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Chapter Fifty-One

"Hey, Dean." Tears shimmered in her eyes as her smile widened, and she held her arms out to him. "God, I've missed you so much."

Dean waited all of a second before he pulled her into a bone-crushing embrace. "Is it really you?" He wrapped his arms more firmly around her as he rested his head on her shoulder. "I mean is it really you?"

"Yeah, baby, it's me." Mary drew back slightly to look him in the eyes. And although she didn't look like the mother he remembered as a child, there was now no mistaking that she was his mom. What he had really failed to notice before was her eyes. In their beautiful bluish-gray depths he saw her clearly, and didn't need any more confirmation than that to prove it was her. He had needed her so desperately and she fought her way back to be with him."You were just hurtin' so badly inside, I needed to be with you."

"How – how is it possible?" He drew her back into his arms as tears fell freely down his cheeks. Once again he pulled away from her, wanting to memorize every detail and line etched into her features. "This isn't possible."

"I told you angels would watch over you. I just wanted to be one of them." With a feathery-soft touch against his cheek, she took hold of his hand and led him out of the bathroom and down the stairs. Once they were both seated on the couch, Mary wrapped her arm around him. "I'm so proud of you, Dean," she said, and he leaned in to rest his head against her shoulder as he had always done when he was little. "You've grown up to be so strong an' brave. You've always protected your little brother, an' did your best to make sure he was always safe." She hesitated as she hugged him even tighter and lightly kissed him on the side of his forehead. "None of this was your fault, an' you need to forgive yourself."

For as much as Dean wanted to believe her, he knew that Sam had been brutally tortured because of him. Bobby had been abducted and beaten severely because of him. Shannon and Raine had died because of him. And no matter how much he desperately wished that things were different, the bonds he had shared with his family were irrevocably shattered because he had chosen to keep Shannon's murder a secret. "I – I can't."

"Why, Dean?" Mary shifted in her seat, placed two fingers under his chin, and then gently lifted his head so they were looking each other in the eyes. "Honey, why can't you see that you were a victim in this? That monster did horrible things to you an' your brother. He did it. Not you. So place the blame where it rightfully belongs."

"You don't understand," Dean said with a curt shake of his head. "Dominic killed Shannon, and I covered up her murder as if it meant nothing. If I had just gone to the police when I found her body, none of this would've ever happened."

"You really believe that?" She narrowed her eyes on Dean, and his gut clenched at the pain he saw within their depths. "You didn't kill her, Dean. No good would've come from you calling the police. You could've ended up in prison, and a helluva lot of people would've died without you around to protect them."

"How can you say that?" Dean pushed away from her and bolted to his feet. "How can you possibly even begin to understand?" he snapped, slamming his booted foot into the coffee table in anger and self-loathing. The table toppled to its side and skittered across the floor to smash into the wall. "That sonuvabitch did things to Sammy that you can't even begin to imagine. He'll never be the same again, and no matter how I try to look at it, it's always gonna be my fault."

"I know Sam is hurting," she said as she shifted her gaze to the broke table, and then looked back to Dean. "And now he's just really scared that he'll never get back to the way things were before, but he doesn't blame you."

"Why'd you even come here?" Dean swallowed hard against the painful lump in his throat at the reminder of how terrified Sam was of him. God, he wouldn't even let me near him. I could see it in his eyes, he's never gonna forgive me. Shoulders slumping, he uttered, "You can't help me. You can't change what I did, so why don't you just go back to wherever it is that you came from?"

"Is that what you really want?" Mary rose to her feet, and strode the short distance to where he stood. "Do you really wish you called the police the day Shannon died? Even if it meant that you would go to prison for a crime you didn't commit?"

"In a heartbeat if it meant I could have my brother back," Dean said without the slightest hesitation.

"Alright, Dean." She gave a curt nod as she pressed two fingers against his forehead. "If that's what you really want." Intense light emanated from her fingertips, momentarily blinding Dean. His knees buckled and he dropped to the ground as stark pain rippled through his entire body. "Sometimes to have better understanding of what you've survived, you have to live what could've been."

