Hey guys! I've been getting requests through reviews, but I can't keep up! . Could you please PM me your requests that way I can work on them? Haha just title the message as Request and I'll get right to it! C: BTW slow uploads for awhile because I'm currently moving into a new house and my glasses are broken! I have to sit a good three inches from my screen to see, haha. I hope you enjoy this chapter! I actually loved writing this. I've been putting a lot of my emotions into writing lately and I'm not disappointed! What do you guys think? c: This chapter has sensitive material.

The room was pitch black, not a single light was shown, not even from the windows- considering the room was in the sewers and there were no windows. Unlike the rest of the lair, this room was cold, and empty. The door locked by an invisible force no one dared to break. This room belonged to Raphael Hamato, the second oldest ninja turtle- who liked his privacy as much as he liked going topside, which was saying something. This force field of privacy didn't stop his brothers from staring at the door however, the door that was just a tad bit crooked from being slammed one two many times by an angry red masked turtle. Tonight Raph wasn't home, which meant the other three turtles were free to do whatever without having to worry about setting the hot headed brother of theirs off. Where was Raphael Hamato you might be asking? He was topside with his closest friend- Casey Jones, and ex hockey player who had to quit due to a playing injury. What did the Raphael do in all his hours topside? None of them were exactly sure. They all just assumed that the hot head of the group, and family went out with his hotheaded friend to look for fights.

Even when they were younger, Raphael had always been more violent, and fierce than his brothers, he had always had an attitude and sometimes Don wondered if Raphael could have been a snapping turtle, because he sure had the attitude of one. He was always ready for a fight, so the only logical answer for him being topside would be cleaning the New York streets of gang members, thugs, and petty street criminals. None of the red masked turtle's brothers had gotten close enough to know of any emotions other than anger and annoyance from their brother, so they couldn't see him doing anything else. They all knew Raph so well, they knew exactly what buttons to push to keep him ranting for hours, and they knew some ways to keep him from getting angry. That's all they really knew, however, they didn't really know him. They just knew how to deal with him.

It was strange in a way, that they all just wondered what Raphael was like, but never actually asked about him, he had always been a private person. While Leo knew that Don liked to engineer things, and Mikey liked to play video games, and Splinter liked to meditate, he also knew they liked other things, Don liked to play chess online when he had free time, and Mikey liked to cook. Splinter happened to like watching dramas on television. Meanwhile all he really knew about Raph was he liked to fight. They had tried to learn more about their brother through holidays, on Christmas getting him a diversity of items, however every time one of them asked, "Do you like it?" He'd just stare at them awkwardly, as if they were talking in some weird language. Soon they stopped asking altogether, giving up on the idea.

That's why when Raph had gotten home that night; they had all been surprised when he allowed them to see into his life. Passed the wall known as privacy, and into his room. It hadn't really been that simple however. The red masked turtle was never simple, that much they knew. He spoke in a certain code, and they knew Raph made what they said have a deeper meaning. It had all started when he first got home that night. The night was a bit calmer than others, Leo was reading next to Mikey, who was playing a game, and Don was sitting on the other side of Michelangelo, toying with the battleshell remote, so when Raphael came home at ten, a good four hours before he usually did, the three of them had all been curious, but their brother didn't even seem to realize them, he walked right passed and went into his room. That's when worry began to settle in their stomachs. For Raphael rarely ever came home early, and when he did there was a reason he'd give them. Maybe the weather was just too bad, or he was injured, but this time there was no exclamation. A dreadful and weary silence filled the lair, and it almost seemed as if when Raphael walked by, their home became darker. Of course they knew if he was in his room, he was avoiding them, the only other time he went in his room was because he was tired, angry, or wanted to be alone. None of them even bothered thinking about knocking on the door.

Something was obviously bothering Raphael, and if he went to his room, he wanted space, and they were more than willing to give their brother space. However as the night dragged on, and the second oldest turtle's door had yet to open, the three remaining brothers had begun to worry. It was already two in the morning, and they hadn't seen him once since he got home. They all knew something was up, Raphael's behavior was too strange, but there hadn't been a fight all day, and they were trying to keep it that way.

At some point, they realized that the fighting wouldn't matter if it meant Raph could be in danger, so Leo being the leader, had taken the role of knocking on the red masked turtle's door, they had all been waiting patiently, and that patience was wearing away like a rope, that with age became a small, damaged thread. It took a moment for Raphael to open the door, and when he did he was greeted with a sight he thought he'd never really see with his brother. The turtle famous for being the strongest was standing there, a dazed look in his eyes, his golden pupils didn't stand out against the red whites of his eyes. Raphael Hamato had been crying. Leo didn't know why it was so shocking to him, they all cried at one point or another, that's when he realized. Leonardo had never seen Raphael cry. Not once, even when they were little. None of them had actually really thought that Raph could cry, they all knew somewhere deep down he did, and had, but none of them really took in the fact that their strongest brother also cried. He was just a hothead. Right?

"What is it fearless?"

Remembering why he came, Leo swallowed. "You uh…got home pretty early."

"And?"

"Just wonderin' why." It was obvious Raphael wasn't ready to talk, he was tense, and strangely…emotionless? It was like he wasn't really there, his mind somewhere else.

"Called it a night a little earlier is all." Raphael mumbled, looking down at the ground.

Something was up, never before had Leo seen Raphael so…open? No, that wasn't the word, he wasn't open, emotions still locked away tightly, but he seemed to be expressing more than what he usually did. Enough for Leo to know something was wrong, really wrong.

