Sanji leans on the rails of the ship and inhales the smoke of his cigarette. He brings the smoke into his lungs, holds it there for a second or two until it curls around every inch of his lungs and then breathes it out in a steady stream. He idly tries to blow a smoke ring but to Sanji's eyes it comes out looking a little more like a smoke heart. His mind instantly flicks to Zoro and he angrily swipes his hand through the smoke, dissipating it in one go. He's not thinking like that any more.
"Really?" Zoro's voice asks from the upper levels of the ship, making Sanji jump. He looks around frantically and sees Zoro and Robin huddled together talking. He feels all of the blood drain from his face in dread. Is Robin telling him what she saw? Surely she wouldn't but... well, what if she feels that Zoro needs to know?
Sanji gulps and flicks his cigarette overboard, he suddenly doesn't feel like smoking. He heads inside the kitchen, his stomach churning with nerves and gets on with breakfast. He hadn't slept especially well after trying to kill his feelings for Zoro last night. Hopefully he succeeded but even he isn't naïve enough to think that these things can just be extinguished in one go.
Cloistering himself away he starts on breakfast, lining sausages up on the grill to cook, beating together eggs for scrambled egg for those who want it, slicing brioche, making a hollandaise sauce. He's just getting spinach out of the fridge along with the meat to complete the eggs benedict that he's making when Zoro saunters into the room. Held lightly in his hand is a paperback book. Zoro seems to notice what Sanji is looking and and holds it up, it's a novel of some kind. He squints, Treasure Island? Appropriate he supposes.
"Robin... shit what's the word... she uh. She had it and now I have it... she... she gave it to me, that's it. Said it'd help reading." Zoro says, eventually getting to what he wanted to say.
"That's nice." Is all Sanji can manage.
"You want help?" Zoro offers.
Sanji grits his teeth, he wants to say yes. He wants to have Zoro around him, goodness knows that he could use the help with the stab wound still throbbing in pain now and then, but he knows that spending more time around Zoro will do nothing for his infatuation. Yesterday he'd stared obscenely at Zoro's ass before holding his hand and running his fingers all over Zoro's bare back. There mere thought of that is enough to send tingles down his spine and a flare of want in his gut.
He can't. If he does then he's just playing Russian roulette until Zoro works out how he feels.
"No, it's fine." He lies, turning his back quickly on Zoro and unloading his ingredients out onto the counter.
"Okay." Zoro responds and Sanji relaxes a little. That is until he hears the scrape of a chair instead of the opening of a door.
Stiffly Sanji looks over his shoulder to see Zoro sat down at one of the dining room chairs, his chin resting in his hand as he looks over the first page of his borrowed book, his brow set in concentration. Shit, Zoro is still going to be here.
Sanji diligently washes the spinach and tries to not think about Zoro. He poaches eggs and reminds himself of Zoro's imagined rejection, of the pity in his eyes. It hurts him but... he glances over his shoulder again. Zoro is bathed in warm light from the porthole window and chewing his lip in thought as he tries to read, stopping occasionally to mouth something out in order to get it.
Sanji looks back at his saucepan and the gently cooking egg floating in the boiling water. Would Zoro really break his heart like that? Zoro's not mean but- ugh. Shit, no. Just because Zoro has the capacity to be nice to him that doesn't mean that Sanji is entitled to his romantic affections, not at all. If anything Zoro's respect for his nakama makes him more likely to let him down gently than to explode about it.
Or... his treacherous brain purrs, he could be in love with you too...
Sanji drops his spoon on the floor and swears loudly. "in love too" rather implies that Sanji is in love with Zoro. Shit. He knew that he liked him, that he was attracted to him but... LOVE?!
Paranoia bites at him and he looks around in barely contained terror. Zoro is looking back at him with a confused and slightly concerned expression on his face. Shit! Sanji curses under his breath and vigorously washes his spoon, dries it and goes about rescuing his poached egg and settling it on the bed of spinach and meat on the toasted brioche. His hands are shaking.
