"How did you injure your finger again?" Chopper asks as he examines the flexing of Sanji's hand and his injured finger.
He should say that Zoro did it, he should tell Chopper that he lied to protect Zoro and escaped the marines, he should say that Zoro completely lost it and tried to hurt him in the most personal way possible. But... he can't. Some part of him is for some reason ashamed of what happened and no matter how hard he tries he can't put his finger on just what it is that he's ashamed of exactly.
"I just tripped and bent it awkwardly, it went the whole way back, hurt like a bitch. Normally I wouldn't come for something like this but..." He trails off as he lies through his teeth. He's starting to get a little disturbed by how easy it's becoming to lie actually.
"Your hands are different, of course." Chopper nods and presses around the tender joint to examine for any ripping or tearing of the cartilage or tendons, Sanji winces but lets the little doctor proceed.
Sanji thinks some more, rationally he knows that he's not ashamed of being hurt by Zoro; the two of them hurt each other all the time and both of them have had to go to Chopper before. And he knows he was right to protect Zoro, despite the marimo's hurt pride, after all Chopper was the one who told him how vulnerable Zoro was. He could tell Chopper couldn't he? The doctor would surely understand…
"I'll give you some ibuprofen to take the swelling down and you should ice it if it hurts, other than that you're fine." Chopper concludes and hops off of his doctor's stool and opens his locked medicine cabinet.
Sanji opens his mouth, if it's so simple he should tell Chopper. Perhaps the doctor could talk some sense into Zoro. He remembers Zoro's callous uncaring gaze as with a look he promised, not threatened, to break Sanji and something about it freezes his tongue.
"Thanks Chopper." He mumbles instead and takes the drugs handed to him.
He comes back out onto the deck and turns to head inside to make an early dinner, not many people got to eat much of their lunch after all. He pauses when he sees Zoro's shadow on the glass of the lookout, not that he happened to just see him in fairness, he had actively looked around. He debates going inside to talk to Zoro but as he doesn't feel like being beaten to death with a 15kg plate he thinks he'll leave it until the swordsman calms down.
He squirrels himself away in the kitchen and shuts the door behind him, after a moment he goes back and locks it as well. He heads to the sink and pours himself a glass of water. He hesitates with the glass halfway to his mouth and the pills in the back of his throat, even water makes him think of Zoro, makes him think of Zoro's first relearned word. He shakes the thought out of his head and drinks.
He finishes the glass and places it in the sink. Leaning against the workbench he turns his hand over and flexes his fingers, part of him is paranoid that they're going to seize up and stop working after Zoro's abuse. He scowls to himself, he really should be furious at Zoro for this but bizarrely he doesn't feel angry at all, which makes no sense. Usually he's so careful about his hands, he's too paranoid about hurting his most precious tools and yet... He feels nothing.
"Fucking bastard marimo!" He says loudly to himself, vaguely hoping to instil some feeling about it, yet nothing comes.
His old man always used to accuse him of being emotionally retarded, not that the old fart was any better at all. "Think about it" was what Zeff used to order him.
Fine, he'll play that game.
Why might be not be angry about being hurt by Zoro when usually it would make him murderous? Uh... Because he's lost his mind? Well, that was increasingly likely of late but perhaps he shouldn't leap to that. Okay then because... He wanted Zoro to hurt him? No, not true but it felt closer. Because... He deserved it?
Something inside of him says "bingo"
But fuck, no, that couldn't be right! If anything Zoro owes him! He's the one teaching the ass to talk again, he's the one translating for him and hell he'd just saved Zoro's life! The very worst he might have done is dented Zoro's pride by poorly phrasing his argument, "weak" was perhaps a word that he should have avoided. But he may as well call a spade a spade, until Zoro was better again he was weaker, the idiot was just too dumb to know it. The moss brained moron probably thought that even unarmed and injured he could have taken on those marines, a high boast for someone who barely more than a week ago got shoved off of a cliff and brained by a rock all thanks to some nobody marine newbie getting a lucky shove in. So like hell was Sanji gonna just let Zoro waltz off into full combat, fuck that.
