"Time won't fly it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again
but I'm still trying to find it."
-All Too Well (Taylor Swift)

Hmmmm... guess who's in this chapter ;) x

I had no choice but to pack my stuff. It was three a.m. and I couldn't sleep at all. For some reason, I couldn't get rid of my mom's expression in my head when I had that outburst. It wasn't hurt, but more of disappointment. Maybe what I said was a bit too harsh. But it was true, what I said. My parents were scared. And I was too.

I just sat there on my bed, my suitcase open, and a pile of my clothes stacked against each other. I had no idea what was going to happen once I got there. I thought about all the things, places, and people I left. Will our old house be the same? I didn't remember it being put on sale, and I half-wished that my parents didn't sell it. Besides, if they did sell it, then where would we stay? I thought about the beach next. There was no way avoiding that, since our house was right on it. I hadn't swam since we moved, and I never thought of doing it. I avoided being in the water as much as possible, which wasn't hard since I was living in the city.

And of course, I thought of all the people I left behind. My very first best friend, and my first love.

Okay, he really didn't become my boyfriend, but he was the guy I've always had eyes on since I was a kid. He was Tsubasa's best friend, and I knew it wasn't going to work out between us the moment he called me, "the other sister I never had." (He already had a younger sister). I wondered if all them were still there, or if I had anything to come back to at all.

I groaned. Why were my parents doing this to me? I mean, I may have acted like a total jerk, but what did they expect from a seventeen year-old girl who was there when her brother drowned but wasn't able to do anything about it?

I examined the clothes that were in my suitcase. All of them were either black, violet, or brown. Not exactly summer colors. Along with my rebellion, I decided why not get the look too? So for two years, this had been my wardrobe. I decided I couldn't wear these to the beach, because everyone will think I'm retarded, and-

Wait a second. When did I care what people thought? I've changed now. I was going to wear whatever I wanted. And if my mother doesn't approve of it, well then, the hell with it. She was the one who wanted to drag me back to that place in the first place. Besides, no way was I stepping foot on that beach. I sighed. This was really happening. I wouldn't know what to do if I saw my brother's things around the house. I'd probably have a breakdown.

I gave up deciding what to pack, so I put the first things that I could find in my suitcase, and went straight to sleep.

"All packed?"

I looked up from my iPhone, where I was texting Sumire about my sudden departure and how my life sucks and some curses and some other teenage drama. To which her replies were, curses as well. It was two in the afternoon on a Wednesday, and our flight was at four, and we were still at home.

"Yes," I told my dad, and went back to texting. They had to know I hated what they were doing.

"It's just for the summer, sweetie," he said.

"Well for a seventeen year-old girl like me, two months and three weeks equals a year."

He sighed. "This is going to be good for us, you'll see."

"Yeah, that's what you said when we moved here."

"Okay!" my mom said, as she entered the living room. "Is everyone ready?"

"Yep!" my dad answered, while I didn't say anything.

"Mikan?"

I looked up at her. "What?"

My mom looked like she had a thousand things she had to say, but all she said was, "Ready?"

"I would say no, but that wouldn't change anything, would it?"

She sighed. "No, it wouldn't. Okay then, let's get going!"

As we left our house, deja vu hit me. Going back to California wasn't going to be permanent, but still, it was going to be different from before. And I had this feeling that it would change me, again.

"Mikan, wake up. We're here, honey."

The truth is, I was already awake. Like about, forty-five minutes ago. And I knew we've landed already. I just didn't want to open my eyes, because I was still trying to convince myself that I was in a bad dream.

"Come on, everyone's filing our of the airplane," my mom said. "I know you're awake."

I moaned, pretending to be disturbed, since I was "sleeping."

"Fine. Then we'd leave you here then."

I didn't believe them one bit. What did my parents think, I was eight years old? But then, I heard them taking the suitcases from the overhead compartments, and I opened my eyes, a little to see if they were really going to ditch me, and I saw them already walking ahead with the other passengers. I panicked, so I pretended to just have woken up.

"Mom, what is with all that noise?" I said, crankily, loud enough for my parents to hear. Unfortunately though, a number of passengers looked my way.

