Elorinna Evenstarre: Leia is a mother who lost both of her sons, and has to deal with Jacen's killer being around while she's pregnant. She isn't right, but she does have a reason. Poor Zekk :( Jaina…well. You'll see, lol. Thanks for reading!

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Sorry for the lateness—my internet connection has gone absolutely bonkers. For the past week, I've barely been able to access it. For some reason, it's being nice to me today. Hopefully the luck holds.

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Chapter Eleven: Can't Stop Loving You

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So you're leaving in the morning on the early train
I could say everything's alright
And I could pretend and say goodbye
Got your ticket
Got your suitcase
Got your leaving smile
I could say that's the way it goes
And I could pretend and you won't know
That I was lying
Cause I can't stop loving you
No I can't stop loving you
No I won't stop loving you
Why should I?
We took a taxi to the station, not a word was said
And I saw you walk across the road
For maybe the last time I don't know
Feeling humble
I heard a rumble
On the railway track
And when I hear that whistle blow
I'll walk away and you won't know
That I'll be crying
Cause I can't stop loving you
No I can't stop loving you
No I won't stop loving you
Why should I?
Even try ……I'll always be here by your side
Why, why, why ……I never wanted to say goodbye
Why even try ….I'm always here if you change, change your mind
- "Can't Stop Loving You" by Phil Collins

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No doubt Zekk meant to be quiet. His mind, however, was anything but, and Jaina woke the instant he stopped by her couch. She held her breath, wondering if he would wake her, hoping there would be no need, but knowing him too well to put much faith in either. Fortunately – or unfortunately, as the case may be – Zekk was too anxious to realize that she was awake, and she heard him set something on the nearby bedstead.

She fumed. Was he really not going to wake her? You are heading for a great deal of pain, Zekk.

She paused and repressed a shudder. Sometimes, her new persona frightened her. And Jaina will be the one in charge of that, not Sanar – not Sanar's temper.

Zekk's lips brushed her temple, and then he was gone. She blinked and shot up. He wasn't supposed to have gone that fast! Her eyes flew to the bedstead to see a piece of flimsi with her name scrawled on it.

Dammit. She wasn't sure of much, but she was quite certain she deserved more than a piece of flimsi. Sacrificing everything for him should have brought in a state-of-the-art datapad, at least. After all, not only had she died, but she now had him and Sanar permanently stuck in her head.

Jaina stumbled off the couch and raced after Zekk. By the time she was nearing the Second Chance's docking bay, her gut coiled in sickness and weakness. Bob hadn't returned all of her muscle – something she would be foolish to forget anytime soon.

Jaina – and Sanar – hated weakness.

"Zekk! Wait!"

For a very brief second, Zekk thought about pretending he hadn't heard her. A goodbye was only going to make things harder, and his shabby reasoning was only barely propelling him forward. But then he realized that she had followed him – and he had been running.

He turned to see her sprinting up, her face pained. Before he could even think of stepping forward to support her, she slapped him hard across the face.

Alright, he thought, wincing as he rubbed his sore cheek, so maybe she isn't at the point of exhaustion. What was I expecting, anyway?

"How can you be running?" she demanded, going right to the root of her anger. "After everything."

"Jaina – "

"No!" she stormed, stomping her foot even as she applied pressure to a stomach cramp. "I can't believe you!"

"I have to do this, and nothing you say will change my mind." The ease with which he slipped into Onyx's commanding voice terrified him, but Jaina didn't even seem to notice. Had she grown used to his consistent inability to stay away from the Dark?

He could see the conflict on her face before she said, more quietly, "I never thought you'd be this selfish, Zekk. Or this stupid. Do you think I don't understand? I was there too and, believe me, running doesn't help!"

He appreciated her attempt, but how could she even begin to understand? He had turned so completely, slaughtering should-have-been allies and friends alike. What had she done? Fought against the enemy – against him. That wasn't Dark – not like the Sith. She'd just danced into the darker grey area – and only because of him.

"I'm not running," he protested, swallowing hard, frozen to the spot. "Jay – "

"You need people who care about you," she continued, her eyes almost frantic now. "And I do know. I've lived everything that happened, Zekk! Remember? I have three people – you – in my head; I'm more than competent on the subject of Darkness and – "

Her multiple personalities had only become a necessary part of her life because he had killed her. Yet another crime he could never forgive himself for. But she didn't want to hear that, and so he didn't say it.

Not yet, anyway. It was hard enough on both of them already.

