Hey guys! Here's the new chapter! I haven't really edited this that much, so it might not be good? But I hope you like it! x

Today was finally the day.

I did what Ruka told me and took a break yesterday, which I mostly spent with Natsume. I hung out on the beach while he was working. I wanted to go for a swim, but I was under strict orders not to. So, I mostly just watched Natsume while he was lifeguard-ing, which was actually better than going swimming.

Later that day, Hotaru asked me to go shopping with her for furniture since she was going to be moving to the dorm in Stanford next week. Originally, she wasn't supposed to move to a dorm, but since I wouldn't be staying with her anymore (we both thought it was a good idea that I stay with Natsume and Aoi), she decided to just live on campus so it would be easier for her.

"God, I love shopping," she'd said, as we were walking through Ikea.

"That is one sentence I never thought would come out from your mouth," I said.

"For furniture. Because you actually need this stuff. And they're a lot more fun to shop for than clothes."

I nodded, as we walked past the living room items.

Hotaru nudged me. "Hey, you've been quiet the whole time we've been here. What's wrong?"

I shook my head at her. "It's nothing." Oh but it was everything. Seeing Hotaru shop for furniture made me realize that if I didn't get this scholarship, I wouldn't know where to go. While, Hotaru was so sure about her future, I had no plan B. What would happen if I didn't get in?

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" she asked.

I sighed. "Yeah. I just... what if I don't get it, Hotaru? This is the only chance I've got."

"No it's not. You can always apply next year. Or the year after that, or the year after that. And besides, I'm sure you'd be getting that scholarship. So stop doubting yourself, Mikan."

She was right. But still, I still felt insecure. So that was why I woke up really early this morning and drove to the cemetery.

The last time I visited Tsubasa was when I went with Natsume. So technically, this was the first time I visited him alone.

I walked over to his grave and sat down on the grass. "Hey there, Tsubasa." I took a deep breath. "Honestly, I have no idea what to say other than I really, really, really miss you. Big time." My voice cracked, and tears started to fall down on cheeks, but I ignored them. "I wish you were here right now, so you could watch me swim and cheer me on. I finally did it. I now know that even if I don't get that scholarship I'd still be happy, because this summer was everything. I'm so glad we came back here, because this is where I belong. It's always going to be my home because you're here." I wiped a tear from my cheeks. "And it's going to be so hard living the rest of my life without you. But I know you want me to be happy, so I will be. I promise."

I kissed my fingers and placed my hand on his tombstone. I knew I had to leave, but I just couldn't get myself to do so. For some reason, it was like this moment I had with Tsubasa felt like I wasn't going to be able to do it for a long time.

"I knew you'd be here."

I turned around, and found Natsume standing a few feet away from me. He had a worried look on his face, and I could tell that he wanted to come closer, but wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I wiped the remaining tears on my face with the back of my hand.

"Hey," I said, hoarsely, "how long have you been standing there?"

"A little while. Are you okay?"

I nodded. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, when your parents found your bed empty this morning, they thought you'd run away or something." He walked towards me and sat next to me on the grass. "But I told them I had a good idea where you could have gone."

I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. I noticed that he was a little stiff, like he was tensed or something.

"You okay?" I asked. I tilted my head up and saw him looking afar.

He cleared his throat and met my eyes. "I'm fine. We need to go, you know."

"I know, I'm going to be late. But I don't wanna leave yet."

Natsume wrapped his arm around me securely and kissed my head. "You're not going anywhere, Mikan. You're going to win that scholarship."

"I meant the cemetery," I said. "But now that you've mentioned it, I'm nervous as hell again."

He shifted slightly, so he was facing me. "Tell me what I have to do to get rid of it."

I smirked. "I have some pretty good ideas."

He chuckled. "Okay, but maybe not here in the cemetery and in front of your brother."

"Yeah, I guess he wouldn't like that."

Natsume suddenly stood and helped me up. "As much as I'd want to right now, I believe that you have a swim meet to go to." He kissed me quickly. "Now come on. I have to watch my girl kick ass."

I know I was already prepared for this, but I had this weird feeling that something might go wrong. I figured it was just the nerves, so I ignored it until we got to UCLA. Natsume and I stopped by our house for a second, while I changed, where I told him to wait in the living room with my parents. On our way to the swim meet, Natsume was suddenly quiet through out the entire drive. He was really acting strange today. Other than the fact that Mom and Dad were in front, he looked like something was bothering him. At first I thought he was just letting me have a breather so I could calm my nerves down, but when we got to the venue, he was still silent.

"Hey, is everything okay?" I asked him, as we got out of the truck. We were now in front of the swimming pool gym in UCLA, and my parents got in first.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, quietly.

