dress while the three men waited outside, and Taylor took advantage of those moments alone with Gabriella. "Have you talked with Troy?"
Taylor had been observing them; the couple had been with their fingers intertwined all the time and joking and laughing, and she thought Troy hadn't told Gabriella the news, because she couldn't understand how they could be so at ease, so normal knowing they would have to separate from each other.
"Yeah," Gabriella said. "He's told me about Texas…"
"Did he?" Taylor asked shocked. "And are you okay about it?"
"Of course," Gabriella answered confusedly. "Why?"
"You know he'll be in Texas for God-knows-how long and you'll fine with it?" Taylor asked again.
Gabriella nodded. "It's the best for us both, why shouldn't I be fine with it?"
Taylor didn't know what to say. "I thought you'll be sadder or angrier or more affected about it…"
"Sorry but no," Gabriella smiled. "We both need to be able to be happy for ourselves; we need to be able to make amends with who we are, Taylor, and we need to do that alone, without each other, because if we're together, we forget about ourselves only worrying about the other…"
A speechless Taylor locked her eyes with Gabriella's trying to decipher if Gabriella was being sincere or not. "But you were holding hands…and he's called you baby…"
"Look, I'm not asking for you to understand. Troy and I know what we have, and we know how deep our love for each other is," Gabriella tried to explain. "I don't want to worry about which kind of relationship we have at the moment…we only have two months at the most to be together and I'm not planning on to spend them worrying about which label our relationship deserves. I'm going to enjoy these last few moments with him freely, and I'll deal with what it's coming to us when it arrives…"
Taylor looked at her best friend speechless and amazed; the maturity with which Troy and Gabriella were handling their weird and special situation was beyond their years. It was incredible both had enough common sense to be able to sacrifice now so they could be happily together in the future; she'd expected a lot of drama from this separation. To see Gabriella so calm about it, to see her so natural, accepting this fate as it was coming though it was a huge mess, made her realize that both were like that because they knew that, whatever happened, the love for each other, being in a love man-woman way or a friend-friend way, would last forever. They would always have each other, and that was enough comfort and strength to fight against everything life threw at them.
A sudden knock at the door snapped Taylor out of her reverie; both girls turned to look at the door and saw Peter's head. "You ready, Gabi?"
"Yes," Gabriella smiled. "Can you give me the crutches, dad?"
Peter entered in the room and handled Gabriella the crutches, while Troy reached for her bag, placing himself beside her. "You okay?" He asked after Gabriella took three steps as rehearsal for what she should have to do for some time.
Gabriella nodded. "It seems more difficult than it was," she giggled and soon the others laughed with her. "Come on, let's go home…" The other four followed her to the elevator and, though Peter, Taylor and Chad soon were in front of her walking slowly but not paying attention to Gabriella, knowing she didn't want an audience, Troy kept himself just beside her, looking at her over and over again, as if he was assuring himself she was okay. Gabriella realized about it and turned her head to look at him. "Hey," she whispered when she saw his worried face. "I'm okay now, I think I'm managing quite well with those two which will be my best friends for a while…" She teased.
Troy understood what she was doing and after one softly smile, he answered back. "So you're changing me for a crutch? That hurt Gabi, right here…" He said pointing his heart.
"Oh poor baby," she mocked. "Get over it."
Troy chuckled and soon they entered in the elevator. Chad spoke then. "Taylor and I need to go somewhere first but we'll be by your house later, is that okay?"
"Sure," Gabriella said smiling at her friends before she turned to look at Troy. "Where are you going now?" She asked more lowly so only he could hear her.
"With you," Troy answered smiling softly at her. "Always with you…"
The couple shared a smile which didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the group, though no one commented anything about it. Soon they were at the entrance of the hospital; Chad and Taylor hugged Gabriella carefully and went to his car, while Troy stood by her while they waited for Peter to bring the car at the front door. When the car stopped in front of them Troy opened the passenger's door for Gabriella and helped her inside, leaving her bag in the backseat. "I'll meet you at your house, okay?" He asked kissing her temple.
Gabriella nodded. "See you in a few…"
Troy closed the door softly and Peter drove out of the parking lot; when the car couldn't be seen anymore, Troy went to his car and stepped inside, letting out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He was still shocked by Gabriella's reaction to the news; of course he shouldn't have expected anything more from her because Gabriella was naturally selfless. Knowing he needed to go away for him to be okay was enough for her to accept the dreading separation that was waiting for them, and he felt proud of her.