"I'll be back," he promised, his eyes meeting hers for a second.

Both their eyes were shining suspiciously, but neither was clear-headed enough to realize it. "You're always leaving!" she cried. "And I'm always dragging you back."

"I have to do this," he tried to explain, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I ruined lives, Jay. I…" His voice broke. "I'm a murderer." Seeing the protest in her eyes, he argued, "It doesn't matter what title I had then. I'm Onyx. Onyx is me. I can't escape that."

"It wasn't you," she argued stubbornly, lips trembling. "Please, Zekk. Don't go." /I need you/

Zekk pulled her close, breathed her in, biting his lips so hard he tasted blood. He didn't want to leave. He couldn't – but how could he stay?

Peckhum. Jacen. Anakin. Master Skywalker. Jaina. Because of him, they had all died.

"I will be back," he repeated.

"You always say that," she murmured into his chest. "Why should I believe you now?"

He pulled back enough to see her face. Even through his own tears, he could see she was crying. More tears he had cost her – but he'd give anything to make sure they were the last ones. "Because I love you," he replied, kissing her and brushing away her tears. "Trust in that."

He will, Sanar sulked.

Jaina released him long enough to brush away her tears and give him a watery smile. "I love you too," she said finally, barely aware that her voice was breaking. She looked down briefly, then wrapped her arms around his neck and rose on her tiptoes to kiss him thoroughly.

Everything went into that – kissing him without crying, without demanding that he stay. There was too little time for this goodbye – the first in an extremely close month. Already she could feel the ache and she pulled him closer. He responded in kind and they melted into each other.

Just when all his thoughts stopped, Jaina pulled back abruptly. "You're not getting anymore until you come back," she said stiffly, holding tightly to her self-control.

His own control faltered, but he cobbled the remnants together as best he could. "Then I guess I should hurry," he breathed, hugging her with his eyes squeezed shut.

Both were shaking, and neither noticed. Besides, they'd gone through too much to care about much more than their separation.

"I love you," he said one last time, "and I'll be back."

When he was gone, Jaina couldn't open her eyes. She was amazed that they were open enough to let the tears stream down.

He had left.

And even though she understood why he had done it, a small part of her hated him for that.

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Jaina stared at the letter for hours before she opened it. Her parents, relaxed now that Zekk was gone and their only surprise was that their daughter was alive, left her alone for the morning. Her mother was able to start smiling again, at Han, at Jaina, at her bulging stomach, at random pieces of furniture.

In an attempt to distract herself, Jaina wondered if the baby was her brother or her sister.

Unfortunately, that led her to wondering what her children might look like, if she and Zekk ever managed to stay in one place long enough to raise a family. Would she end up having twins, like her mother and grandmother? It was the Skywalker legacy – but she was only half Skywalker. Would they have her brown eyes? Maybe Anakin's blue eyes? Or Zekk's beautiful, multi-tone green eyes that made her melt whenever…

Jaina banged her head down on the table, where she was sitting. It was all getting her nowhere. Everything led back to Zekk.

Finally, she snatched and opened the letter. She was being a coward – pathetically afraid of a letter. She devoured it, gulped down his words and presence, then read it again.

Jay,

First of all, please don't kill me.

Secondly, I left this morning because I can't stay, and we both know it. This is your time with your family, and I can't take that from you. My presence will only strain your relationship with your mother even more, and I know you want her love. It's not the right time for me to come, and I'm sorry.

You didn't want to hear this on Bob, but I have to say it eventually: There's too little difference between Onyx and I. Even if we could be described as two different people, I created him. By accident, yes, but everything that made Onyx was – and is – in me. I committed despicable crimes, and my hands are drenched with blood – with everyone's blood, even yours.

On a more practical scale, however, I have information about the Empire that can't be spread about Hapes. Partly because your friends would kill me before I finished saying "I can". I'm going to talk to a little Intel friend of ours – I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. The spitfire's been there for me before, and I'm hoping she will listen before she shoots.

Don't worry – I'll stay out of her brothers' way.

I'm not disappearing, Jaina – not again. You will hear from me regularly. I promise. I have to make sure you don't fall for some pure-background Jedi, don't I?

Always, my love,

Zekk.

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Jaina crumpled the paper into a ball and hurled it against the wall. It had barely touched the ground before she retrieved it and flattened it once again.

She was only marginally comforted by the fact that she didn't have nearly as long to wait as some people did.

Not mentioning any names, of course.

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Please R&R!

.Tjz