"Don't tell me you're doubting me right now," I teased. But I had to admit I was already a little worried.

He shook his head. "No of course not. But Mikan, I have to tell you some—"

"Mikan, there you are!"

I turned around and saw Mr. Narumi heading our way with a relieved expression on his face. He looked happy today for some reason, and I wondered if he and my mom finally had that talk. I smiled at him, and glanced at Natsume who still had that pained expression on his face. What could possibly be something that he had to tell me that made him so dejected?

"I was so worried, I thought you wouldn't come," Mr. Narumi said.

"You have too little faith in me," I joked.

He chuckled. "Oh but just the opposite, Miss Sakura. Now follow me, the meet's about to start. Natsume why don't you go ahead?"

He nodded, and kissed me on the forehead. "Good luck, Mikan. I love you, no matter what, okay?"

The tone in his voice made me anxious again. "I know. I love you, too."

Mr. Narumi led me to the girl's locker room, where he told me to wait until he called me out. We passed by the pool, and saw that there were quite a number of people watching. I saw Hotaru who winked at me, and Ruka who gave me a thumbs up. I smiled back at both of them. I wasn't really nervous anymore, since visiting Tsubasa made me calm again. But I remembered what Natsume was supposed to tell me earlier, and his strange behavior. I shook my head and told myself to stop over thinking. Maybe he was just going to tell me that I couldn't live with him and Aoi because they might get crowded, which wouldn't be a big deal since I could just live in a dorm. But why did something tell me I was lying to myself? I took a deep breath and ignored the voice inside my head. I had to focus on what was happening now, and worry about that later.

I was about to change into my suit, when I heard voices in the hallway. And they sounded to familiar. I quietly opened the door and peaked out. Their backs were turned to me so they couldn't see me. But I could see them perfectly. It was my parents and Natsume. Their voices were low, but I could hear them clearly.

"I can't keep this from her any longer, Mr. Sakura," I heard Natsume say. I clamped my hand over my mouth. Could this be what he was supposed to tell me a while ago?

"We know, Natsume," Dad replied. "Her visiting her brother a while ago just made us realize that she has a right to know. But like we talked about earlier, let's at least wait for this event to be over."

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. My parents were keeping something from me? And Natsume knew about it? I wanted to confront them right now, but I felt like my feet were glued to the ground.

"Just seeing her earlier at the cemetery, made my heart break," Natsume said, in a strained voice. "I should have just told her the moment she came back into my life. I had the answer to what happened to Tsubasa and I couldn't even tell her."

"It's not just you, Natsume," Mom said. "It's been killing us ever since it happened."

Oh my God, it was about my brother. Natsume knew what happened to him and he didn't tell me. He had been lying to my face the entire time. And my mom and dad knew about it too. Suddenly my head started spinning, my hands felt clammy and I felt that familiar churn in my stomach. But I gulped it down, and stepped out of the room.

"You all lied to me."

They all turned to me, expressions of shock clear on their faces.

"Mikan I—" my mom started to say.

"No," I interrupted. "I want answers. How could you keep something like that from me?"

"Mikan, honey, please let us explain," Dad said.

"What happened to him?" I said, my voice low.

"Mikan..."

"What. Happened. To. Him."

There was a long pause. "He had lung cancer," Mom said, quietly.

"Oh my God," I whispered. "Oh my God." I suddenly felt woozy again, and I leaned my body against the wall for support. My eyes filled with tears, and before I knew it I started to sob. All this time, I was left wondering why he died instead of me, when he was a much better swimmer than I was. The realization of what could have happened when I knew about his sickness hit me like a tidal wave. I could have asked him to stay indoors instead of going out. I could have prevented the whole thing from happening. It was all my fault.

I felt my back slide against the wall, and I was seated on the floor. I continued crying, my face buried in my hands. I couldn't stop, it was like losing Tsubasa all over again. A few moments later, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I flinched. "Don't touch me."

"Mikan, we're so sorry," my dad whispered beside me.

"W-why d-didn't you t-tell me?" I managed to say.

"He'd been diagnosed with it a few months before the accident. Tsubasa didn't want you to know. We wanted to tell you right away, I swear. But he said he didn't want you to act differently around him if you found out. He didn't want any medications, Mikan. But we convinced him once to go to a doctor in San Diego, but by then it was too late. The doctors said if he got treated sooner then he might have been cured. It was a stage three."

"Did you say San Diego?" My mind immediately went back to that day when Tsubasa and I were supposed to go camping, but then he told me that he had to meet Misaki's parents in San Diego with Mom and Dad. That night that I stayed over at Natsume's.

