Let Me Love You
Chapter Twenty Two
"Hmmmhmmmhmmhmm...no, that doesn't sound right." I balled up another set of sheet music containing another failed attempt at writing a song, over my shoulder and into the little recycling bin.
I've been spending the past ten hours at this, Bella still asleep as it was only four in the morning. I sighed, stressed out and not knowing how to proceed. It had never been so hard to a song in my entire existence. Melodies and rhythms just came out naturally to me, never being thought out, just done.
Time was passing like seconds instead of hours, and before I knew it, I could hear the gentle purr of Bella's engine as it drove off to drop...I couldn't even think the nickname, at the airport.
The pain that started resurface became too much.
I needed to get out.
Standing up, I ran from where my piano was and out the door. Trees flew past me in a blur of green as I pushed myself to my limits, needing the speed to clear my head. And heart.
Not even realizing how thirsty I was, I pounced on a deer before it even processed that something else was around, snapping it neck. I drank heavily; the delicious liquid running down my throat soothed me, taking all my attention to focus only on the helpless animal underneath me.
After finishing, I buried the carcass under fallen over trunk, and leaned against a tree letting my head fall back as I let out a breath.
Thoughts overwhelmed me in that moment and I couldn't just push them out anymore. How could Bella still love that creature that all but disgraces the male population? Things have certainly changed from my time. My mother taught me to always respect women, no matter the circumstance. Yet, he treats her more as a pet, then as a loved one; something just for convenience then for actually wanting and needing. It hurt to know that I wasn't perfect for her, but I at least cared for her far more than he ever would.
But as I remembered the tears she's shed, tears that he wasn't even worth over. The humiliation and distrust he has made her feel, that she never deserved to feel.
Part of me wanted to just come out and tell her that I loved her and would hope that even though I might not be perfect, she'd still accept me for who I was. I wanted to tell her that He didn't deserve her, and if she gave me just one chance, I'd never be unfaithful to her. That I'd strive to live up to her standards to at least try to be everything that she did deserve—to put her in front of all my other priorities.
But then the other part of me was yelling at me, screaming at me, to wait, to be patient. It was telling me let things be and everything will fall into place as it should when the time comes, when it's right.
It was a battle between my brain and my gut, my heart. I knew it was corny, cheesy, whatever you want to call it, but I chose this to be one of those times where I was going to follow the latter.
When I finally came out of my thoughts, I didn't even realize I had brought myself back to the house. It was a good thing too.
Edward! It's time for school, if you don't get your cute little butt to the damn car in three seconds, I'm going to show Bella the pictures of you from the little fashion show you put on five years ago! You know the one with the speedo!
I was in front of Alice in half a second flat. No need to give Bella another reason as to why she shouldn't be with me if she ever considered it.
x s2 x
The day at school was slightly depressing, until Bella showered up third period. There wasn't anything wrong, we went through the day as we always do; joking around and talking animatedly, but having serious conversations as well. But when we had to be silent and 'listen' to the teacher, she'd seem deep in thought, zoned out you could say. And I wanted desperately to look into her mind, because her expression was always blank, so you would have no idea what it was about.
By the time we school ended, Alice and Rose had dragged her off on a shopping extravaganza to Port Angeles and wouldn't be back till the mall closed. On top of that, it took another hour to drive back, and knowing Alice, she'd want to get Bella something to eat along the way.
I sighed lying on my black leather sofa in my room with sheet music in front of me. I was trying a different approach on the whole song making project. Right now, I was going through the many notes through my head to see what would fit with what lyrics. I groaned, this wasn't making a whole lot easier.
Then a thought hit me.
Quickly zipping my way through the house, I opened the door that let to the stairs down to the basement. After shifting through a couple of boxes, I could smell the metal of the instruments.
Standing before me was the 'band kit' as Emmett and Jasper had put it. The two had been in a phase in wanting to form a band. After the first three days, and still not being able to play 'Twinkle, twinkle, little star', they through it down here and gave up, finally realizing they had no musical talent what so ever. Well, that's what they said, but their thoughts were saying that they were getting bored and frustrated, thinking that just because they were vampires, they thought it'd just come to them. Right...
It caught my interest afterwards, and I started reading through the beginner's booklet that came with the instruments. It seemed simple enough, similar to playing the piano. –okay, I have no idea if it is, since I've never learned how to play a guitar/bass/drums, and have only gone into learning the keyboard for about a year until something depressing happened and I quit. Sorry if this isn't true, so if it isn't, in my world it is :P- Going into the first week, I had mastered all three devices (with the help of being able to read minds), but my brothers told me to shut it and that there was no need to rub it in their faces. Amateurs.
I took the 'band kit' up to my room, it being the only sound proof one in the house because of my habit of blasting my stereo system too loud. Another thought hit me, and I walked over to my walk in closet, going to the very back. I pulled out my sound board that Rosalie had gotten me for Christmas a couple of years back, so I could record Esme's favorite piano pieces for her to listen in the car when she went to the grocery or home-décor store.
