You really don't even need to say it. I'm painfully aware of how long this took—and I even gave up three-fourths of the way through "rewriting" the post! /cringes/ I'm so, so, so, so sorry, guys. My only defence is lame—I hate this chapter perhaps more than any other in this fic, and so I procrastinated right into November, when I did NaNoWriMo. I promise to do better. The posts are more manageable after this…
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Jaina-Elessar: "does Jaina get the guy?" Like I'll say! ;) There are…complications…ahead /evil grin/.
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(Because it's been so disgustingly long since I updated…) Previously on "Always I: Dejarik"…
-Brakiss and a Dark Jedi named Devnos (who's rather important in the sequel, btw) had a chat—about Jaina and Onyx. Brakiss implicated that he wanted his ambitious would-be future Darkest Knight to do away with Jaina.
-Onyx and Jaina got in an argument about a distasteful outfit that Onyx wanted to parade Jaina around in; she refused, and was punished for it.
-Onyx left Jaina in an unused training room and headed off to a banquet…more than a little unsettled by his guilt for what he did to Jaina. He distracted himself with a dancing slave named Sanar Klis, who bears a striking resemblance to Jaina.
-Jaina was attacked by a group of men (sent out by Devnos)
-Onyx felt Jaina's pain through their bond, and raced off to save the day. He came, he saw, he furied, he conquered. But Devnos wasn't at the scene of the crime, and Onyx doesn't know about his involvement, or Brakiss' desire to kill off Jaina.
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Onyx and Zekk do some "bond-talking" here...words between Z/ and /Z are Zekk talking to Onyx, and words between O/ and /O are Onyx talking to Zekk.
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Chapter Eight: Haven
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Zekk/Onyx deactivated his lightsaber and all but ran to Jaina, who was groggily and painfully coming to. Kneeling beside her, he brushed her hair out of her face, scanning her features. She began to say something, then grimaced in pain, and he winced at how frail her voice was, feeling another flash of anger as he noticed that her throat was a mottled purple.
Jaina felt a finger rest on her lips, and she looked up. Her first instinct, at seeing the familiar face, was to snap at the Darkest Knight, or pun her way out of the awkwardness that came with him saving her. The warmth in his eyes, however, stunned her into silence until… "Zekk?" she said, ignoring Onyx/Zekk's attempt to quiet her. The moment his name left her lips, she berated herself. Stupid girl—Zekk's gone. Why don't you just tape "Weakness: Zekk" on your forehead, and let Onyx plough over your heart? It couldn't hurt more than what you're doing to yourself, seeing Zekk in Onyx.
Zekk's heart cracked at the soft emotion in her voice. If only… He shook off his regrets. There would be plenty of time to wallow in guilt, regret and pain in the abyss… Right now, Jaina was more important. Before he could answer her, however, Onyx began to slowly push Zekk back. Onyx/z began to pick Jaina up, but stopped at her mental screech of pain. When Onyx attempted to relieve her agony, he was blocked. Her Light presence was unable to stand Onyx's Darkness touch her very being so intimately.
Z/Let me help her/Z
Onyx hesitated, then lowered the gates that kept Zekk imprisoned, allowing Zekk to have a small portion of control. O/If you try anything, I'll never let you out again. Believe that/O
Zekk didn't respond to Onyx's threat, but instead sent Light side healing to Jaina, and gently pulled her into his arms. It was the best he could do—and more than he had ever expected—but never enough.
The blackness—not of pain but of healing sleep—began to seep into Jaina's mind, lulling her, and pushing the galaxy and her troubles away. Vaguely, she felt someone pull her close, lifting her off the ground into a firm but tender embrace. Even in her foggy state, she recognized the person who held her. For a flicker of a second, something told her that it couldn't be him because…
But the logic floated away as he pulled her even closer for a moment, placing his lips on her crown in a kiss so gentle, so loving, that she trembled. Before drifting away from consciousness and the rightness of this, she snuggled as deeply as she could into Zekk's chest, a small smile on her face.
----
Feeling Onyx approach his quarters, Sanar raised her mental defences in wariness. It didn't help, however, because shock was added to her already tumultuous emotions, making it impossible to shield, when she saw Onyx gently nudge the door open, a bloody, beaten girl in his arms. She opened her mouth to ask what was going on but, as if he had sensed it, he sent her a dangerous look, as if daring her to even try.