He could deny it, he could claim that he's just romantically interested in Zoro, that it's just a little crush. He's not that much of a liar though, his name isn't Usopp. The agony he felt when Zoro cut ties with him, the jealousy over Zoro letting someone else teach him, his joy at being close with Zoro again... it all fit. This was far too emotional to just be a crush, even a crush on a nakama.
He stares miserably at his hollandaise sauce. He is so fucked.
"Want me to get..." Zoro trails off, suddenly behind Sanji. It takes all that he has not to jump.
"Yeah, yeah, get everyone please. Nami and Robin's breakfasts are just about ready, I've just got the sauce left. I can just dish up the eggs for everyone else and the toast and then I can put drinks out, we're ready. Find everyone and then I'll be all good, oh I have to lay the table first and-" Sanji babbles. He doesn't mean to keep talking but his mouth is just on overdrive, as if the more he speaks the more he can drown out the thoughts inside his head that threaten to give him away.
"Cook, shut it." Zoro says flatly.
Sanji's jaw snaps shut with a click.
Zoro squints at him, suspicious. He leans into Sanji's personal space and holds his gaze, apparently trying to read Sanji's mind. A cold sweat breaks out on Sanji's back and he looks away. Zoro backs off a little.
"Weird." Zoro comments and walks off, out of the kitchen.
Sanji lets out a trembling breath. He swears and kicks a cupboard door. Love. Why did it have to be love?! He's in deeper shit than he thought. Still he has breakfast to serve. He pours the sauce over the eggs and walks both dishes to the girls' places at the table. He sets the table with cutlery and glasses, fills a glass jug with juice. He puts plates at the table and starts serving sausages and eggs, tomatoes and toast. All of this he does on autopilot whilst repeatedly praying that Zoro is as dense and oblivious as Sanji has always accused him of being.
He's dropping the used hollandaise saucepan in the sink and filling it with warm water to stop it crusting over and being a bitch to wash when his eyes wander to the fridge. He sees Zoro's note pinned there with the stupid pineapple fridge magnet.
"shit cook"
Sanji's heart throbs.
He's not fucked. Fucked is a speck in the distance, he passed that ages ago, he is now rapidly hurtling towards doomed.
When he has to sit down when breakfast starts it's in the seat opposite Zoro. He tries not looking at him but then finds himself worrying that it's too conspicuous, so he tries looking at Zoro, but every time that he does he clearly does it for too long because Zoro eventually ends up sensing his gaze and looking back at him. Suddenly snapping his gaze away would be too weird so they end up holding the occasional long second or two of awkward eye contact. Or awkward on his part, more confused on Zoro's.
By the time breakfast is over Sanji is a nervous wreck. He seriously hopes that this feeling starts to fade as he tells himself more often that he and Zoro are never going to happen. There's no way that he can live with this. His insides feel like a never ending tug of war, with his head insisting the logical and sane thing that Zoro is not interested in him like that, that they're nakama and reminding him that he'd do anything to keep Zoro as his nakama, losing him last time was just too painful. He's got a sword scar through his chest as a reminder of that. No matter how much getting Zoro's blade in the chest hurt, it actually hurt a lot less than being at odds with Zoro. Having the swordsman act distant and silent to him, having him physically hurt him and his hands and feeling that rift between them was a slow and painful death. All of these things make sense, his head makes a very strong argument.
His heart however... well. His heart reminds him of how Zoro's fingers tracing over his lips felt, how it feels that Zoro can still speak the most clearly to him and how Zoro trusts him. His heart flashes up the image of closing that gap between himself and Zoro and kissing the man. His heart accepts that the odds are highly stacked against him, but in it's treacherous little voice it says 'but what if?'
