Hey guys! So here is another update yay. And as promised, Mikan and Natsume moments in this chapter!

Enjoy! xx

I stared at my now empty closet because I had thrown all my clothing pieces not suitable for my date with Natsume tonight on the bed. I couldn't just go with a tank top and shorts. Why were all my clothes like these again?

"Did a hurricane happen in here?"

Hotaru was standing by the doorway, eating the pasta that my mom made while surveying my room with an amused expression. I asked her to help me get ready for my date right after we got off work.

"I have nothing to wear!"

"Oh man, now you sound like a typical seventeen year-old girl."

"I'm serious here, Hotaru. This is like my first official date ever and I have nothing to wear."

"I know, you said that already."

"Could you just help me out here?"

She sighed, as she put her plate down on my bedside drawer. She examined all the clothes on my bed. "Have you got anything against pastel colors?" She picked up several black t-shirts. "Or any color for that matter?"

My cheeks flushed in embarrassment. My little "rebellious" phase sounded so stupid now, even if it wasn't that long ago. "I went through, um... a phase."

Hotaru arched an eyebrow at me. "Yeah, I can see that. Well you could have said something sooner so we had the chance to go shopping."

"Since when you do like shopping?"

"I've always liked shopping," she said, with a shrug. "Alone and not admitting it to anybody."

"Right, well I think it's a little too late for a shopping trip now."

"That is why," she said, grabbing my hand, "we are going to my house."

"But Natsume's supposed to pick me up here."

"So? We've still got two hours. And have you ever heard of a back door?"

An hour later, Hotaru and I finally agreed on an outfit. She insisted that I wear a dress, but I told her I didn't want to be too dressy. So we both agreed on a thin, cream, cropped sweater and a denim high-waisted skater skirt, with strappy sandals. Her clothes fit me well, which was a surprise, because she always was thinner than me. I was also surprised by how much girly clothes she had, since she always was a tomboy before. But then she told me those were just the effects of living alone with her mom.

Hotaru also insisted that I put on light makeup and curl my hair. Then finally, we went back to my house fifteen minutes before seven. So that gave me time to mentally prepare myself because I was having a panic attack. Okay, not really, but I was nervous. Even if Natsume and I already went out a few times, this was the first time we were actually going out as a couple.

"You look great, honey," my dad told me. He and Mom were in the living room watching t.v. but I knew they secretly wanted to eavesdrop once Natsume arrives. But God, he was just next door we could just meet up on the porch or something. But he insisted to actually come pick me up and talk with my parents (ha, how awkward would that be, my parents telling Natsume to get me home by midnight). It all felt surreal.

"Yeah, don't be nervous. It's just Natsume," Hotaru said. Did I mention she was staying overnight too? Apparently she wanted to make me sure that Natsume actually drop me off at my house because no matter how long we've known each other, we should never have sex on the first date. Those were the rules.

God, what fucking rules? I don't think there's an actual handbook on dating. And besides, I didn't plan on sleeping with Natsume... yet. And I know he didn't want to rush things either.

"What are you so nervous about?" Mom asked. "It's not like you've never gone out with him before."

"Yeah but those were just as friends. This is the real deal, Mom." I looked at the clock. Three minutes until seven.

My dad actually stood up and put his arm around me. "I can't believe my baby girl's all grown up now. I'm proud of you, Mikan."

"Thanks," I said, softly.

"Can I just remind everyone that Mikan's going out on a date and not getting married," Hotaru said, making both my parents laugh.

"Well, I guess I have to save my speech for when that day comes then," Dad said, kissing the top my head.

At that moment, the doorbell rang. My heartbeat immediately skyrocketed. I had no idea what I was so nervous about.

"So should I go get the door and interrogate him, or..." my dad said.

"No need," I said, rolling my eyes. "I'm going to answer that, and we're leaving right away. Don't wait up for me."

"Oh but I will," Hotaru said, giving me a stern look.

I sighed. "Bye guys."

"Have fun, honey!" Mom said.

When I opened the door, I was struck by the beautiful man in front of me. Natsume was wearing the same style of outfit he wore yesterday, only now, his flannel shirt was buttoned up. His hair was tousled like he just got out of bed, and I swear it was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. Lastly, I looked into his crimson eyes, which practically looked like they were sparkling, which matched the smile on his face. He was so beautiful that it hurt.

I hadn't realized that I was practically gaping at him, until he cleared his throat and gave a small smirk. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself."

He chuckled lightly. "I can tell."

I rolled my eyes at him, then called out to my parents and Hotaru, "We're leaving now!" And as if the house was on fire, I dragged Natsume to the front of my house.

"Don't you think I should have a chat your with your parents?" he said.

I snorted. "Please. They've known you since you were a toddler. Don't you think it's a bit weird?"

"I don't think so," he said, snaking his arms around my waist and pulling me closer. "We are together after all."

"I think that can wait," I whispered. "Don't you have somewhere to take me?"

He laughed, and kissed me quickly before intertwining my hand with his. "I hope you're not thinking of a fancy dinner or anything like that."