She kept her mouth shut; Sanar wasn't confident enough in the night's events to antagonize him.
Pushing aside her questions until later, Sanar watched in silence as Onyx used the Force to open the door to one of the side rooms, the girl still nestled safely (and wasn't that an ironic adjective?) in his arms.
The sheet she had been holding in front of her fluttered as Sanar fell back onto the bed, hair splayed across the pillow like dark shimmer silk, as her confusion continued to grow.
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(Zekk's POV)
I placed Jaina on the bed, barely daring to breathe for fear of waking her. She needed rest to heal; I didn't know enough about medicine to compete with her body's natural defences. When I began to slide my hands out from under her back, and pull a blanket up to her shoulders, Jaina released a soft whimper of protest, and her hand suddenly held my arm in a death grip.
I paused for a moment, wondering how much I dared. Z/Let me stay—just a bit longer/Z
O/You have already had longer than I planned to give you/O
Z/You've had four years of control. Can't I have even a little time with her?/Z
I expected to be shot down, but instead Onyx showed a rare moment of mercy. O/A little longer/O
Perhaps, if Onyx was my darker side, letting me float above the abyss was the cruellest punishment for what I had done: to see and hold Jaina again, and to know that I would fall back into the abyss and leave her alone with Onyx.
With me.
The bed would have been far too intimate, and if Jaina woke up, I didn't want to freak her out. Force knew, she had to hate me enough, for what I had done; she didn't need to worry that I would take advantage of her. After brief pondering, I carried her to the couch, and settled into the cushions comfortably. Half-sitting, and half-lying down, I positioned Jaina so that she lay between me and the couch, her head resting on my chest.
Free of the abyss—for the moment—and Jaina in my arms, I fell into a peaceful sleep.
(End of Zekk's POV)
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Sanar's mind replayed Onyx's entrance once again, the way he had held the girl, as if she were a glass masterpiece. The only thing in his galaxy; the one important piece of his life. More disturbing than the idea of a Sith apprentice treating a girl with reverence, was the Force bond that tied Onyx and the other girl together. It had been so strong, Sanar could barely call it a "bond"—a soulmate connection, perhaps, if one believed in such naïve stories.
The first rays of the morning sun danced in the shimmer of her hair as Sanar's focus began to leave the girl and wander to Onyx. What could be taking the man so long? If he was screwing her, Sanar would have heard something, but if he was killing her, shouldn't he be done by now? Her suspicions grew until finally, sighing, she swung her legs out of the bed. Wrapping one of the sheets around her body, she walked to the door through which Onyx had disappeared.
Reaching it, she hesitated. Did she really want to know what lay on the other side? She had seen both lurid and gory scenes before—had even been a part of them—but Sanar was in no hurry to lose any innocence that she might, by some miracle, still possess. Swallowing, she opened the door, her eyes going first to the bed, which was empty. Off to the side was a hover-couch that angled to keep its occupants just out of her line of vision.
Sanar braced herself and moved quietly to the couch, making herself look. Her eyes fluttered closed in pain but the image of the girl, draped between the couch and Onyx, eyes closed peacefully, taunted her. Onyx's arms held the girl close, one wrapped protectively, almost possessively, around her waist, the other resting gently on her bruised neck.
Something sank inside of Sanar as she turned and walked away.
Nothing ever changes.
She smacked the activation panel on the doorway, opening up her escape from the room, but she let it close without a sound.
----
(Zekk's POV)
A slapping sound woke me, and I reluctantly pried my eyes open. Sensing no one, and not daring to move for some reason that my sleep-hazed mind had yet to inform me of, I sighed before the current circumstances came rushing back to me. I blinked several times in surprise, hardly daring to believe that Onyx had not yet imprisoned me once more. The pliable weight that pressed against my body, and the clean, softly feminine scent that reached my nose, however, proved it to be true. In my dreams in the abyss, smell and physical touch had never been this realistic.
Shifting my head slightly, my eyes found Jaina and—feeling suddenly very glad that I had awoken—my breath caught. The rising sun cast gentle beams of light over Jaina's face, causing her hair to shimmer a thousand different colours.