"Oh, so now you're awake." My mom gestured to my dad to go ahead with the luggage, and made her way back to our seat.

"Who wouldn't wake up in all this noise?" I got out of my seat, and took my suitcase out of the overhead compartment, but it wasn't there.

"With your dad," my mom said, before I could ask. "We figured, if you were going to sleep until the next flight then you might enjoy ending up somewhere without clothes."

I just looked at my mom in shock. Oh so now, she was being hard on me. Well, two can play in that game. And I've been playing this game for two years now.

We landed at around three, so it was scorching hot. I couldn't remember the last time I was at LAX. Maybe it was that time when I was six and my family took a family vacation to Florida to visit my aunt. Summer in California. My favorite time of the year.

Was. Was my favorite time of the year. We were outside the airport already, waiting for a cab. It was like forty degrees out, and I couldn't believe how I wasn't used to this kind of heat anymore. Thankfully, I was wearing my shades, and a (black) tank top. It felt weird being here again, and just the heat of the sun, reminded me of my brother already. What more if we arrive at the beach? Or most of all, our old house?

"Um, Dad?" I said, when I noticed we were standing there under the heat of the sun with our overweight baggage for almost an hour. "There had been like five empty cabs that passed us, and I just want to know why we didn't ride in them."

My dad chuckled. How could he think something like this was funny? I was already pissed. "Just you wait, we have a ride." He winked at me.

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"Why the rush, honey?" my mom said. "Are you that excited to go back to our house?"

I glared at her through my sunglasses. "In case you haven't noticed, Mom, it's like forty degrees here, and we've been standing for almost an hour with heavy luggage."

Just then, a familiar looking vehicle approached us.

Oh. My. God.

That was our family car! That old blue pick-up truck, that I remembered calling "Honeycomb," mostly because it smelled like that in there. I couldn't believe it. It was obvious my parents were scheming something against me. At first I didn't recognize the driver, but when he came out of the truck to approach us, my jaw dropped. It was... it was...

"Hey there, Natsume!" my dad called out.

I just wanted the floor to eat me up. Anything. Anything, that would get me out of here.

"How have you been?" my dad said, pulling him into one of those manly embraces. "Look at you! You look so grown up now! Last time we saw you it was in..."

My dad trailed off, realizing that he was going to say, "Tsubasa's funeral." There was an awkward silence before Natsume answered. "I've been well, thank you, Mr. Sakura."

"What's with all the formality? You can now call me, Izumi, since our age gap isn't that too far apart now, eh?"

I covered half my face with my hand. Just let a plane land on me right now.

Natsume chuckled at what my dad said, and my mom pulled him into an embrace. "Nice to see you again, honey. How're your parents?"

"They've been doing good. They're excited to see you again."

I realized that I was up next for some sort of greeting. So I did the lamest thing ever. I waved.

"Jet lag," my mom explained to him, then turned to me. "Mikan Sakura, come over here and give Natsume a hug. You two are practically like brothers and sisters."

Were, I corrected in my head. This was one of those moments when I just want to put a duct tape on my mother's mouth. Seriously. I knew it was her job to embarrass me, but not in front of my brother's best friend, the guy who I was head-over-heals for, for like seven years.

I forced a smile, and went over and gave Natsume a hug. He was much, much taller than me now, so I only got to hug his waist. Not only that, but I felt his abs too. Holy shit, a lot could happen in two years.

"Long time no see," he said, when we were face-to-face again.

"Yeah," I said. "You look... different."

"But in a good way," I quickly added.

"Thanks." He smiled. "You look different too. In good way."

For some bizarre, out of this world reason, that actually made me smile for real.

"I don't know about you guys," my dad said. "But this heat is unbearable. I say let's all get in the truck, and head on to Malibu!"

"Sounds like a plan," my mom agreed. "Natsume, dear, would you mind helping us with the luggage?"

"No problem."

I was about to grab my own suitcase, when I felt a hand holding onto it. It was Natsume. I quickly pulled my hand away, and cursed myself for doing so. "Oh sorry," I told him. "I got it."

"You sure?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

He looked at me one more time, before letting go of my suitcase. "All right. Just tell me if you need help."