He was amazed she wasn't confused by their new situation; he'd broken up with her but neither of them had spoken anything about it, and both continued like always, as if the break up hadn't happened. Soon, he understood why; Gabriella didn't want to worry about what they were, she only wanted to enjoy those last moments together, and he would do the same. They would have time enough in the future, when both were okay with themselves, to discuss and talk about everything; he wanted to do so. He wanted to be able to analyze their lives in the future, he wanted to be able to talk with Gabriella when both knew what they were feeling completely; even if that talk was only as friends or as something more, he needed to make amends with her in the future. Gabriella was too important for him to be able to not have her in his life; he knew she would always have a special spot in his heart, and he would fight against everything with all his might so both could be in each other's life when the mess wasn't a mess anymore.
Turning on the engine, Troy drove to Gabriella's without any rush; it was incredible how after Gabriella's reaction he was eager to be beside her but not in an unhealthy way, not in a desperate way. He knew they would have more time together in the immediate future and that was enough at the moment for him.
The weeks passed by and Gabriella's recovering was more evident each day by; the cast of her leg was removed one week after the accident and she hadn't had any problem with her leg. She could walk normally and do normal stuff as if nothing had happened; her ribs, however, were different. Though the pain was less now, the truth was that the physical therapy was hard. Troy was the one driving her there, and standing beside her during all the exercises she had to do, and each wince, each gasp was a little stab at his heart. Even though to see her suffering was excruciating, the truth was that he'd promised he'd be with her, and he would do well on his promise; he drove her to the hospital and then back home, and he was the one driving her to school everyday too. It was as if Troy was Gabriella's shadow, and at first they joked about it, but the jokes soon remained something of the past; the date of Troy's departure was still unknown, because he'd settled with Susan that he wouldn't go if Gabriella was not 100% okay, but Troy, and everyone, could see Gabriella was better each day by, so the date was closer each day by too.
Though both knew the date was close, Troy and Gabriella acted as if no special date was close. They tried to enjoy the time they had together; they went to the movies, to the park, to the bowling centre…they tried to act as normal as they could, distracting themselves for the separation that was waiting for them, but each gesture had a special meaning behind it.
Troy knew that.
Gabriella knew that.
The month of physical therapy had ended the day before; it'd been a Friday, and Troy and Gabriella had begged to Susan and Peter that they let them spend all the weekend alone and together in his apartment, away from everybody. Of course, both adults had agreed without doubts or second thoughts, understanding the meaning of that weekend, of that last weekend together for a while.
After school, Troy drove Gabriella to her last session at the hospital. Her bag for the weekend was already in his car, because she'd taken with her at school when Troy had gone to pick her up from her house, so this way they could begin their last weekend as soon as they could. The plan was that Troy and Gabriella would go to his apartment to get ready for their double date with Chad and Taylor, with who they had agreed to meet at Marcelo's, a new Italian restaurant opened recently, so they could have dinner together.
After that, the weekend was only for Troy and Gabriella.
"How are you feeling?" Troy asked from the driver's seat reaching for Gabriella's hand.
"Better," Gabriella smiled intertwining their fingers together. "The therapy doesn't hurt anymore. I'd say I'm fitter now…"
Troy chuckled. "Sure you are," he squeezed her hand.
"Hey," Gabriella said mock offended. "I've been working out a lot with those almost two months, thank you very much."
Troy nodded. "Of course, because those weird movements with your torso and your waist equal to a triaging for the Olympic Games…" He said sarcastically.
"Idiot," Gabriella muttered retrieving her hand from his and crossing her arms over her chest, adding a little pout in her features knowing that, this way, Troy would cave sooner.
"Oh baby," he said reaching for her hand again. "Don't be mad; I was only joking…"
"Sure you were," Gabriella said turning her head so he couldn't see the smile that was trying to escape from her mouth.
"Gabi, come on," Troy said seriously. "I'm sorry…" Gabriella remained silent and Troy sighed. "Baby, please…"
Gabriella couldn't contain her giggles anymore and soon was gasping for air. "Oh my god!" She said between fits of laughter. "Your face has been priceless…"
Troy narrowed his eyes. "I can't believe you've put up that…"
"Oh come on Troy," Gabriella giggled and Troy remained silent. "Dorky come on…please dorky…come on…forgive me?" She said in a baby voice, putting her puppy eyes dog and pouting, all at the same time.
Troy made a mistake turning his head one moment to look at her…and he was a goner. "I can't be mad when you use all your weapons at once against me…" He said chuckling.