"M-Mom, pl-please . . . ." His voice abruptly died away as an explosion of brilliant light encompassed him, and lifted his body off the ground. As his head dropped back onto his shoulders, his eyes drifted closed. He struggled for breath, lungs burning with the effort, but couldn't draw in any air. "S-Sammy," he silently mouthed as darkness drew him into its embrace.

XxXxXxXxXxX

Gasping for air, Dean drew in a deep breath, and instantaneously began coughing. He blinked hard against the harsh, bright light coming from overhead, and then squinted to take a look around at his surroundings.

His heart plummeted to the pit of his stomach as he noticed a man in a black robe sitting behind a raised bench at the front of the room. A man dressed in a policeman's uniform stood at his side, and a court stenographer sat typing in front of the witness stand. Dean shifted to his side, and inwardly groaned at the overweight, balding man who sat beside him shuffling papers. But as he twisted around, and saw Sam give him a reassuring smile, he couldn't help but grin back at him.

Sam leaned forward on the benched seat, and rested his forearms against the brass railing. "Don't worry, Dean, we're gonna appeal this," he said in a voice that was just above a whisper. "Bobby's out right now trying to dig up some evidence that'll prove you're innocent."

"M'okay, Sammy," Dean hastily assured, and breathed a sigh of relief when he looked in his little brother's eyes and saw only concern in them. "I'm just glad you're here."

The sound of the judge's gavel slamming down hard on the top of the ornate bench, brought Dean back to the reason he was in the courtroom. "Dean Winchester, will you please rise for sentencing." Dean pushed back his chair and slowly rose to stand along with his lawyer. The judge cleared his throat, and said, "But before I pass judgment, would any of the victim's family like to come forward to be heard?"

A murmur rose up through the courtroom as a raven-haired man with pale blue eyes stood and sauntered to the front of the room. He can't be alive. He just can't be. Shannon killed . . . Oh, God. No, she didn't. What the hell did I do? A tremor of fear raced down the length of Dean's spine as Dominic caught his eye. The cult leader then shifted his gaze to Sam briefly before focusing his attention on the judge.

Dominic clasped his hands together, then drew in a breath and slowly exhaled. "After my wife died," he began with tears filling his eyes, "I raised Shannon by myself. She was all I had, nd I loved her so much. She was smart, beautiful, and full of so much potential, but Mr. Winchester brutally took her from me . . . took her life away." He paused and cocked his head to the side to smirk at Dean before he once again donned the face of a grieving father. "We had started a church together, and Shannon was so happy with all the new family she had found while doing God's work." A sob caught in Dominic's throat as he played his part to the hilt.

"He's a lying sonuvabitch!" Dean smashed his fist down on the defendant's table. "He's a cold-blooded bastard, and she was terrified of him. He killed her, not me!"

"Order in the court," the judge hollered as he slammed his gavel down on his desk repeatedly, instantly silencing Dean. "One more outburst like that, Mr. Winchester, and you will be removed from my courtroom. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," Dean snarled contemptuously.

"Good," he said, and returned his attention to Dominic. "Please continue."

"Shannon reached out to the community, and through her kindness and understanding we were able help so many people in need. Now she's gone because of Mr. Winchester, and all I can hope for is that he will never be allowed to hurt anyone again." Dominic choked on another sob, and made a show of wiping the tears from his eyes. "Please, for me . . . for all the people who lost a truly wonderful friend, give the defendant the maximum sentence allowable by law."

"Is that all, Mr. Cartaris?" The judge asked, and when Dominic nodded, he further added, "Then you may take your seat."

"Thank you, sir." Dominic turned around, and stared directly into Dean's eyes, before shifting back to face the judge. "I do have one more thing to say, your Honor."

"Alright, Mr Cartaris."

