Chapter 3: In the Night's Embrace

I can't get rid of this sick feeling inside, waiting for someone to open the white door beside me, to come out and tell me that this was all a misunderstanding, that it is as Byakuya said, and that he is just overly tired. He does work very hard…and between the work of setting up the exhibition site, raising the negative reiatsu cage, sparring, making love, and attending the banquet, there was much there to tire him out. I know I was feeling it by the end of the day. That has to be all that this is. But, the time goes by and I continue waiting. I know that the longer it takes for that white door to open, the worse the news will be.

When it finally opens, Retsu Unohana meets my eyes wearily and she doesn't give me the smile that would tell me that Byakuya is going to be fine. There is a weight behind her eyes and my heart freezes with shock when she tells me what is happening.

"We don't know yet what is causing him to remain unconscious. We have tried all of the usual measures to bring him awake, and nothing seems to help. In addition, his reiatsu is in a declining state. We had to place him in a state of suspended animation to stop the rapid decline of his reiatsu."

He won't get any worse for right now. He won't die right now…but being in suspended animation? He won't wake.

They allow me to go inside to see him. I can't touch him, because suspended animation requires the placement of the soul into a special chamber. It sustains life while freezing the advance of whatever threatens to end that life. It is a desperate measure.

I rest my palms on the edge of the clear chamber and as I look down at his pale, beautiful face, I think back to yesterday, the excitement of battle, the heavy warm feeling of his body wrapped around mine, his breath on my skin, his deep, sensuous voice…and the fact that in all of my life, I have never loved anyone as deeply as I love him.

The door opens behind me and Rukia comes inside. She walks to me slowly and her arms wrap around me as we comfort each other.

"Yoruichi has arrived," she tells me in a tiny scared voice, "She's taking care of Takeshi and Chisaki so that we can stay here with him."

"That's good," I reply, looking back at her for a moment, "but it's not like we can do anything for him. Hell, we can't even touch him."

I'm suddenly reminded of the living world tale of Snow White…where the witch gives the girl a poisoned apple and she takes a bite and falls to the floor…and everyone thinks she is dead. They put her in a glass coffin and they're all crying over her, when suddenly the handsome prince arrives and gives Snow White a kiss. The kiss revives her and everyone lives happily ever after…well, everyone but the witch. But this is no fairy tale. I can't just open that translucent chamber, kiss him, and have him wake. He doesn't move. He isn't breathing. Like the princess in that human tale, he looks to all of the world as though he has died. We are incredibly lucky that suspended animation exists. Otherwise, Byakuya Kuchiki would already have ceased to exist.

The weight of that falls on me. If he weren't in suspended animation, he would already have died. I can't imagine what that would be like. I can't imagine the coldness of the morning without the warm weight of his body pressed against mine. I can't imagine never again feeling his breath touch my skin, his lips search for mine in the darkness, or his fingers trace the black tattoos that adorn my skin. I can't imagine sitting beneath the cherry trees at the top of the waterfall alone, knowing he'll never join me there, or being surrounded by cherry blossoms and knowing they'll never touch him again. I am scared to death.

Rukia stands beside me and I know she's as scared as I am. How many times have she and I stood together and mourned losses of life? In the Rukon District all of those years ago, this is what drove her to leave and become a soul reaper. I wonder what she will do if Byakuya dies? What will I do? How will I face the future alone? But then, we aren't alone. Rukia and I still have each other. I take her hand and we sit near him. She brings her head to rest on my shoulder. The room is silent. The prince sleeps. And we all wait for a miracle.

"I have to go back to the division office," I tell Rukia, "There are some things I have to be the one to do."

She nods and I leave her behind. I take one last look before closing the door behind me and leaving the white confines of the Healing Center.

I walk into the 6th Division office and the first thing that strikes me is how empty his chair looks, sitting there without him. I can't stand the thought of how cold it would feel to sit down and work there, so I take the pile of forms and return to my own desk. It doesn't take long for me to get things in order. When the reports are filed, I meet Rikichi and we move to the training ground. There are three new squad members. The first is a girl fresh out of the soul reaper academy. She is tall and willowy, with curly brown hair, laughing eyes and wicked kido. Her name is Ren and she is known to have scored highly in all areas except swordsmanship…so I know that's where we'll focus right away.

