Hey guys! I know I promised I'd update sooner, but writer's block got to me again! But don't worry, I wrote this chapter in like two hours plus starting the next chapter, so you could say I'm on a roll.

Anyway, enjoy this chapter! xx

"I'm home!"

"Hey! You're back early!"

"Hotaru?" I asked, confused.

"Your parents asked me to come over," she said. "They wanted to make you dinner. Or in this case, breakfast since you're home a few hours early."

"Yeah," I said, sighing. "I'll tell you about it later. Where are they?"

"In the kitchen."

"Wow, you guys missed me this much?" My parents had really done it. They cooked scrambled eggs, bacon, and waffles. It was like we were going to have a breakfast party.

"Hey, princess!" Dad, exclaimed, giving me a hug and Mom followed suit.

"You really didn't have to do this. I was only gone two days," I told them.

"Oh we know," Dad said. "We never said these were for you. Your mom and I are just really starving."

I rolled my eyes playfully at them. "I'd say thank you, anyway."

"Don't forget to thank me too," Hotaru said, sitting on a stool. "I woke up early for this."

"So why are you home early, honey?" Mom asked.

"Um, Natsume's parents had to fly back to New York for a business emergency."

I was supposed to be back home Monday evening, but since Natsume's parents had to leave, we had to check out too. So instead we arrived in Malibu, Monday morning. Even if that weekend was cut a little short, it was still the best I've ever had. That night I had with Natsume was just... amazing. I had no idea what I was so nervous about. It did hurt but it was the good kind. He had been gentle and with every touch, I felt there was really love. Wow, that sounded like the cheesiest thing in the world. But that was exactly how I felt. Natsume and I spent the next day at Santa Monica Pier with Aoi, and even went swimming at the beach. Well, they did, as I was just happily watching the both of them splash each other. A part of me wanted to join them, but I knew I wasn't ready for that yet.

"You're missing a lot, you know," Natsume told me that night. We were both snuggled up on the couch watching a movie after a long and tiring day.

"What?" I tilted my head up to look at him.

"I knew you wanted to join Aoi and I earlier."

"Oh." I suddenly averted my eyes from him. "Of course I did. I just couldn't."

"Mikan, of course you could. You could if you wanted to."

"It's not that easy," I said, breaking free of his hold around my waist. "Coming back here was hard enough. Just because we might be staying here doesn't mean I'd jump at the ocean the first chance I got."

I was now sitting across from him, my hands crossed over my chest. I thought after telling him my fear would be the last time we talked about that topic.

"Mikan," Natsume said, facing me, "think about how this could affect your future. You could get a swimming scholarship!"

"I know. Don't you think I've thought about that? Swimming has always been a big part of my life, but it's not anymore. And I might do it someday again, just not right now."

Natsume looked like he had something more to say, but he just nodded and kissed my forehead. "Okay, I understand. I'm sorry I know this is still hard for you."

And that was the end of that. But I knew that conversation we had wasn't over.

"Mom? Dad?" I said, moments after we started eating, "we are staying here in Malibu permanently, aren't we?"

They both glanced at each other, before my mom spoke up. "Well, we're not sure about the 'permanent' part, but if you want to stay here after summer, then we can."

"Do you guys want to?"

"Of course, honey," Dad said. "We want what's best for you. But we still have jobs back in Tokyo. And it's going to take a long time to arrange that."

"If I go to college here, will we stay? For good?"

They looked at each other again. "If that's what you want, then yes," Dad answered.

I knew it was what they wanted as well. Ever since we moved back here, things have gone smoothly for us. My parents and I got along just like we did before we moved. A part of me was afraid, that if we went back to Tokyo, there was a chance that we'd revert back to our relationship before. But then again, I couldn't just ask them to abandon their lives there.

"How about this," I said, "you guys don't have to give up your jobs in Tokyo. By the end of summer, you can go back there, and I'll stay and go to college here. I'll make sure to visit every chance I can get."

"There's no way I am letting you live by yourself. I don't care if you're eighteen by then," Mom said.

"She can stay with me," Hotaru offered. "It gets kind of lonely with just me and my mom."

I gave Hotaru a grateful smile, and looked at my parents expectantly.

My mom sighed in defeat. "Okay. I'm good with this. But Mikan, you have to promise me by the end of summer you'll have decided on a college, okay?"

I beamed at her. "Yes! Yes, I promise."

"Well, then I guess we have a deal," Dad said.

"Wow, I have to say, I'm impressed, my little grasshopper," Hotaru commented, as we headed for work.

"At what?"

"You lose your virginity and now you're all Miss Independent?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "I just didn't want them to stay here for me. They've sacrificed enough already."

"Well, I'm actually glad to have you around longer."