If she had ever looked more beautiful my mind was too overwhelmed to recall it.
How is it, I wondered, that she can be bruised, bloody, and still cause my pulse to race? The reminder that she was, in fact, hurt, caused me to push away all other thoughts and attempt to move out from under her, only to feel her begin to waken. Her hand—which I only now realized had been lying at the top of my shoulder—slid down to my chest, causing the fabric of Onyx's (my) shirt to ripple.
As I watched, her eyes fluttered open and she stretched like a pleased Yavin lynx. Her eyes met mine in momentary confusion before recognition flashed. She studied me very carefully (desperately) for a moment before speaking. "Zekk," she said, her soft voice and small smile causing my nerves to tingle all over.
Unable to speak, I nodded.
A smile spread over her features, just the way I remembered it: bright, and with that odd shade of emotion I had never been able to pin, adding a sparkle to her eyes. "You're back?" she asked, hope further brightening her countenance.
I attempted a smile, delighted and disgusted by the way it strained my mouth muscles. "For now." Jaina bit her lip and looked away, but not before I saw the crushing disappointment that darkened her eyes.
I had hurt her again. The realization slammed into my chest, making me want to cry out in pain, but the pain was too deep even for that.
Feeling my distress, Jaina turned back, her expression concerned. "How long?" she asked in an attempt, I supposed, to distract me. I shrugged, and we lapsed into silence.
Subtly, my nerves began to tingle, acknowledging the soft rubbing of Jaina's fingers on my chest. Bolts of lightning pulsed through my blood, and I tensed, fighting my reaction. I had hurt her enough. Pressuring her to feel even friendship toward me would be cruel; to make her feel as if she needed to love me would be sadistic. I knew Jaina—she was too good a person, a friend, to not feel guilty that she didn't return my feelings.
Perhaps she caught the direction of my thoughts, because Jaina sat up, liquid brown eyes flashing. "We don't have enough time for you to throw a pity party, Zekk. Sithspawn, if we have enough time to talk you can colour me purple."
I stared at her hand, still on my chest, supporting her, resting below the base of my neck. Deciding it could be mistaken for a friendly gesture, I gave it a tug, felling her back into my embrace. I thought I heard her gasp, but dismissed it. "We're talking now," I said quietly.
When I craned my neck to look into her face, her smile was crooked. "This is the first time we've really talked in four years…and you think this is a worthy topic of conversation?"
"You'd be surprised at the kind of gems you can find among the unworthy," I answered, thinking of the difference between her and so many other upper-class beings.
"I know," she said, her voice unexpectedly tender. "After all, I found you, didn't I?" Jaina's gaze met mine and something passed through us, giving, taking, healing, intensifying our connection.
My heart pounding and my mind too fried to think clearly, I cupped her face with my hands, tugging her closer to me. It was only when I realized that her lips, parted slightly, were bare centimetres from mine that I stopped, my mind reeling in horror at my lack of self-control. Desperately reining myself in, I directed (forced) my lips to instead press against her forehead.
"Yes," I said, swallowing. "You did."
When I pulled away, I caught a brief glimpse of hurt (disappointment?) in her eyes. "You always did insist on considering me a child," she said flatly.
I nearly burst out laughing at the absurdity of her statement. Every fibre of my being (not to mention the less noble side of me) craved her, and screamed in agony as I denied it yet again. My need for her was so extreme that I could barely breathe as it lit my body on fire. My heart ached for her, and yet there she lay, completely unaware of her effect on me, claiming I thought her a child.
"No," I said, giving her a half smile as I stroked her cheek before pulling her as close as I dared. "Believe me, I have never seen you as a child, Jaina."
(End of Zekk's POV)
----
Never seen you as a child?! Jaina wondered chaotically. What the kriff are you up to, Zekk? And what had just happened? Zekk had been about to kiss her, of that she was certain—at least, as sure as she could be with her complete and almost embarrassing lack of experience. And yet, at the last moment, he had erected walls around himself and—barely—kissed her forehead.
Well, if she'd had any doubts about her role in his life they were now thoroughly crushed. She wasn't even sure if he remembered that she wasn't his little sister. Maybe she wasn't even a friend anymore. She was beginning to suspect that if someone told him she was from another family he'd fall over from shock. So much for a second chance, she thought glumly.