The second is a dark haired, studious boy named Fumio who is a pro at kido, but little else. He'll need lots of support to round him out, but we can definitely use those kido abilities right away. The last is a tall brown haired, brown-eyed boy named Takeo. He is a very strong fighter with good instincts. His kido is passable, but he is relatively hopeless in reiatsu sensing. Lots of strong fighters are. He has a pretty impressive Shikai, a shadow wolf form.

Rikichi and I put them through their paces, before sending them off to the barracks to settle in.

"So how is the captain doing?" Rikichi asks softly once we're back in the division office.

"They still don't know anything. They had to use suspended animation to keep him alive."

"Oh Renji!" Rikichi gasps, his face going pale, "I didn't know it was that bad!"

"Yeah…it is."

A hell butterfly appears and flutters softly down onto my fingertip.

"Renji Abarai, please report to the Healing Center for an update on the condition of Captain Kuchiki."

I flash step all of the way and find Rukia waiting outside Byakuya's door, her face pale and worried.

"I just got the hell butterfly," she says, "I don't know if that means he's better or worse."

We sit in chairs side by side near the door and hold hands as we wait for news. A few tense minutes later, the white door opens and Retsu Unohana comes out. She doesn't look as though the news will be great, but she doesn't look devastated or anything.

"We have managed to stabilize his reiatsu for now and he is awake. But Renji, we don't know what caused this to happen or if it will return. We haven't encountered anything like this before. We are keeping him for the night, but you both are welcome to see him."

We practically break the door down getting ourselves inside. Byakuya observes our frantic faces with calm amusement.

"Are you two all right?" he asks softly, "You nearly took that door off the hinges."

"Brother!" Rukia exclaims running to him and taking his hand, "We were so afraid for you! We didn't know what was wrong…or if you were going to be okay. We were very worried, Byakuya!"

"Well, I seem to be fine. I don't feel as though anything is wrong," he assures us, squeezing Rukia's hand gently, "Don't worry anymore, Rukia. I will be fine."

I am careful not to take away that impression while Rukia is there. But after she leaves to return to the manor, I drop the pretenses.

"Byakuya, they don't know why this happened. Now, you may be able to convince Rukia that everything is fine, but I know better. If they don't know why it happened and they don't know if it will come back, it means that if it does come back, they don't know how to stop it."

He lowers his eyes.

"Yes, Renji, there is no guarantee that it won't return…and because they couldn't identify it…it would be very troubling if it did return…but we won't do ourselves any good by worrying about it. Come, Renji. It is past dark already and I need to sleep. Come and help me fall asleep."

"Like you haven't slept enough already!" I exclaim, but I am quick to oblige.

I slip beneath the blanket and pull him close. Just this morning, I was wondering what I would do without this feeling and now it is back. I want it to stay. I never want this feeling to leave me. Byakuya nuzzles my shoulder and rests quietly. I can't sleep at all. I seem to hang on every breath all night. I hardly breathe as he sleeps, and when he wakes the next morning, I heave a sigh of relief and help him prepare to leave.

"Renji," he says quietly, "You're reiatsu is very disturbed, "I know you didn't sleep last night."

"Don't worry about me," I assure him, "I'm fine."

We walk slowly out of the Healing Center and back to the manor.

"Captain Unohana suggested a few days of rest," he says as we walk, "I'll need you to watch over the division for me."

I'm already shaking my head.

"Rikichi is perfectly capable of running things," I remind him, "He is really over-qualified for third seat, and you know it. I'm going to stay here and look after you."

"Renji, I told you that I don't require looking after," he insists, touching my hand.

"Yeah," I laugh sarcastically, "That was right before you collapsed…remember?"

His smile is warm, but his eyes look tired.

"Would you like some tea?" I ask softly.