"Are you sure you and your mom are okay with me staying with you?"

"She'd be thrilled to have another girl around, I swear."

"Thank you. This really means a lot to me."

It was the middle of day, while I was cleaning a table, that something hit me: I had no idea what do for my future.

"Hotaru," I said, when I got back to the counter, "I just realized that I don't know what to do with my life. I think that the only reason why I convinced my parents to stay here was because of Natsume and you. And because this is my home. But I don't know if I have a future here."

"Hey, calm down," she said. "What the hell are you talking about? Of course you have a future."

I shook my head. "No, ever since I was a kid, my mind has always been focused on swimming. I'd always wanted to get a scholarship like Tsubasa, but I can't even do that now. There's nothing for me."

Before she could reply, a customer approached the counter. "We'll talk later," Hotaru told me.

I couldn't focus the entire day. I kept on spilling and knocking over things. What the hell was I thinking even staying here? Just the thought of picking out a college terrified me. Thinking about what the future had for me was frightening.

Right after work, Hotaru immediately grabbed my arm and led me to the pier.

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

"I've thought about it all day, and I think you should get a scholarship at UCLA. It's perfect that's where Natsume goes, and so does Ruka."

I felt tears in my eyes now. "Don't you think that if I could then I would?"

"Who said you couldn't do it? Look around you, Mikan. You loved this place. You loved jumping in the water when we hung out here. Do you remember that? You would always take the chance to go in the water when you see an opportunity. I know there's still something there inside you that would want to jump in right now."

I looked at the water below. The waves were calm today, as if proving itself that it wouldn't do any harm. And for a second, I almost believed it was, until I remembered that day I was tricked by it too.

"I can't," I whispered.

"Tsubasa would've thought you could."

I closed my eyes, as tears fell on my face. Of course he would. He would tease me relentlessly until I actually went in the water. But he wasn't here, was he? So, who the hell knew anymore?

"It was a stupid idea wanting to stay here," I said. "I don't know what I was thinking."

Hotaru scoffed. "Right. So what you're just going to leave again? What about Natsume, huh? What about me, Mikan? Are you going to cut me off from your life again? Do you think you'd actually be happy there? You think running away is the answer to everything? You're a coward, Mikan. And I thought you've changed."

I thought her walking away from my life two years ago was painful. But now, actually seeing her turn her back and walk away from me? It felt like losing Tsubasa all over again.

Without warning, I fell down to my knees and starting crying. "Are you happy now?" I screamed at the sea as I stood up. "You took everything from me!" I felt other people's eyes on me and heard murmurs, as if I was a patient who escaped a nut house. But I didn't care. The sun was setting now, and this would've been breathtaking to anyone. But to me, it seemed like it was only the amount of hope that I had left. And just like that, it was dark.

"Mikan, I haven't seen you all day, are you okay?" *beep*

"Some people said they saw you at the pier earlier, crying? Or screaming? Please answer me." *beep*

"Ruka said you were with Hotaru. But she isn't answering his calls either. Mikan, I'm really worried now. Did something happen? You can tell me anything." *beep*

"Mikan, I love you. Please answer my calls." *beep*

I prevented another round of tears as I turned my phone off. I couldn't talk to him. I was too ashamed of myself. He didn't deserve someone like me. A quitter. A Coward. Maybe it was better this way. I could just go back to Tokyo by the end of summer as planned and take up law or something. Pushing people away was what I do best anyway.

Suddenly, I heard a loud knock on my door. I think it was two in the morning now, and my parents had checked on me earlier, but I told them I wanted to be alone and so far, they'd left me that way. I thought by now they'd gone to bed.

There was knocking again, and I buried my head under my pillows.

"Mikan, open the goddamn door or I swear to God I'm knocking it down."

I jerked my head up. That wasn't my mom or dad. It was Natsume.

The knocking stopped. "Mikan, please," Natsume said. I could tell he was close to tears. It broke my heart so much. I couldn't possibly leave him. It would be just like losing his best friend all over again. Like how I lost mine today. So I got up and unlocked the door. But I didn't open it. Instead, I went back to my bed and buried myself in my pillows and blankets.

I heard the door open, and felt Natsume sit on the edge of my bed.

"Wow, this place still looks the same."

I didn't realize he hadn't been to my room since the beginning of summer. And I haven't been to his, either.

"What are you doing here?" I croaked. My head was still buried under the sheets.

"What do you think?" he said, exasperated. "I've been calling you all afternoon and you didn't answer any of my calls. Do you think I can just stay put at home?"

"How'd you get past my parents?"

"I bribed them," he said, sarcastically. "Of course they'd let me up here. They think I'm the only one who could talk to you."

I suddenly took the blanket away from my face and sat up. "They're still awake?"

