Severus Snape
The most important person ever to call you a Mudblood is Severus Snape.
It's just after the Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L., and Alice is trying to organize a study break. You and your three roommates, Alice, Marlene and Mary, join a crowd of other fifth-year girls heading toward the lake. It's such a beautiful day, after all, and maybe the water will help keep your mind off exams. You can hardly believe there are still more to get through—you feel like you've been studying forever.
"Transfiguration tomorrow," you remind Alice conscientiously.
She laughs. "Lighten up, Lily, it's hours 'til then." She sits on the grass, takes off her sandals and puts her feet in the water. She breathes deeply, simply enjoying the moment.
Jealous, you pull off your sneakers and socks, and dip your feet in the water, too. It's bliss, feeling the cool water wash over your toes and the sun warm your long hair. You open your Transfiguration textbook on your knees, but you're not really working. For a moment you simply stay where you are, relaxing. Like Alice says, you're not taking an exam right now, and besides, you know your stuff. Professor Slughorn says you're destined for greatness, but on this sunny day by the lake, greatness and war and evil seem far away. You feel an almost Zen-like connection to the world, and for one glorious moment you feel exactly where you stand in your world, and your place in it.
You should have known it was too good to last.
You're brought back roughly from your abstraction by the sounds of an altercation nearby. Your first thought is of your prefect duties—after-exam exuberance, anyone? But when you turn around, of course, it's them. Potter and Black are tormenting Severus again. You roll your eyes in frustration and stand up, not bothering to put your sneakers back on. The other girls jeer at you.
"Come on, Lily!" whines Mary. "Can't you just leave it alone for once? I mean, it's Potter and Black, you know?" You do know—you know that Mary, along with most of the other girls in your year, would jump at the chance to go to Hogsmeade with either Potter or Black, you know that you're the only one who sees them for what they really are—immature, insensitive, egotistical bullies who don't even realize they're wrecking lives.
You're close enough to hear Sev swear now; as always, his wide and varied vocabulary impresses you. You think it might even give Narcissa Black (mercifully graduated) a run for her money.
"Wash out your mouth," Potter says coldly. "Scourgify!"
Soap bubbles stream out of Sev's mouth, choking him, and for a moment you stand paralyzed with emotion, unseen by any of the combatants.
Then you shake off your lethargy, angry with yourself and furious with Potter, because he could kill Sev and you think no one would make him suffer for it except you. "Leave him ALONE!" you shout, your tone even more venomous than Narcissa Black's habitual one.
Potter strokes his hair and Black raises one eyebrow at you in challenge. "All right, Evans?" Potter asks.
You ignore his feeble attempt at being a civilized human being. "Leave him alone," you repeat with authority. You don't look at Sev, knowing he won't want you to see him like this. "What's he done to you?" you ask, almost hoping Potter will have a reasonable answer.
You should have known better. "Well," says Potter thoughtfully, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…"
You glare at him some more, because it's easy, and try to restrain your temper. After all, Dumbledore might let Potter get away with murder, but you doubt he'd grant you the same clemency, and besides, killing Potter would be wrong…
"You think you're funny," you point out. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."
"I will if you go out with me, Evans," Potter says eagerly. "Go on…go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."
You roll your eyes. Really, his little crush is starting to annoy you. You suspect that if you did go out with him, he'd quickly decide you weren't as entertaining as chasing you was. "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," you tell him firmly. Your refusals have gotten more colorful as time passes, but really, if he weren't such a jerk about it, you wouldn't mind his being in love with you. You accept adoration, after all. That's not what bothers you.
"Bad luck, Prongs," says Black. Why, oh why do they have those stupid nicknames? Black looks back at Sev. "OY!" he yells, too late.
Sev slashes his wand at Potter and cuts into his face. You frown; clearly, this is an inappropriate use of magic, and your duty as prefect—
Potter waves his wand and a second later, Sev is hanging upside down, his robes around his head.
You can see his underwear, and you start to blush. Your lips twitch at the ridiculousness of the situation, and your own reaction. "Let him down!" you say sternly.
Potter does, but then Black traps Sev in a full Body-Bind. You've had enough of this, and you pull out your wand and repeat yourself one more time. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!"
"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," says Potter.
"Take the curse off him, then!"
Potter does so reluctantly. "There you go," he sighs. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus—"
"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" Sev shouts.
You close your eyes for a moment, swaying. For a second you think you're going to faint, and then you just want to run back to your dorm and have a good cry, but you've always been brave. You open your eyes and look directly into his.
In that moment, you want to hurt him as much as you can, and since you've been best friends for years you figure that is a lot. "Fine," you say coldly. "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."
Severus looks horrified, and you feel a small sense of triumph. He's not the only one who can hurt with words, two can play at that game, and you refuse to be a helpless victim any longer. This is the moment when things will change, you think. This is the moment. You won't let the Slytherins treat you this way, and it's easier to think of Sev in conjunction with them, instead of as your ex-best friend.
This is different from the pure rage that fills you around Potter and Black. It goes deeper, and you realize your heart is bruised. You can't bear this. You wish things were different, but this is the end. You can't keep fighting a losing battle. Sev is lost to you, perhaps has been for awhile now. You're not as important to him as Avery and Mulciber, and the knowledge fuels your anger so that for a moment you actually hate Severus Snape.
"Apologize to Evans!" roars Potter. You feel exhausted, and you just want to go back to your room. Potter has no idea how serious this is.
Then your rage returns. It's simpler to take it out on Potter, who you yell at all the time anyway, so you do that. You don't even remember what you say, and a detached part of your mind knows Alice will tease you later ('the lady doth protest too much') but you can't bring yourself to care. Let Alice think you fancy Potter.
You've just seen it could be a whole lot worse. Imagine if you'd told Sev how you felt, like you wanted to…
And Potter isn't that bad. You'll take his adoration, and maybe you'll stop throwing out his gifts next year, because you really need some support.
This decided, you finish yelling at Potter and stomp off. After all, you don't want to overdo it, and you have a tear-date with your bed—you should be alone, everyone else is by the lake…
You're a witch, but right now you feel just like a teenage girl.