AN: I'm sad...and yeah drunk again.
And this was supposed to be a funny thing based on a dialogue I had with SwanQueen4ever on the SQ chat...but my depression got the better of me and it just didn't feel right to write something funny. SO I'll leave you with this and put the funny conversation at the end.
Not beta'd cuz I'm impatient and it's late.
Emma paced the room trying to think of some way to fix things with Regina. Why did these things always happen? What the hell was she thinking? Of course it had to go wrong, it seemed like everything backfired on her.
Yes, she didn't like the forest dude. But she didn't want Regina to hurt... and she definitely didn't want the former queen to hate her. Not again. Not after all the progress they had made. She just had to ruin it, now that they were friends and co parents and even if Regina was happy with someone else, at least she was happy...Emma would just have to try and be happy with Hook...or something...he did care for her and that was something she would learn to feel the same even if it never was as strong...
At least she'd have Regina in her life...
But now...now all the progress was gone and Regina was sad and angry. And it was Emma's fault!
She continued pacing ignoring the knocks on the door.
"Swan?"
Emma winced. Damn it just had to be Hook... She had been avoiding him, mind consumed with how hurt Regina looked. She felt bad and confused, because Regina was in pain...but she was also single and now Emma had gone and made out with Hook and Regina hated her and dammit!
Great fucking timing.
She needed to do this one thing at the time. She'll try to talk to Regina in the morning.
But that didn't exactly worked out.
The next day she was having breakfast at Granny's trying to work out what she would say to Regina when the woman herself entered the diner...and just as Emma was going to try to approach her, The man in tights was laughing and kissing his wife in the corner booth.
Regina looked so fucking devastated and she sent Emma a look she hadn't seen directed at her in such a long time...
Loathing...
No...no...
"Regina wait!" Emma ran after the woman, she barely noticed the damn thief looking the way Regina left, but not move a damn finger. He just smiled at Marian and continued their meal.
Angry but determined to not lose Regina she continued running trying to reach her only to be thrown back magically.
"Stay away from me Miss Swan...if I have to look at you one more second, I might just...but that's probably something you'd want, isn't it? Then Henry would hate me and you would have destroyed my happiness completely..." She shook her head disgusted.
"I don't know what I was thinking...believing you and I were..." Regina chuckled bitterly. "Forget it. Just stay away..." The Queen snarled and and disappeared in a cloud of magic.
Emma gulped...Regina's magic was purple again...darker shade than she had ever seen.
Of course...magic is emotion.
Approaching her could be dangerous, but Emma just couldn't let things stay the way they were...
"Swan! There you are..." Hook ran to where she was, a grin on his face. "I was looking for you."
Emma just stared at the place Regina had been standing...
"Emma? Are you alright honey?" Snow asked her sullen daughter as she fed the baby. "You've been sad lately...I thought with you and Hook getting together you would be, happier?"
Emma tried to smiled. "I...am...I'm trying...to be."
Snow frowned. Emma didn't seem to believe what she was saying. "I know I don't have your super power but that just screamed lie to me, honey. What's wrong?"
"I-I screwed up...she hates me..." Emma looked at her mother with tears in her eyes. She just felt broken inside, like all the hope she had regained in the past extinguished, with the lost of Regina's smiles. "She hates me and it's my fault...I swear I didn't know mom. I had no idea..."
"Emma? I don't understand what happened?" Snow put the baby in his crib and after making sure he was okay, rushed to Emma's side. "Who hates you?"
Emma let herself be taken into her mother's arms and sobbed into her neck. "Regina...I ruined everything..."
"W-what? But you were getting along so well and she was so happy now that Henry remembers and she found her true love..." Snow trailed off as Emma's sobs increased, breaking down completely.
"He's with his wife now..."
Snow blinked. "His wife? But...what about?"
"The woman I brought from the past...she's his wife and he is back with her...he left Regina and oh God the look on her face...I broke her...and she looks at me with so much hate." She shook her head frantically. "I can't, it hurts...I can't stand it...she hates me...mom, I need her not to hate me." Emma stepped away clutching her hand to her chest as if her heart was hurting.
Snow gulped. Regina was in pain over love and she could be dangerous that way...to herself as well as others...and Emma's reaction was too strong for someone who hurt her friend. It was almost as if...
Oh.
"Emma...do you..." She paused for a second unsure if she should ask. "Regina...do you...have feelings for her?"
Emma collapsed. She crashed onto the floor hugging herself and nodding as she cried. "I-I love her..."
Snow knelt next to her and hugged her tightly. "B-but what about Hook...? Why get together?"
"I-I thought Regina was happy with him...I thought that as long as I had her in my life it was better than nothing...and Hook cares, maybe I could learn to feel the same...but I ruined her happiness...she hates me and I-I can't even look at Hook right now because all I care is that she..."
