The Very Short, But Very Important Chapter

"Angela?" Tony called from the bottom of the staircase; if she didn't get a move on, she was going to miss the train. No answer. He'd give her another few minutes while checking on the progress of those eating breakfast, then go upstairs to check on his wife.

Angela stood motionless in front of the bathroom sink, she heard Tony, but only as a distant voice trying to make its way through the jumble of emotions running through her psyche at the moment. So lost in thought was she that it never even occurred to her that she should answer Tony.

Her reflection showed that she was dressed, ready to face the day; but she wasn't paying attention to her reflection. Instead she was transfixed by the object she held in her hand. It was simple really, just flip open the lid and pop one of the little pills. A normal part of her daily routine, which today had turned into anything but routine. Today, the instant she grasped that innocuous looking container, her emotions erupted in a confused, contradictory mess. She was overwhelmed by the strength of the conflicting attitudes which were swirling around in her head and heart with the tenacity of a hurricane.

This storm was bringing up overwhelming thoughts and aching emotions, whipping up joy one moment, then raining on her hopes the next. Did she want a baby? Did she not want a baby? Did Tony want a baby? Did Tony not want a baby? Were she and Tony too old to go through parenthood again? He was such a good father, shouldn't he have another child? Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a little one around the house? A baby to love and hold and cherish. The ache grew stronger, there was no calm eye in the middle of this storm. She shook her head, trying to clear it; this was crazy, their lives were settled. She had an agency to run, Tony had other dreams to pursue; they'd missed their opportunity. A sadness settled over her, visions of laughing children disappeared from her thoughts. Her heart was breaking at the loss, she had to close her eyes to hold back the tears.

Angela knew she should be grateful for everything she had; and she was. She had wonderful husband, they had a great relationship. Her mother was...her mother; unique and strong. They had two great kids already, was it being selfish to want another when they already had so much?

No. How could it be selfish to nurture another life?

She fought to bring back those ethereal children. A little brown-haired boy about four or five years old appeared in her daydreams; he had big brown eyes that radiated love, and a smile that was a carbon copy of his father's. He ran to her, arms outstretched calling, "Mommy!" She longed to put her arms around him; yearned for him to be real. Or a little girl; how Tony would dote on another daughter. Angela chuckled ruefully, Sam probably wouldn't mind it either as another child would take Tony's over-protectiveness away from her and focus it on someone else.

How would Sam and Jonathan react to another sibling? The thought had never crossed her mind until this moment. They couldn't have any reason to object, could they?

It was right about this time that she realized this should have been a topic she and Tony discussed some time before their wedding; their first wedding.

Confronting the crucible of her deepest wish left her spent and unable to move; but the tender recesses of her heart had shown her the truth: she didn't want to take the pill. She accepted this gladly, all the angst she had put herself though fell away, leaving a beaming Angela feeling lighter and confident in her decision. Now all she had to do was find a way to discuss the subject with Tony.

"Angela?" Tony called as he walked through the bedroom.

Angela gasped and turned around to greet her husband, all the while trying to hide what was in her hand behind her back, "hi," she said hoping to draw his attention away from her hand. It didn't work; if anything her action drew more focus to what she was trying to pretend didn't exist. Her case was also harmed by the fact that Tony could see the reflection in the mirror.

He didn't expect to have this conversation this morning, but from Angela's state of being, it looked like the subject was going to be discussed. Not quite sure how to start, he thought he'd give Angela the chance to broach the topic, so he lobbed her a nondescript opener, "Angela, I've been calling you for ten minutes, didn't you hear?"

This was her chance, this should be a joyous talk; but Angela was nervous and didn't want to give Tony a chance to negate her dreams, so she avoided the topic and shrugged, "sorry, honey; I was...pre-occupied." A definite understatement. Angela was disappointed in herself; this was her husband she was talking to. The man who made dreams come true for her for years, she should have the courage to trust him with this dream as well; but this dream meant more to her than any other she'd ever had. The thought that he could say no terrified her.

Strike one; so she wasn't going to bring up the topic herself. He thought it best not to give her a chance for another two strikes. Tony stepped closer to his wife and carefully drew her arm out from behind her, "I don't have a fear of birth control pills, Angela, you don't need to hide them from me."

She tried to laugh, but was coming too close to bursting into tears to find anything funny. She dropped the container on the vanity in defeat.

Tony drew her into his arms, holding her tightly. "Guess it's time we had a talk, huh?"

"Guess so," she clung to him as though her life depended on it; for to her, right now, it did.

For two people who had discussed almost everything that two people could possible discuss, this topic did not start easily for them. Tony could see that Angela had been having baby thoughts; but he wasn't sure what her conclusion was, or if she had come to any conclusion at all. If she had come to a conclusion, would it be in agreement with his own wishes? If he didn't navigate this carefully, their second wedding could be called off and their relationship could be in peril.

