Okay, here it is. I wrote this from 1 am until 3 am in morning, so I'm sorry if some things don't make sense to you. I promise to clarify in the next chapter. Enjoy! x

I drove myself at the Malibu Park. It was quiet, with only a few people present. I hadn't realized that my face was streaming with tears when I sat down by the lake. It was me and Tsubasa's spot whenever we went on our annual camping trip. Ever since we first went stargazing, we've been studying about the stars and constellations ever since. And we'd have a contest to whoever would find the most constellations at night.

I let out a sob, and buried my head in my knees, hugging them against my chest. How could my mom do it? Not being vulnerable? For the last two years, Tokyo was our distraction from everything here in Malibu. I just couldn't grasp the fact that someone who has always been there, who I never thought would be gone in an instant, isn't here anymore. I'd never see my brother again. Or hear his voice and his laughter. I'd wish this was all a dream. That was the only thing I ever prayed for ever since I lost my brother. I would give anything in the world to have him here again. Anything.

"Mikan! Mikan, are you okay?"

My breath caught in my throat. I turned around to see Tsubasa running towards me with a very worried expression. I knew it. Everything that happened was just a stupid nightmare. I grinned at my brother. "I'm fine, Tsubasa," I replied. "God, where have you been? Everyone's been worried about you."

He completely ignored my question, and started shaking my shoulders, as if trying to snap me out of a hypnosis. "Mikan! Answer me. Are you okay?"

The next thing I knew, I was lying on the grass, my hair sprawled over my tear-streaked face. I jolted up, breathless, and found Natsume kneeling down beside me. He was studying me intently, contemplating on what he should say. I looked at him, and my surroundings, and realized I had been fooled by my own conscience. And then, I burst in tears, my breath being caught up in between sobs. I felt Natsume's arms around me then, and my head pressed against his chest.

"Shh," he murmured, in my hair, "It's going to be okay."

He was the last person I wanted to see right now, but it's been a long time since someone held me like that. The last time was when I was in the fourth grade and sprained my elbow and my mom rocked me in her arms the whole ride to the hospital. It felt nice. And comforting.

So I didn't care if I threw up on Natsume and was now soaking his shirt with tears, because truthfully, he kinda deserved it.

Okay, maybe saying Natsume deserved all those things I did to him (unintentionally) was a little... heartless. Because he did drop me off at home, again. And didn't try to talk to me, because he knew I was incapable of that due to my breakdown last night. But he had some serious explaining to do. And that was the least I could give back to him. Or was it too much?

Anyway, I was still in bed the next day, and it was almost two in the afternoon. My curtains were closed, air conditioning at full blast and my comforter covering my entire body. My eyes were all puffy and my head throbbing (what else is new?), and I was thankful neither of my parents dragged me out of bed. Yet. I replayed what happened last night in my head, cringing at the memories. But what hurt me the most was that awful dream. I honestly thought these past two years was just a terrible nightmare. But it was idiotic to ever think that.

Just then, I heard a loud knock on my door. "Mikan, you've had enough space. It's two o'clock in the afternoon. Please get out of bed so we could talk."

I didn't answer. I'd rather let my mom think I was dead or something.

I heard my dad's muffled voice from the other side of the door. "Honey, I really think we should let Mikan have this day to herself. Did you not see her last night?"

Yes. Thank you, Dad. You're now my hero.

"But shouldn't we talk about it with her? Or at least feed her?"

"Of course," my dad answered. "She'll go out when she wants to. But not now. This isn't easy for her than it is for us. Just give her today."

Finally, my mom let out a defeated sigh. "Okay. You're right."

I fell asleep again, and when I woke up two hours later, I heard my bedroom door open, and felt someone sit on my bed. My heart beat picked up. If this was another one of my minds...

"Mikan, let's talk please. Or at least eat something."

God, it was just my mom. My back was turned to her, so she really didn't know if I was awake yet. I didn't respond. Now that she did mention it, it was almost twenty-four hours since I last ate something. My stomach growled. Damn it.

Mom sighed. "I thought so. I brought up some waffles I made earlier. Please talk to me, honey."

"How'd you get in here?" I asked, my voice rasped.

"Keys to every room in this house," she replied.

I was still pissed at her for last night, when she practically threw a party on Tsubasa's death anniversary. It was like spitting on his grave. But I was hungry, so I turned to face her, and sat up. She silently handed me the plate of waffles, and I finished all three pieces in like, ten seconds.

