Hey guys! New update. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

"Mr. Narumi, I really am sorry for not attending your session this morning."

"It's okay, Mikan. I think I know why." He raised an eyebrow at Natsume.

"Good to see you, Mr. Narumi," Natsume said, grinning.

I blushed a deep red, as Natsume and I followed Mr. Narumi inside the swimming pool gym after I handed him the key. I felt nervousness build up in me again. There was no way I could do this. What if I threw up again? I shook my head. Get it together, Mikan.

Natsume squeezed my hand, feeling my tension. "Hey, it's gonna be okay. There's literally a lifeguard here if you need saving."

I just nodded. At this point, I really couldn't hear anything besides my heartbeat about to come out of my chest.

"Okay, Mikan," Mr. Narumi said. "Since you missed my session earlier, I'm going over this quick. I just need you to answer one question."

"What?" I said.

"What scares you most about being in the water?"

I gulped, and felt tears sting my eyes. That was also one question no one's ever asked me. Also, the question I wasn't able to answer myself. I just didn't go into the water after my brother died for the fear that I might feel again what I felt on that day when it happened. But I knew that wasn't the only reason why. I was scared for myself too.

"I'm afraid that I might... drown," I heard myself saying.

Natsume's grip on my hand tightened. It was the first time I ever admitted this to anyone—even to myself—aloud.

"Listen," Mr. Narumi said, softly, "if you know how to swim, then there's no reason for you to be afraid of drowning. Just remember that day when—"

"I really don't want to do that right now, please."

"Mikan, you have to. You survived because you followed your instincts. That's basically all you have to do. Don't think about it."

"But why didn't Tsubasa survive?" I whispered. "He knew how to swim too. He was better at it than I was. I still don't get it."

Mr. Narumi glanced at Natsume, the turned back to me. "Look, things happen for a reason, Mikan. And I know that's the most used explanation for anything, ever, but it's true. Your brother died a hero. He saved your life. And this"—he gestured to the pool— "is what he would've wanted for you. I know you want it too. So please, Mikan. Give it a chance."

"And if anything goes wrong," Natsume added, "which I doubt will, we'll be right here. I'll be right here." He rubbed my shoulders and kissed my head.

"Okay," I said. "I'm ready."

And this time I knew I meant it.

"I would shout at you right now, since you didn't come home last night, but I had a pretty good idea where you were. Still, you didn't even leave a text or bother to call?"

I shut the door behind me, as I threw my purse on the couch. "Mom, I'm sorry—"

"I mean, I thought you wouldn't go back to this sort of behavior," she went on, while pacing around the living room. "Did something happen again?"

"Mom, I'm fine—"

"I know you're almost an adult, but you still have to let us know where—"

"I went swimming today."

She stopped. "You... what?"

"I swam again," I repeated.

And just like that, her mood shifted to ecstatic. "Honey, I'm so proud of you!" She gave me a hug. "But how? I thought you hated swimming."

I realized that I did forget to mention to my parents that I was afraid of being in the water. But a while ago, I have never felt more of myself in years. After I changed into my swimsuit (which Aoi graciously lent me—it was what she used during swim class in her school), I was still hesitant on going into the water. Trust me, I really wanted to, but there was still that (very annoying) part in head that was scared of what would happen if I went in.

"Okay, Mikan, just calm down, okay?" Mr. Narumi told me. I was already standing by the edge of the pool, and all I had to do was get into position, and dive. But I was shaking, and my knees felt like they were about to give in any second.

"I can't do this," I said.

"Hey, yes you can. Here's what you can do. Find your anchor."

"My anchor?"

"Yes, think of something that would make you calm. It can be a place, memory, or a person."

My eyes immediately went to Natsume, who was sitting on the benches, watching me anxiously. I knew he wanted to help me, but I told him a while ago that he was just here for moral support. He smiled at me encouragingly.

"I'll be right back," I told Mr. Narumi. I walked towards Natsume.

"Hey," he said, confused, "is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just need to do something first." I pulled his neck towards me, and I kissed him. Immediately, every muscle in my body loosened up. He was definitely my anchor.

"What was that for?" Natsume said, when we pulled away. He was smiling like crazy.

"I needed your moral support." I winked, then walked back by the pool.

"Okay, I'm ready," I said.

Mr. Narumi just stared at me, then smiled. "I know you are. Now, I think you know what to do."

And I did. When I dove into the water, it just came naturally. My body knew what to do immediately. My face was down in the water as I reached my left arm out in front, then pulled it down in the water. I did the same with my right arm as I rotated my body side to side, lifting my face up from the water to breathe while simultaneously kicking my legs. I reached my hand out and touched the wall on the other side of the pool, pushing it to go in the opposite direction. I swam back to where I dived in, and then I realized that was one lap!

When I lifted my head up from the water, Mr. Narumi and Natsume were already applauding me. And that's when it dawned on me that I actually did it. I faced my fear.

"Actually, I don't hate it, Mom," I answered her now. "I was scared. After what happened to Tsubasa, I was terrified. At first I kept telling myself that it was because I didn't want to remember anything that happened that day, but I was also scared for myself. That what if I... drowned."

