Chapter 13

Nowaki grazed his knuckles gently across Hiroki's peaceful sleeping face that lay nestled in his chest. His precious Hiro-san's face was pale from the exertion of the events that had happened recently, with red puffy eyes from all the tears that had been shed. Nowaki's face was not much better either.

The past months had taken a toll on both of them, but the emotional burden Hiroki had carried with him, the anguish of deceiving and then walking away from Nowaki, and the pain of going through chemotherapy alone had left Hiroki a shell of his former self.

At the thought of all that his Hiro-san had gone through, Nowaki's heart clenched tightly and a myriad of emotions coursed through him. The past hour, he had sat there listening to Hiro-san summarise all that had happened leading up to today before the exhaustion had grown too much to bear for his Hiro-san's fragile body and he had slipped into a deep slumber.

Nowaki still had so many questions swirling in his mind. Yes he still wanted to be with his Hiro-san, he still loved him, those two he could not deny. But neither could he deny the hurt and confusion that had engulfed him since the day he had returned home to find Hiro-san gone, and only a letter on the table.

Hiro-san's brief explanation of his illness and the reason for leaving – that his parents had wanted him home when receiving treatment – had cleared a bit of the confusion, but definitely not the hurt. Furthermore, seeing the way Hiro-san had avoided his eyes while giving Nowaki his reason for leaving made Nowaki certain that there was more to it that Hiro-san was not telling him.

There had to be more. It definitely did not account for Hiro-san not informing him of his condition. Nowaki did not know which one broke his heart more, Hiro-san leaving, or the fact that Hiro-san had kept his illness a secret from him. These two ate at him constantly.

Sighing gently, so as not to disturb Hiroki, Nowaki tightened his hold on Hiroki. Clamping down on the questions that swirled haphazardly in his mind, he went back to his previous task of re-memorising Hiroki's face.

His Hiro-san had definitely lost a lot of weight over the course of his treatment. Hiro-san had always been slim and petite, but with the weight lost, his body was now deathly thin and fragile looking.

As Hiro-san shifted in his arms, tightening his grip on Nowaki's shirt (an action that brought a slight satisfaction to Nowaki's abused heart), Nowaki could feel the sharp angles of Hiro-san's bones digging into him.

His arms that were wrapped around Hiroki's torso, could feel the grooves in between each rib, and staring at Hiro-san's gaunt face, his heart wept at the discomfort and suffering that seemed etched upon his face.

Sweeping his fingertips over the dark shadows on Hiro-san's face, he made a promise to himself and Hiro-san that he would do anything in his power to wipe those shadows of his face and erase the pain from his eyes.

Slowly Nowaki would get the answers he felt he deserved from his Hiro-san, and after that, they could heal together, and move on from this. He had to keep the faith that was possible.

But for now, all that could wait, both of them were exhausted emotionally and physically. What mattered the most was that Hiro-san was back in his arms again after what felt like forever, and he was never letting him go again.

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Hello hello (: i've been trying to work on my spacing for the story. I realised how annoying and painful it is to read large chunks/long paragraphs. Hence shorter paragraphs and more spacing in between each. Is it better? Heh. This is a pretty short chapt, abit from Nowaki's pov before I launch into the next part of the story. Hope you guys enjoy it! OH OH! THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS OUT THERE :D SO MANY HITS!!! Hahaha. Made my new year. Thank you again my loves (:

PS. I try to differentiate between the third person's narration and Nowaki's narration. It kinda jumps in between. I think that 'Hiro-san' should only be meant for Nowaki alone :p and hence the third person narrator refers to Hiroki as Hiroki, while Nowaki's thoughts refer to Hiroki as Hiro-san. Makes sense? Heh, hope it's not too complicated. xxx