Hey, new chappy, hopefully everyone is still enjoying...just so everyone knows this story is very far from being over, lots of healing to cover...thanks for reading and for all the awesome reviews!! they really mean the world to me!! bambers;)

Chapter Thirty-Five

"So how's he doing," Bobby asked as he nudged his head in Dean's direction. His heart broke a little bit more for the younger man who sat leaning against the wall outside Sam's hospital room. With knees bent and head buried in folded arms, Dean looked completely lost and broken, and Bobby just wasn't sure if there was anything they could do to reach him.

"Hasn't moved from that spot since I dragged him out of Sam's room." A sad worried frown creased John's brow as he eyed his son. "Finally was able to talk him into eating a little something though, an' he had some coffee." He looked back to Bobby, and Bobby couldn't help but notice how much older and more haggard his longtime appeared. "Course most of it ended back up on the floor, so I'm not sure it did him much good."

"An' Sam?" Bobby gaze shifted back to Dean, and he swallowed hard, knowing that if Dean thought he hurt Sam any worse, he would never be able to forgive himself. "How's he doing?"

"The doctors said he had a panic attack. Which I guess is better than another heart attack, but I really never thought one of my boys would have one of those either."

Bobby place a hand on John's shoulder, trying to comfort him, but knew that the gesture would do nothing to make his friend feel any better. "Deacon's tracking down some leads on where Dominic might be, but so far has come up with nothing," he said, quickly changing the subject to allow John some time to deal with all the stress and pain he was feeling inside.

John rubbed his tired red-rimmed eyes then dragged his hand down to scrub his thick beard. "Has Ash been able to access any of Dominic's credit cards? If we can find out where he used them last, we might have a better idea where he is an' what he's up to."

"No," Bobby shook his head, "the last thing Ash was able to pull up on him was when he closed out several of his bank accounts. An' that was six days ago."

"Jus' don't think he's going anywhere until he gets his revenge, so he still has to be around here somewhere."

"True, but with the kind of money he pulled out of his accounts, he could be hidin' out anywhere an' we'd have no real way to track him."

"For some reason, I don't think Dominic's the kind of guy who hides out anywhere," John surmised. "Think it's more his style to stick right out in the open so he can rub it in our faces when he comes after the boys again."

"I don't know about that, John, not with the police looking for him "

Bobby thought back to all the recent newspaper articles and news reports on television about the investigation into the murders at Dominic's compounds. After the hunters' attack on the compounds, they had gone back and meticulously removed any sign of their presence, and as far as Bobby could tell, they had been completely successful. Not one report even remotely suggested that an outside force had infiltrated the grounds and had attacked the unsuspecting cult members. Most accounts inferred that like Jim Jones, Dominic had attempted to persuade his followers into a mass suicide, but something had gone wrong. There had also been reports that following the deaths at both compounds, numerous other well-known cult members had been found dead in various locations, all apparent suicides, and that had lent credence to the fact that what had happened was planned by the cult leader.

Of course Bobby had no doubt that the police and FBI were keeping some of their investigation under wraps. Yet, so far no one had come to question them about Sam's injuries in regards to any cult activity. Bobby could only guess that it was because Deacon had been with John when they brought Sam into the hospital. Once the hospital personal had learned Deacon was a police officer, they had willingly accepted his story that he was working with local law enforcement to discover who had hurt Sam. Still, Bobby figured it was only a matter of time before some investigator came snooping around, and hoped with all his heart that it would be later rather than sooner as Sam wasn't strong enough yet to be moved.

"Don't really think he's all that concerned about the police, Bobby," John uttered, throwing up his arms in disgust. "Hell, he built a freakin' huge arsenal right under their noses, and no one even tried to stop him. An' I'm guessin' that he thinks he's way too smart to get caught."

"Has Sam spoken at all yet," Bobby asked, knowing that the youngest Winchester had found Dominic once, and just might be able to do so again. "He found Dominic before, an' might know something we don't."

"No." John heaved a weary groan as he shook his head. "But even if he was, I wouldn't ask him about Dominic. He's been through enough," he bobbed his head in Dean's direction, "they both have. So we need to find that bastard ourselves, an' put an' end to this once an' for all."

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Dean was vaguely aware that his father and Bobby were watching him closely, but at the moment he really couldn't have cared less. His trouble thoughts were solely centered on the memory of how Sam had looked at him before their father had dragged Dean out of the hospital room. Before now, Dean had thought he'd seen and memorized every single one of his little brother's facial expressions. A slight quirk of a brow meant Sam was puzzled by something, and by the same token, if his brows were drawn closely together, he was brooding, and it was more than likely because of something Dean had said or done. If his eyes were more rounded than usual, he was in full-on puppy-dog eye mode, which meant that whatever he wanted, Dean would never be able to refuse. His shy, awkward half-smile was usually reserved for times when he encountered a woman he found attractive, and if he bit pensively at his lower lip, he was deep in thought. But the look that he had seen earlier in his little brother's hazel eyes was one that terrified the hell out of him. Pure abject fear. And what had Dean's stomach curdling like sour milk was the cold harsh reality that he was the cause of it.