He nods to himself and heads to the fridge, that's that then. He pulls out a haunch of mutton and places it on his chopping board, he's going to make a gorgeous mutton meat stew. But… if he's so right then why does he not feel angry? Shit, he hadn't actually addressed that. Well, maybe he was just confused because of his new feelings for Zoro, perhaps he feels bad for trying to get off to Zoro when the other man has no clue and is hurt. Zoro would probably flip out if he found out, especially as he seems to think that Sanji thinks of him like he does the ladies now, which for the record he does not. Comparing Zoro to his goddesses is just wrong.
Whatever, Zoro can just… deal with it.
Cooking takes considerably longer when you're doing it alone, he's barely had Zoro helping him for any amount of time and yet suddenly the time seems to drag and for the first time in quite a while feels a little lonely in the kitchen all on his own. Usually he'd relish the time inside away from noisy nakama and… and malicious moss headed bastards. Yet here he is wishing it wasn't so. Well, when Zoro calms down he'll have company again.
He plates up the stew which, if he does say so himself, smells divine. He puts it into shallow bowls with wide rims, usually the kind that he might use for pasta, but it works well with the rustic bread that he's made with it. His nakama can butter slices of the bread and rest them on the edges of their bowls. He takes the lid off of the butter dish and sets it in the middle of the table with mountains of thick fresh sliced bread on it, still warm from the oven. Glasses of water go out for everyone and cutlery is arranged, napkins are set out and when everything is perfect he sticks his head outside of the door and announces that dinner is ready. The crew dash inside, they all know better than to wait with Luffy around. He knows that his ladies do appreciate his art, but they just don't have time to sit and stare with their human black hole of a captain.
"It looks wonderful cook-san." Robin smiles at him as she butters her bread and, with a disembodied hand, yanks Luffy's fingers backwards when he tries to steal her bread.
Watching Luffy's rubber fingers bend beyond the point that they should break repulses him and makes his skin crawl. His mind immediately flicks to Zoro who, he notices, is not at the table. He ducks out of the kitchen and heads outside.
"Zoro!" He calls, deciding against any unpleasantries with his calling – Zoro is already mad at him after all. He searches across the Sunny but sees no sight of Zoro, not until he looks up at the crow's nest, where Zoro's training room sits. A shadow on the glass tells him all he needs to know that Zoro is up there.
Sanji stands at the base of the mast with some trepidation. He wants to go up and get Zoro's dumb ass to the dinner table but something sticks his feet to the grass beneath him. He looks up the wooden beam and feels a sensation almost like vertigo as he takes it in. Why's he feeling like this? Zoro wouldn't actually hurt him if he disturbed him, they were nakama after all.
But… Zoro had hurt him, and given him a look that full well promised that he would actually break his finger if he… if he what? What had he actually done that made Zoro so furious to treat him like that? He holds his hand up and nervously flexes his fingers, as if they might have stopped working since he did it just five minutes ago. So he called Zoro weak, well, he wasn't likely to do that in the process of calling him to dinner. And… and they are nakama aren't they? Zoro wouldn't hurt him, not really. With that thought repeating in his head like a mantra he climbs the mast, putting one hand over the other again and again. But as he's just a few paces from the top his treacherous brain threads a thought through his mind.
Are you nakama though?
It's a ridiculous thought. Preposterous. Of course they were nakama. Stupid.
His hand hesitates below the hatch, he should push it open and climb in but… no no, this is stupid. He's not going to climb down over some silly thought like that. He shoves the hatch open and climbs inside. Zoro is standing near the middle of the room with his back to Sanji, he's tossing a 15kg plate up and down in the air and catching it with his fingertips. It looks like a circus trick but Sanji can tell that it's something to do with training Zoro's grip strength.
"Hey, I called for dinner. Luffy will be eating yours at this rate." He says in a neutral tone.