That is the question that has the power to wreck his life. What if Zoro likes him back, no, what if Zoro loves him back. Arguably Zoro could well be keeping that secret, indeed it was likely that if Zoro did feel anything for him then he'd keep it to himself. Zoro has as much to lose by broaching that barrier as Sanji does. If anything Sanji can see that Zoro has more evidence against him than Sanji has against Zoro. The swordsman has never shown any real romantic interest in anyone at all, though Sanji is still not sure what exactly Zoro feels for that marine girl with the sword. Whatever it is seems to freak Zoro out but he's no idea if the feelings that seem to cause such blind panic and escape responses in Zoro are positive or negative. She probably doesn't count. Sanji however pursues women exclusively, or as far as Zoro knows he does. He pursues women... a lot. He's pretty sure that there have been very few if any populated islands where he's not made a pass at some woman or another. He can't help himself, pretty ladies have to know that they're pretty and if they fall for him then all the better. By all logical deductions that Zoro could make Sanji has no reason to be wired in a way to be attracted to him at all.
Only, he's wrong.
In any case, his heart makes the logical point that unless Sanji actually investigates Zoro's feelings by making some kind of move or confession then he doesn't know for sure. Genuine returned love could be waiting for him, just a few words away. Everything that he can imagine with Zoro could come true, all he has to do is say something. So, his heart reasons, what if...
Caught between these two is not a fun place to be. As the morning continues the crew clears out of the kitchen, save for Zoro who sits in his chair, his feet propped up on the table, reading his book. All of that continues in the background whilst Sanji vacillates between desperately trying to tamp down his feelings for Zoro and destroy them as much as he can so that he doesn't ruin his relationship with Zoro and on the other hand half convincing himself to turn around then and there and declare his feelings.
Eventually he's cleaned every plate, pan and item of cutlery in the kitchen. He's scrubbed every surface clean, put every ingredient away and stored everything neatly. He has done everything that he has an excuse to do and Zoro is still sitting there behind him. It is starting to drive him mad. He has half a mind to turn around and scream at Zoro, demanding to know just what it is that Zoro wants from him and why he's torturing Sanji for it. Only that would be irrational because Zoro isn't torturing Sanji, he's just reading a fucking book and trying to teach himself how to read again. He's not thinking about Sanji at all. Just because Sanji's brain is an endless conga line of thoughts about Zoro it doesn't mean that Zoro's is the same, even if by some miracle Zoro did happen to like him back. Screaming at Zoro would only serve to make him look like a total loon.
Forcing himself to ignore Zoro he makes his way out onto the deck and leans on the rail of the ship, watching the blank horizon where sea blue meets sky blue. He smokes a cigarette and tries to relax. Then he smokes another. And another.
Finally Luffy sidles up to him, drops himself onto the railing of the ship so that he's sitting next to where Sanji is leaning, and puts his arm around him.
"It'll be ok." Luffy assures him.
Sanji is momentarily comforted by this before skepticism takes over.
"Do you even know what you're trying to comfort me about?" He questions.
Luffy looks out at the sea, his gaze intent and focused. Sanji gets the vague feeling, as he has many times, that there is a lot more going on in that thick rubber skull of Luffy's than he knows about.
"Everything." Luffy asserts in a statement that is either really fucking zen or really fucking dumb.
"Thanks." He says flatly and then "I guess." He adds uncertainly.
Behind him Sanji hears a door open, the galley door, and Zoro heads out onto the main deck.
"Got to go." Sanji says quickly and walks to the front of the ship, by the time Zoro is halfway to the distance that Sanji is the cook doubles back, swinging his path around the side of the ship that Zoro isn't walking in and retreats back to his kitchen. Smooth.
Sanji wanders over to his fridge and looks at the note again, his eyes tracing over Zoro's words.
Tell him, don't tell him, tell him, don't tell him.