Hooking up the wires after cleaning the dust that had collected over time, I began strumming and testing the sound. The guitar and bass were a little off so I adjusted the chords a bit.
Taking a leap, I turned on the microphone to record.
I knew this wasn't likely to snap a worth-while masterpiece out of me, but it was worth a shot. I was willing to take the chance. I was willing to do anything for her.
Getting into the hang of the guitar first, I thought back.
You have to just relax and feel it, and then it will come to you... (Jasper)
Are you cheating on me?(Bella)
I did. But it was just the flight attendant! She meant nothing to me... (Shane)
Oh god, not again... (Bella)
Again? (Edward)
Just think about every moment you've experienced ever since you met Bella... (Jasper)
Lightly strumming, I started to hum before words started swirling around in my head as my emotions came into play. Anger soon came into mind and my eyes narrowed as I slammed the pick down on the metal strings, nearly snapping them in the process.
I had been going at it, writing things down, adjusting chords if I felt it could sound better, finding beats on the drums and cymbals, rearranging the lyrics around, all while recording and rerecording everything to try to improve things.
After spending the past two hours editing everything, I burned the final composition on a disk from my computer and placed it into my stereo, and sat down.
This is it.
The music flowed through the room, and I listened to it more intently than any song I've ever heard, like my life depended on it. As the last of the words out of the speakers, I could only see everything come crashing down on me.
With my elbows supported on my knees, I let my head fall into my hands. It wasn't a bad song, but it just...didn't have the feel that I wanted it to have. It wasn't everything I wanted to say to her, although I was now starting to doubt I could ever say everything in just one song.
Taking a deep breath, I got up and placed the CD back into its case. Picking up the 'good copy' of the sheet music, I took one final glance at it before balling it up and throwing both items into the trash bin.
"Knock, knock, is anybody home?" I jumped, startled, before seeing it was just Bella as she poked her head through my door.
"Oh, hey, it's just you." I sighed in relief.
"Nice to know I'm welcomed." She teased back.
"Heh, sorry, you just scared me." I admitted, embarrassed.
"Ooo, well that's a shocker." She giggled, before trudging in. My eyes widened at the amount of bags latched onto her arm as she dropped them all on the floor before plopping herself onto the sofa.
"Did you buy the whole mall?" I asked in disbelief.
"Pssh, your sister bought the whole city." She rolled her eyes. "She wouldn't even let me pay for my own dinner. Jeez, it'd be nice to at least pay for the things once in a while since they're for me anyway...even if I don't want them. Oh, nice instruments. Didn't know you played." She complimented, noticing the band kit in the room for the first time.
"Oh, uh thanks. I just uh...found it in the basement and thought I'd bring it up here." I chuckled nervously, scratching the back of my head, before taking a quick glance back at the garbage can. "Hey, why don't we head over to your place to drop off your bags and watch a movie or something?" I suggested, desperate to get out of here and hope she forgets about the pile of junk lying in my room.
"Sure, can I just borrow a CD, and I'll meet you back at my place?" she smiled.
Thank god I realized I wasn't breathing ever since she walked in, or my breath would have caught. Again.
"No problem, I'll just carry the bags over for you." I played the gentleman card like I was taught to over a century ago. Looking back over to the bags, "If they don't kill me first." I grabbed everything, and walked out, heading over to her house.
Bella's POV
After Edward left, I walked over to his massive CD collection, finding Debussy easily. Emmett had broken my copy and I couldn't buy a new copy at the mall knowing Alice would pay for it, and I didn't need her spending any more money on me as it is.
As I walked towards the door, something shiny reflected light out of the corner of my eye. I stopped and glanced over to my right, noticing it was from a plastic bin. Questioning, I looked into it and noticed a disk, and what looked like sheet music. I opened up the crinkled paper and noticed it was a song.
I knew it wasn't polite, but I couldn't help the curiosity, remembering Edward's nervous glance over in its direction. Putting them both into my purse along with the borrowed CD, I quickly walked out of the room, and ran back over to my place.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx s2 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
DUN DUN DUN! What's going to happen next? Omg omg omg! Well only I know, and you'll have to wait for the next chapter to find out xD Jeez, that sounded harsh LOL. Okay maybe I shouldn't have said that, because (you're going to hate me for this) exams are coming up and I have a couple exams that I have to do that are actually before the exam week. Yeah, that sucks, and I already started part of one today, and I scared the shit out of myself because I thought I did it wrong when I had like, ten minutes left, and then I looked over the instruction sheet more thoroughly and realized that I didn't -.-" Phew, that would have been a pain in the ass. If I can, which I highly doubt, I'll update the next chapter, but if not, the earliest I could do is the seventeenth. SORRY! :(
Oh yeah, did you guys all see the Twilight movie clip yesterday on the MTV movie awards? :O that was freaking amazing! And omg, it was so jokes when Robert said he proposed to Kristen like four times LOL.
Aiit, imma go, bye!