Zoro, predictably says nothing and keeps his back to him as he tosses the plate over and over again in the air. Sanji tracks it with his eyes until they wander to the dull steel shine in Zoro's hair. Something in his gut squirms with a sick cold feel and Sanji's resolve hardens.
"You need to eat, I don't care if I bruised your ego so just eat." He orders, stepping closer to Zoro.
His hand barely grazes the back of Zoro's arm before the swordsman spins and swings his arm in Sanji's direction. With heightened senses Sanji snaps his arm back in time to be well out of Zoro's reach by the time the plate in Zoro's hand cuts through the air. He takes the message and backs up, he doesn't know if Zoro is going to try to fight him but he's not going to fight, not when Zoro is hurt.
Zoro regards him with cold, emotionless, eyes. The hairs on the back of Sanji's neck all stand up on end and he wonders if this is how marines feel when they see the famous demon hunter Zoro. Sanji becomes sweepingly aware that he's in Zoro's territory right here, he's surrounded by barbells, weight plates, training swords and god knows what else. Sanji knows first-hand just how dangerous a cook can be in their element, if someone cornered him in a kitchen and he really had to fight his way out he could kill someone a million times over with everything in it. Why would that be any different for Zoro? He is suddenly not feeling so secure. That treasonous section of his brain repeats the same question again, are he and Zoro really nakama? Zoro is certainly his, but… is he Zoro's? Would Zoro ever have threatened Luffy's hat his with his swords, or threatened to skewer Nami's maps, would he ever threaten to sink the Sunny, no matter how angry he was? No, because those things were important to his nakama, and yet… Zoro had threatened to break his fingers. So, the question remains, are they nakama?
"Zoro?" He asks in a weak voice, but Zoro's cold gaze is unrelenting and unchanging.
"Look, I know you're angry at me, and maybe I was a jerk about it but… you still need to have dinner. So come on, let's go." He offers and steps towards the hatch as a gesture, but Zoro doesn't move and continues to stare at him with menace.
Sanji stands quietly for a second or two, pinned in place by that stare. Zoro's expression doesn't change and Sanji suddenly feels the need to fill the oppressive silence with words again.
"Well, say something then or come with me, don't just stand there glaring at me." He insists but Zoro neither moves nor speaks, simply stares with that unfeeling look. Sanji finds himself increasingly glad that Chopper hid Zoro's swords as soon as he woke up. An unarmed Zoro is still dangerous, especially in this place, but slightly less lethal than an armed one. Maybe.
A horrible thought steals over Sanji's mind and he voices it immediately.
"You… you can still talk can't you? You're… refusing to talk to me because you're angry, not because you can't, right?" He asks wide eyed, Zoro however remains obstinately silent, his expression unchanged as if Sanji had said nothing. The terrible thought continues.
"You can still understand me can't you?" He asks urgently.
"Zoro, say something!" Sanji says panicking, he reaches for Zoro but it seems that Sanji penetrates some invisible bubble around Zoro because the moment that his hand crosses some line Zoro strikes as quickly as a cobra and snatches Sanji's wrist.
"Oi! Let me go!" Sanji snaps, pulling backwards but Zoro's grip is unrelenting. Sanji's eyes flick to the weight plate in Zoro's other hand and he remembers how Zoro was just training his grip before. He's seen the swordsman hang onto tonnes of weight as he swings it around and he comes to the creeping realisation that there's no way he can get out of Zoro's grip just by pulling back on it. Unless he fights Zoro he can't get away.
"Stop it!" He repeats, hoping that the swordsman will listen to him.
Zoro's grip tightens around his wrist bringing the grip firmly into the territory of "painful", he hisses and pulls back but Zoro clearly has no intention of letting him go.
"Hey stop it! Zoro, do you even understand me?!" He shouts pulling at his arm and fighting every instinct to twist and plant one foot into the crook of Zoro's elbow and break the hold. He could but what if Zoro didn't let go and cracked his head and died?! No, he won't fight, he can't! Zoro's eyes flicker from Sanji's, following his nervous look at Zoro's elbow and back to him.