Maybe... maybe if he waits it out long enough Zoro will crack first and tell him, assuming that there is something on his part to tell. As soon as he thinks that though Sanji is called back to their previous feud and remembers that Zoro showed no signs of budging then. Zoro has patience in spades and far more self control than Sanji ever has. In fact the only time Zoro seems to have little self control is in resisting arguments with him. With Sanji as the lone exception Zoro is a diligent, focused and driven man. He never shirks off his sword practice, he never fails to pull his weight on the ship when he's needed and he's always determined in working towards his goal. By comparison Sanji takes his job seriously but still goofs off now and then, he's pre-prepared stuff the night before and then deliberately allowed himself a massive lie in, knowing that he can throw breakfast together in minutes. He often skips his combat practice, gets hangovers and doesn't do his chores when he feels rough from them. Sure, he doesn't do anything that would put his crew in danger but he's a far weaker willed man than Zoro, at least generally speaking. Emotionally too he's more volatile and less restrained, he tends to blurt out whatever he wants most of the time, though not as bad as Luffy, he can't resist flirting with ladies whenever the opportunity presents itself and he can never resist a chance to needle Zoro.
No, there is no way that Zoro will break and tell him if there is anything to tell.
He spends the next two days trying to avoid Zoro. Moreover he tries to balance it in a way that it appears that he's not avoiding Zoro, he spends time near him but doesn't actively engage in trying to teach him anything or strike up conversation. He responds if Zoro talks to him but doesn't offer up his own conversation topics, usually pretending to be super focused on whatever it is that he's doing at the time, this means that conversation tends to die down pretty quickly.
His hope is that by doing this his feelings will start to fade and his head will win out. Two days later though and there is no sign of that happening. Moreover the frustration from having to watch himself so closely is starting to get to him, added to that is the fact that he really misses Zoro, put together and the crew has one grumpy Sanji on their hands. His mood doesn't improve when he discovers that somehow he's out of flour. He's sure that he had a bag in the cupboard just the other day, it was one of the things that Zoro read out for him after all. Confusingly though it's missing. He's sure that he's not used it and Usopp is nowhere near brave or dumb enough to steal from his kitchen, especially for something so meagre as flour. Besides, he can't think of any of Usopp's current ammo that uses flour as a component. Even more confusing is the fact that Sanji uses reusable bags for supplies like flour, if he'd run out he'd have the empty bag up here and would have simply gone to refill it below deck.
He frowns with his hands on his hips. He did just make a supply run down there yesterday, perhaps in his Zoro induced mental fog he'd taken the bag down there and clean forgotten about it. It's highly unlike him but he supposes that it's possible.
He meanders outside the kitchen and down the hatch below deck, he passes the men's quarters, Franky and Usopp's workshops and various storage and weapon rooms. Finally he gets to the ship's hull and the storage. Sanji keeps this area as pristine as he can with all of his food elevated off of the floor to prevent damp, not that Franky's ship has ever leaked on them, and to stop other damage to the goods. Each pallet, barrel or box of food is carefully bound up. The ship could flip over end to end and likely none of this food would come loose, a good thing too considering that the ship's cola engine made that scenario distinctly possible.
Sanji wanders over to the stack of bags that comprise his flour stores, they're all sealed shut in waterproof bags, carefully resealed after every withdrawal. He frowns, he really doesn't remember doing this any time recently. He's about to go back up to the kitchen to look for his smaller bag again when the storeroom door bangs open.
Sanji jumps and looks over to see Zoro standing in the doorway, the door flung open and his frame blocking the only way in or out of the room. His finger is pointing right at Sanji accusingly and Zoro's mouth is open ready to shout at him. Only... nothing comes out and Zoro looks more and more frustrated, eventually gritting his teeth and snarling at himself in frustration.
"Uh." Sanji says to break the silence, goddamn this is awkward.
Zoro holds a hand up at him to wait and straightens himself up a little more normally, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in and out. He's trying to refocus and relax. With that done Zoro opens his eyes, glares at Sanji, raises a judgemental finger at him and... says... nothing.
"You've kind of ruined a dramatic entrance there marimo. Do you want to go out and come back in and try that a second time, I mean, you've got me trapped in here, I 'aint going anywhere." Sanji suggests, half seriously and half mocking.
"Oh fuck you." Zoro snaps, apparently able to speak again. He scowls at Sanji.