"A girl has to do what she has to do," Gabriella said reaching for his hand again and kissing his shoulder.
Troy smiled and soon parked the car in his parking spot. Stepping outside the car, Troy went to the passenger's seat and helped Gabriella, grabbing her bag from his car one moment later. "Let's go," he said reaching for her hand and pulling her with him, and walking to the entrance.
Gabriella was nervous; she'd been twice in his apartment since the hospital, but both times were to watch a movie or have a light dinner. She and Troy hadn't slept together since the big argument they had, and knowing she only had 2 more nights with him put a thousand butterflies in her stomach; she wasn't worried about what they would do or they wouldn't do because they'd decided to go with the flow, but those would be the last two nights they would be able to sleep feeling and touching the other's body.
"Hey," Troy said standing in front of his apartment door, waving a hand in front of Gabriella's face. "You okay?"
"Yeah," she whispered sniffing a little.
Troy became alarmed when he saw the moisture that was filling her eyes. "Talk to me, Gabi…what's up?"
"I was thinking those are our last nights together," she said pushing herself closer to him, sighing in relief when Troy wrapped his arms around her. "And it has hit me that you'll go away on Sunday evening…now…"
Troy closed his eyes. "No tears this weekend, please; promise me you'll try to have fun and won't worry about what ifs, maybes or whatever. Only you and me, enjoying our time together…please…" He pleaded with a broken voice.
"Okay," Gabriella nodded knowing it was as difficult for him as it was for her. "No more tears…" She said resolutely, wiping the ones that were running down her cheeks.
"That's my girl," he smiled and kissed her lips softly. "Now, we should go and get ready. Chad and Taylor will get mad if we make them wait…" He joked when they pulled away.
"Lead the way," she whispered taking a deep breathe.
The couple shared a smile and then entered in Troy's apartment, going directly to his room, where he left her bag somehow hesitantly. "Do you really want to sleep here?" He asked softly.
"If you don't want me to," Gabriella answered confusedly. "I can sleep in the other room…"
"No, no," Troy rushed to stay in front of her, wrapping his arms around her body. "I want you to be comfortable; of course I want you sleeping with me…but I wanted to be sure you wanted that too…"
"Then I'm sleeping here," she smiled.
Gabriella and Troy knew they would have some moments during the weekend when one of them would feel down, and they knew the other would be the one cheering the sad one up; if they thought too much about what the weekend represented, they would be depressed, and neither of them wanted that for their last weekend together. Even if they had to swallow their fears and worries in order for the other to be okay, they weren't planning on to let depression and sadness in their lives anytime soon.
Once they met with Chad and Taylor, neither of them spoke about the imminent departure of Troy. The topic was carefully avoided, knowing that if they talked about it, the mood of the evening, which wanted to be everything but depressing, would change in the time one person blinked, and neither wanted that.
It was something weird; they knew Troy wouldn't be away forever but still the fact that they didn't know when they would see him again was enough for them to feel like they were saying each other goodbye instead of see you later. Specially Troy and Chad kept glancing each other through all the evening; Gabriella and Taylor of course noticed that, and they tried to give them some moments alone: they went together to the rest room, they made up they'd seen someone of the Decathlon Team and so they had to go and say hello…things like that so Troy and Chad could talk or whatever they wanted in private.
Both girls knew Troy and Chad were like siblings; each guy was a brother for each other, and they had been together through everything, one beside the other, supporting unconditionally the other. They'd shared the good moments and the bad moments they went through; they'd shared every little detail about their lives. Or simply they'd met for a one-to-one at the park, they'd had sleepovers almost each week until Lucy's death.
For Taylor things were different; though her friendship with Troy was younger that everyone's, she felt bad for his departure. Not only because she knew how devastated would be Chad and Gabriella but because knowing his story, knowing how much pain he'd inflicted himself in order to "save" Gabriella, knowing how much he cared for them, Troy had grown fond in her heart.
So now, there they were; enjoying the meal as if nothing, talking, joking, teasing each other…it was a "normal" evening, full of good moments that all of them would want to keep in their memories forever. All of them, without any exception, hoped that, at some point, Troy would be back, happy with himself, happy with his life, and all of them would be able to be together again. Their friendships were so deep, none of them could really think about his or her life, about his or her future, without the others in it.
After the dinner, and wanting to be somewhere more secluded, Troy suggested they could go to the beach; there was this little café there, with candles, chill out music sounding softly as background, sofas…it was like a little heaven in their crazy city, and so the rest of them agreed. Each couple went to his car to drive there, and both girls, even though they hadn't talked about it, reached for her boyfriend's hand, squeezing it, showing the boys their support and understanding.