My mother's eyes filled with tears, as she hugged me again. "Oh sweetie, why didn't you tell us? You know your dad and I could have helped you."

"I know," I said, patting her back. "I'm sorry. And I have other news."

She pulled away from me, her eyes expectant. "What is it?"

"I might have a chance at that swimming scholarship in UCLA!"

My mom clamped her hand on her mouth. "Mikan, that's amazing! How did all of this happen?"

I then recalled the promise I made to Mr. Narumi. "Actually," I said, sitting down on the couch, "it's because of your good friend, Narumi Anju."

She stiffened. "Y-you met him?"

"Yeah," I answered, confused by her reaction. "Didn't you two use to date in college? He's actually a professor and dean at that school. And also the coach of the swimming team. Oh, and he told me to tell you that he said 'hello.'"

"He said that?"

"Of course, why wouldn't he? You knew each other. Mom, what's wrong?"

She sighed, sitting beside me. "We just had a complicated history. I thought he'd still hate me."

I was surprised. This was the first time my mom even mentioned her past. But then again, I never did ask. "Mom, it's been, what, twenty years? I'm sure nobody holds a grudge that long. And besides he was happy when he mentioned you."

"I hurt him pretty bad," she said.

"What happened?"

"I cheated on him."

My mouth fell open. "W-with Dad?"

She shook her head. "No, it was with another guy I met before your dad. Narumi and I were already at that point in the relationship where we both knew it couldn't go on any longer but neither one of us acknowledged it. So, I always started fights with him, even for the smallest things. And it just happened. The worst part, was that I was completely sober when I cheated on him. It was like I wanted it to happen. Anyway, Narumi was really hurt, he started drinking and doing drugs. I regretted it right away. But I knew it was too late. It was a bad break up. No closure. I saw him once when I first moved here with your dad, but he didn't see me. That was it."

"But what about when you went to Tsubasa's swim meets? I'm sure he was there."

"For some reason, our paths never crossed."

"Well, he's doing fine if that's what you're wondering. He's married now, actually. And it was really generous of him to offer me that scholarship."

My mom smiled. "That sounds very much like him."

"So how'd you guys meet?" I asked.

She sighed, ruefully. "Oh it's quite a long story. We were classmates in law school. And you know that annoying, arrogant, know-it-all kid in every class? Well, that was him. We were like rivals, hated each others guts. Long story short, we got to know each other more and eventually fell in love along the way."

"Hey Mom," I said, quietly, "this doesn't change anything for you and dad, right?"

She kissed my forehead. "Of course not. I love your dad with all my heart. But you know what they say, you can never truly forget your first love."

I smiled. "I know."

I spent the rest of the week practicing every morning at the pool. And everyday, I was getting better at it. Everything I knew came back to me like no time had passed. I regretted the two years I wasted giving up on swimming. But what mattered was right now, where I was finally taking chances.

"I think you're ready for this."

I shook my head. "No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are," Natsume said. "You've been doing great. So let's do this together, okay?"

"No."

Natsume and I were at the beach one afternoon after I've practiced in the swimming pool all morning. He was convincing me that we should go for a swim, or even a dip in the sea. I know I've been doing well on my own practicing in the pool, but I wasn't sure if I was ready of the ocean. I had to admit, there was still that fear of drowning.

"Hey." Natsume held my hand and kissed it. "You're gonna be okay, I promise. I'm right here."

I took a deep breath. Looking at the ocean now, made me miss my childhood so much. I wondered, what if I hadn't been afraid? Not just swimming in general, but not shutting everyone out? Would my life have been different? Would I have been happy?

"Okay," I said, "I'm doing it, but you—"

Before I could finish my sentence, Natsume picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. I shrieked. "Natsume! What the hell?"

"Sorry," he said, laughing. "I've been wanting to do that ever since we got here."

"What happened to 'you're gonna be okay?' and 'I'm right here'?" I said, over his shoulder.

"You are going to be, and I'm still here."

Before I knew it, he ran towards the water, still carrying me, and when he was thigh-deep, he put down slowly. The water felt cool between my legs, and I could feel the sand between my toes. Suddenly, I imagined I was eight again, where I would run towards the water and "attack" the waves and run back to the shore. It was a simple moment, and yet at that time I felt like the happiest girl in the world. And that's when I realized, that I've been afraid of life, when all this time I could have been a part of it.

Natsume stared at me carefully. "Are you okay?"

I nodded slowly, and then I bent down slowly and splashed water at him.

He looked shocked for a moment, as if he'd actually been shot. I smiled, slyly at him. "That's for carrying me like a potato sack." Then, I started running.

Natsume let out a small laugh before he started chasing me. We were both laughing like crazy when he finally caught me from behind. I broke free from his grasp, and started splashing him with water again. He did the same, and we just ran about like a bunch of children. After a few moments we swam around for a while, and even did some races like we used to so when we were kids. It was like time had stopped, and it felt like we were the only two people in the world. This moment was so precious to me because I knew I finally stopped being afraid.

