Hey y'all. Been reading your reviews, and I'm so happy how you're liking it so far. I hope I don't screw it up though. Lol. Anyway, here's the thing. I know everyone in this story seems OOC, but you know, based on the plot this is how they are now. And in the previous chapter, I actually tried put them in character. Like Mikan being lively, and Natsume being a snob and all. And do you remember the quote I put on chapter 3? "...I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying find it." I thought it suited Mikan well, because deep down she wasn't the person who she thought she was now, but she was still the same old, happy Mikan in her childhood.

Anyway, the story's just beginning and there will be more chapters to come :) for now, enjoy this one! x

I actually fell asleep on the whole ride. It was weird, but I dreamt about my childhood days. Ugh. This place was already messing with my head. I knew we were in Malibu already because I could smell the sea air. It made me want to gag. I was doing this thing again, where I pretended to still be asleep, because I really didn't want my mom telling me to look outside and enjoy the view. Or how, it was good to be back home, yada, yada.

My parents. I haven't heard them say a word, ever since I woke up five minutes ago. Maybe they were remembering too. I wondered how they faked it. Pretending to be happy, when the truth is, everything hurts. It was better being the way I am now. Being an emotionless bitch, who was feeling a lot of pain inside too. Ouch.

Also, I was leaning on Natsume's shoulder right now. And I couldn't move, because they'll know I'm awake, and they're going to start talking to me. I didn't even know how it happened. Oh right, I fell asleep. Damn it. It was a good thing my sunglasses were still on, or else I could have given myself away. I was no good at pretending to sleep, because my eyes would always flutter, even closed. That was how my mom found out I was faking it at the airport.

The car suddenly came to a stop. Oh no, were we here already? I wasn't ready yet. We were right on the beach. And I would see the freaking ocean up close. I was definitely going to throw up. My stomach felt weird already.

Someone was tugging my knee. "Mikan, sweetie. Wake up."

I really didn't want to. I didn't want to step foot on the beach. Then I remembered I was leaning on Natsume.

"Mikan Sakura, if you're messing with me again, I have no choice but to ground you for the whole summer."

I rolled my eyes. I'd like that better than having to step foot on this beach. And she didn't mean it, anyway. What, she dragged me all the way here in Malibu just to ground me? Please.

So, I pretended to just have gotten up and act all embarrassed that I was leaning on Natsume's shoulder this whole time (or I really did feel embarrassed), and muttered an apology to him. He told me not to worry about it, and got out of the truck to help with the luggage.

Wait a minute. Since when did he become such a nice guy? I still hadn't forgotten all the teasing he'd done when we were kids. But then again, it was immature holding a grudge over that, right? And like I told myself, I didn't care anymore.

The beach was full of people today (as always). My mother and I were still in the truck. I wondered how my dad handled it. Maybe held his breath and closed his eyes until he reached the house? But the house was the main part of it all.

"Come on, let's go down," she said.

"I can't." It was the first ever truth that I told my mom about how I really felt.

"What do you mean you can't?" she sounded really impatient, like she thought I was being stubborn again. I couldn't blame her.

"I mean, I can't. I can't get out of this truck. I just can't." I realized I was almost close to tears. Goddammit, Mikan, don't cry, I told myself. I blinked furiously, not allowing the tears to fall.

"Mikan, I don't have time for this," my mom said. "I know you don't like being dragged here, but you have to deal with it. You can't stay in this truck forever."

I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. The ocean was the first thing I was going to see when I get down. I couldn't let them know I was afraid of the it, because they'll bomb me with questions, and I don't think I'll be able to handle that. On the other hand, my mom was right. There was no way avoiding where I was right now.

I took a deep breath before I opened my door, and carefully got down. I felt my feet touch the sand. It was like going down a ladder which was a thousand feet high. Every step had to be careful. Or else you'd fall.

My eyes were closed the whole time, and once I was standing, I dared to open them. I imagined something worse, like maybe fainting, or hyperventilating. But nothing happened. I saw the ocean, wide and blue. The Malibu beach with all those people. It was like I never left. It felt like it was a normal summer day two years ago.

It didn't make any sense. Two years ago right before leaving, I was terrified. And a while ago, I felt like I was going to throw up, just looking at the ocean from afar. Now that I was on the actual beach, I felt... I felt like I was home.

"Honey?" my mom said, looking at me anxiously. "Are you okay?"

I nodded.

"Well, Dad's at the house already. Just come on in when you're ready." She held my hand and gave it a squeeze. I was sort of surprised, but I squeezed her hand back. This was the longest we didn't argue in two years. Or showed any affection at all.

I watched my mom enter the house, and wondered how she was handling it. The truth was, I wasn't ready to go inside yet. And I knew my parents wanted to be alone for a while. I was just leaning against the truck, staring at the beach.

"Missed it, huh?"

I was startled to see Natsume standing beside me, with a reasonable distance, also leaning against the truck. I cleared my throat. "A bit."

"Do you miss him?"

I glanced at him, and stared at the ground. No one has ever asked me that question since he died. Not even my own parents. Before I could answer, he said. "Sorry. That was a stupid question. I shouldn't have-"

"It's fine," I said. "You're just the first person who's ever asked me that. And yes. I do miss him. A lot." That was also the first time I ever said those words aloud. Being here made me miss him more, that it ached.

"Me too."

We just stood there in silence for the next few minutes. I didn't know why he didn't just leave. Was he doing this because he pitied me? That were the worst kind. But for as long as I knew him, he wasn't that type of person. But a lot could change in two years. I mean, look at me.