"Right, well, if that's it I think I'll be going." Sanji says, trying to walk around Zoro and back out through the door.
"No, you stay." Zoro orders and from behind his back he pulls out the small bag of flour and holds it up threateningly, as if he means to pelt Sanji with it.
"You STOLE my flour!" Sanji gasps in horrified accusation.
"Had to." Zoro says, gesturing to the room and getting in the way of the door so that Sanji still can't leave.
Sanji's idiot brain catches up. Zoro stole his flour to make him come down here, now that he's down here Zoro controls the only exit and unless he wants to fight him around all of his fragile supplies, which he doesn't, then he's stuck here. Cunning bastard.
"What do you want?" Sanji demands with a snap.
Zoro has a few false starts, Sanji hasn't seen him this tongue tied in what feels like ages. Eventually he's able to speak, just.
"The fuck man?" Zoro asks with a frown, folding his arms angrily but still keeping the flour in one hand.
"You're going to need to be a little more specific." the cook sighs, he feels a little mean about it but he really isn't sure what's going on here.
"What with- no... what's wrong with you? You've been... weird." Zoro asks, re-routing his sentence around the words that get stuck and the sentences that don't sound right.
"Gee, thanks." Sanji snorts, but he feels the heat rising up the back of his neck. The uncomfortable hot prickle of both guilt and fear at being caught, Zoro knows that something is up.
"You," Zoro levels an accusing finger at him, "been ignoring me. Avoiding, whatever."
"No, I've been talking to you, you can't say I've been ignoring you, I've just been busy marimo." Sanji answers primly, pleased that he put the forethought in to make it hard for Zoro to accuse him of being evasive or ignoring him.
"BullSHIT!" Zoro snarls and raises up the bag of flour threateningly, as if to throw it at Sanji's head.
"Don't throw my flour!" Sanji yells, both angry and desperate. Does Zoro know just how much he can make from flour? Zoro glares at him and doesn't lower the bag.
"You wouldn't..." Sanji says with a glare as he narrows his eyes at Zoro. Surely the marimo respects his craft enough by now to know how much that would hurt him. But then again maybe that's exactly why he's using it as a threat.
"Not if you talk." Zoro responds firmly, his expression steely and determined. That motherfucker!
"Well what do you want to talk about?" Sanji asks through gritted teeth and tries to subtly move closer to the flour. Zoro clocks his movements and winds his arm back with the flour, Sanji backs off. Zoro will throw it.
"The note, why'd you keep it?" Zoro asks, his eyes locked on Sanji's. The blonde freezes up, he wants nothing more than to yelp out 'oh hey I don't need the flour, see you bye!' and hightail it out of there, but that would be a dead giveaway. He needs to play it cool.
"It was the first thing you wrote since your injury, it's important." Sanji says. It's true, just... not the whole truth.
"Why'd you keep it here?" Zoro continues his line of questioning, reaching forward and tapping Sanji's chest, right where his heart is.
"That's what pockets are for moron." Sanji lies.
"Stop it!" Zoro snarls angrily, but Sanji won't budge on this. He's made his plan and he's sticking to it. Sanji purses his lips and grits his teeth, eventually Zoro's shoulders drop slightly, his arm lowering the flour.
"Why are you doing this? What did I...?" Zoro asks simply, sounding a little hurt. A bolt of guilt slams through Sanji just like Zoro's sword did, only this feels like it hurts more. He can't leave him like this.
"You haven't done anything, don't worry about it. I've just got shit to... to deal with." Sanji explains, making it as vague as possible whilst trying to reassure the other man.
"Like what?" Zoro presses, but Sanji takes the chance to lunge forward and yank the bag of flour from his hand whilst Zoro is distracted. Unfortunately it yanks on the stitches in his chest and he ends up a few steps away, doubled over and clutching at the hole in his chest whilst he waits for his diaphragm and his lungs to stop fighting and just let him breathe. He does however have the flour in his hand though, so that's something.