Snow started crying along with her daughter...all the looks the smiles, it flashed through her mind completing the picture of what she had missed. Emma loved Regina...
Mother and daughter held each other and cried, for lost opportunities and broken hearts... When David and Henry found them, they had fallen asleep on each other's arms still on the floor.
Over the next week Emma only saw Regina a couple of times and only when taking Henry to the mansion...and after a while Henry told her it was better if he went by himself.
It hurt.
Emma knew he was upset, because Regina was in pain...and she was sure he had seen the sadness in Regina's eyes. And so Emma listened, tried to focus on other things...hell even Hook.
But she just couldn't get into it...and he didn't even notice.
Emma pulled away from the kiss and backed away from the pirate. "I can't do this..."
Hook chuckled at the sudden change. "What? Swan come on I thought you were enjoying yourself..."
"But I'm not and you have to have noticed...I'm sorry Killian, but I this was a mistake..." Emma looked at him sadly. She should have stopped it the moment she realized it would be impossible to even breathe without the mother of her son in her life.
"Swan..." Hook frowned confused. "I know this is new, but if you want we can take it slow...I-"
"No...I can't I'm sorry... I have to... I have to go." The savior walked past the man and stopped when he grabbed her hand.
"Look, Swan...I'll wait alright. When you change your mind, I'll be here and we can move on past whatever it is-"
"Stop...I'm not coming back okay? I'm sorry but I just, I have feelings for someone else... and I thought they were happy with someone else and maybe I could eventually feel something for you...but I feel like I can't breathe without..." The blonde pulled her arm from his grasp and walked towards the door.
"The Queen doesn't want you anywhere near her Swan...don't waste your time and come back here...she doesn't want you, I do. Just come with me, I can make you forget her." He walked closer to her again, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her closer. "Just concentrate on me..." Hook caught her lips in a passionate kiss.
Emma almost wanted to give in...give in and forget how much she hurt inside. Pretend she was happy where she was and just let go of everything.
...but that was running again, wasn't it?
Emma pulled away. "I said I wouldn't run anymore..."
"Good the come back here..." Hook smiled and trying to kiss her again.
But the blonde stepped back shaking her head. "No...this here." She motioned to the two of them. "Staying with you...that's running and it's not fair to you or to me, because I will always want something you can't give me, someone who is not you." She looked at him, feeling awful for leading him on. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I gave you hope...but I can't be with you."
Emma ran.
She ran faster than she'd ever had before. She needed to get to Regina. Tell her the truth...even if she hated her. She needed to let her know that she would do anything to earn back her trust.
She reached Regina's house and stopped at the door.
She stood there for several minutes, unable to do anything but stare at the 108 on the door. Fear finally catching up with her. Was she ready to feel the hate coming from the brunette? To hear her angry words?
No. She definitely wasn't ready. She'd never be ready for that, but this moment was what could define her future. This was the beginning of proving to Regina, she was sorry and maybe fixing what she broke with her stupidity,
She sighed and knocked on the door. After a minute she heard the sound of Regina's heels as she approached the door.
"Regina I-" Emma lit up once the door opened. Hoping to make things better...only to have the door thrown in her face.
She stared at the door for a minute.
What had she been expecting? Of course Regina wouldn't be happy to see her. Taking a deep breath she decide that she would say it anyway. "Regina? I'm sorry! I know you probably don't want to hear this from me...and you're right. You've always been right, I'm an idiot!" She closed her eyes tightly and leaned against the door.
"I'm a thoughtless idiot who just acts and doesn't think of the consequences until it's too late. You should kick my ass, I deserve whatever you dish at me...but please you have to know I didn't want to hurt you...I want you to be happy, if I'd known I wouldn't have brought her here..."
"Go away Miss Swan before I do something I regret." Regina's angry voice came through the door.
It felt like a punch to the gut, but it meant she was there, she was listening. "I'm not leaving...Regina...please. I'd do anything to fix this, to make it better. There has to be something..." The blonde said frustrated. "I'm sorry I screwed up... he's a stupid idiot who doesn't deserve you, if he can just walk away..."
She nearly fell when the door opened violently. Regina pushed her away, sending her tumbling to the floor.
"Do you think there's anything you can do to fix this? Don't you realize what you did? Because of you my second chance is gone, my chance to have love again!" The Mayor exclaimed furious. Every time she found a little happiness it was ripped away...by people she cared about.
"Regina..."
"Shut up!" The Queen snarled. "You don't get to speak. Because of you my true love, my last chance...walked away from me without even...he didn't even look at me, he went with her, holding and kissing her and...he didn't even remember I was there...The moment she was back, I was nothing to him! Not even worth a single thought or word!"