"I'm not going to fight you, just let me go!" Sanji yells, struggling in Zoro's grip and trying to use his other hand to peel Zoro's fingers off but the swordsman's hands are so much stronger than his own.
Zoro's gaze turns more hostile and his grip becomes punishingly tight. It's eye wateringly painful and Sanji can feel the blood getting cut off from his fingers.
"Please, stop!" He gasps out pleadingly as Zoro's grip continues to tighten and Sanji feels the bones in his wrist crunch together agonisingly. He drops to his knees as he claws at Zoro's hand with his free hand. He shudders in pain which is both mental and physical, what if he can never use his hand after this? He... He has another and it's not worth Zoro's life.
A sob tumbles from his lips and suddenly with a violent throw the grip around his wrist is released, sending him flying across the floor. He's fleeing before he can even think about it, hurling himself out of the trap door without even bothering with the steps. He plunges to the grass deck below, it must be at least forty feet but his legs can take the impact. The shock of it reverberates up his legs; he ignores it though and sprints into the kitchen.
He shoulders the door open and dashes towards the fridge clutching at his injured wrist. He spins on his toes and kicks the freezer door open with his other foot. He jams his hand in the freezer and scrambles with his other to scrape up ice cubes and press them against his throbbing, abused wrist. He's shaking with fear as he drops to the ground and presses the ice to himself.
"Sanji! What happened?!" Nami gasps, leaning over the counter to look at him as the rest of his nakama crowd around him.
"Let me see, Sanji!" Chopper says, shoving his way to the front and scampering to Sanji. The little doctor takes Sanji's damaged wrist from his good hand and Sanji, still crying, lets him.
Chopper feels the wrist carefully, pressing this way and that regardless of Sanji's whimpers of pain. When the doctor releases Sanji's wrist slightly the big red hand mark that Zoro has gifted him stands in stark contrast to Sanji's pale flesh.
"Zoro did that?" Nami gasps, half question, half horrified statement.
"Why would Zoro do such a thing?" Brook utters in horror.
"Why indeed." Robin remarks in a sinister tone.
"Do you think that Zoro doesn't know who Sanji was? Sanji did he seem confused or disoriented?" Chopper asks him with wide eyed panic. Sanji shakes his head, Zoro was clear and lucid. He was also sinister as fuck but he wasn't confused.
"Yeah, besides, if you wanted to hurt Sanji the most without killing him you would go after his hands. Just like you'd go after Brook's afro or Luffy's hat. He knew who he was." Usopp says slowly, a strange expression stealing over his face.
"Will he be okay?" Luffy asks, his face serious and dark as he crouches down by Chopper who is pressing the ice back against Sanji's wrist.
"Nothing is broken, but it's a very bad sprain. I'm going to need to put this in a sling for you Sanji." Chopper says in his doctor voice and gently pats Sanji on the arm in an effort to be reassuring. At least it's not fractured, that could have put him out of cooking for weeks if not months. Sanji sniffs and nods in response and counts his lucky stars, what would Zeff say if he could see him now?
"I'll kick his ass!" Luffy snarls, leaping up from the floor.
"Hold it." Usopp says seriously, grabbing Luffy by the shoulder.
"Why?! Zoro hurt Sanji!" Luffy shouts furiously.
"Don't, please." Sanji pleads quietly, but the whole room falls silent at it.
"Zoro wouldn't hurt his nakama for no reason, Zoro doesn't do that. So what did you do Sanji?" Usopp asks, his voice fierce and dangerous in a way that Sanji has previously only heard coming from behind the sogeking mask.
"What are you talking about?! Zoro nearly broke Sanji's wrist, how is that Sanji's fault?" Nami snaps, stepping in to defend him like the angel that she is.
"And your finger this morning, was that Zoro too?" Chopper asks him suddenly. Sanji shifts uncomfortably and flexes his fingers. His non answer is apparently enough for his nakama though and there's a wide eyed look of horror across them all.