I was free.

I knew this summer was about to end, when my parents started packing their things and making arrangements for their flight back to Tokyo. It just dawned on me that I wasn't going to be seeing them for months. And since, Hotaru and I were still not talking, I wasn't sure of a place to stay, which my parents worried about. Fortunately, Natsume offered that I could stay with him and Aoi. My parents had a really LONG talk with me about that, but in the end they were fine with it, so I could keep an eye on the renovations of our house. And once it was finished, maybe I could live there by myself. But that topic was reserved for "future discussion."

To be honest, I was really excited about what my life would be like here. But there was still the swim meet on Thursday, which was two days away, and I wasn't even sure if I could win that scholarship. Mr. Narumi told me my competitors were amazing as well, but he told me not to lose hope and keep on practicing. So instead of morning practices, I would usually spend the whole day doing so. Sometimes Natsume would come along, but when he had work, he'd asked Ruka to come with me. I argued with him on that one, because I clearly didn't need babysitting. But he told me that I needed someone to talk to one point or another, and I had to admit I liked the company.

So that was why Ruka was with me that Tuesday afternoon. He came around at lunch time and brought food. Oh, and that was why I liked having him around too, since I sometimes forgot to feed myself. I made a mental note to thank Natsume for that.

Ruka brought Taco Bell today, and we sat on the benches where we usually do. I hadn't realized I forgot to eat this morning, so I was scarfing down on my burrito.

"Woah, slow down there, champ," Ruka said, laughing.

"Shorry," I replied, my mouth still full.

"Let me guess, you hadn't eaten anything all day?"

I nodded.

He smiled. "Look, I'm really happy that you're swimming again, but Mikan, I think a week and a half is enough practice. I mean, you were already good before. You need to rest."

I swallowed, then shook my head. "But I haven't swam for two years. I have to get used to doing it again."

"Mikan, you're a natural. I've been watching you for days. You're going to win that scholarship. And isn't your body aching? You need to rest tomorrow, or you might not be able to lift your arms up on the day itself!"

I considered this. "Okay, maybe I will. But let me—"

Ruka's phone suddenly rang, and he signaled for me to wait while he fished it out of his pocket and answered it.

"Hey. Oh you're here... yeah it's near the fountain by Starbucks... Okay, I'll meet you out front." He gestured for me to wait again, as he stood up and went for the doors. At first, I thought that it was Natsume. But then Ruka was giving out directions. Natsume already knew where the pool was. So that leaves... Oh my God.

Ruka and I never talked about Hotaru for the past few days. Mostly because, I never asked him and he never brought her up. But I could tell that he wanted to, since he obviously knew what happened between us. I really wanted to fix things between us, but I guess I'd been too immersed in practicing. And also because I wanted her to be proud of me if I got that scholarship.

The gym doors suddenly opened, and Ruka walked in with Hotaru. I smiled and waved at her, and I was relieved to get a small smile back.

"Well, I'll be outside," Ruka said.

"So," Hotaru said, walking towards me, "this is where you've been hanging out."

"Yup. I almost live here now, to be honest."

"Is that why you quit the shop?"

"Yeah."

She nodded and sat beside me. There was an awkward silence between us. I opened my mouth to say something, but Hotaru spoke first.

"Mikan, I just want to say that I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for all the things I said to you at the pier, and for not being here for you right now, when I should be supporting you. And most of all, I'm sorry for being a horrible friend."

I felt tears sting my eyes. "I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for pushing you away again. And everything you said was true. I am a coward. I should have just trusted myself. And you."

"You're not a coward," she said. "I'm so proud of you for taking this chance. The only reason why I got so mad was because I didn't want you to leave again. And also because you were throwing away your potential to live a happy life. You deserve that, Mikan, after all you've been through."

I smiled, tears already streaming down my face. "Thank you."

"Oh God," Hotaru groaned, "no waterworks, please." She sighed. "Okay. Come here, you dummy."

I scooted closer to her, and she wrapped her arms around me. Hotaru and I weren't the touchy-feely type, but on occasion, it does feel good to be cheesy with your best friend.

"Oh gross," Hotaru said, when we pulled away, "I forgot you were wet."

I laughed. "So what did Ruka tell you?"

"Well, a few days ago he asked what was going on between us, and I told him I didn't want to talk about it. He didn't, but when he called me today asking me to pick him up here since he forgot his car, I knew something was definitely up. I know I should have come to you sooner, but you know me."

I shook my head. "No, I should have approached you first. I wanted to apologize right away, trust me. But I wanted to prove myself to you first. That I wasn't a coward."

"Damn it." Her voice shook a little. "Now you're going to make me cry."

I grinned. "Then my work here is done."

She glared at me, then slapped my arm. "Ow!" I exclaimed. "That actually hurt."

She smirked. "Good."

I rolled my eyes at her. It was definitely good to have my best friend back.

I hoped you liked it, loves. Don't forget to let me know what you think :)

Anyway, my next update is going to take longer, since I haven't finished it yet, but I'll do my best to post it within this week. Talk to you guys soon byeee x