Zekk suddenly slid out from under her, and she looked up, feeling the loss of his body keenly. "Where are you going?" she asked.
He averted his eyes. "You're hurt."
Jaina blinked in surprise, then looked down. She jolted a little when she saw the bloodstains on her clothes and the bruises and abrasions on her skin. Slowly, her disappointment at Zekk's lack of romantic attention drifted away, and pain flooded her senses, causing her to whimper softly. Instantly Zekk's brow furrowed in concern, and he knelt next to the couch, claiming her hands with his. "Jay?"
There was something in his voice, something that made her look up, hope sparking in her heart once more. Perhaps she was being foolish but she could swear that his voice was more tender that it would be with anyone else…but of course it was folly. There was nothing other than friendly (brotherly) concern in his emerald eyes, and Jaina's heart crashed upon reality once more.
She tore her eyes from him, wishing she had a blanket with which to hide her beaten body. "I'll be fine. Don't worry about it."
Zekk watched her, a frown of concern etched on his face. Ignoring her protests, he stood. "I'm going to get the med-kit."
Jaina's head jerked up, her hand catching his. "No!" When Zekk stared at her as if she were a science experiment gone wrong, she blushed and backtracked. "I mean, it's nothing a healing trance won't fix."
"The healing trance will take less time if you put bacta patches on your wounds. Don't be stupid, Jaina; your wounds are serious. Now isn't the time for heroics." Jaina looked stunned by his blunt delivery of words, but for once Zekk ignored it. Any scrap of self-control that he still possessed could only be helped by detachment.
Detachment. From Jaina. From Jaina, who had—just moments ago—been lying right on top of him. Right.
This time, when Zekk moved toward the door, Jaina didn't protest. He returned in moments, med-kit in hand. Working quickly, he placed the bacta patches and bandages over her numerous wounds, praying that his clinical frame of mind wouldn't slip and allow his hands to linger and notice the softness of her skin.
Seeing no more serious injuries, Zekk breathed a sigh of relief.
Jaina frowned. "You mis—" She cut herself off. If Zekk had been a med-droid she would have felt more physical warmth in his touch. Scratch the little sister role, she thought darkly. Zekk feels as much for me as he would a stranger. She had no desire to have that fact pounded into her head for the third time in a few hours.
"What was that?" Zekk asked curiously as he placed as much distance between himself and his own form of temptation without looking suspicious. It didn't, he noticed despairingly, do much good as his hands could still feel her skin.
Jaina shook her head, shifting so that her back was hidden. "Nothing."
His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What did I miss?"
To her credit, Jaina kept her flustered emotions from her face, but Zekk recognized them too well. It was the same expression she wore when Leia had demanded an explanation for Jaina's absence during a political banquet.
"Well, my leg just kind of ached but—"
"Jaina," Zekk said warningly. Her legs held only bruises and they both knew it.
Jaina's shoulders slumped and Zekk could almost see her weighing the pros and cons of telling the truth. Finally, her eyes met his. "My back is starting to numb." When he only stared at her, she added, "I think my nerves are, ah, kinda in shock…I mean, not permanently but for now and—"
Burying the lump that had found itself lodged in his throat, Zekk forced himself to say something, anything. "I see."
"It's nothing a healing trance won't fix," Jaina was quick to assure him, her eyes darting around the room.
"If you went into a healing trance with your nerves numb you could damage them permanently," Zekk reprimanded, still staring at her. "You'd have scars for sure."
Jaina winced. "Oops."
His breath left him in a whoosh. "You already went into a healing trance?"
Jaina began to fumble for words. "Before—well, before they, that is, the assassins, came I thought I should—I mean, I wasn't thinking too clearly cuz…well, that doesn't matter but—"
Zekk swallowed. "There should be something you can use to, er, cover your—front with. You should lie on the bed, uh, I guess. Um…I'll be—right back."
Jaina watched, partly amused, mostly surprised, as Zekk all but ran from the room. What had gotten into him now? Sighing, she stood and went to the closet. Having Zekk close, touching her and yet not caring, was not something she looked forward to.