"So," we both said at the same time. Oh wow how awkward.

"You first," I told him.

He smiled. "Okay, umm. I just wanted to ask about a while ago. In the truck? Are you sure you're okay?"

So he did notice. "Yeah, sure. Like I said, just jet lag."

He frowned. "You looked really sick though. Especially when we were driving through-"

"Look, I'm fine okay?" I said, quickly. "I have to go. My mom might drag me all the way inside if I don't."

I walked to the back of the truck to get my luggage, but it wasn't there.

"Already inside," Natsume said.

"Um, thanks." I gave him a tight smile before walking to our old house.

"Wait!"

I turned around, waiting for his reply.

"What was it that you were going to say?"

I honestly didn't remember, so I came up with something quick. "I'm sorry for leaning on your shoulder." I mentally cursed myself. Real smooth, Mikan. Real smooth.

I was emotionally preparing myself for what was going to happen. I thought that whole encounter with Natsume was just weird and awkward. We never did say a proper goodbye to each other right before I moved, because I just remembered him waving at me from his patio as my family and I drove away. And that was it.

Also, it bothered me that he was being so nice and polite. When we were kids, Natsume wasn't like this at all. Friendly, and helping people, and not complaining when someone leans on him. It was weird. When I realized I had a crush on him back then, I would always beg my brother to take me or include me to wherever or whatever they were going or doing. For some peculiar reason, I couldn't forget that night when I was eight and he called me "cool." I was so happy then. And then after that, he became a snob again. But there were some times that he was genuinely nice. Like that time when he tutored me in Algebra, and Geometry and Trigonometry, and all that. I honestly didn't know why I liked him so much back then. Well, his looks were a big factor. And he even looked better now.

Wait, what the hell? No, Mikan. You don't like him anymore, I thought to myself. Then it hit me. Of course. Why didn't I see it the moment I saw him? He obviously had a girlfriend. Why else would he have a change of heart? It's obviously because of a girl. That actually relieved me, because I had a good reason to stay away from him. I was still keeping that promise to myself: don't get too close to anyone, because you'll just lose them in the end.

When I reached the house, I braced myself for what I was going to see. Would it still be the way we left it two years ago? Then I thought, that would be ridiculous, because someone had to take care of this house even if it was unknown if the owners were coming back at all, right? I took a deep breath, and opened the door.

I gasped. Believe it or not, it was the same.

It was like I just came home from a run on the beach, and not coming back from Tokyo after two years. Although the house was neater, everything still stayed in place. The living room, with the ancient couches, and the t.v. with the video game controls placed on top of it, where it has always been. I walked towards it, remembering all the times Tsubasa and I played using these controls, and sitting on the couches eating junk food. It literally felt like it was just like yesterday, even when it was ages ago. I suddenly missed him. It took all my will to not hold the video game control in my arms.

I just wanted to cry. My parents were upstairs, I guessed, since they obviously weren't down here. And this was just the living room. What more if I went to the kitchen, my room, and his room?

So, I grabbed the video game control that my brother always used (he always won with it), and laid down on the couch, and cried. I wanted him back here with me. I wanted all of this to be a nightmare, everything that happened in the past two years to be a bad dream. I wanted Tsubasa to wake me up by tickling me, and challenging me to a video game that he knew he'd win in, but sometimes let me win.

I wanted my childhood back. My childhood, where my only happiness was walking on the beach and collecting seashells. I cried even harder, remembering all those things. Because I knew, that no matter how I hoped, those things would never happen again.

I didn't know what time it was, but it was dark out, and I heard rumbling noises from the kitchen. My head was aching so bad, and I felt my eyes were swollen. I was still holding Tsubasa's video game control. I sat up, carefully placed it on the table, and headed for the kitchen.

It was still the same too. It was funny how nothing changed in the things we left, yet we knew how things were much different now. I found my mom, who was by the stove, already cooking.

"Oh hey, honey," she said, when she saw me. She showed no surprise to my haggard look.

I looked around. "Where's Dad?"

"Bought some things at the grocery," she said, lowering the fire, and turning to face me. "Are you okay, Mikan? I saw you..."

"Yeah on the couch. I was tired so..."

She just nodded. I knew that she knew what happened anyway.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Can we go home after Tsubasa's anniversary?"

Her expression was surprised at first, then a little hurt, and now just plain sadness. "Oh honey, I know it's hard. I cried too. But we're staying here for the whole summer. Your father and I already arranged our leave."

"Why did we even come here?" I asked. "And don't tell me it's about Tsubasa's anniversary. I know there's more to that."

My mom sighed, and sat down on the dining table chairs. I mimicked her. "Well," she said, "remember what you told me, about running away and being scared? You were right. It hurt too much to be here after your brother's death. I thought that moving would help me forget the pain I felt when we lost him, and the pain that we're feeling right now, that we're back. But it just made it worse. I realized two years too late that we need to be closer to him, not farther. I don't want to forget him, Mikan. I'm sure none of us do. So, as corny as it sounds, let's just make the most of it, okay?"

I was surprised at how my mom was being so open to me. She never did this before. But we have gone several hours without arguing so I didn't want to ruin anything. "Okay," I replied. "I'll try."

My mom looked surprised too. I knew she was expecting some rude comeback, but I realized I was too tired for that right now. "Thank you. That's all I wanted to hear.

This chapter's a bit too serious, don't you think? I apologize for my lame writing here. I was busy for a couple of days, but not to worry. My next update will be very soon ;) x