I nodded again, and I watched him carry my mom's luggage to the truck. He was wearing a grey tank top, so I couldn't help but notice his biceps. They were large, but not too ripped. He had a perfect body.

I shook my head. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn't in love with him anymore. When I left Malibu, I left my feelings for him as well. He never did find out, which was good, because if he did, this encounter would be way more awkward.

"Mikan?" my mom called. She was already at the truck. "Coming?"

"What choice do I have," I muttered, as I walked over towards the truck and attempted to put my suitcase at the back of the truck. Unfortunately, Natsume beat me to that.

"Oh thanks," I said.

"Sure thing."

My dad was already at the driver's seat, and my mom shotgun. Which meant that it was Natsume and I in the backseat.

"Um, Dad?" I said, as I got in, "Are you sure you still remember the way? Because I have this feeling that we're going to get lost."

"And I'm sure you're tired from your trip," Natsume added. "I'll gladly drive."

"What are you kids talking about? I know this place by heart, and don't worry about me. I'm not tired one bit. Slept through the whole plane ride."

So eventually, I had no other choice but sit next to Natsume. The truck wasn't that big, so both our knees tend to bump against each other while the car was moving. I tried not to make this a big deal by distracting myself. I looked out the scenery at the window, but I could already see the ocean, and I felt my sick to my stomach. It was like I was going to vomit any second now.

"Honey, are you okay?" my mom asked, me from the rearview mirror. "You look sick."

"I'm fine," I said, concentrating at back of Dad's seat. If I kept my attention there, I wouldn't feel sick anymore.

Breathe, Mikan, I told myself. I did some breathing exercises I learned from Sumire (she does yoga), and it calmed me down a bit. My parents didn't know I was afraid of the ocean. They just thought I didn't want to swim anymore.

Meanwhile, I felt Natsume staring at me the whole time, making me more uncomfortable.

My dad pulled off somewhere, so I dared myself to look out. Thankfully, we were at a gas station, and I couldn't see the ocean anymore. But I knew we'd see it again on the way. So for now, I felt relieved.

"This will only take a second," my dad announced, as he got out of the truck to fill it gas.

My mom turned to face me. "Mikan, what's wrong? Is it jet lag?"

I shook my head. "I'm fine, really. Just got a little car sick."

"Are you sure? You look pale. I've got some medicine here..." she said, rummaging through her bag.

"There's no need for that," I told her. "I'm fine."

She looked at me doubtfully, but just decided to let it go. So she decided to bother Natsume instead. "So Natsume," she said. "What are you doing for the summer?"

"I'm working as a lifeguard," he answered. "Since last year, actually."

"That's wonderful! And you're at college, right?"

"That's right. At UCLA."

My mom turned to me. "College. Something that maybe you should start thinking about?"

Why is it that my mom always had to pick on me every chance she got? If she was doing this for the whole summer, I would gladly take the next flight back to Tokyo. "I still have a year in high school left," I told her, still feeling nauseous.

"Yes, but you'll be taking your SAT's next year and you have to-"

"Can we please not talk about that right now? I am tired and sleepy. And can you please give me this only freedom to do what I want before we get there?"

I realized, two seconds late, that Natsume was also in the car. I wanted to kick myself. Wait, I didn't care now. I didn't have feelings for him anymore. What he thinks doesn't matter to me.

"All right," my mom said. "And when we get there, maybe you've changed your view on this trip, as not being a two-month corporal punishment."

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Sleeping. And, oh yeah one more thing. Not gonna happen."

My mom just shook her head at me, as my dad got into the car. The truth is, I wasn't tired at all. I didn't know what I was feeling right now. I was nervous, yes. And scared too. And I knew my parents were as well. They just won't let it show. But I can feel it. Besides, it was better sleeping right now, because we were going to pass by the ocean again.

I accidentally glanced at Natsume, and saw that he was looking at me. I cocked my head to side, as if to ask why he was staring, and he just shook his head and looked out the window.

This was going to be a long ride, I thought.

Okay so don't hate me if I made Natsume into a sort of good guy. I just thought maybe it would be fun to change their personalities? Idk. Anywho, hoped you liked this chapter :) Xx