First of all, let me say that I'm really, really sorry about the wait between posts – I should have posted right after I got back from vacation (which, in my defence, did last 17 days, so part of the wait couldn't be helped), but I procrastinated, and paid for it. The family internet computer crashed not long after we got back, and still isn't up yet. Although I have a new laptop, Word wasn't yet set up on it, and I needed to transfer all my files onto a CD or USB—both being devices that my old computer didn't use. Fortunately, just yesterday I managed to transfer the harddrive from my old computer onto my laptop. Ergo, post.

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Jaina-Elessar: Thanks! As for Leia…yes, I'm afraid I'd read a bit too much of NJO when I was writing this the first time, and I got rather piffy with Leia. I fix her in the sequel, though, and tried to give her a decent reason in here shifty eyes

Eowyn Skywalker: Thank you! :D I'm glad you liked it :) I nearly got butchered on JC when I killed Jacen :P

Galadia: Welcome, new reader! I'm really sorry about the wait—it isn't typical, and I will definitely finish this, because I already have! On JC, I'm just wrapping up the posting of the sequel to this fic, and I've already begun writing the last instalment of the trilogy. So as long as I know people are reading here, I'll keep posting ;) Thanks for reading :D

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Chapter Five: Monster

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(Zekk/Onyx POV)

I was trapped in an endless circle. But then, could I really call it a circle? I simply spun, around and around, seeing things I never wanted to see again. By day I was the Darkest Knight, by night, during my dreams—my nightmares—I was Zekk. I could not escape it. Around I went, with Jacen, Peckhum, thousands of unknowns, Jedi, and many others, all of them staring at me, looks of pain on their faces. Their screams—oh Sith, their screams of agony!—echoed in my mind, like the worst musical tune that wouldn't stop repeating itself over and over again.

And then I stopped spinning and the crowd of the beings I had murdered parted. A young woman, dressed in white with her dark hair loose and falling down around her slim shoulders, walked up to me. "Who are you?" she asked, voice soft.

"What do you mean?" I demanded.

Ignoring his demand, she repeated, "Who are you?"

"I am the Darkest Knight," I snapped, irritated. "Sith apprentice—Lord Onyx."

The woman looked faintly amused. "So many titles, my friend. Are you sure? Are you so Dark?"

"I am a Sith. I am Darkness."

The woman tilted her head to the side, and I found that she reminded me of someone, though I could not think of who. "I know of your uncertainty," she said, her voice a whisper on the wind.

"I have no such uncertainty."

She flashed a grin, taunting I know something you don't know with it. "Really."

"Really," I snarled, as annoyed by her words as by the tickling sensation at the back of my mind. How did I know her? Who was she?

The woman's face stilled. "Search for your answers; they will save you."

"And where, exactly, should I start?" I demanded, voice twisting rather unpleasantly.

The woman did not answer, instead merely looked at me.

My lightsaber rose into my hand. "Answer me!"

Still she did not answer and in a movement born of rage, I ignited my 'saber and held it to her neck. "Tell me…before I tire of your insolence," I growled.

Again, she did not reply. Without conscious decision, I swung my lightsaber across her neck. Instead of being decapitated, as it should have, she blazed with pure Light until I had to advert my eyes to save myself from blindness.

"Who are you?" she whispered as the Light finally lessened.

I looked up, heart beating unnaturally fast. "I—I don't understand."

She smiled sadly. "Look to your past, my friend; your answers are there."

"But—"

My questions were cut off as the young woman's perfect face twisted in sudden agony and her mouth opened in a silent scream. Her eyes flew to mine. "Remember who you are," she whispered before she fell to the ground, dead.

"No!" And she was in my arms, her head tilted back, eyes blank. As I watched, her face shimmered and changed…

…into Jaina's features. The pain of that realization tore something essential, something vital, in my heart, and I opened my mouth to scream, but could find no sound.

I had killed Jaina.

The dead that had parted for her now descended upon me, murder in their eyes, and I a willing victim.

But my body—too used to survival—thrashed and ducked out of their grasp and then Jacen stood before me and—

A Force tendril that felt remarkably like Jaina caressed my mind, and a gentle hand smoothed my brow. Repulsed by comfort after my actions, I grabbed the person's throat and flew up, pushing the person into the wall and drew my lightsaber…

…only to see Jaina with my hand around her throat. Stunned, I lowered the lightsaber slightly, my breath coming in short bursts in the wake of the nightmare.

I struggled desperately for some way to maintain a firm grip on Darkness and not give in to my undeniable desire to pull her into my arms, weep into her hair, and rejoice in the fact that none of it had been real.

In the face of conflict, Onyx slid into control easily. "Solo," I hissed, slowly releasing her throat. "What were you doing?"

She wheezed for air, and I wished that she was gasping for breath for reasons very different than that I had nearly stopped her breath—and life—completely. When she regained control, she threw her hair defiantly and glared at me, but her lips trembled. "If you must know," she spat, "I felt your distress through the Force. You were having a nightmare, and I was trying to calm you. Force knows why—you nearly killed me!"

Slowly, the aftermath of the dream slipped away, solidifying Onyx's dominance once again, and with the transformation came the knowledge that Solo had been up and by my side before I felt any distress. "You're lying," I said.

Solo snorted. "What—you don't believe you can have nightmares?"

"You didn't 'feel my distress through the Force', Solo. What were you really doing?" When she set her jaw I slapped her, just hard enough to sting. "Do not toy with me, Jedi."