I gazed at him, and he had his head down. "Natsume, you knew that time?" I already knew the answer, but I needed to hear it from him. I at least deserved one truth from him.

"Yes," he whispered.

I shook my head in dismay, as I felt tears stream down my face again. I felt alone all of a sudden, as if the world turned its back against me. It was amazing how one minute you feel like everything was perfect, and then the next thing you know your world turns upside down. How had I not noticed that my own brother was sick? I recalled the events from those months when he was diagnosed but I only remembered a happy Tsubasa. He hid it so well just for the sake of my happiness.

"Mikan, we're so, so, so sorry," my mom said, her voice cracking. "We just wanted you to move on. To stop blaming yourself, because it's not your fault."

"Would he still be here if I knew?"

"No, he wouldn't."

I didn't know what was more painful. To lose someone you love without a goodbye or to lose them slowly while watching them suffer?

I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand, and stood up. "But it would've still made a huge difference." With that, I walked away.

I used the back door of the gym, and when I got outside, I broke down again. I wanted to scream at the universe. It was like there was a time limit to being happy. If life is too good to be true, then it probably is.

"Mikan."

I didn't need to turn around to know whose voice that was. "Go away, Natsume. Leave me the hell alone."

"Mikan, the meet's about to start in ten minutes. Mr. Narumi's looking everywhere for you."

"Tell him I left. There's no point in doing this anymore."

"You can't just quit!"

I turned around to face him, my arms crossed over my chest. "Yes, I can. Just like the way you can just lie to me."

He reached for me, but I backed away. He sighed regretfully, his eyes filled with sorrow. "I didn't lie to you, Mikan. Everything I told you and showed you this summer, it was all true."

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Of course," he whispered.

"When?"

"Lots of times, you have no idea. But I couldn't because I made a promise to your parents that they would be the ones to tell you. When they still didn't, I wanted to finally tell you that day when we visited Tsubasa at the cemetery. But then I saw how heartbroken you still were, and I just couldn't bear to see you hurt again, especially because of me. But when I saw you earlier at the cemetery today, I realized that I've been looking at it wrong. You were hurt because you still couldn't accept the fact that he was gone and why it really happened. So I planned on telling you today. And I knew you'd hate me for it, but at least you'd have the answers you were looking for. I'm so sorry you found out like this."

I didn't answer.

"Look," he said, "please don't hate your parents for this. They wanted to tell you right away, but all of you were having such a hard time that time that the best that you could deal with is trying to move on. I just want you to know, that the moment you came back into my life, I tried so hard to tell myself to stay away from you, because I knew I'd end up hurting you somehow. But I couldn't do it, Mikan. You're so important to me that I needed you in my life. You made everything better, and I felt whole again. I am so sorry for hurting you, because that is the worst mistake I could ever make. And I get it that you probably won't forgive me ever again, but please don't quit on this swim meet. Don't do it for your parents, or even Tsubasa. Do it for you, because you deserve this chance."

I just stared at him. I wanted to believe him and to make things okay between us. If I could, I would want to un-know everything I just found out for the sake of being with him again. But some words can't be taken back and some things can never be undone, and nothing will ever be the same. At the same time, he was also right. I've worked so hard to just reach this point where I could possibly win that scholarship, that throwing that chance away now would be ludicrous.

"Okay," I said, quietly. "I'll be ready in five minutes."

I didn't get the scholarship.

And it wasn't because I forfeited, because I really did try and compete. But the moment I jumped into the water, images of that day when Tsubasa died came flooding back, and I felt like I couldn't breathe, almost like I was drowning. So I panicked, and stopped in the middle of a lap, and I was disqualified. But then again, that day was filled with so much drama and emotions that it would've been impossible to focus on swimming alone. Looking back now, that day seemed so distant that it felt like a forever ago, only it had been two weeks.

The thing was, I wasn't really devastated on not getting the scholarship. I think it was a sign saying that I truly wasn't ready yet. I meant what I had said to my brother, and that was to be happy despite what would happen. And I tried my best at it.

Of course it took quite a while to be able to talk to my parents again and somehow forgive them. So during that time, I spent everyday out of the house, mostly visiting Tsubasa. I'd done a lot of thinking then, and maybe it was right for Tsubasa not to let me know, because knowing me I would treat him differently, and he wouldn't be able to enjoy his last days. But of course I still felt betrayed somehow that his condition was kept from me. At least now I knew the reason why he drowned. And I finally stopped blaming myself, because sometimes fate would just kick your ass from out of the blue.

And yes, I had realized all of this in the span of two weeks.