"Why?" Leo pushed his brother for an answer and his usually smart ass, "mind-your-own-business-or-I'll-hit-you" brother didn't yell, or snap at him.

"Jus' some stuff happened and…"

Trembling. Raphael Hamato was trembling. It was something they all saw the hotheaded turtle do a lot, but this was different. He wasn't angry, his posture was tense, but it was a different type of tense. He wasn't like a spring ready to jump, no, he was more like a kid that had just seen a monster; too scared to run. He was like a deer in headlights.

"I tried to stop her, Leo." He mumbled, "I tried to save her."

Raph's gaze fell on his hands, and Leo's eyes followed. It took a few moments for Leo to register that there was blood on his younger brother's hands, deep, dark red blood, it almost looked black. The leader felt worried, but he knew it wasn't Raphael's blood, he had no wounds, didn't look to be in any pain. So who's blood was it? "Tried to stop who?"

"She was just…sittin' there. I tried but she- I-"

"Who—"

"I didn't know how to— Dammit Leo!"

Everytime he went to talk Raphael what cut him off with half finished sentences that made no sense, and he was still confused. All he knew right now was that Raphael's strange behavior had to do with this girl. "Raphael!" He snapped.

The only time any of them used their full names was when they were either in trouble, or well, in trouble. Hearing his full name seemed to snap Raphael back into reality, and he took a deep breath to calm himself down. "Okay bro, now what are you talking about?" Leo asked, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"I—Leo she…I dunno who she was." He whispered, and Leo nodded, giving his brother the time he needed to continue.

"Casey and me were jus' foolin' around. Lookin' fer some creeps ta knock out, and this girl was sittin on the roof all sad like. Casey was in the alley below me, fightin' some dumbass who tried ta steal a car radio." Raph continued, he was shifting, and looking around a lot and Leo began to worry. "She wasn't okay. She wasn't okay Leo, I tried to stop her but she just—" He looked at his bloody hands. "I told her not to do it. It wasn't worth it ya know! She didn't listen. She didn't…I couldn't…"

Leo put the pieces together, and his eyes widened. Had Raphael…He looked back at his shaking brother. "She…killed herself?" He asked and Raph's entire face paled.

Sighing softly, Leo knew the answer. "Let's get you washed up, buddy." He said, leading his younger brother who was still shaking to the bathroom. It all made sense now, Raphael's strange behavior, the reason he came home so early and hadn't left his room. Raph, had a thing with burdening himself with the world's problems. That's what Master Splinter said. Raphael bore the world's weight on his shoulders, and he could only guess it was because of his red masked brother's protectiveness. Ever since they were little Raphael wanted to protect those around him, family or otherwise. While Don, Mikey, and himself wanted to protect the people of the city, and family, they weren't as vicious as Raphael was about the job. It was something Raphael seemed born to do. Yet it seemed so foreign, Raphael just didn't seem like the type to get…so upset over something like this. Actually, Leo couldn't really see him anything other than annoyed or angry. Wetting a rag with warm water he handed it to his brother. "Here you go."

He didn't respond, and Leo found himself watching the sai wielding turtle wipe the blood off his shaking hands, staring at the wall as he did so. He couldn't help but feel bad for Raph; it couldn't be easy to see something like that. Especially when he was the one who tried to stop her, and ended up trying to save her life as well. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked softly. Any other time the blue masked turtle wouldn't ask such a stupid question, he knew his brother would get mad, yet this time- this time he just had to.

"Ya. Ya. I just…" Raphael gave him a crooked smile, before looking back at the ground, "I think I need some rest s'all."

By now the bloody towel lay discarded in the corner of the bathroom, and Raph had stopped shaking. He was still tense, and nervous, but not as bad as before. Figuring that was his hint to leave, Leo nodded, "M'kay. I'll let you rest then."

Picking up the towel on the way out, Leo frowned. How long had Raphael sat there? With her body trying to stop the bleeding even though he knew it was already too late? "Leo!" Turning back her looked at his shaken brother.

"Yeah Raph?"

"Ya think ya can…Stay in my room tonight?" He asked a bit nervously.

Raphael's room? None of them had been in his room, he'd never even allow them to see inside. Or so they thought, they never really asked to come in either. For all they know they could have been allowed in, but Raphael was the one to suggest he come inside. It was both something that made him happy, for it meant Raph had some sort of trust towards him, but at the same time, it had taken about twelve years to build up that trust. They were family, shouldn't he have been trusted already? "Sure…" Leo said hesitantly and Raph simply nodded, going into his room.

Taking the towel downstairs he looked at his two remaining brothers, telling them that he'd explain in the morning before going back upstairs and standing in front of Raph's door. He had been invited in…but should he knock anyway? Should he just walk in? Frowning he shifted back and forth on his feet impatiently. In the end he ended up knocking, but the door pushed open and Leo found himself inside of the most unknown area in the lair; Raphael's room.

His red masked brother was lying in his hammock staring at the ceiling, and Leo made himself comfortable on the floor, his brother being nice enough to leave a pillow and blanket. As Leo looked around the room, and saw the sports posters, and CD rack with a bunch of different albums, the small TV with a bunch of horror movies stacked neatly, and a worn punching bag in the corner he realized something. He knew nothing about Raphael Hamato, second oldest ninja turtle, his brother.

Fifteen years they had known Raphael, yet he was like a stranger.

This story was made for a friend of mine who sadly, lost his friend to suicide. R.I.P Samantha. I have been thinking of it constantly, and I needed to get my feelings out, so I tried my hardest in this. There will be better chapters in the future, I promise. (By better I mean happier.)