"I'm kicking his ass." Luffy restates, standing up and snapping his fist closed. Shockingly though Usopp steps into Luffy's way and actively blocks his path, where is such courage coming from within their cowardly sharpshooter?
"Don't you think Sanji would be doing that himself if he didn't think he deserved it? He's stronger than everyone but you and Zoro. And yet he's sitting there telling you not to do anything back, he knows he did something wrong. Was it something you did or something you said, Sanji?" Usopp presses.
"I don't- it's not... He's just overreacting, he'll calm down." He says quietly, looking down at his wrist and the rapidly spreading hand shaped bruise. The mark of Zoro's hand.
"You sure about that little bro?" Franky asks sceptically.
He looks up and sees that his nakama are looking at him with a mixture of concern and curiosity, Luffy's furious anger seems to have subsided and he's giving him a penetrating look that Sanji can't quite meet. He draws his gaze back to his own injured wrist and moves the ice in his hand to his throbbing wrist bone.
"I'm going to go talk to Zoro, he's probably upset." Usopp sighs and turns towards the door.
"You're comforting Zoro, even when poor Sanji is hurt?!" Nami huffs.
"Even if you've decided that someone who used to be your nakama can't be anymore, it's not something that you can just switch off. Why do you think Sanji's still got a hand at all? Hurting Sanji is going to have hurt Zoro too." The sniper says flatly and leaves.
Luffy looks around the room and sighs dramatically while folding his arms.
"Man, this is all too much. I think I need more food to get over this." He says seriously.
"You JUST ate! And you ate all of Zoro and Sanji's food too!" Nami shouts, cracking their captain on the head with her righteous fist.
"I've never seen Usopp so serious!" Brook remarks with wonder.
"It's… before your time I suppose. I guess Usopp can relate to Zoro in this." Nami sighs, turning to the skeleton with a sad look.
Sanji winces in a way that has nothing to do with his wrist, is this situation really so similar to Usopp and Luffy's fight? Usopp left the crew, he said that they couldn't be nakama anymore. But he and Zoro aren't that bad are they? He looks at his wrist and wonders if someone who was supposed to be his nakama could really do this to him.
"Come on Sanji, let's get you fixed up." Chopper says gently and pulls him to his feet. The reindeer leads him off to the infirmary and sets about giving him painkillers, things to take the swelling away, rubbing ointment on his wrist and finally bandaging it supportively before putting it in a sling. With that all done the little doctor settles into his doctor's chair and regards Sanji from where he sits on the bed.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Chopper asks him softly, his big chocolate brown eyes imploring Sanji to talk.
"Not really, no." Sanji says, resisting the look and pulling a cigarette from his packet in his jacket. Chopper shoots him the dirtiest look and Sanji places the lighter back in his pocket and keeps the unlit cigarette between his lips.
"I don't need to justify something that I'd do again given the opportunity, I don't regret what I did or what I said. So what's the point in talking about it? If Zoro needs to hate me for that then that's what he has to do, it's his problem not mine." He continues, jutting his chin defiantly.
"So why do you look like you feel guilty about it?" The doctor asks shrewdly.
"I could perhaps of phrased what I said a little better, I might have been a bit of a jerk about it." He admits, chewing on the end of his cigarette uncomfortably.
"And yet that doesn't usually make you feel bad at all." Chopper says bluntly.
"Oi, what are you trying to say, emergency rations?" Sanji snaps angrily. Chopper merely raises his eyebrows at Sanji and gives him a look that suggests he's a little slow in the head. Sanji winds his mind over that last sentence. Ah, yes, well that might be considered tactless too.
"It seems an odd time for something like that to start bothering you, I would suggest that you might feel guilty about something else." Chopper says flatly. Sanji shakes his head and slouches against the wall, no way does he feel guilty at all, Chopper's wrong. He's got nothing to feel guilty about. Nope.