When they arrived at the beach, they went to sit on two of the farthest sofas; Troy locked his eyes with Gabriella for a moment searching strength, and Gabriella understood what he was about to do. They didn't need words to know what the other was feeling or thinking, and Gabriella knew Troy was nervous as hell. Reaching for his hand, she intertwined their fingers and gave him an encouraging smile. Troy returned the smile and mouthed his thanks, before he turned to his friends. "Guys," he said lowly gaining Taylor and Chad's attention. "I need to talk with you two."
"What's up, man?" Chad asked worriedly sensing Troy's nervousness.
"I want…and need…to apologize with you two," Troy began hesitantly.
"Troy no," Taylor interjected.
"Yes, please…just…" He looked at Gabriella and she squeezed his fingers, smiling at him. "Let me apologize okay? I need to say it…"
Chad smiled; that was the Troy he got friends with when they were little. "As you wish…"
"Look, I know I've been a jerk with you two," Troy continued with his voice trembling a little. "But I need you to know that I didn't mean it like that. I mean…what I did, to push myself away from everyone was wrong, I know that now, but at the moment it seemed to be what I have to do…"
Troy's voice trailed off and then he continued. "Chad, we've been like brothers all our lives, but still I've managed to hurt you uncountable times; I've never acted consciously, I've never wanted to hurt you, but still I've managed to piss you off, to deceive you…I know that's not an excuse, but you have to know that my intention was never this one. I guess I thought you would be beside me always and…"
Silencing himself for a minute, Troy took two deep breaths, and Gabriella dropped his hand to put an arm on his back, rubbing it softly, and leaned to whisper into his ear. "You can do it, baby, come on…"
He sent her a smile full of gratitude and then turned to look at Chad again. "Look man, I need you to know that you've been, are and will be my best friend, my brother, for the rest of my life. I won't forget ever what you've done for me, how you've been beside me unconditionally, how you've been able to look past the walls I built around me…seeing the boy you met when we were little. And I want to say you thanks, thanks a lot for not giving up on me…thanks a lot for simply being the amazing guy and friend you are…"
No one said anything once Troy silenced himself; Taylor and Gabriella sniffed, really touched by Troy's words, and Chad was speechless. He didn't know what to say, but the fact that Troy had been able to admit how idiot he'd been, not only in front of him but in front of two other people, meant a lot to him. With each new detail, Chad was seeing the old Troy, the not-messed-up Troy, his old best friend back, and he was more than grateful. To see him putting himself in a so vulnerable condition, without masks, and only seeing what his heart was feeling, was something he'd been waiting for years.
"Troy," Chad said waiting for his friend to look at him. "Thank you."
And actually no one needed to add anything more, because the foursome understood that with those two words, Chad was not only accepting Troy's apologies but also forgiving him for everything.
Gabriella turned her head to look at Troy and saw something glistening running down his cheek; pulling her body closer to his, she realized he was crying, so she wrapped her other arm around Troy's neck and let him to bury his face into her curls. "I'm proud of you," she whispered kissing his cheek.
"Thank you," he whispered as well planting a kiss on her neck, wrapping his arms tightly around her body.
Taylor and Chad looked the scene and both felt shivers ran down their spines; not only because Troy's speech had been really something but because the bubble that was surrounding Troy and Gabriella right in front of them, the way they clung to each other, still amazed them. Taylor reached for Chad's hand, and he leaned to peck her lips softly. "Are you okay?" Taylor whispered knowing Chad was having a hard time trying to contain the tears that were ready to fall.
"Yeah," he nodded lowly.
"Taylor," Troy said once he pulled away from Gabriella, but still with his arms wrapped around her, pulling her body even closer to his.
"Yeah Troy?" She asked politely not really knowing what he would say or why he would apologize for.
"You don't know me the way Chad and Gabriella do," he began somehow hesitantly. "But still you've never thrown to my face my bad behaviour with you. I mean, you could have tried to push Gabriella away from me knowing how she was suffering but still you didn't do anything. You simply acted like her friend, respecting my space…or respecting the space I imposed."
"Well, I didn't know you back then," Taylor answered honestly. "So I couldn't opine about something I didn't know. Plus, Chad and Gabi warned me from the very beginning, and honestly, you never treated me badly; you ignored me, and I learned that ignore you, but being polite, was the best option I had, so that's what I did."