----
(Zekk's POV)
It had been five minutes since I left the room and I was no closer to grasping some form of control than I had been when I first walked out. To think I could continue to bury my feelings for Jaina as I had been for ten years…to think I could keep my love (and lust) out of my touch…well, the very idea was absurd.
But I had to, for Jaina's sake.
Swallowing, I started toward the door. I paused a moment when I reached it, putting into practice every exercise of control I (Onyx) had ever learned. Force be with me, I pleaded silently.
But that would just be too much to ask, wouldn't it?
(End of Zekk's POV)
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Jaina knew exactly when Zekk entered the room. It wasn't a matter of using her Force perception, but instead a recognition of the change in the atmosphere. It was in the way her skin began to tingle and even her most delicate hairs raised. Everything—sound, emotion, thought, sight—became unreal, blurry, until all she could be sure of was that she loved him.
And, of course, that he didn't feel the same way.
But that didn't matter—at least, not at the moment; she was too worried about how a damaged back might be exploited by the Empire during and (if she survived) after her imprisonment. But she'd ponder it later, Jaina knew. Eventually, she had to.
At first, Zekk did not approach her and Jaina wondered why, until she felt something close to fear radiating from him. Her confusion increased ten-fold. Twisting around on the bed awkwardly—and painfully, her eyes found him next to the door, studying his feet.
"As much as I'm sure it would make life a lot easier," Jaina said dryly, "I don't think your feet hold the key to the secret truths of the universe, Zekk."
Zekk's head jerked up at the sound of her voice, his reflexes and not his mind controlling the action. For a second Jaina could see past his tight shields he had kept up and into his soul. For a second, she could see the way his eyes took their time taking in her curves and the expanse of her uncovered and shadowed back. For a second, she could have sworn she saw desire and love in his gaze.
Jaina's breath caught, her emotions in turmoil. For the first time in recent memory, and at perhaps the most inconvenient time possible, Jaina was speechless.
Then the second ended, and he found his control, and his expression became guarded again. But, he saw immediately, it was too late.
Jaina knew.
----
Zekk's blood ran cold, freezing in his veins, as his heart stopped beating in fear and panic. His head spun as the silent words in her gaze ran around inside his head. Sheknowssheknowssheknowsshe… "Jay, I can explain," he started, his voice cracking.
Jaina didn't break their eye contact, scared he might run if she did, and anchored the sheet tightly to her body as she began to sit up. She couldn't let him run, not now; not when she finally knew. "Zekk—"
He swallowed the gasp of anguish that tried to escape his lips as Jaina's pain flooded his senses, compliments of their bond. He was beside her in an instant, his words sharp and urgent, almost a command. "Stop moving before you paralyse yourself."
She looked pale as he gently moved her back down on the bed, being careful of her back and making sure she was covered. She didn't fight against him and that, more than anything, told him just how much pain she was in. Any other time she probably would have found it patronizing. "It didn't hurt like that before," she complained weakly.
Kriff he swore silently, being careful to shield so that she wouldn't catch on to how bad that could be. "Sithspit, Jaina, how do you get yourself into these messes?" he asked in frustration.
Jaina didn't answer, so Zekk opened the med-kit, pulling out bandages, a syringe, and a disinfectant cloth. He didn't give himself time to think before he pulled the blanket she'd covered herself with away from her back.
He stared at her bare back in shock, any control he'd attempted to find, had found, slipping away completely. "Emperor's black bones," he breathed, his pain almost physical, his voice broken. "What did I do to you?"
Jaina began to twist around, probably to tell him it wasn't his fault, but Zekk pressed against her left shoulder as lightly, but firmly, as he could, preventing her from moving further.
Zekk couldn't tear his gaze away from Jaina's ravaged back. A part of him wouldn't allow it, and he couldn't help from looking very closely at the open wounds. His stomach clenched, bile rising in the back of his throat. If she'd been placed on a spiked bed of superheated coals and dragged across it, Zekk doubted he would have noticed a difference. From the ghastly burns that were close to bubbling before Onyx— or was it Zekk? After all they were the one and the same— had stopped, to the half healed knife slashes, Jaina's back was akin to newly turned soil.
"An ugly sight," Jaina remarked, feeling his horror leak through the Force and forcing a hollow laugh. "Am I not?"
