Hey guys! So I know I kept all of you waiting, and I am truly sorry for that. My computer broke, and I lost all my files, but now it's fixed, and I had to write this chapter again! I hope you guys forgive me for updating this late. I'm really sowwwyy! :)

Anyway, here is the newest chapter, and hope you guys enjoy!

I finally had the guts to call Sumire today.

I know I was a terrible friend because I didn't call her back right away, but I was only terrified of her last message. She sounded like she was going to drop a bomb right on me, and trust me, I was no good in avoiding bombs.

But after four attempts, there was no answer. I made sure to calculate what time it was there. I tried one more time. Still no answer. Great. The time when I actually call her and she doesn't answer. I wondered if she was that upset with me that she decided to just end our friendship. Or maybe I was just a terrible friend. I'd go with the latter.

"Mikan?"

I sat up from my bed and saw my mom poking her head through my door. "Yeah?"

"I think we need to talk about something."

This made my heart pound a little bit faster. "What about?"

She finally let herself in, and sat at the edge of my bed. "I think you know what this is about."

I had no idea. My mind immediately went to Natsume. Oh my God. What if she saw us making out on Hotaru's roof last week? I mean, my house wasn't that far from Hotaru's and maybe my mom went for a walk. And anyway, after that kiss Natsume didn't show any interest. It was like nothing had happened. And how did I respond to that? The same way he did. Except I was a really bad actor. I still didn't understand why he thought being with me was wrong, and while I didn't think that it was a great idea before, now that after I finally kissed him, it was all that I could think about. I snapped out of my thoughts before I started having inappropriate ones in front of my own mother.

"Trust me, I know nothing," I told her.

She hesitated. "Okay, I wasn't going to bring this up until the end of August, but it's the middle of the month and you still have nowhere to go in the fall."

"Oh." I was partially relieved. But not entirely. If two years ago, this wouldn't have bothered me, now, I was a bit worried. Hotaru was going to Stanford. Natsume and Ruka were at UCLA. I realized I wanted to be somewhere too. But I had no idea what to major in. Once upon a time I dreamt of a swimming scholarship. But that doesn't seem like a wonderful idea anymore, does it?

"I don't want to pressure you," my mom said. "But if you're not going to college this fall, then I think you're going to have to find a permanent job."

"No," I said, quickly. "I wanna go. To college, I mean. I just don't know what course I'll take."

My mom actually smiled gratefully, as if my admitting I wanted to go to college was already a fifty percent progress. "Well I'm sure we'd find you something. Didn't you once mention about swimming? Because there are a lot of universities here that offer scholarships and there's also—"

"Mom," I interrupted. "I don't think I'll go for swimming."

Her face fell. "Oh well, I'm sure there are a lot of other options for you."

I hated to see the disappointing look on her face. "But I promise to look at universities here. And do some research. Just no swimming programs."

She nodded, then smiled. "Of course, honey. I understand. Maybe you could go tomorrow to do a college tour? I know, maybe Natsume could come with you."

Great. Just as much as I'd like to spend time with him, I think I was dealing better with his rejection by not actually seeing him. "Mom, I think Natsume's busy. You know, lifeguard duties, taking care of Aoi. I could take Hotaru with me."

"I'm sure he'd want to do it," she said. "Besides, he's in college now. So there's plenty that he could teach you. And you could take Hotaru if you want. Does she know where she's going?"

"Stanford. She got early admission."

"Oh, that's great. Maybe you could visit that school too."

I sighed. I think my parents have this secret bond with Natsume that I didn't know about. "All right. But you get to ask him."

Mom looked at me skeptically. "Are you two in a fight or something? Why don't you want to talk to him?"

"Because it's your idea," I said. "I don't want him to think I'm bugging him."

She rolled her eyes. "You two are practically like siblings. Why would you feel embarrassed?" She patted my knee and left the room.

Oh Mom. You have no idea.

"You know, I'm quite afraid to take another road trip with you."

Natsume rolled his eyes at me as he climbed onto the driver's seat. "Relax. We're using your truck this time, see? And mine's fixed already. And besides we're just going around the city. So it'll be easier to get a ride if this breaks down."

"It won't break down," I said, firmly.

"All right. Someone's a bit grouchy today."