"Oh rats," I said, sarcastically. "And I was in the mood for some expensive champagne tonight."

Once we were inside Natsume's truck, I was surprised to see that he had some blankets and pillows in the backseat.

"You'll see," he said, when he noticed me eyeing them.

Wait a minute. Was this what I thought it was? Was I going to lose my virginity tonight? No, Natsume wasn't that kind of guy. We only started dating. But then, we had been in love with each other for a long time... But still. I wasn't ready! I was a virgin for God's sake. I haven't dated anyone in my life. My first kiss was from a boy in third grade who kissed me by accident because he was reaching for the box of crayons from the shelf on the top my head. Now that says a lot.

Don't be an idiot, Mikan, I mentally told myself. If we were going to have sex then were would we do it? In the backseat? At the beach? Dear God, I didn't want to do it in a public place. I always thought my first time would be special. I mentally slapped myself. We were not going to have sex tonight. I trusted him. And besides, if we did, then Hotaru would totally kick his ass. And I wouldn't want that.

"Are you nervous?"

I immediately snapped out of my stupid trance. Natsume threw a worried glance at me.

"What?"

"Mikan, it'll be fine. I'm not going to hold you hostage."

I blinked at him. What was he talking about? "I know that. What do you mean?"

."Did you hear what I said a few seconds ago?"

"About you not taking me for hostage, yeah."

He sighed and pointed to my lap. "You've been fidgeting for that last five minutes. Are you nervous?"

I glanced down at my fingers, which were fiddling my skirt. Wow. I had not noticed that. Was I that obvious? "Sorry," I said. "I'm just not used to this sort of thing."

Natsume grabbed a hold of my hand and kissed it softly. "Don't worry, neither am I."

I laughed. "Well then, we're screwed."

"Fine by me."

"So wait, you never dated anyone? How about back when you were in high school? I swear, I noticed a few girls you were with. And what about when I was gone?" Okay, I didn't mean to sound clingy, but if we were officially a couple now, then I think I had to right to know if I would bump into some crazy exes around town. Not that all ex-girlfriends are crazy. But you know, most of them.

"So you were really into me, that you noticed the girls I was with?"

My cheeks flushed. "Oh look at you, fishing for compliments. You didn't answer my question."

He sighed. "None of them were serious. Back then I knew I couldn't have you so I went out with a few girls. But they weren't like you. No one ever will be. You are the only one for me." He laughed. "Sorry, that sounded cheesy."

Or incredibly hot. God. "Oh. Well I'm glad you feel that way."

"That I thought I sounded cheesy or the fact that I am unbelievably in love with you?"

If he wasn't driving, I might have jumped him right there. Oops. "Probably the second one."

Natsume just laughed.

"So where exactly are we going?" I asked, after a couple of minutes.

"You'll see," he said, smirking at me.

Uh-oh. I knew that tone. He had this whole date planned out, obviously.

"Relax," Natsume said, noticing my stress. "I think you know where we're going."

I paid attention to my surroundings and saw that we were headed a little bit out from the city. In fact, I've seen this road before. We were headed to the cliff where we had our first "date." Oh my God. I suddenly remembered the events from that night. I suddenly felt like throwing up again, due to the fact that I haven't told Natsume about my fear of the ocean. What if he asks me to jump off the cliff with him again? Would I be able to hold my vomit in this time?

"Mikan, are you okay?"

My hands were already getting sweaty, and I found it hard to breathe. Don't be a wuss, I mentally told myself. I didn't want to panic here, not in front of Natsume.

"I'm fine," I managed to say. Although it came out more like a squeal.

Natsume pulled over to the side of the road. "Mikan, if you don't want to do this, then it's fine with me. We can go another time."

Oh God. I was a terrible and awful person. Now Natsume was upset because of me. "No, it's not that," I said. "I want to go out with you. Right now. But..." Why did I stop? Just tell him.

"But what?"

"There's something that I'm not telling you," I whispered.

"What is it?" He sounded worried now, and I hesitated again on whether I was telling him or not.

"Can I just tell you when we get there?"

"Mikan, is something wrong?"

"Everything's fine. I just haven't been completely honest with you."

We finally arrived at the cliff, and I felt those nerves once again. And it wasn't because I was near the ocean (maybe a little), but it was mostly because of telling Natsume what I'd been hiding for a long time. I knew I told Hotaru already, and I thought that was enough. But keeping this from the boy I love, it just feels wrong.

Natsume brought out the blankets and the pillows from the backseat, and also a picnic basket. It was on the floor earlier so I didn't notice it.

"A picnic at night?" I asked, teasingly.

"Who says we could only have it during the day?" he replied, but with less enthusiasm. I felt guilty for ruining his mood.

After he laid out the blankets and brought out the food from the picnic basket, which consisted of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, strawberries, chocolate syrup and gummy bears. My heart broke a little when I saw what he brought. These were the foods that Tsubasa and I used to pack on camping trips.

Natsume saw my reaction. "I'm sorry. I didn't—"

"No, it's fine. I love it. I can't believe you remembered."