"I've also got another patient to consider here Sanji, you're the only one that Zoro can talk to for some reason." Chopper states seriously.
"Well he's not talking to me now. He was refusing to earlier and when I tried to reason with him he did this to me!" Sanji argues back, gesturing to his arm in the sling.
"Right. But… if Zoro has no one to talk to his ability to speak may start to atrophy, he could go back to being completely mute again. He's only just started relearning that skill and it might be all too easy to lose that." The doctor explains.
"Well, I don't want that to happen. But I'm not going anywhere near him if he's going to be like this. Don't get me wrong, I want to help and if he decides to swallow his stupid pride and get over it then I'll happily help him again. I want him to get better Chopper, I do. Maybe you should talk to Zoro yourself about it, your bigger form has a deeper voice, he should be able to understand you then, if not Franky or Brook will probably willingly translate for you." He sighs, hopping off of the bed and heading for the door. As soon as he's over the threshold he lights up a smoke and walks off.
"Oi, no cooking for the next two days at least Sanji, I mean it!" Chopper shouts after him. Sanji would pretend not to hear if he didn't know full well that the little doctor was liable to actually chase him down until he agreed to that. He waves in agreement to the doctor and heads up out.
When he arrives on deck he sees that Zoro is out of the crow's nest and is instead sitting on the railing of the Sunny with Usopp by his side, he can't see Zoro's face from the angle that he's at but he can see that Usopp has a rather sombre expression on. Usopp has clearly made up his mind about who's at fault here and is giving all his sympathy to Zoro. Well, a fat lot of good it'd do Zoro. The swordsman couldn't understand Usopp's higher voice and he couldn't talk to him either.
No, Zoro would calm down given time and space and he'd realise that he has no one else to talk to besides Sanji. Chopper would get that made clear to the moss ball and then Zoro would have to swallow his pride and come back to him, that was all there was to it. He just felt bad about hurting Zoro's feelings was all. He'd just become too attuned to the marimo of late and he was almost feeling Zoro's feelings as his own, his rather tactless way of saying the truth had hurt the marimo, that was the only reason he felt strange. That was it. Really.
He decides to leave Zoro well enough alone though and peers through the kitchen window to see Franky and Robin washing up, Robin shoots him a warning look through the porthole and Sanji holds up his free hand in surrender and instead walks off down to the aquarium. His entrance interrupts Brook's piano playing for a moment but the skeleton seems to adjust and continue playing, it's a slightly sad melody so it melds well with Sanji's self-pitying state.
Sanji slides down on one of the padded benches by the aquarium glass and watches the smoke from his cigarette float up in the dark air.
"Nami told me about Usopp leaving the crew before, his fight with Luffy. I didn't know just how much resolve our young sniper had in him already." Brook says softly.
"It was a brutal time, we don't like to talk about it. That fight ripped us apart, we nearly didn't survive as a crew." Sanji says bitterly, he hates remembering the whole thing to be honest.
"And this? Will this be like that?" Brook asks him as he stops playing.
"This is different, it's just a really bad fight is all." He says uncomfortably. The adrenaline from Zoro's attack must be messing with his head because he feels really on edge right now.
Brook stays silent for a while before he starts playing again, Sanji doesn't know if he's playing a tune as the notes are so slow or if the pianist is just idly making music up.
"I've… existed for longer than most pirates ever hope to live. I would say alive but, I'm dead. I'm much older than all of you." He says gently as he plays.
"I know that." Sanji says, frowning at the ceiling and not quite getting Brook's point.
"I know you know, but you don't understand. I don't know if I can even die, I don't die if I fall in the sea, my power doesn't stop working then. If I get dismembered do I die? I can't see any reason why I would, and I can heal to an extent. For all I know I'll be like this forever, a living skeleton. If I'm lucky I get to watch my nakama grow old and die one by one, so I hate to see you all waste the time that you have, time that I know is finite." Brook says seriously.
"You call that lucky?" Sanji laughs hollowly.