"Yes, arigato, Renji. Tea would be good."

"Go get in bed," I tell him, giving him a gentle shove.

"Very well, Renji," he answers, his dark eyes glinting playfully, "Just don't keep me waiting."

I watch him turn slowly and the silk of his kimono whispers as he retreats down the hallway.

When I bring the tea to our bedroom, Byakuya is resting against the pillows with a calm dreamy look about his eyes. It's the way he looks when it's nighttime and we sit beneath the stars. I set the tea on the table beside him and watch as he raises the mug and takes a sip. He smiles his approval before setting the mug back down and falling back against the pillows. Keeping my eyes on him, I walk around the end of the bed and pull the covers back so that I can slip into bed next to him. He looks at me curiously, then wraps his arms around my shoulders. It is an embrace meant to give comfort.

"Renji, you're still worried…"

"Shouldn't I be?" I ask, searching the depths of his dark eyes, "I'm scared, Byakuya. And if you had any sense, you would be too. I don't want to get you all out of sorts, but I am scared. Do you want me to lie to you and say that I'm not?"

He places a warm hand on my cheek.

"I wouldn't ask you to do that. I've always loved your candid honesty, Renji."

Now he's really scaring me.

"Why are you talking to me like that?" I ask, my heart pounding painfully in my chest, "Is there something you're not telling me?"

He shakes his head and his eyes take on a gentle, apologetic shine.

"No…not in the way you're thinking. If Captain Unohana told me anything more about my condition, I would tell you, Renji. I promise that I won't hide anything. Even if it is bad news, I will be open with you."

"You think this isn't over," I say, and the affirmation is there in his eyes, "You think it will come back."

His breath releases in a slow sigh.

"I just feel something odd inside…that's all, Renji," he says, pulling me close, "but it won't do any good to worry about it. Just…stay with me. It comforts me to feel you near me this way."

His head rests on my shoulder and I feel the soft pulse of his reiatsu. He nuzzles my throat softly and then touches my face, bringing it closer to his for a light kiss. The contact is gentle and tentative, almost like that time so long ago in Inuzuri when he kissed me for the very first time. I want to go back there. I want to be anywhere but here, holding him and wondering if I'm going to lose him.

His face is still too warm and there is something in his eyes…a haziness, too much calm in his manner, even for him. Everything inside me is screaming for me to do something…to somehow stop the train wreck I see coming. But there is nothing I can do. This is out of our hands and we both know it.

"Don't be afraid, Renji," he whispers, "even if I were to die, I would still be with you. And know also that I do not fear death. What I fear is wasted time. So let's put this aside and use the time we have for something more enjoyable. We are not promised forever…only this moment. Let's not waste it."

I turn so that I'm leaning over him and I stare down into his black, misted eyes. I touch each eyelid with a soft kiss, then move on to claim his lips. Damn! They're still too warm. But they are alive and they move against mine hungrily. They part, inviting my tongue to dip into his mouth, to explore that beautiful place grown so familiar. But I can't enjoy this properly now. There is a weight to what is happening that makes my heart numb with fear. I'm clinging to his soft pale skin, hanging on for dear life. Kami, I don't want to lose this! I don't want this to go away.

"Let it go, Renji," he whispers, his lips brushing softly against my ear, "Don't do this to yourself. There's nothing to be gained by worrying."

He touches my face, bringing my eyes around to meet his steady, calm gaze. I stare for a long moment, then bring my mouth to his again. A few kisses later, my desperation starts to fade and I see relief in his eyes.

"That," he says, "is much better, Renji."

He reaches for the mug of tea and brings it to his lips. A moment later, his breath catches strangely and the mug drops from his hand.

"Byakuya?" I say, reaching for him, "Byakuya, what's happening?"

I catch him as he starts to fall back and ease him onto the pillows, my eyes locked on his. His gaze holds mine calmly for a moment longer and his mouth moves. A trembling hand reaches up to touch my cheek.

"Don't be afraid, Renji. It will be all right…"

His hand drops away and the dark eyes drift closed.

"Byakuya!"