Acting on impulse, and with a push from something—the Force?—Zekk leaned in, letting his lips find the curve of her neck. "No," he corrected, his lips brushing her skin as he spoke. "You are always beautiful, my Light."
Before he could realized what was happening, Jaina's hand snaked up and around his neck, keeping him close. Zekk found it hard to breathe as he caught an image from Jaina's mind. An image which revealed to him that the only thing keeping her from turning over and pulling him on top of her, was the pain in her back. This isn't happening.
"Your Light?" she murmured curiously.
Deciding he had nothing to lose as anything he had to be better than the torture of not being able to show her how he felt, he answered truthfully. "Yes." He knelt on the floor so that he was closer, and far more comfortable. Not, he thought darkly, that he deserved it. "Do you remember Mon Calamari?"
He could almost see her eyebrow arching sardonically in his mind. "You mean where I 'died'?"
Zekk tensed at the reminder of the hell he had gone through upon thinking her dead. "Yes," he almost croaked. "Before Mon Cal I couldn't—I was unaware of everything. It was like being asleep. All I knew was shadows…wisps of smoke. A fog, really. After Mon Cal…I guess you triggered something because I…" he sighed in frustration. Why couldn't he find the words to explain what had happened? "I don't know…the best way I can explain it is that I…woke up. There was suddenly a light at the end of the abyss—you."
Jaina was quiet for a long time until Zekk began to worry that she was contemplating the most heart wrenching way she could throw his confession back in his face. Standing, he began to prepare the syringe he had placed to the side.
"I always wondered if it worked," she said finally, so softly that he had to lean in. "I was beginning to think I just made things worse." She paused a long moment, as if wondering if she should continue. Hesitantly, she did so. "Do you remember what I said?"
Zekk shook his head. "No. The first thing I remembered was…" his voice trailed off.
"My 'death,'" Jaina finished wearily. "I was afraid of that. Did you ever check Onyx's mind to see if he knew?"
"Onyx is me, Jay. Everything he knows, I know."
Jaina snorted. "Really? Then who's Mathair?"
Zekk pulled a blank. "I don't know," he admitted.
She hissed as he injected her with the painkiller. "She was Brakiss' mistress and choice assassin for three years. When she began to replace him, Onyx killed her."
Zekk swallowed as the atrocities he had committed were pulled to his attention. Until now he had been able to ignore them, if only until he was sure Jaina was safe. But Jaina's casually spoken reminder had made the guilt flood back, more than even the wounds on her back had.
"Did you search?" Jaina asked, not heeding the roller-coaster his emotions were going through.
"Once. But I couldn't find anything that I didn't already know."
She sighed in relief and bobbed her head into the bed once, causing it to bounce slightly. "I thought maybe I hadn't shielded my message properly."
Wiping her skin with the disinfectant cloth as gently as possible, he asked slowly, "What message?"
Jaina opened her mouth to respond, then snapped it shut before she spoke. Instantly she berated herself for her cowardly behaviour. Why should it be so difficult to tell him? She had said it before—well, ok, so the fact that she had believed he wouldn't be able to pick it up after so long had something to do with her bravery.
But that shouldn't matter! a small voice in her mind argued. Zekk's never laughed at you before—why should he start now?
"Jaina?" Zekk inquired after several long moments of silence. When she didn't answer, his breath hitched and he said urgently, "Jaina, don't fall asleep. You'll—"
His hands fell away as Jaina rolled onto her side and looked at him. She silently gathered all of her courage as she prepared to uncover the secret she'd hidden for nearly a decade. She took a deep breath. "Zekk? I love you."
----
The bandages dropped from Zekk's hands and silence reigned. It was loud, if silence could be described as such. Jaina became very aware of the sound of their breathing, of the soft pitter-patter of the rain which had begun to fall, of the sounds of Coruscant traffic.
Finally, Zekk croaked, "What did you say?"
Her heartbeat roared in her ears until Jaina thought she might be deafened. Suddenly wondering if she had read him wrong, she licked her lips and whispered, "I love you."
Zekk's head shook in numb denial. "No. You—you can't."
Jaina swallowed. "Are you so used to putting me in the little sister slot that you can't think of me as anything other than child?"
This time, Zekk did laugh. "I assure you, Jaina, you are not considered a child by me."