"I know," Troy sighed. "But still…maybe I haven't treated you badly, but my behaviour towards you has been the worse. You didn't deserve my changes of mood nor my rudeness. I've been a jerk with you, and I apologize. I didn't act that way because I had a problem with you but because…"
"I know Troy," Taylor smiled. "I understand why you acted the way you acted, and knowing you sacrificed yourself for them both, is something that shows me how good guy you are. My only concern now is for you to feel at ease with yourself. I think here everyone has forgiven you, and now you need to forgive yourself. I appreciate the gesture, your apologies, and that gesture makes me respect you more as a person, but what I want, what we want, is for you to accept your own apologies."
"I'll try," he whispered smiling at Taylor. "Thank you, to the three of you…"
"Now, we should celebrate," Chad said clapping his hands trying to lift the mood.
"I agree," Gabriella squealed. "Let's go dance!"
"Oh yeah, dance!" Taylor exclaimed ecstatic at the same time Troy and Chad rolled their eyes and said "No way!"
"What have you said?" Taylor asked Chad narrowing her eyes.
"I don't want to dance," he whined. "I don't know how to dance and look, those know what they're doing. We're going to embarrass ourselves…" He said pointing to the couples who were dancing.
Gabriella looked at Chad frowning. "But it's a slow song, I mean…you don't have to dance, you only have to move a little your body…"
"You need to work on your excuses, man," Troy complained. "If you actually have said something believable, now we wouldn't be in this mess…"
"Hey," Chad smacked Troy's arm playfully. "You weren't saying anything. I needed to intervene quickly and you know my mind can't work under pressure…"
Troy looked at him with disbelief and when he was about to answer Gabriella intervened. "Let's go dance, come on Troy…" She said grabbing his arm and pulling him with her to the dance floor.
"Chad please," Taylor pouted. "Can we dance? I love this song…come on…"
"Okay," Chad caved. "It's unfair that after all these years your pout is still working, you know?"
Taylor laughed and grabbed his hand. "You know you love it," she winked at him and didn't stop until they reached Troy and Gabriella, who smiled at the couple when they saw them beside them.
Both couples danced, laughed, joked…they had a great time together, enjoying their last chance to be together, in a bubble full of happiness and forgiveness, for a while. When the time of goodbyes arrived, Troy hugged Chad and Taylor with all his might, knowing that he wouldn't be able to see them anytime soon, because for the time he had until he had to go to the airport, he planned to be with Gabriella, only with Gabriella.
He asked Chad to take care of his love; it was stupid because Chad already did, and was doing, that, but he needed to ask it aloud, he needed Chad's reassurance. And he had it. Chad asked him to keep in contact with him, and Troy promised that he would fight so their friendship didn't resent from the physical distance they would have between them.
Hugging Taylor, he asked her to take care of both Chad and Gabriella; he knew they would have rough moments, and he couldn't ask for a better person to be beside them, helping them. And Taylor reassured him that she would do whatever she could in order for them to be okay…if Troy did whatever he could to be himself okay. And Troy added Taylor to the list of people he would make proud of him.
When Troy and Gabriella arrived at his apartment, they didn't comment anything about their evening with their friends. The only one who talked was Troy, who asked Gabriella to sleep nude; not because he wanted to do something with her at night but because it was their way to feel as close as they could with each other. She agreed and confessed she was about to ask him the same.
They locked their eyes, shared a smile, stripped their clothes off, slipped inside his bed and, unconsciously, put their bodies as close as they could, with their arms around each other and their legs tangled together.
Tightening his arms around Gabriella, and feeling her heartbeat in rhythm with his, chest to chest, Troy leaned down to kiss her lips passionately but still sweetly, conveying into the kiss all the feelings and emotions his heart was full of. When they pulled apart, both whispered good night, and pressed themselves even closer.
Only when her breathe evened, signalling she was asleep, Troy relaxed and waited for sleep to overcome him. Inhaling deeply so Gabriella's scent surrounded him, Troy thanked all the heavens for the incredible people that loved him. He hadn't been able to really register how amazing they were, but…knowing that a separation was waiting for them had made him realize that, even though his family wasn't with him, there were more people around him that were worth it, that needed him the same way he needed them, and so that helped him to have the last piece of strength he needed for the war against himself he was about to start.
He knew he would be okay.
He knew he would forgive himself.
He knew he would accept the life he had.
He knew he would break whatever piece of wall that still was surrounding him.
Because…those who loved him had broken the walls…but now he was the one who had to make them disappear completely. And he would do it.