However those two weeks ended quick and my parents and I had to go back to Japan.

Yes, we still stuck to the deal we made. Since I didn't get the scholarship, and I still had no idea where to go to college, I was going back with them. Of course they told me I could just stay here and figure everything out, but to be honest, I think I just needed an escape for a while. No, I wasn't running away again, because if there was anything I learned over the summer, it was that running never solved anything. Besides, Malibu was my home. So I knew I would always come back here.

But I guess I just wanted a break from all that happened and have more time for myself to finally resolve everything that needed to be resolved. And who knew how long that would take? Knowing me it could probably last for weeks, months, or even years. In short, unpredictable.

"Are you ready, Mikan?"

I sealed the last box in my now empty room and looked at my mom. "Yeah, I think so. This is all of it though."

It was so weird. When we first moved to Japan, I really didn't bring a lot of things. I left my room mostly the way it was. But now going back the second time, my room was literally naked. The only things left were the furniture. It was like this time we weren't leaving anything (unlike last time), we were bringing a part of home there, because there was no clean slate, just change.

"Okay, let's bring it down then."

As we were loading our things into the car, Natsume came out of his house since he was supposed to drive us to the airport. We hadn't talked in the last two weeks, since we tried to avoid each other, although I did forgive him already. I just wasn't ready to see him again. But now seeing him again, almost took the breath out of me. We made eye contact as he made his way to the truck to help my dad load the luggage, and we smiled at each other.

Aoi also came out of their house and ran to me. "Mikan, I'm going to miss you so much!" She wrapped her arms tightly around my waist, as if I would disappear if she let go.

"I'm going to miss you too, Aoi," I said, stroking her hair. "But I'll be back, I promise."

"Promise to talk to me on the phone everyday?"

"I'll even Skype you."

She nodded. "Okay, take care of yourself there." She tiptoed so she could whisper in my ear. "And don't date any other boys."

Her whisper wasn't so much of a whisper because I glanced at Natsume to see him smiling as he continued to help my dad. But I assumed Aoi did that on purpose. I grinned at her. "Maybe. We'll see."

I'd already said goodbye to Hotaru and Ruka yesterday, when they came to my house to surprise me (they brought cake and pizza as my "going away" party). And this time, I both promised them I would keep in touch.

"You better not forget about me again, dumbass," Hotaru had said to me.

"Never," I promised.

"We're all set!"

I snapped back to reality. Dad and Natsume had already loaded the luggage into the truck, and my mom was on the phone, making sure every detail of our arrival was smooth. I looked at our house one more time, and the beach. Yep, I would definitely come back for this place. Over and over again.

Our flight ended up being a little delayed, which my mom freaked out about. After my Dad calmed her down, I thought that maybe this was meant to happen, because Natsume was still here, and I still haven't said a word to him. I realized that it was now or never.

"Walk with me?"

Natsume was seated beside me, and he looked at me, surprised. "Right now? But you're about to leave."

"Yeah, exactly." I grabbed onto his hand and pulled him with me. I told my parents I was going to the restroom.

"Wait, where are we going?" he asked.

"Just, here." We stopped in front of the airport entrance, which I totally didn't notice. I just wanted to talk to him.

"Mikan, what's—"

"Natsume, I just need you to know that I'm not mad anymore," I said. "Hurt, maybe a little. But I thought about it, and I understand why you did what you did. Although you really should have told me sooner. I know I've been avoiding you the past two weeks, but I just wouldn't know what to do when I see you and not know what we are. I mean, I'm moving away again, and who knows when I'll be back? I don't even know where I'm going to college. So what I'm trying to say is, I want things to be okay between us before I leave. Is that okay?"

He nodded, a smile creeping up on his face. I was glad to see that smile again. "Yes, of course it is. Nothing has or will ever change how I feel about you. I'll always love you, Mikan. And I know I don't deserve your forgiveness right away, but you still did."

Tears filled my eyes. This was already sounding more like goodbye. "I can never stay mad at the person I love."

"This isn't goodbye, right?" he said, his voice cracking a little.

I managed to smile. "Of course not. I'll be back soon."

He kissed my forehead for a long time. This was already turning into an airport scene I thought only happened in movies. "You'll come back for me?"

I kissed him one last time. "I'll always find my way back home."

This isn't the end yet! There's still one or two more chapters to go! Let me know if you guys want me to write an epilogue x

Anyway I am terribly sorry if this chapter is totally bad, because I've been jet-lagged for the past days and idk maybe my brain's not working right lol. Ahhhh I promise I'll try to edit this when I get the chance x I hoped you still liked it though and don't forget to let me know what you think! xx