"I can only hope that Mr. Winchester will someday feel the same kind of pain I felt when I lost my only child." He cast a sidelong glance in Dean's direction, narrowed his eyes on him, and then trained his sights on Sam. "I want him to understand how deeply it cuts into your soul when someone you love more than life itself is brutally taken from you, and you're completely helpless to stop it from happening."

With rage overtaking any control Dean possessed, he grabbed the edges of the table and up heaved it, sending it crashing to the floor as he charged Dominic. Raising his arms, he rammed his cuffed hands into the older man's face. Then he swept his foot out, and slammed it hard against the back of Dominic's knees, knock him to the ground. He leapt on top of the cult leader's chest, gripped hold of his collar, and yanked him forward so they were face to face. "If you go anywhere near my brother again, I swear to God I'll kill you an' rip your freakin' heart out with my bare hands, you sonuvabitch!"

"Dean, stop," Sam shouted, and out of the corner of his eye, Dean saw his little brother rushing toward him. "You have to let him go, you're only making matters worse."

"Order in the court," the Judge commanded, slamming his gavel down with a loud crack against the desk. "There will be order in my courtroom!" He raised his voice when Dean made no attempt to release Dominic. "Bailiff remove Mr. Winchester from my courtroom. Immediately!"

"I will get outta here," Dean hissed through clenched teeth as he slammed another fist into Dominic's face. "And when I do, I will kill you!"

With a malicious glint in his eyes, Dominic mouthed the words, "I'm gonna kill him, Dean," and then smiled as several police officers ripped Dean away from him.

"Sam!" Dean bucked and squirmed in the officers' arms as they dragged him toward the doorway. "Lemme go. I need to talk to my brother." Leaning forward slightly, Dean slammed the back of his head into one of the police officer's face, and the man loosened his hold enough for Dean to break free. With a quick elbow jab to another officer's ribcage, he raced toward Sam as the man dropped to his knees, and wrapped his arms around his chest.

"Dean, what the hell are you doing?" Fear registered in Sam's hazel eyes as he gripped hold of Dean's arms. "You gotta stop this. They're gonna lock you away for the rest of your life."

"He's gonna come after you, Sammy," Dean uttered in a breathless rush. "He's gonna find you, an' he's gonna kill you."

"I'm not gonna let that happen," Sam tried to reassure, but Dean shook his head.

"You don't understand, I've seen what he can do, an' I can't let that happen to you again."

Sam quirked a puzzled brow as lowered his head to stare at Dominic, and then looked back to Dean. "What the hell are you talking about, Dean?"

"I don't have time to explain, but he's – " Dean's voice abruptly died away as one of the officer's slammed a baton into the back of his knees. With a cry of pain, he dropped to the floor, and wrapped his arms around his legs. Another baton cracked hard against his back. Five officers converged on him, pinning him to the ground, and shackled his feet together.

"Get the hell off of my brother." Sam gripped onto one of the men holding Dean down, and dragged him off of him. "He'll go with you, just don't hurt him anymore."

"Sammy, please, you can't let him hurt you again," Dean pleaded, tears brimming in his eyes as he sought out his brother in the growing crowd.

"I won't, Dean, I swear I won't." Sam pushed past three officers in an attempt to get to him, but they clutched hold of his arms, and roughly pulled him toward the witness stand.

The officers hauled Dean to his feet, lifted him off the ground and carried him toward the exit. "Call Dad, Sammy." He wriggled in the mens' arms, forcing them into the wall, and he hastily gripped hold of door handle. "An' don't you dare stop calling him until he comes to help you," he ordered, his voice rising in fear and anger as his hold on the doorknob slackened. "Understand? You call him, and do whatever you have to do to make sure he gets his ass here as soon as possible."

"Dean, Dad's . . . well, he's - he's . . . you know he died on a hunting trip last month." Seeing the tears shimmering in Sam's eyes as he spoke of their father's death, Dean's hand slipped away from the door, and every ounce of fight he had left in him dwindled to nothingness.