He smiled. "Of course I do."

I blinked back the tears that now formed in my eyes. Now was not the right time for that. "Thank you."

He kissed my forehead. "Anytime."

After we ate and put all the items back in the basket, Natsume and I were in a cuddling position—me in between his legs with his arms around me and my head resting on his chest. I didn't want to move. If it was possible I'd want to remain like this forever. We were both just staring at the sea, in silence. It was a comfortable silence for a few moments, until Natsume spoke.

"So, there was something you wanted to tell me?"

And for a minute there I thought he had forgotten about that. I sighed, and much to my reluctance I squirmed out of his arms so I could face him.

"I have a fear of the ocean."

Natsume looked at me with wide eyes, then a frown slowly formed on his face. But he waited for me to go on.

"I've had it since Tsubasa died. At first, I just didn't want to be near it. Then when we left for Tokyo, I haven't been in the water since. I didn't want to swim. I was afraid. So when I found out that we were coming back here, I didn't know what to do. Coming back to the horrible place where it happened? I just couldn't handle it. But now I think I can. I don't get sick near the water anymore, but I don't know about swimming."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I thought it wasn't a big deal. I thought ignoring it would make it go away. But it really does have a big effect on my life."

Natsume was deep in thought. I could tell he was recalling all the events that previously that gave away my fear. "So that was why you threw up the first time I took you here?"

I nodded. "It just scared the crap out of me to jump off a cliff. If it was back then, I would've gladly done it. I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" he said, angrily. "I feel like such a dick. I'm so, so, sorry for doing that. If I had known—"

"You didn't," I cut him off. "It's my fault. I should have told you sooner."

"That car ride from when I picked you and your parents up at the airport..."

I blinked a few times. "Wow you remembered that? Yeah, I literally felt like throwing up that time."

"Then I should not have taken you here then. Maybe we should have just watched a movie, or ate dinner."

I scooted closer to him. "Natsume, listen to me. I am perfectly happy right now. Anywhere with you is perfect. Like I said, I could handle it now. Just no jumping in the water."

He cringed slightly. "I am really sorry about that."

Okay, so he still wouldn't let it go. Time to take matters in my own hands. I moved even closer to him, that I was practically on his lap. I had never been this daring in my life before, and I had no idea where all this courage was coming from.

"How about," I said, "we stop talking about that, and focus on this."

"Deal." And after that his lips were on mine, kissing me with so much intensity. Before I knew it, I was lying on my back. His hands were everywhere. In my hair, my neck, my waist. It was like he was memorizing every part of me. I locked my hands around his neck pulling him even closer, and he let out a moan. Was it finally going to happen? Was I finally going to lose my virginity tonight? Because if it was with Natsume, then I knew I had nothing to be afraid of.

So I was surprised when Natsume broke apart from me, and sat me up with him. "What's wrong?"

He smiled at me reassuringly. "Nothing. I was just wondering. Are you still...?"

My cheeks flushed in embarrassment knowing what his question was. "Yes."

"Then I want your first time to be special. Maybe somewhere with less bugs."

For some reason, I blushed even harder at this.

Natsume laughed, and kissed me lightly. "I love it when you blush. It's adorable."

I scowled at him in reply. But I couldn't help but wonder if he was still a virgin. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer to that. "So um, are you still, um, you know."

"What ever do you mean?" he asked, with a smirk on his face.

God, did he have to make it so difficult for me?

I glared at him. "You know what I mean."

He laughed. "Sorry, I'm so amused right now. And to answer your question, no I'm not."

I should have expected that. But still, I was surprised. "Oh."

"It was a few months after... it happened," he said in a more serious tone. "And I went to all these parties, got drunk. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. That was one of my biggest regrets."

"How many?"

"What?"

"How many girls did you sleep with?"

"Mikan..."

"I want to know. I can handle it."

He sighed. "Three."

Jesus. Okay, now I felt stupid for asking. "Oh."

Natsume lifted up my chin with his hand. I didn't notice that I was staring at the rock beside the blanket. "Hey. None of those meant anything, okay? Like I said, you are the only girl for me. You have no idea how much I want you. But I want it to be special, okay?"

I smiled at him and nodded. I knew those girls meant nothing to him. But it did mean he had a lot more experience than I did. What if I do something wrong? What if I wasn't what he was expecting? There really needs to be a handbook on sex, like seriously.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked after a few minutes. We were back into our cuddling position earlier, and I had to say we could do just this everyday and I'd never get tired of it.

"Just a few minutes more," I said. "I want to stay here forever."

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "We have a curfew, remember?"

"Nope."

He kissed my neck this time, which sent chills down my spine. "I love you, Mikan Sakura."

I looked up at him and smiled. "I love you too, Natsume Hyuuga."

I really loved writing this chapter. What do you guys think? Let me know! ;)

It's a bit longer than usual, and that's because I won't be updating for a while. So consider this as my sorry present? Ha I don't know. I'm getting busy with school again but I'll do whatever I can to write for u guys :)

So that's it for now, 'til my next update! I lubb you :) Ciao!~xx