Raphael sat in his room, staring down at his shaking green hands. He was tired, and hungry, but he wasn't really paying attention to that. No, his mind was elsewhere, still in the dirty alleys in the city, or more specifically, 203 Northern St. That's where this all started, the three street thugs picking on the young girl. The fight that ended with red spraying all over green, all over the cement and brick walls. He couldn't stop replaying the fight in his head. He had been patrolling with his brothers like he always did, and three punks weren't really a challenge. However, when the three have guns and you have to protect a hostage, it's not that easy. He had no choice in the end. A man with black hair and a yellow streak in it had grabbed the innocent girl, holding a gun to her head.

If he didn't kill him, he would have killed her. He hadn't even meant for the hit to kill, but it did. He had threw a sai, and it lodge itself into the man's throat. The girl had screamed, and ran upon her kidnapper dropping to the ground in a lifeless heap. Raphael however, he had stood there, frozen, the man's blood splattered on his plastron and face. He was trembling, the sai that had been lodged in his throat only moments before now lay, forgotten in the alley as his hands pressed against the punk's neck to try and stop the bleeding. The hot headed turtle watched the man's blood seep between his fingers and he knew it was too late. However this kid was, he was dead now, and Raphael was the one who killed him.

That's how his brothers found him, covered in some street punk's blood, holding his shaky hands to a corpse's neck in an attempt to stop the blood flow. Leo had told both Mikey and Don to go back to the lair, and that he'd take care of Raph. Leo had grabbed Raphael's discarded sai and removed his younger brother's hands from the punk's throat, placing the blood sai in his hand and leading him home.

Raphael had been in his room ever since. His hands were clean, he had cleaned them in the sewers before coming home, but he could still see where the blood had been, he could still smell the bitter iron. His sai lay, embedded in his punching bag where he threw it, just like it had been embedded in some kid's neck a few hours before. The thought made him cringe and he growled, shoving his pillow over his face. It wasn't like he wanted to kill the kid, but he didn't really have a choice!

"Raph?"

He sighed, opening his door just enough for Mikey to see him, "Whatisit?"

"Dinner's ready dude." He grinned and Raph frowned.

"M'not hungry." He replied before closing his door.

He stood in the middle of his room, staring at the blood that still covered his plastron. He hadn't had a chance to wash the blood off anything other than his hands when he got home, as soon as he came in the lair, everyone's gaze was on him, and he ended up taking refuge in his room. Away from his family's stares. By now the red blood had turned a brown coppery colour, but that didn't mean it was any less there. The look in the kid's eyes before he fell to the ground. The hatred, fear, pain, it was too much, too soon for him to die. Yet the girl was too young to die as well. Before his thoughts could twist and shift into anything darker there was another knock at his door, and Raphael answered quickly, in dire need of a distraction. This time it was Leo. "Hey."

"…Hey." Raphael muttered, blinking and stepping out of his room when he saw that Leo made no intentions of walking away. "What do you want?" He asked.

He tried to ignore his older brother's eyes gazing at his plastron and face, he tried to ignore the fact that some dead punk's blood was on him, he tried to ignore the fact he killed someone. It didn't last that long though. "I wanted to spar."

"You wanted to spar? At dinner time?" He wasn't stupid. What did Leo really want? The hot head wasn't in the mood to deal with his brother trying to be all sneaky right now.

"Okay- okay. I wanted to talk. "

"Nothing to talk about here." Just as Raphael turned and was about to open his door he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"It's not easy, taking a life away."

He froze, glaring at Leo, "I'm fine Leo. Why does everyone think something's wrong?!"

"I never said anything was wrong Raphael. All I said was it's not easy to kill someone. It'll be a burden on your shoulders forever."

"Gee, thanks for the pep talk Leo." The hot head shot back, glaring at his older brother who hadn't really made the problem any easier- not that he wanted him to! He was fine.

"You learn to live with it though. I know it'll be hard, you'll be plagued by it for days, but in the end you did what was best."

"I killed someone Leo!"

"You didn't want to though, you did the last thing you could to save someone." By this point Raphael was trembling with both anger and fear, he could still see the boy – dying- in front of him.

"Raph, everyone dies. They choose how they want to die, some do. That man had more than one time to get away, he brought it upon himself. You did good."

"That doesn't make it okay."

"It doesn't, but there's nothing you can change about it now."

Raphael paused, staring at Leo for a moment. He was right. Crying over it wouldn't change it. He swallowed thickly and looked at his brother, "I-…Yer right." He mumbled, and Leo smiled, patting his back.

"Now why don't you go clean up? Splinter wants to talk to you."

He nodded, he'd get through today first, then, he'd get through tomorrow. He could get over this, it's not like he wanted to kill. There was a difference between wanting something, and needing something. He knew that, and he'd learn from this experience.

Whoa. This chapter is actually really dark. o.o Alrighty then, here it is! Next will be a chapter someone suggested. So, it might take awhile to write. If you're reading this you should check out my story a shot for you!

R&R GUYS