"Of course they are," Natsume said, softly. "They're worried about you. You come home crying and lock yourself in your room. What parent wouldn't be bothered by that?"

I felt tears in my eyes again, and just like that, I started crying like it was nobody's business. I was hurting everyone around me already. I felt like some kind of grenade.

Natsume wrapped his arms around me. "Shh, it's okay. I'm here, baby. Don't cry."

But I just couldn't stop. I was a disaster. One minute I think I had it all figured out, and the next, I was pushing everyone away again.

"Why don't you tell me what happened?" Natsume said, after I'd stopped sobbing.

I pulled away from him and grabbed some tissue from my bedside drawer. I noticed his shirt was full of my tears.

"Sorry, I ruined your shirt," I said.

He grinned at me. "Don't worry about it." Then, he suddenly took it off and threw it on the floor.

I couldn't help but smile. "Really?"

He shrugged then smirked slightly. "I figured it'd make you feel better."

And it did. A little bit.

He took me in my arms again, as he rested his back on my headboard, so I was leaning on his bare chest while he secured his arms around me.

"Okay?"

I nodded, as he kissed my head. "So, now tell me what happened."

So I told him everything beginning from when I got home this morning, what happened at work, until this afternoon at the pier with Hotaru, and changing my decision about staying here. I even confirmed about the screaming part, and he burst out laughing.

I elbowed his ribs softly. "Hey, I was pissed, okay. At myself mostly."

"I'm sorry, but I just remembered what a random person on the beach earlier today told me. That she thought there was someone who got out of a mental institution at the pier making a scene."

"Oh my God," I moaned, covering my face. "She said that?"

He laughed. "Yeah, as she was clutching her son dearly, as if you were some serial killer who was going to attack everyone in your path."

"I think that's bit of an exaggeration, really."

"Oh you should've seen the look on her face. She was genuinely scared."

I sighed. I felt better now, honestly. But, what now?

"I don't know what to do," I said, tracing the lines on Natsume's hand.

"Well for starters, don't leave."

"Trust me I don't. But there's just nothing for me here. My best friend hates my guts. Again." I sighed. "So much for that second chance."

"What do you mean nothing for you here?" he said, a hint of hurt in his voice. "I'm here. Ruka's here. And Hotaru's here. I'm sure she doesn't hate you. She's just hurt. Because she felt for the second time that you were pushing her away again. The second time always hurts."

"Of course I didn't mean you. I meant, I don't see my future here. Obviously I can't get that swimming scholarship. What else is there? And I really saw it this time in her eyes. I screwed up our friendship again."

"Hotaru's right, Mikan," he said. "You can get that scholarship if you wanted to. You're a great swimmer. I've seen it before."

"Um, haven't you been paying attention all summer? Just the thought of going in the water made me sick. Did you forget that time when I threw up on our first date?"

"Then don't think about it. Just do."

I sighed. If only it was that easy. But I didn't want to think about that anymore. I was just so tired. Tired of people telling me what I can and can't do. The exhaustion of the day suddenly hit me and I let out a yawn.

"Tell you what?" Natsume said, "we talk about this tomorrow, okay? You need some sleep."

I pulled away from him. He looked tired too. And I knew I was the one causing it. He had other things to worry about. Like his sister and his own future. I didn't want seeing him hurt anymore because of me.

"Natsume," I said, "I think I need to do this on my own for a while." When he was about to protest, I continued. "I'm not breaking up with you or taking a break, I just want you to focus on yourself for a while. Your own future. And let me figure my shit out. I promise nothing would change. I just, don't want involving you in my problems."

"But that's what I'm here for. We have to do this together."

I shook my head. "I know, but we're still young, Natsume. Maybe in ten years or so we could carry each other's weight, but not now when you still have a long road ahead of you. And I think so do I. So I need to figure everything out for myself."

Finally, he nodded, understanding. He kissed my forehead. "If that's what you want. But if you ever feel like you can't handle it anymore. Just come to me. Okay?"

I smiled. "Okay."

AHH I just really couldn't help myself quoting TFIOS on that last part. The "Okay?' "Okay." from The fault in our stars! I just recently watched the movie, and let me tell you I was an emotional wreck for days. Have you guys watched it? What did you think? Personally the book was WAY better, but the movie was still amazing. Let me know in the comments!

Anyway, I think this is really an important chapter since, Mikan is finally maturing and taking control of her life. And it's about time lol. Don't worry though, they're still a couple. And I thought Natsume was really sweet here.

SO, unfortunately this story is about to come to an end. A few chapters more. :( I know I'm sad too. But I hope you guys still stay tuned? Or updated? Because this time I really promise to update sooner. Like at the end of the week, I guess? So don't worry you guys, Okay? Okay.

Claire xx