"Yes, if I'm unlucky I get to watch my nakama die horribly again, possibly all at the same time again. I don't know which will happen, but I hope you all live full lives." Brook says in a voice that has an edge to it and Sanji suspects that he may have been tactless again.
"Zoro was lucky to survive that fall, few men would I think. I honestly didn't think he would ever wake up, I thought his body would just give out. But again, he surprises us." The skeleton hums thoughtfully. Sanji's eyes widen, no one had ever said about the possibility of Zoro not waking up when he was unconscious. Perhaps they were all too superstitious and thought that speaking it might make it so, but here Brook is confessing that he didn't think Zoro would make it. Sanji couldn't even bear thinking it at the time, and it required a lot of mental gymnastics to avoid doing so.
"You say that you know what I mean, and yet here you are wasting the short amount of life you both have left arguing." Brook says pointedly, turning his empty eye sockets in Sanji's direction. Despite not really being able to see he has a feeling that Brook is glaring at him, as if he was a stupid child too dumb to learn a lesson.
"I did this to make sure Zoro has more life to live, if he needs to spend it hating me because of it then… then that's what he has to do. I'm not just making him hate me for no reason, give me a little credit." He argues back. Why is everyone lecturing him? Why is everyone so convinced that he's the one at fault here? He saved Zoro's goddamn life!
"I think you both need to give each other a little more credit." Brook mutters and stands up from the piano stool to leave the room.
Zoro avoids him all of the rest of the day and to be honest Sanji isn't exactly seeking his company out either. But, there's only so much avoiding one can do on a ship with another man when you share a bunkroom. Usually Zoro is in bed before him, as the man's second favourite love after training and closely followed by drinking is sleep. However, tonight Sanji has no washing to do as his wrist is still in its sling so he's in his bunk before Zoro is.
The swordsman acts like he just plain doesn't see him though and walks straight past Sanji to his own hammock and throws himself in it face down with a small satisfied groan. He shuffles under his blanket for a moment and buries his face in his pillow and is snoring softly within under a minute, it's inhuman. Sanji wishes that he could get to sleep so easily, he's been in his bed for half an hour with his mind whirring over everything, the throb in his finger and hand doesn't help either. He cranes his neck and sees the dull sheen of metal in the back of Zoro's head but can't suppress the clench of anxiety the sight of it brings to his stomach.
It feels like he lies there forever, drifting in and out of fitful naps before he eventually decides to give up and get out of his hammock. Maybe Brook was right, maybe he needs to apologise and explain himself a little better. Perhaps he was… wrong?
He lands lightly on his bare feet and tiptoes over to Zoro's bunk. He crouches down and gently pokes at the man's hammock. Zoro's dark eyes open, looking disorientated for a moment by dreams dissolving but shortly sharpen into a heated glare.
"Can we talk, please?" He whispers hopefully. Zoro glares at him for a few moments, as if sizing him and his intentions up at the same time. Evidently Zoro finds something satisfying in Sanji's face and climbs out of his bed and proceeds to follow Sanji up onto the quiet of the deck.
Sanji shuffles awkwardly without saying anything for a while, long enough in fact for Zoro to growl under his breath and turn to go back below deck.
"No!" He hisses, grabbing the back of Zoro's shirt with both hands. He pulls the other man back and holds him there, his fingers clenching in the man's white shirt.
"Sorry if I pissed you off, I was just… trying to protect you. You're still injured and I couldn't let you get into a fight. But I shouldn't have been so underhanded about it, maybe… maybe I should have talked to you rather than just assuming you wouldn't listen." He says. He's glad that Zoro isn't looking at him, he suspects that it's a million times easier to confess this to the back of Zoro's shirt when he's staring at the space between the swordsman's shoulder blades than when looking into those dark eyes that sometimes make Sanji feel like he's completely naked in front of the other man, and not in the fun kind of way.