Slowly Dean's mind wandered back to the first time their father had left them alone to go out on a hunt, and a sad smile briefly flitted across his features.

"Dean, wanna play checkers?" seven-year-old Sam asked as he plopped the checker board down on the table in their motel room.

"In a couple of minutes, Sammy. Have to put the salt lines in front of the doors and windows." As Dean said this, he trailed a line of rock salt in front of the door, and then headed over to the window to do the same.

Sam followed closely behind, and when they got to the window he tapped Dean on the shoulder. "Can I salt the windows?"

"Sure thing, kiddo," he replied as he handed Sam the rock salt

, "just make sure there aren't any breaks in the line."

A single tear slipped down Dean's cheek as he recalled how Sam had never once doubted what he had told him all those long years ago. Sam had trusted in himin a way that he had never trusted anyone else including their own father. His little brother had truly believed that Dean could protect him from anything, but now because of Dominic that belief in him was completely shattered.

There's no way to fix this . . . no way to go back to how things were before.

Slowly, Dean pushed himself to his feet, and headed away from Sam's room. He wasn't exactly sure where he wanted to go, but knew he needed time to think without his father and Bobby watching over him as if he were a two-year-old.

"Where you going, Dean?"John called out to him, and Dean could hear the sounds of both his father and Bobby's shoes scuffling across the tiled floor as they made to follow after him.

"Need some air," Dean muttered in a low breathless whisper. It wasn't exactly the truth, but wasn't a lie either as pure unadulterated pain raged within him, feeling as if it were crushing his lungs in a viselike grip, and made it almost impossible to take even a shallow breath.

"I'll go with you,"John was quick to say, and Dean could tell by the tone of his voice that his father didn't trust him to come back on his own. "Bobby can stay with Sam."

"If I wanted you to come with me, I would've asked."

"Dean, I — "

"Said I don't need you to freakin' follow me," Dean abruptly swung to glare at John, anger seething from every pore in his body. Clenching and unclenching his hands, his body trembled as he fought the overwhelming urge to slam them into his father's face. "As far as I'm concerned you're just as freakin' bad as Dominic," Dean snarled, lashing out at John, wanting his father to hurt just as badly as he felt inside. He jabbed his index finger into John's chest as he gritted his teeth and further added, "You give orders, an' you give 'em . . .an' you give 'em . . . an' you give 'em, an' God forbid anyone ever thinks to question you."

"Dean," Bobby tried to cut in as Dean raised both arms and forcefully pushed his father into the wall. The older hunter hastily stepped in between the two men as Dean raised a fist to strike John. "That's enough, Dean."

"No, it's not," Dean snapped, pushing the older man aside so he could face his father once more. "You know it's the freakin' truth, Bobby. You know it. I've never been anything but a good little soldier to him, always doin' exactly as I'm told to do, but I deserved better than that . . . Sam deserved better than that."

"I was tryin' to protect you and your brother," John defended, his voice raising in anger as he firmly stood his ground. "Every damn thing I've ever done was so you and Sammy could be safe. So I'm not about to freakin' apologize for that."

"Safe?" Dean gave his father an incredulous look as he shook his head in clear disbelief. "How many damn fathers would leave their eleven and seven year old sons alone in some crappy-assed motel room while they went out hunting for days on end?" John opened his mouth to argue, but Dean quickly cut him off, "Think the answer you're lookin' for, Dad, is not many . . . not freakin' many."

"I did the best I could, Dean." John took a step forward, coming face to face with Dean, neither man about to back down. "An' maybe I didn't always do what was right by you an' your brother, but at least I know that I would've never hurt you like that sonuvabitch did."

"No, you think not, huh?" Dean's scowl deepened as he looked his father squarely in the eyes. "Cause I'd have to say that the hurt you cause may not show on the outside, but scars it leaves behind makes what Dominic did look like freakin' child's play." Somewhat shocked by what he'd just said aloud, Dean's bravado faltered. He might have thought it from time to time but never before would have spoken those words to his father, but once said he couldn't help but add, "You're nothin' but a freakin' selfish bastard who only ever cared about gettin' that damn demon no matter the cost to me and Sammy."

Anger flashed in his father's dark eyes a split second before he gripped hold of Dean's shirt and yanked him forward. Breathing hard, John snarled, "You know what . . . Fuck you, Dean! I've busted my ass tryin' my freakin' best to make sure you an' your brother were safe. An' no one asked you to stick around once you came of age, so don't freakin' blame me cause you couldn't make the decision to leave on your own!"

Cocking back a fist, John struck out at Dean, but Bobby caught his arm mid-strike. As his father grappled to free himself from Bobby's hold, Dean slammed a fist into his father's jaw, followed quickly by a blow to the gut, staggering the older man. Weakened by lack of food, and out of breath, Dean stumbled backward, what little strength he possessed at an end.

John ran the back of his hand across his mouth, wiping away the blood trickling from the split lip Dean had just given him. "Never knew you to take a cheap shot before, Dean. Somethin' you learned from Dominic?"

"Must've," Dean turned on his heel and stalked down the long hallway, calling back over his shoulder, "cause the only think I ever learned from you was how to walk away, leavin' everyone behind."