"Sorry," I muttered. "Bad morning." The truth was, even if I did care about my future, I really didn't want to go college touring. At least not today. Not with Natsume who was looking more attractive than usual today even in a simple white t-shirt. My mind still kept going back to that night at Hotaru's roof. How his hands touched me, how soft his lips were, and how they tasted...

Damn it, Mikan, I cursed mentally.

"How bad?" he asked.

I shrugged. "It's nothing. You sure you wanna do this?"

"Mikan, it's just around the city. And like I said, I took a day off. So yes I want to do this."

I smiled half-heartedly in reply. It sort of annoyed me a little that he still didn't want to talk about that night. I mean, he already told me he liked me, so I didn't get what was so complicated about that. Was it because he still saw me as a sister? Well, judging from the way he kissed me and what he told me about liking me since we were kids, then I guess the "sisterly love" was just an act. But why didn't he want to be with me?

Okay, now I sound like a frustrated twelve-year old whose crush won't notice her. Fine. If he didn't want to bring it up, I was going to have to do something about it. If he's changed his mind about me, then all I needed was some closure.

"I really don't feel like doing this today," I said.

Natsume glanced at me. "What? Why what's the matter?"

"I just don't know what I'm looking for." Which was true. If I wasn't getting a swimming scholarship, then I didn't know what else is for me.

"Hold on." He pulled over to a nearby gas station and cut off the engine. "I thought you were decided."

I shook my head. "I was decided on going to college. But my mom obviously thought that I had my whole future planned out already, which I don't. All I know is, I don't want to end up working in an ice cream shop for the rest of my life."

"Well, isn't that why we're doing this? To help you decide?"

"I don't really know. I'm just not ready."

He nodded. "Okay, I hear you. Pre-college jitters. I've had them too. Don't worry, you'll figure it out."

I smiled half-heartedly. "I hope so."

"So," he said. "What should we do now?"

This was where my plan came in. God, why as I acting like some desperate, clingy teenager who wanted to get a guy alone? Well, technically we were alone, but I needed answers. I knew that he was hiding something from me, and I needed to know what.

I shrugged, nonchalantly. "I don't feel like going home yet."

"Me neither." He looked at me, and smiled. "Looks like we have the day to ourselves."

I couldn't help but notice the sparkle in his eyes and the excitement in his voice as he said this.

"So you've never done this before?"

Natsume glared at me for a second, and then sighed. "Well no. What, does this make me uncool now?"

"A bit," I replied, as I threw another rock across the lake. It skipped two times, and then finally sank. "Actually, it does make you uncool. This is like third grade physics. Camping one-oh-one. A ten-year old could do it."

"Is this one of those things that when you don't get to do, your life is considered incomplete?"

"It's basic. If you hadn't done it, then something's wrong with you."

He chuckled, as he took another rock and threw it to the lake. It sank right away. "Yep, I'm a disgrace to society."

I punched him playfully on the arm, and sat down by the lake, hugging m knees against my chest. We were at the lake where Tsubasa and I always used to go camping. And he was actually the one who taught me how to skip stones. This was the first place I thought of if I was going to get answers from Natsume, it has to be where there's just the two of us.

Natsume sat beside me, and let out a sigh. "It's quiet out here."

"That's why I love it so much," I said, staring at the lake. It was perfectly still. It didn't look as threatening as the ocean, with it's huge waves and infinite depth. But the lake was also scary in its way. The outside might look peaceful, but what mattered what was under it. Unknown.

"What are you thinking about?"

I looked up at Natsume and saw that he was staring at me intently. "A lot."

"That's pretty vague."

I shrugged in reply. I really wanted answers from him, but I was scared to hear those too. What if he was right? Maybe this was more complicated than it seemed. It wasn't just about the two of us anyway. It was about each of us, individually. I was still coping up with life, with Tsubasa's death. I was still scared of everything. And it seemed that Natsuem was too preoccupied with his own problems too. And I realized that I never did ask him once what was going on with him. So maybe I could start there.

"How are your parents?" I asked, quietly.

"The same. They only come home like twice a year now, and those aren't even during the holidays."

"I'm sorry. That must be so hard for Aoi. And for you."

"We're used to it," he replied, not looking at me.