"Then stop treating me like one! It's like you see me as some—" her face screwed together a bit as she searched for the word. "Some—thing!"
Zekk's jaw tightened. "Would you prefer I treat you according to the way every part of me demands?" he asked. "You don't seem to understand what you're asking for. I do, however, and I am not going to hurt you—again!"
"You're hurting me now!" she retorted angrily, her yell a sharp contrast to the soft intensity of his voice. "Do you even care? I just spilled the contents of my heart, Zekk. Does that mean nothing?"
Zekk's face crumbled. "You know I love you."
Jaina gave a derisive snort. "Why should I believe you?" Her face hardened. "Words are empty when they are not backed by action."
His heart clenched a moment at her instant disbelief. "How can I prove it to you?" he whispered desperately, painfully as he sank to the floor beside the bed.
Jaina just looked at him.
They remained that way for a long time. Their connection went on for lifetimes, and yet for only the barest fraction of a second. When he finally looked away, he heard Jaina sigh. "Maybe you can't."
The hurt in her voice over his lack of action struck him like a kick to the gut but he ignored it—for the moment, anyway. Instead, he focused on healing her physical wounds until all that could be done was wait.
Jaina, who had been subdued and guarded since her answer to his plea, wrapped the blanket all the way around herself and looked up as he sat on the bed, very close to her. "What's the diagnosis, my dear brother?" she asked, no small amount of bitterness bleeding through her voice.
Maybe it was the title she gave him. Maybe it was the way she looked then, her hair spilling around her shoulders, a shimmering reddish-brown in the light. Or maybe it was the tightness of her jaw as she defied her pain—physical and most likely emotional as well.
Or maybe it was the way she looked at him; the way her eyes told him she most certainly did not think of him as a brother.
It didn't really matter why his control broke at that moment, not really. All that mattered was that the emotional barriers he had placed between himself and Jaina crumbled and it didn't seem likely that they would repair themselves any time soon.
As he pulled her close and claimed her mouth in a way he never before would have dared, Zekk found a peace—a rightness—that he doubted he deserved.
----
Her head was spinning. Pleasantly, as she did not in the least mind being kissed by Zekk—he was, quite certainly, free to do so anytime he wanted—but still spinning. One moment he'd been refusing to so much as touch her unless it was to clean or heal her back—which, in Jaina's mind, didn't really count. And then, out of nowhere, he was pressing her into the bed, kissing her with such passion it sent shivers of pleasure down her spine.
She vaguely recalled someone saying that a first kiss was supposed to be short, sweet and terribly awkward. And perhaps Zekk had meant for it to be soft but it only remained as such for a moment. Now…
She opened her mouth to him, her fingers becoming entwined in his hair as she relaxed to his touch. She opened to him as she'd never opened to anyone in her life. She'd wanted this for so long and now, being swept away in the sensations, she found it hard to think and simply stopped. She simply felt.
Much later, Zekk pulled away, until there were bare centimetres between their lips, their breathing ragged. /I love you/ he said through their bond, sending wave upon wave of love straight to her soul.
Jaina responded in kind, until Zekk thought is heart might burst with joy. He felt her smile in his mind. /I know/
Hesitantly, his hand slid along her neck and across her bare shoulder, stopping only when he realized that other, than the blanket, she was unclothed. He jerked away as if he had been burned, images of what his body begged for intensifying dangerously. "Go get dressed," he ordered, avoiding her eyes.
Jaina, trying to come out of the haze Zekk's kiss had thrown her mind into, managed a blurry, "Huh?"
"Go get dressed." There was an urgency in his voice this time that made her mind clear.
She raised an eyebrow, hiding her confusion behind a dry tone. "Then get outta my room—unless you're waiting for some kind of show," she said, giving him a lopsided amused grin. Her smile changed into a frown as Zekk, for the second time that day, nearly ran from the room.
It was only when he was gone that she realized how little she was actually wearing. Her cheeks flooded with colour. Considering the fog her mind had been in, it was a good thing he'd pulled away when he had.
Not, of course, that Zekk would have gone any farther. The kiss they'd shared was something her dreams had been made of for almost half her life. To think he would go farther…she chuckled. Not even she was foolish enough to dream that that day was coming any time soon. Her blush doubled even as the daring thought crossed her mind. Her trail of thought appalled her, even as she recognized the honesty of her desires in it.