"Then he doesn't deserve you!" Emma exploded.
"Deserve what? The Evil Queen? Because that's all I will be again, he might have forgotten about me but his wife sure as hell didn't. She knew, she knew and looked at me like I was scum..."
"No. Shut up, you don't get to say that. Not after all you've been through!" Emma grabbed Regina by the shoulders.
Regina struggled to break the hold, her anger increasing with every second...if Emma didn't leave she would end up hurting her. "What the hell are you doing!? Let me go before I-"
"No! You keep saying stupid things!" Emma shook her desperately. "If he could just walk away without even a glance at you, without trying to at least explain...the HE isn't worth it. He isn't worthy of you." She said passionately.
"I saw you as the Evil Queen...ever since I met you I had been unable to see you as anything but Regina and you you know what? I went to the past and saw the Evil Queen, I saw her kill my mother, I saw her being cruel."
Regina looked away feeling hurt, not wanting to hear more of what she knew Emma would say. She tried to use magic to push her away, but nothing happened. Emma's hands on her were glowing...the Savior was blocking her magic somehow. "Stop, let me go."
Emma just ignored her. "And you know what? I don't just see Regina anymore, the Mayor, the mother of our son...I see the most amazing person I have ever met in my life."
Regina froze ceasing her struggle, shocked by the words that just left Emma's mouth.
Their eyes locked and Emma smiled tenderly at the confused, hurt woman.
"You have come so far, Regina. You're not her anymore, you haven't been for years. Not even when you wanted me dead when I first met you...you have love in your life. You let love back into your heart, you broke the curse with True Love's kiss, you did light magic, you are so strong, Regina. All the times I've been told I'm the savior and only I can make it better? Not it has been you. In Never Land, with Zelena? And it's not because of your title or magic...but because of your heart." Emma smiled he grip on Regina's arms loosening. But it seemed like neither noticed.
"You have Henry. He is your happiness...not some stupid man who doesn't appreciate how amazing you are. Even if his wife is back... he was with you. He should have said something, not forgotten you and start parading around with his happy family."
The Mayor blinked back tears... She wouldn't break down in front of Emma Swan. The woman she stupidly let herself start to trust, the woman she had felt understood her better than anyone.
"No...he's not your second chance...you don't need a man to be happy, not that insensitive bastard who smells like forest and doesn't know what a shower is."
Regina scoffed. "Oh because your boyfriend is any better? He's been wearing the same clothes for hundreds of years!"
"He's not my boyfriend...I told him it wouldn't work...I have feelings for someone else...someone I hurt." She brought her hand to cup Regina's cheek.
Regina stared confused.
"I care for you Regina...I swear I never wanted to hurt you. I thought you were happy and that's all I wanted for you. To be happy, even if it wasn't with me...as long as I had you in my life, even as a friend." Emma cleared her throat trying hard not to choke with emotion.
Regina shook her head, not believing what she was hearing. "But…Hook."
"He cares for me…I thought I could learn to feel the same. Distract myself from knowing I couldn't be with you…but then you said you hated me… and I just didn't care for anything else. I tried to talk to you but you didn't want anything to do with me…so I tried to force myself to feel something with him." Emma shook her head at her stupidity.
"But that was just running….and I refuse to keep running. Even if you can never forgive me, even if you can never feel the same for me…I needed to tell you. I needed to let you know and I needed to beg of you…Regina please…don't hate me." The blonde's whole body shook with emotion. "I'll do anything; I'll get on my knees and beg every day for the rest of our lives. You don't have to forgive me or trust me again…but please don't hate me. I can't live if you hate me."
Regina stared at the blonde for a few moments, overwhelmed and confused.
Suddenly Emma found herself being pulled against Regina, the brunette bringing her into a hard kiss. The savior's eyes widened. Regina was kissing her! Her arms immediately went around the queen and she deepened the kiss, their lips and tongues moving eagerly against each other.
"Regina?" Emma asked breathlessly as they parted.
"You really want me?" The mayor asked seriously, her eyes showing her vulnerability. She never thought Emma could even feel that way about her. She had seen an attraction but thought it only came from herself…and then she had seen the tattoo on her supposed soul mate. Regina had been so alone, so hopeless. Henry didn't remember her and she was lost. Finding the man she was supposed to be with had seemed like fate.
But he obviously didn't consider Regina important enough for even saying he was sorry, but his wife was back and he couldn't remain with Regina…no he just walked away and that was what hurt the most. Her fated soul mate just kissed his wife and left the diner with her and his son…Regina forgotten. She had lashed out at the only thing she had left…Emma.