"Someone once told me," she began hoarsely, "that you can see who someone really is in their sleep." She lowered her eyes and rubbed her throat. "I wanted to see who you were."

I took a step back as Zekk and Lord Onyx battled head-on. Zekk's love and admiration for Jaina fighting fiercely against Onyx's Darkness. Finally, Onyx pushed Zekk down and regained control. "And what, pray tell," I said in a low voice, "were you hoping to find?"

"What do you think?" she asked bluntly.

Anger flew through my veins. She had made me what I was today, and now she wanted Zekk back? In that moment I hated her nearly as much as Zekk loved her; I turned away from her. "You are a fool."

I did not have to look back to know that her head was tilted to the side, her brandy eyes a mix of confusion, curiosity and something else. "Perhaps. But you want to turn me to the Dark Side; isn't that just as—if not more so—stupid?"

Filled with desperation to have her by my side, my hatred for her vanished. Who was the amazing creature who stood behind me, daring to argue with me? She was so beautiful; if only she would renounce her Jedi ways… "The Dark Side is more powerful than your Light, Jedi. A fact made obvious by the Empire's success in this war."

She surprised me then, impudently asking, "Are you so sure you're winning? The Empire has lost before."

I spun, meeting her gaze and feeling the electricity leap between us. Was the Force always this cruel, that it would make Onyx lust after this Jedi, and Zekk love her? No matter which part of me was in control—Light, Dark or otherwise—I was always filled with the same desperate longing for her—a Jedi, and the very being who had lowered my self-worth into Onyx.

"And why," I demanded in response to her question, "would it not?"

"The Empire is a dictatorship," she stated, as if it was perfectly obvious. She walked to the long window by my bed, and stood there for a moment. "The New Republic is—was," she corrected herself, "a democracy. Perhaps it was not as organized as the Empire, but it was for the people and not the leaders." She didn't look at me as she threw aside the draperies and leaned gently against the wall beside the window, her fingers resting ever so gently on the glass as she looked out into the rain.

My breath caught at the very sight of her. Did she know what she did to me? Did she know how beautiful she was? The first time I saw her—at her birthday party, upon which I had come crashing through the window—I had known that I would always belong to her. Her mother had stared at me disapprovingly and tried to push me out of the door as Jacen and Anakin had watched, wide-eyed. Jaina, however, had smiled and given me a hand up from the ground, telling me I had arrived just in time for cake. I thought she was a goddess—but, no, I reminded myself, that was Zekk. Zekk was the one who thought she was a goddess. She owned Zekk, never Onyx.

And Onyx was in control.

Dimly, as I reined in my wayward other self, I heard Jaina say, "Eventually, the people will rebel. Brakiss—"

"You would be wise," I interrupted, voice flinty, "to watch your words. The iEmperor/i commands respect." But, I conceded, only for now.

"Oh, please," she snapped impatiently. "We both know he isn't really the Emperor. He's just Brakiss—a Dark Jedi hiding behind the reputation of a Sith that died a quarter of a century ago."

That, I groused, was the problem with Jedi: they knew far too much. All the more reason to wipe them from the face of the galaxy. No one should know that the "Emperor Palpatine has returned from the dead" deal was a ploy. Emperor Brakiss was certainly capable to lead the Empire—did he not have hundreds of advisors to help him with his job?—but the Imperial galaxy did not understand this. They wanted Emperor Palpatine and no one else.

So Brakiss gave them Emperor Palpatine.

"He is the Emperor."

"Then why does he need to claim to be 'Emperor Palpatine' and not 'Emperor Brakiss'?" she demanded, turning to me with fire in her eyes. "He's nothing but a phony."

For a defenceless slave in enemy headquarters, Solo possessed unbelievable stupidity. Did she think herself safe enough to spout treachery? Better she kept quiet, and kept her life. Brakiss' eyes were everywhere.

Speaking of eyes…time to show some "loyalty" to Brakiss. Of its own accord, my right hand came up and around Solo's neck, the early nightmare's terror forgotten in a role. "Should you ever feel the need to spout such treachery again," I hissed, the anger becoming real, "then consider how painful I can make your death."

I squeezed then, until her body was limp, barely an inch from unconsciousness, and still my rage was not quenched. Her mouth opened and closed once or twice before her eyes, heavy-lidded with pain, found mine in desperate pleading that brought me back to the present, and shaking me to the core as. Through the Force, I felt her heart slowing. My hands dropped immediately, my heart racing as Zekk screamed in pain.

Jaina fell to the ground, gasping convulsively for air. I stood, Solo at my feet, and self-loathing rushed over me. Was this was what I had wanted?

NO! Not like this; never like this! Zekk screamed. The power of his objection, his denial, surged through me, staggering in its power. The battle raged between Zekk and Lord Onyx and it was longer and more furious than ever before. It was some time before Onyx won, and Zekk was beaten away—but not for long, I knew. Zekk had never reacted so violently before, and he was stubborn.

He would have to be crushed, and soon.

"Let that be a lesson to you, Jedi Knight Solo," I warned, my voice hoarse. "You mean nothing to me; I care only for the Empire and my Master. Do not test my loyalty."

Jaina did not reply. I twirled and left the room, my cape snapping with speed.

I could not afford to let Zekk continue to fight with Onyx for control.

The Darkness in me would not let him.

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In the original version of this fic, I had Jaina's POV of the same scene, but now I think it's just a bit much, and not completely necessary, though it does go more into the background. If you want to read it anyway, let me know in your review, and I'll post it :)

Please R&R!

-Tjz