Zoro pulls free of his grasp though and turns to face him. Sanji manages to look everywhere but Zoro until Zoro huffs with irritation and plonks his palm on the top of Sanji's head, forcing his face in his direction. Sanji would continue letting his eyes wander everywhere else but Zoro if he didn't think that Zoro wouldn't up the ante to poking him in the eye or something. He brings his gaze to Zoro and sees that the other man looks sceptical, as if he doesn't quite believe that Sanji's being sincere, so he keeps talking.
"I don't know, everything's so different since… since then. We actually kind of… listen to each other. But I'm just so used to you ignoring me that maybe I didn't think there was any point in talking to you." He says, realising that each word is true as it spills from his lips.
Zoro sighs and paces back and forth for a moment or two before groaning and stopping back and forth in front of Sanji. He looks a lot less hostile but still pretty frustrated. Zoro holds out his hand, a peace offering. Sanji beams and takes it but Zoro yanks him in and points a threatening finger so close to Sanji's face that he goes cross eyed.
"I'm not gonna promise that I won't do it again. But… I'll at least talk to you before making that kind of decision. That's the best I can promise." He concedes.
Zoro narrows his eyes at him and after a time lets out a frustrated huff that telegraphs perfectly that the other man isn't happy but is well aware that he's not going to get any further promises for now.
"You had me worried marimo, I thought you were gonna kill me at one point." He laughs in relief and leans in, letting his forehead bump against Zoro's. The swordsman allows a sinister chuckle to drift from his lips as if to suggest that he thinks he might have considered it to.
"You're one creepy bastard you know." Sanji grins back, enjoying the challenge. Zoro's predatory grin fires a slow heat in Sanji's belly and he remembers his time in the shower and Usopp's teasing all too well. He lets his hand slide up into Zoro's hair and tilts his mouth towards Zoro's no time like the present.
His hand slides deeper into Zoro's warm mossy hair until suddenly hot slick heat coats his fingers. Sanji feels hot liquid running down his fingers and he knows without looking that it's blood. Under his fingers Zoro's skull becomes jagged and shattered and, his hand advancing of its own accord, he feels a damp meat like texture under his fingertips.
Zoro keels forward and Sanji only just dodges out of the way, his bloodied hand dropping to his side. The back of Zoro's head is caved in. Blood and skull fragments litter the back of Zoro's shirt and huge chunks of Zoro's brain are just gone with the rest littering the sand under his feet.
Sanji realises at once that the sand is out of place, they were supposed to be on the Sunny. But this realisation doesn't help him as the blood covered sand gains the texture of quicksand and starts sucking him in. His knees slip below the sand and then before he knows it he's in it to his hips. Zoro's blood is lapping against his skin, drawing him into the sand and drowning him. At his side Zoro, or what remains of him at least, stares blankly into the distance past Sanji's rapidly sinking head. Sanji thrashes against it but it makes it worse, he only sinks faster. He tilts his head back and gasps for air as the sand drags him to his death.
"Sanji!" Usopp's voice hissing in his ear wakes him gasping and sweat drenched from his nightmare. The sharpshooter has got out of the hammock below him and stood by his side to wake him.
Sanji sucks in deep ragged gasps of air and shakes in terror, not just for his fear of his own death, but the sight of Zoro dead on the beach. Or the deck. The dream makes less sense now that he's awake but the terror lingers.
He stumbles gracelessly from his hammock, his bound arm hindering his dismount. He stumbles as quietly as possible towards the sleeping swordsman who is unusually silent. His fear soaked brain can't help but be terrified that Zoro might be dead, like in his dream. But as he crouches, shaking, by Zoro's form he sees the matte shine of metal through Zoro's hair in the dim midnight light, he sees the movement of Zoro's soft slumbering breaths in his back. Zoro is alive.
Zoro is alive, but only because of what Sanji has done. If he'd not taken the ship away from those marines then he would not be waking up from a nightmare where Zoro is dead, he'd be living it. He stands up, his resolve hard, Zoro has to live, he won't allow any other possibility regardless of what price Zoro makes him pay. He tightens his aching hand and regrets nothing.