What would Princess Leia think? she wondered, one corner of her mouth lifting in a smirk before she remembered her mother's betrayal. She shut it down. She wasn't about to let her mother's abandonment taint her time with Zekk.
She changed quickly, taking care not to further injure her back, then walked into Zekk/Onyx's master room. Zekk was looking out the window, his arms braced against the sides, his head bowed and tension clear throughout his body, as if he was losing an inner battle.
She paused only a moment before moving across the room and slipping her arms around him. Almost instantly the tension she had sensed in him seemed to drain away, as if her touch pushed away whatever demon he had been fighting. "What are you fighting?" she asked, almost to herself, even as she was sure she knew the answer.
Zekk turned in her arms and pulled her closer, his hand resting gently between her shoulder blades. They were quiet for a long moment, their earlier passion giving way to gentleness and comfort in the other's arms. When Zekk finally spoke it was not to answer her question, but to say, with an almost desperate edge, "You know I love you, right?"
Her brandy brown eyes lifted to meet his suddenly stormy green. Sensing the importance of her response to him, she answered as truthfully and reassuringly as she could. "Yes; and you know I love you?"
"You shouldn't."
Jaina shrugged. "Maybe. I haven't listened to logic a lot of my life and I don't really expect to start now."
Zekk chuckled and the sound sent a warm thrill through her veins. "I don't deserve you."
She flashed a Solo grin. "No, but I figure we can work on that later."
His forehead creased. "Later? Why…oh." He grinned as he recognized what she wanted and tipped her head back, slanting his lips across hers. She moaned softly into his mouth and he deepened the kiss.
While their first kiss had been passionate almost desperate in the wake of their discovery this kiss was tender, explorative. Their Force presences merged, solidifying their bond until they were one.
And then it began to change.
----
Zekk's POV
I could feel It—a cold chill running down my spine that penetrated even my kiss with Jaina. It had left for a while…but It was back. It crept up my spine, Dark and menacing. Almost as if she could feel It coming, Jaina's embrace tightened, as if that could keep me with her.
Knowing what I had to do, I pulled away. "You should get some sleep," I told her, my voice more hoarse than I would have liked.
"Zekk—"
Before she could continue, I used my foggy Force skills to send her body a powerful, if awkward, sleep suggestion. Jaina, though a Jedi, couldn't fight against something she wasn't expecting. I caught her just as she began to slump to the floor and carried her to her room and bed. When I was certain she was comfortable I left, locking the door behind me.
By now my breathing was laboured, as if I had fought a war and run several marathons in a short space of time. Slowly, painfully, the chill became a freezing cold that crept up my back and through my shoulder blades, then into my mind. I wanted to scream, but when I opened my mouth nothing came out. Darkness edged my vision. Feeling in my arms, then the rest of my body, began to melt away. My sense of hearing became a distant dream and my own name began to drift away from my memory.
Something—someone?—took control. It fitted Itself into my skin and made it a tool of Darkness. They stole my soul and blackened it with a kind of evil I could barely fathom.
They stole my most precious, passionate emotions and twisted them, then banished those that countered them—tenderness and love to counter lust; patience and mercy to counter hate, anger, impatience.
My soul tried to scream but if a shadow is a lack of substance, how can it make a sound? A shadow cannot hold breath, and thus cannot release it; nor can it possess a voice box, and so is unable to make sound. For what is sound but using such instruments?
Fighting against It was like attempting to move against the strongest current with stones beneath your feet which slide and sink when you push against them. There were no outcroppings in this river—if it could be called as such—for me to grab hold of to anchor myself against the never ending current.
And then I found no more strength in my body and I was pulled under, disappearing through the water, then the loose ground. Falling, until…
I found myself in the abyss once more.
This time, I knew better than to try to scream.
----
Well, that was a super-long chapter—15 pages! I apologize for any mistakes; it was either put it up now, or dredge it along for another two months. /twitches/ But now the mush is over, and some semblance of skill starts to develop in this story, although it won't be immediately obvious :P. Please R&R!
-Tjz
P.S. – the irony! I went to update this on Nov. 24th…and found the uploading process closed down until further notice. /eyes cross/. I tried to get it out before the month was over!