"Do you want more?" she asked.

I shook my head. My life might seriously suck right now, but food makes it slightly bearable.

"So, about what happened yesterday-"

"I don't want to talk about that right now, Mom," I interrupted. "I understand that I have to apologize to Natsume, again. But I don't feel like talking about what happened. But I will tell you I was pissed off by what you did."

Her eyes widened. "What did I do?"

I gave her a disbelieving look, and got out of bed. I needed a bath. "Okay," she said, standing up. "I know that throwing a steak out wasn't your idea of how to celebrate Tsubasa's anniversary, but everyone that knew your brother wanted them to be there. It wasn't like I could kick them all out."

"Bullshit," I muttered.

My mother gasped. "What was that?"

I was about to yell at her and tell her what I thought, but then I remembered what Ruka told me last night. As I took a good look at my mother, who was both mad and surprised, I also noticed that she looked tired. That's when I realized that all I did for the past two years was think of myself. All along I thought I was the only one who was miserable and that no one understood me. And that I was the only one who lost someone. My parents lost their son and I lost a brother. It wasn't about who was hurting the most. It was about being strong for one another.

So I threw out of my brain everything I'd thought wrong for the past two years, and walked over to my mother and embraced her. At first she froze slightly, obviously shocked of my sudden reaction and the put her arms around me. They were firm. It had been a long time since my mother embraced me. I felt the safest in my mom's arms.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "For everything."

She stroked my hair, and kissed my head. "Oh, honey. I'm sorry. I haven't been the best mother to you, have I?"

"And I haven't been the best daughter," I replied.

She laughed slightly and rubbed my back. "It's okay, Mikan. Mommy's here. Everything will be all right."

I hadn't realized that I was crying again, until I heard my mom's soothing voice. And when she said that, I believed her.

For the past three days, I've been avoiding Natsume. And by doing that, I had to be real observant of his shifts. His lifeguard duty started at eight in the morning, with a lunch break from 12 noon to 1 pm, and ended at four in the afternoon. I noticed that Ruka was also lifeguarding, and that his shifts were the same as Natsume's only his ended at six in the afternoon because he starts at ten in the morning. Anyway, I knew that Natsume deserved to explain things to me, but I just couldn't handle talking to him yet. Not after that breakdown I had. But I still went to my job of course, where Hotaru ignored me all the time, and says three words to me at the most. Not that it still bothered me, because I was getting used to it.

Which is why she surprised me one Friday morning by talking to me before the store opened. "Why are you so early all the time?" she asked.

I tried my best to hide my surprise, as if her talking to me wasn't a big deal. "I'm an early bird now," I said, nonchalantly. Since I had to avoid Natsume, I had to get up extra early in the morning so I wouldn't run into him. And I would just hang out at Starbucks and wait until it was near opening time. This was worth it anyway, since I crash right away into bed and sometimes waking up the following day already.

She snorted. "Oh yeah? Since when?"

I blinked a few times. She remembered that I never woke up before 8 a.m. at any day. Is this some sort of sign that... Ugh. Stop it, Mikan. There you go again, overthinking. "Since I started this job," I replied.

Hotaru just rolled her eyes and flipped open the "Sorry, we're closed" sign. And that was it. She didn't say anything else to me for the rest of the day.

On the way home, I was too deep in thought about my conversation with Hotaru a while ago, still a little shocked that she talked to me in a casual manner. I tried to not read into it though, because it might just turn out into a huge disappointment.

I was too distracted that I didn't notice I took the short cut and was now walking through the main beach where Natsume was posted. Usually I take the longer way and pass through the other side of the beach, far from him so he couldn't see me. But now, that chances of him seeing me is, I don't know, 98 percent.

"Shit," I muttered, as I walked swiftly to my house, slightly covering myself with my cap (thank God for this). Unfortunately, it seemed like I was the only one walking on the beach wearing a polo shirt and jeans, so I could be easily spotted. Surely enough, Natsume saw me, jumped down his lifeguard seat, called my name, and ran after me. I pretended not to hear him of course, and controlled myself to not bolt into a run to my house. I was almost there anyway, so if he didn't call my name again and stopped running, I could-

"Mikan! Wait!"