This really was something they should have discussed before they were married, the first time. Upon reflection he had to absolve himself a little, being surprised by one's wedding had a tendency to omit discussions that should have happened. If he and Angela had been given the time to plan their own wedding, he was sure they would have covered this topic before saying their vows.

Seeing as they had no time machine, it looked like now was the moment. Which brought Tony to ask himself a question: just what were his thoughts on a possible baby? It wasn't something he had a lot of time to think about. Before he and Angela started dating, a baby was an abstract thought, part of their also abstract possible future relationship. The relationship was no longer abstract; was the baby? He wasn't sure.

It might be awfully nice to have little one around the house. A sweet little angel, just like her mother with big brown eyes who had him wrapped around her little finger from the moment she was born. Or a boy he could teach to play baseball, he smiled at the thought.

"So..." she said.

"So..." he said. Someone had to start this discussion, "a dollar for your thoughts."

She pulled her head off his chest and looked up at him quizzically, "a dollar?"

"Looks like your recent thoughts are a little more valuable than a penny."

"Ah. I...um...I was thinking..." she lost her confidence and looked down; she was scared. If Tony shot down the idea to have a kid her heart would break.

"Angela, talk to me," he said gently.

"What's there to talk about? Either we want more kids or we don't." She found the courage to look up at him and softly say, "I do."

"I do too."

"You do?" Angela's being went from dejected to elated. Her eyes lit up with a joy Tony had never seen before and he found it enchanting. If she kept looking at him like that, and if it were possible, their first kid could very well be born nine months from this morning.

"Sure, how could you think I wouldn't?"

"Tony, your life is changing..."

"Your life has changed recently too; after all you were recently married."

She smiled and touched his cheek, "yes, it was a wonderful change. However, it's your life that's going through more changes. You'll be graduating, starting a new career. Tony, you've worked so hard to give yourself opportunities; I can't ask you to give up everything you've worked for because I want a baby."

"Who says I have to give anything up? I am man, hear me roar."

She chuckled a little and looked at him with unrestrained love, her eyes sparkling brighter than the stars in the night sky. "Tony, it's not practical," she conceded.

"Since when has having kids ever been practical?" he pointed out, truthfully.

"Tony, I know you, you are going to have a difficult enough time giving up control of the house. There is no way in hell you are going to let someone else help raise your child. Having a kid means giving up all that you've worked for. It's selfish of me to even think about it."

"It isn't selfish, Angela. Don't I get a say in this too? I want a kid. There are options. Lots of people get married and start families after graduating. That's the way it works. You go to college, get married, raise a family. Of course in our case it's 'continue to raise a family'. Work will always be there; the opportunity for a family will not. Who knows what the future will be, maybe I'll go to grad school. I don't have to get a job outside of the house right away."

"It's so much to ask of you, for a dream of mine."

"It's our dream, Angela." To cement this fact he picked up the container and held it out to her, she clasped it, expecting him to let go, but he didn't. He tilted his head to get her to walk over to the side of the vanity with him. There it was, the receptacle of their dreams, the garbage can. Tony guided their hands over the top of it, "together," she nodded in agreement, "on three...one, two, three." They released the container which dropped into the garbage can with a satisfying clunk.

Angela's heart soared; that one action freed her far more than she had thought possible. She threw her arms around Tony and kissed him so tenderly, yet passionately that Tony was almost overwhelmed.

"You must want to get started on the baby making soon," he stated.

"You know it."

"You have work, and I have class," he noted with regret.

"Later."

"Count on it."

"Oh, I will. Tony, let's keep this decision to ourselves; I don't want to get everyone's hopes up if it doesn't work out."

"It'll work, Angela."

"I wish I had your confidence."

"Angela, the worst that can happen is that we grow even more grateful for Jonathan and Samantha; even though I am not sure how that's possible as I'm already pretty grateful for those kids."

"Me too."

"And we can look forward to having grandkids," his eyes twinkled at the thought of being 'Grandpa Tony,' but he wasn't quite ready to give up of the title of Potential Father Again yet, "I guarantee you, no matter what happens, we'll have a lot of fun trying."

"You guarantee it?" she clarified, her fingers straightening his collar and grazing his neck at the same time.

Tony had to remind himself that he had a class to go to, he forced himself to pull Angela's hands away from his neck; he held them together with his and kissed her fingers, "absolutely, no exclusions," he promised.

Angela smiled; their lives had been so fortunate, and now she hoped they would add another gift to their happy family.

Tony let go of Angela's hands and put his arm around her waist to lead her downstairs so she could actually get to work. On their way through the bedroom he said, "hey Angela, you ever think about putting in a window seat?"

"What?" The question had come so far out of left field Angela had no idea what to make of it.

"Remodel your room; make it our room."

"I love the idea! We can remodel the room as we hopefully remodel our lives."

Angela was already imagining a bassinet in the corner; how she was going to get any work done today, she had no idea.