Zoro comes over to him and rubs soothing circles into Sanji's back until he starts to breathe right again.
"Better?" Zoro asks as Sanji straightens up after a bit, his hand pressed to his chest. Sanji nods, not trusting himself to both breathe and speak right now.
"Good. So, what shit?" Zoro asks again. Sanji glares at him, couldn't he have the decency to forget his question whilst Sanji nearly suffocated in his own lungs?
"Just... stuff." Sanji mutters, stepping away.
"What stuff?" Zoro demands, stepping closer again.
"Can we just not talk about this?!" Sanji snaps, fed up of Zoro pushing him. He can't tell him, if he tells him then everything will be ruined, again. He won't let that happen, he can't.
Zoro doesn't respond, his mouth is working like he's trying to get something out but Sanji takes the opportunity, clutches the flour to his chest and makes a break for the door. As he gets there Zoro stops him, but not with his body.
"We're friends... yes?" Zoro says quietly and yet it strikes Sanji solid.
He turns, slowly and looks at Zoro. The swordsman looks a little uncertain and Sanji would be in denial if he couldn't see the faint trace of hurt there. Zoro's usually so stoic but Sanji has got so used to reading him since he hit his head that he'd be blind not to see it even though the others might miss it.
"Of course. I mean, we weren't really before but now... yeah." Sanji answers, he can't let Zoro think that they aren't.
Zoro relaxes ever so slightly, he doesn't say anything. He just stares at Sanji, his implication clear. 'If we're friends then you should tell me.'
"I can't." Sanji says stiffly, not able to quite look Zoro in the eye.
"I only just got you talking to me again and I didn't get myself impaled just to wreck it all right away, I don't want you to hate me again." He says quickly, reminding himself just as much as Zoro why he can't tell him the truth.
"My fault." Zoro grits out, clearly angry at himself, his eyes linger on the spot on Sanji's chest where his sword went through. Zoro is blaming himself again.
"Don't do that, you saved my life remember?" he reminds Zoro, stepping away from the door and instead a little closer to Zoro.
"My sword, my fault." Zoro asserts strongly, clenching his fists.
"Hey, no. It was dark and smoky, you couldn't see. Besides I snuck up on you when I knew that you were already fighting and already mad at me. What kind of idiot startles a man holding three swords in a fight?" Sanji laughs weakly. Zoro just shakes his head, clearly no matter what Sanji says he will always blame himself for stabbing Sanji. The cook could probably tell Zoro over and over again until he died of old age and Zoro would no doubt stubbornly cling to his own blame, probably some noble swordsman shit.
Sanji grips the bag of flour around his chest a little tighter and tells himself that he's going to go now.
"What do you mean 'wreck it'?" Zoro asks, frowning at Sanji.
Goddamn Sanji's big mouth and Zoro's apparently crystal clear memory.
"I don't want to talk about it, it's not your problem, it's mine." He asserts, holding the bag of flour tightly as if it could somehow protect him.
Zoro stands there and watches him for a few long moments. His golden eyes seeming to stare right through Sanji. The blonde finds his heart fluttering, both in nervousness about this whole situation but also because... well... he'd been depriving himself of Zoro's attention of days and now that he had it back it felt good. Zoro was going out of his way to talk to him, even making Sanji quite literally go out of his way. Zoro is trying to get him to talk for the sake of their friendship, he cares.
"You don't trust... don't trust me." Zoro says softly, sounding pained.
"No! That's not... look. You know how the sword thing wasn't your fault- and shut up it wasn't!" Sanji insists as Zoro opens his mouth to protest.
"I got hurt but you didn't do anything wrong, this is... like that. Sort of. I'm just trying to have a bit more self preservation." Sanji explains, although he's pretty sure that he didn't really explain anything just then. Well, at least he tried. That counts, right?
"I'm going to hurt you? You think..." Zoro murmurs in shock, his sentence all messed up. Zoro's eyes are wide, he doesn't look hurt though, he looks afraid for Sanji. He looks like he would if he'd frightened Chopper or some other small animal, guilty and concerned.