Too late. He caught my arm-gently this time-and spun me towards him. So I had no other choice but to finally talk to him.

"There you are," he said. "I haven't seen you in days. Where have you been?"

I noticed that we were too close from each other, so I stepped backwards. "I've been busy," I answered, curtly. "With my job."

He nodded, but it seemed that he didn't buy it. "You haven't been avoiding me, have you?"

Of course he would notice. He wasn't stupid. "Of course not," I said. "I just had a lot going on."

"Look about, Saturday..."

This would've been the good time to cut him off. But I didn't. He just trailed off by himself, clearly forming his explanation in his head. But I had to do some apologizing first on my behalf. "Wait before you say anything," I said. "I just want to tell you that I'm sorry for the trouble I caused that night. I mean, first I throw up on you, then I soak your shirt with my tears. Then, you drove me home for the second time. I promise it won't happen again."

I was surprised to see that there was a hint of hurt in his eyes. Like I've offended him or something. My apology was sincere. And wasn't he the one who was supposed to feel guilty and not me? "Mikan," he said in a serious tone, "those things I did, I did them for you. So you don't have to apologize for that. I'm the one who should be apologizing."

Well there you go. I waited.

He took a deep breath. "Look, about Misaki and I, it isn't what it seems."

I crossed my arms over my chest. Did he think I was stupid? "What the hell was that supposed to look like then?" I said. "You know, just because my brother's gone doesn't mean that you stop being his best friend. Just like I never stopped being his sister. It doesn't work that way, Natsume. Imagine if he were here and he saw you two. Could you actually stand to see him hurt?"

"I know, I did make a mistake. But just hear me out, okay?"

I waited, scowling at him.

"When your brother...died," he continued, "everyone was devastated, obviously. I went into a mental shock for days, that Aoi was afraid to talk to me. I just didn't want to believe that it happened. And then a few weeks later, when you moved, I felt so alone. You and Tsubasa were practically like family and it felt like someone ripped out my heart. Then, one day I saw Misaki sitting at your porch steps crying. I wanted to that too. Cry. I didn't cry the entire time it happened. Like I said, I literally went into shock. Anyway, I approached her, and saw the same thing in her eyes that I saw in mine whenever I looked into the mirror. Grief. So I just sat there with her, and cried for the first time since it happened." He paused, swallowing. I saw a hint if tears in his eyes, and mine stung a little.

"And ever since then, we started hanging out," he continued. "It was just as friends, I swear. I just found myself comfortable around her, because she was the person who broke down my walls. But one day, I don't know what happened. We just looked at each other, and then we kissed. I know it was wrong. Trust me, nothing ever felt more wrong in my life. We pulled apart like after three seconds, then she just started crying and telling me how much she loved your brother."

So I was right. He did change because of a girl. I remembered seeing Misaki last week, with her bubbly attitude. It was hard to tell if she was still mourning over my brother. Ruka was right. Just because we were happy on the outside, doesn't mean we weren't breaking on the inside.

When I didn't answer, Natsume continued. "So we just stayed that way. I promise you, we didn't get into a relationship. I could never do that to Tsubasa. And Misaki still loves him. And probably always will."

"But that night, I saw you two coming out from your house. Together," I said, speaking for the first time.

"Yes, but that's because she came to me earlier that evening saying that she couldn't handle seeing your family and not have a total breakdown. She almost had one when she saw you when you got here. So I ended up comforting her that night. You know, just being present."

I didn't know why I didn't seem convinced, but the relationship between Natsume and Misaki couldn't be more than brotherly or sisterly, right? And I believed Natsume, because why would he lie now? Unless he was a total jackass and never cared about my brother. But I highly doubted that.

Natsume sighed and slumped his shoulders. "Are you still mad at me?"

He was looking at me with those puppy-dog eyes (if dogs had crimson colored eyes). That was one move he never did when we were kids. How much did Misaki change him anyway? But okay. I was a girl and I was helpless when it came to men begging you to forgive them, shirtless. And ever since things started to look good with my mom, I didn't feel any anger in me anymore. Mostly just fear. Because the ocean was only a few feet away.

"No," I told him. "We're good."

Now I know what you're thinking. Why si Misaki the reason why Natsume changed shouldn't it supposed to be Mikan cause they're meant for each other? (Well maybe something like that). As I said above I would clarify things in the next chapter :) 'til the next update! Ciao~! x