But Regina knew despite her anger that the blonde wouldn't hurt her on purpose, she knew this even before Emma revealed her feelings for her. Regina gulped…someone said she wanted her. That she couldn't live if Regina hated her and looking at Emma's eyes she could tell. She could feel her sincerity…her love with every fiber of her being.
"I do, more than anything…"
Regina brought their lips together again, desperate to feel someone cared. That there was someone who wouldn't leave her behind.
Fate had only ever brought her pain…maybe it was time to forget what others designed for her and choose what she wanted for herself. She'd told Zelena that she was changing and that had been her choosing her own destiny.
This was her choosing again.
The intensity of the kiss increased, their hands roamed the other's body and they stumbled against the door, their bodies flushed together.
"Oh God…Regina…" Emma moaned at the intensity of what she was feeling. She didn't know if Regina wanted her back or if maybe this was some sort of vengeance or rebound…but she was kissing her and the blonde just couldn't pull away. She pressed her body harder into the brunette and was rewarded with a moan.
When they parted for breath Regina nodded. "Okay…Miss Swan."
"Okay?" Emma gulped, not daring to assume anything. "You don't…?"
"I don't hate you…I just I'm hurt." She pressed a finger against Emma's lips stopping the savior from speaking. "You were thoughtless and didn't think of the consequences of your actions…but you just wanted to save an innocent….I can't fault you for that, no matter how hurt I was as a result. To be dismissed like that…but you're right Henry is my happiness, not some man I only recently started dating..."
"Do you love him?" Emma asked against Regina's finger, loving the way it felt against her, even as she asked the dreaded question.
"I-I no. I guess I loved the idea of finally finding someone…because who would want me? I hurt everyone and as much as I've change they can't forget that. I think I could have loved him…but well that's not going to happen now is it?" Regina chuckled bitterly.
Emma nodded nervously, wanting to know what was happening. "Why did you kiss me?"
"Because you want me…because I want someone to actually care and need me…because there's always been something between us that I thought only came from me. Once upon a time I was told that the man with the lion tattoo was my soul mate, I ran from that and as dark as that path I took was, it led me to Henry. Fate only hurt me Emma…I think it's time to choose what I want. Not what I'm told is meant for me…"
Tears made their way down Emma's cheeks. "Y-you're choosing me?"
"I'm choosing what I would have tried to explore if I hadn't let myself follow my supposed fate…"
Emma kissed her again, her lips lingering for several moments before she pulled away. "You'll forgive me?"
"I don't know…" Regina stared at the blonde's lips as she pulled away, wanting nothing more than to catch them with her own again. "You still haven't knelt before the Queen…princess Leia. And you did just say you would…" She said in a low tone.
Oh God, that was the voice the Queen had used. "I-I did say that…but are you sure…."
"I need you to show me you really want me….I know it might not seem like the right reason for this but I-" She took a deep breath. "I need to feel that someone wants me and won't just leave me behind."
"I'll never leave…I want you Regina." Emma said, her hands holding onto Regina's waist and pulling her closer again. "I want you so much it hurts…tell me where you want me and you'll have me "
Regina smiled grateful that Emma hadn't refused her. The blonde was the kind of person who would want to take it slow to make sure Regina was alright…but the Queen needed this. Maybe tomorrow would bring regret or more pain…or maybe everything would be fine.
For tonight, this was all she needed. She thought as she guided the younger woman into the house. "I think naked in my bedroom is a good place to start…"
Hook: wanna go kiss?
Emma: No time have to go see Regina
Emma(at Regina's door): Regina? I'm sorry! I'm an idiot!
Regina: Go away Miss Swan before I do something I regret
Emma: You don't need him anyway, he smells like forest!
Regina: he was my true love
Emma: What no! I thought he was a beard! Emma: I'll do anything to make it up to you, Regina! Anything I swear!
Regina: Save it Miss. Swan
Hook: Swan, why don't we-
Emma: Not now. Regina please I'll get on my knees if I have to!
Regina: *evil grin* alright Miss. Swan
Emma: You'll forgive me?
Regina: get on your knees and show me why you should be forgiven and how I shouldn't treat you like you are your mother but then again you are your mother's child the apple doesn't fall from the tree
Hook: Knees? What but we're toge-wait can I watc-
Emma: I'm far from the tree! I swear! I'm eating the apple!
Hook: What abo-
Emma: Shut it, can't you see I'm busy? *turns back to Regina* Where do you want me?
Regina: *flicks wrist and throws a fire ball at Hook* stop being a cockblock *raises a well manicured eyebrow* on your knees and in between my legs, you have five minutes to strip and meet me in my bedroom. The night is just beginning
Emma: *Magic poof thingy* Strip? I'm already naked! *runs up the stairs after Regina*
The End.