So this was him holding back. I've seen my own defense mechanisms before, and I could see some similarities in his. He was shutting me off, like I used to do before when I first arrived at Japan.

"So let's talk about college," he said. "Do you—"

"No," I said, firmly. "We're not talking about me this time. It's like this whole summer has been revolving around me, and I'm getting tired of it. So let's talk about you."

He cringed a little. "There's nothing to talk about. My life has been completely the same before you left and when you got back here."

"Like I've been paying attention before," I said, rolling my eyes. "I don't know the details."

"You don't want to," he muttered.

I glared at him, until he finally looked at me. "Try me."

He sighed, and stretched his legs, and sat back, his weight on his palms. "Fine. What do you want to know?"

I could go straight to the point. Like why he didn't want to be with me. This was first my intention anyway, but now I realized how selfish it was. It really did occur to me that I wasn't the only one with problems. "When was the last time you talked to your parents?" I said.

"Last month," he replied, flatly. "I let Aoi talk to them whenever they call, and the last time was last week."

"Do you miss them?"

"Honestly? If they started living in the house again, they would be so immersed in whatever they're doing and forget they have kids. So it really doesn't make a difference."

"You didn't answer my question."

"No," he said, without hesitation.

"Okay," I answered, stretching my legs. "Can I ask another question? Completely different this time."

He arched an eyebrow at me. "I think I better brace myself for this one."

That makes two of us, I thought. I took a deep breath. This was one of those questions that you want to know the answer to badly, but at the same time, scared to hear them. "That night on Hotaru's roof... have you forgotten about it?"

There was a moment of silence, until he said. "How could I forget about that? It was just a couple of days ago."

"Do you want to forget about it?" I asked, quietly.

"Mikan, look at me."

I was too afraid to. I just stared at the lake. Finally, I felt his hand grab ahold of my chin softly so that I was face-to-face with him.

"You still remember what I said, right?" he said, looking intently at my eyes.

"Of course," I said, as he took his hand off my chin. "You said things were complicated. And you won't tell me why."

He chuckled slightly, then let out a sigh. "I might end up hurting you. It's that complicated."

I still didn't get it. It was frustrating that something so simple to me was complicated to him.

"Then tell me, Natsume" I said. "Tell me what's so complicated so we can fix it."

Natsume stared at the ground, and for a moment he looked like a lost little boy. He looked so vulnerable that I just wanted to hold him in my arms. He finally looked up at me, and he looked like he was about to cave in, but then his expression turned passive. "I can't," he whispered, more to himself than me.

"So let me get this straight. We both want to be with each other, but you can't, because of something complicated that you can't tell me about?"

I wasn't used to seeing Natsume at a loss for words, but that was exactly what he was right now. Speechless. "I guess," he replied.

He doesn't want to be with you, I told myself. Maybe that confession he made on Hotaru's roof was true, but so what if he's liked me for years? I'm sure he could get over that. What would he want with an emotionally damaged seventeen-year old girl anyway?

"You know what," I said, getting up. "You figure out whatever you need to figure out. If this problem of yours has anything to do with me, then I'll stay away. If not, then, you know where to find me."

I walked over to my truck and climbed in the passenger seat. No, I wasn't that ruthless to leave him alone here. I just needed some time to think.

Well I got my answer. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, and it didn't feel like closure either. But what bothered me now was what whatever was bothering Natsume. From the looks of it, he'd been holding it in for a while. But why wouldn't he tell me?

At that moment, Natsume opened the driver's door, and climbed in, starting the truck. He smiled at me, like nothing happened. "Ready?"

I nodded.

As we drove away from the lake, I couldn't help but notice that he still had a pained expression on his face. And whatever his secret was, I wanted to save him from it. And that's when I truly realized, that I was deeply in love with this boy.

Yay I finished one chapter! You guys I am really sorry for updating late like I know how I always say that I will update soon on every chapter and then suddenly I don't because sometimes I get soooo busy or my laptop just decides to scare the hell out of me and die, and then come back to life again. It's like my laptop has amnesia now, because all my files are GONE and I want to cry because I've somehow earned those files for years. And I have no idea why I sound like a lost a house or something, but anyway.

Hoped you guys liked this chapter, and I am really sorry for cutting you off there. Hehe. I hope you lovelies can wait for my next update! So that's all for now :) Ciao!~ x