"No, not... not like that. Not..." Sanji trails off. He knows what he means. Zoro wouldn't hurt him on purpose.
"Sanji..." Zoro says quietly. The cook feels his mouth twist into an uncomfortable line and he can't even look at Zoro right now. His fingernails are digging so hard into the bag of flour that they actually hurt.
He doesn't feel the same, he knows that. He's told himself that a million times. He shouldn't listen to his stupid fucking heart, he'll wreck everything and then lose the man who has rapidly become the person that Sanji cares most about. He can't. He can't. He can't. He runs the painful scenario of Zoro letting him down gently again in his mind, visualises the pity in Zoro's eyes, the well meaning but painful reassertions of 'I like you, but not like that...'
Zoro's hands touch his arms and Sanji realises that he's shaking slightly.
"I'm fine." He blurts out, not that Zoro asked. Not that it's true.
Zoro just looks at him. Maybe he can't find the words or maybe none of them would work on him. This look though, that feels heavier than any words. Zoro's eyes are worried for him, searching his face for any answer as to what it is that's tearing his friend apart, only it's Sanji tearing himself apart. Sanji needs to keep his mouth shut to keep this man in his life but it hurts so fucking bad. Sanji squeezes his eyes shut and runs Zoro's imagined rejection through his head again.
"Sanji..." Zoro calls him quietly.
Something in him breaks. Maybe his spine, maybe his sanity, his willpower, whatever. He shakes and grits his teeth, he forces his head down so that he's looking at the ground. Right now he doesn't trust himself not to do something immensely fucking stupid like lean in and kiss Zoro. He can imagine how he'd do it to, he'd lean close to Zoro, run his hand along his jaw and then just press his lips to Zoro. It'd say all the things that Sanji has banned himself from saying and if nothing else he'd get to kiss Zoro, even if it was just the once.
He can't. He can't.
Zoro's hand tightens on Sanji's shoulder and his left comes up to run through Sanji's hair, trying to soothe him.
"I'm in love with you." Sanji blurts out, staring down at Zoro's boots.
He slams his jaw shut so hard that his teeth click together, but it's far too fucking late. His heart overpowered his head for a split second but that was all it needed. But now his head is coming back into play and it's yelling at him, telling him that it fucking told him because Zoro's hands have frozen. The one in his hair is stock still, until it pulls back and falls to Zoro's side.
"What?" Zoro asks in shock. Sanji flinches and it feels far more painful than Zoro's sword through his gut ever did. Look at what he's done, it's all going to come crashing down around him now.
Sanji forces himself to drag his gaze up, perhaps in some masochistic way of punishing himself for his idiocy. Zoro is just standing there staring at him in shock and bewilderment. Zoro shakes his head and opens his mouth, nothing comes out.
"What?" He eventually manages to repeat, his brows drawing low.
Sanji is not going to stand around waiting for Zoro to string together his well meaning let down, god only knows how long it would take and he is not signing up for that torture than you very much.
"Ihavetogo." Sanji babbles quickly and pulls himself free from Zoro's now slack grip on his shoulder and darts for the door. He's out of it without any resistance from Zoro and he makes it halfway up the stairs before he has to stop.
His heart is still fucking going on about it. What if Zoro does feel the same but is too in shock and too unable to say anything, what if he's running out on Zoro whilst Zoro is looking up at him with longing? What if?
He pauses on the stairs and looks around.
Zoro is there alright, still staring up at him with shock that is rapidly moving into confusion and... nope! No, no, no. He's not staying here to watch this. He sprints up the stairs, across the deck, into the kitchen. He locks the doors, draws the curtains and heads into his pantry. He opens it, shuts the door behind him and locks himself inside. He doesn't trust anywhere else on the ship to be free from Robin's prying eyes now that he knows that she apparently spies on him.
He drops to the floor and puts his head against his knees, curled up in the dark. Stupid heart.